TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

[HelluvaHoax!]

cross-posted from another thread discussing
a hilarious blog by Rinder that exposes how
desperate the "IDEAL" orgs are to "ideally"
convince you that they are, well....ideal.

Original FULL ARTICLE linked here

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AN IDEAL ORG NEEDS TO RECRUIT FAKE
ACTORS IN ORDER TO EVIDENCE HOW IDEAL
THE IDEAL ORG IS? LOL! I WONDER
WHY THEY NEED TO DO THAT?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH PHOTOGRAPHING THE
THE EXISTING STAFF MEMBERS AT
WORK ON THEIR POSTS?

.​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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After hordes of staff members blew and were declared "SPs" it created a major public relations flap for Scientology management—because so many of them appeared in promotional photos in Scientology magazines and paid advertising!

That's one of the major motivating factors that Scientology began using more and more paid wog actors to star in their videos and grin widely in Success Story photos.

But there are other even more compelling reasons as well that senior Scientology execs favor using non-Scientologists. . .

.​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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After hordes of staff members blew and were declared "SPs" it created a major public relations flap for Scientology management—because so many of them appeared in promotional photos in Scientology magazines and paid advertising!

That's one of the major motivating factors that Scientology began using more and more paid wog actors to star in their videos and grin widely in Success Story photos.

But there are other even more compelling reasons as well that senior Scientology execs favor using non-Scientologists. . .

.​

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Yeah, I know, that graphic is kind of too edgy and profane for most ESMB readers' tastes, but I like it for another reason. . .

By simply adding a headline to it, a future and entirely new series of wicked commentaries becomes possible about the real thoughts that lurk behind those piously ethical grins of Scientology's elite OTs.

It was too late to edit the post above, so here it is again, made "Ideal"!

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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Next installment in the new series called "The Secret Lives of OTs"

- ORIGINAL PROMO -.

- IDEAL PROMO -

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[Isaac]

^^^
But who is the guy between Jesus and the Flag folder page - or Auditor or Sears mannequin or whoever he is. The fact that he's positioned LOWER than Jesus has some significance I'm not immediately grasping.

Is that supposed to be Mohammed? The positioning seems like an insult to Islam to me.

That is Tom Cruise

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

A further comment on Scientology and cancer. . .

Hubbard's auditing processes and rundowns were meticulously researched and scientifically tested (he claimed) to bring every being into PRESENT TIME.

Every process from beginning level "CCH" auditing ('give me that hand") all the way thru the uppermost OT levels are designed to get human's attention units off of incidents that happened 75 million or even 467 quadrillion years ago.

Paradoxically, Hubbard was steadfastly riveted into the 1950s and never came into present time. And since his death in 1986, no other Scientologists have moved out of the 1950s either---and we can prove it.

Let's take a quick peek at how consumers and companies viewed cancer, terminal disease and cigarettes in the 1950s. Here are a few examples. . .

​

So, naturally, Hubbard jumped on the bandwagon with his own scientific brand of snake oil while whilst positioning and fraudulently misrepresenting himself as a "doctor".

"Not smoking enough will cause lung cancer!"
—Dr. Hubbard
Saint Hill Special Briefing Course lecture of 19 July 1961.
​

Hubbard made that recklessly absurd claim over 60 years ago.

Yet, anyone can walk into any Scientology org or center anywhere in the world today and read and/or purchase the audiotape or bulletins that still (in 2022!) promote such murderous quackery.

In Scientology terms, Scientologists are therefore quite obviously "stuck on the time track" and profoundly "out of present time". Then how in hell can Scientologists on this planet attest every day that their auditing sessions brought them fully into present time?

ANSWER: They can claim that because......they are totally out of present time. LOL.

LINK TO FRAUDULENT DIPLOMA MILL KNOWN AS SEQUOIA UNIVERSITY​

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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With reference to another thread discussing how certain
elite Scientologists are never required to reveal what
their case level is. Particularly advanced OTs like
Dr. Hubbard, Minister Miscavige and
certain Messianic Moviestars...
- - -

​

From what I've heard TC is OT 8. You won't find info about celebs broadly published, unless it's coordinated and approved by them. Scientology goes to great lengths to protect their celebs. I've heard that they go as far as making sure that all info on them is under a different name, including worksheets, PC folders, etc. TC's folder won't have TC on it and you won't find any worksheets or other papers with TC on them, they will all have "John Smith" on them. I can't confirm this, it's just something I've heard.

I've also heard that Mr. Cruise's personal Auditor, Case Supervisor, after-session Examiner and other Tech Terminals are required to wear blinders at all times---so that they don't know what case action, process or level he is running.

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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I never know what to believe about Tom (Cruise). Does he genuinely believe that the the CofS is a high tone, theta environment busily engaged in clearing the planet and which treats its staff and public with respect and consideration - in which case he must deserve some kind of an award for cluelessness seeing how long he's been in and around the place - or does he actually know the score and pretends not to for PR purposes, in which case he's deeply cynical? Neither is very flattering but I'd prefer to believe the former.

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ANSWER: Cruise is clueless. Despite "total knowingness" he doesn't know he's clueless. Because....he's clueless. He's also---um, glib.

! CUE VIDEO !

Furthermore, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I can scientifically prove that Cruise is clueless. Just ask him to do a simple clay demo of the term "cult" or the term "due diligence". He cannot possibly pass a clay demo on either one of those.

HelluvaHoax!
(studies clay demo intently, then--)
I am very sorry Mr. Cruise, I have to give you a
flunk on your clay demo of the term 'cult'.

TOM CRUISE
But why?! The word 'cult' is a pseudoscience!
You don't know the history of cults! I DO!
It's a psych word that like totally suppresses
big beings on this planet and puts CI and PTPs
from SPs on our KRC to make us PTS so that----

HelluvaHoax!
(talking over him in a dull exasperated whisper)
Tom....Tom.....Tom-Tom
you don't even—you're glib!
You don't even know what Scientology is!

- - -

My name is Tom Cruise and
I don't approve of this message.


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[F.Bullbait]

Hysterical Moments in Scientology: The First Meeting of HAS...

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Hysterical Moments in Scientology: The First Meeting of HAS...

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LOL! Hilarious!

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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To: F. Bullbait

Those Savage Chicken comix you post are always so funny, witty and inspirational! I thought I should try to contribute at least ONE (on this planet):

like I say, those are inspirational. . .

Hey don't blame me, Scientologists doing the
OT levels actually believed that they were
"freeing so much theta" that bad things
happening many thousands of miles
away in Germany would vanish.


* * * CONTEST * * *
CAN ANYONE POSSIBLY EXPLAIN HOW
EXORCISING BAD ALIENS IN BALTIMORE
CAN AS-IS A BAD WALL IN BERLIN?


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[F.Bullbait]

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To: F. Bullbait

Those Savage Chicken comix you post are always so funny, witty and inspirational! I thought I should try to contribute at least ONE (on this planet):

View attachment 16398


like I say, those are inspirational. . .

Hey don't blame me, Scientologists doing the
OT levels actually believed that they were
"freeing so much theta" that bad things
happening many thousands of miles
away in Germany would vanish.


* * * CONTEST * * *
CAN ANYONE POSSIBLY EXPLAIN HOW
EXORCISING BAD ALIENS IN BALTIMORE
CAN AS-IS A BAD WALL IN BERLIN?


.
.​

My most favorite Chicken panel is one of the first ones I posted. It was regarding forum paranoia over OSA spying...

... ain't that us? Always looking for attention.

 

[Karen#1]

Good tweet. LOL on #AyatollahMiscavige

https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1484953927107891204

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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What a sad looking crew, and on the National Enquirer

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As talented as they may be on their respective jobs, they nonetheless look like the "BEFORE" picture in an advertisement that promotes:

LEARNING TO LIVE WITH CHILDREN WHO
HAVE SEVERE LEARNING DISABILITIES

​

Isn't that what this whole "OT CELEBRITY SCAM" comes down to? Folks who can't read/listen and understand?

Despite his countless claims that Scientology cured his dyslexia, how many times did Cruise read/hear eyewitness reports (supported by mountains of corroborating evidence) about Hubbard's criminal frauds, money laundering and sadistic fair game abuse of innocent persons? How often did the cult's #1 messianic moviestar see investigative reports, documentaries and assault victims testify that they were kidnapped, stalked, incarcerated and beaten/kicked bloody by Minister Miscavige?

Despite all the world's most advanced "Study Tech", none of these super "able" beings on the cover of the tabloid can learn that they are part of a massively fraudulent hoax that rapes victims' time and money? It's more than an "MU" that is giving them problems. And even with their little stash of paperclips and used batteries they still can't figure it out. Finally, it's pointless to have them do clay demos or get assessed on "Study Correction Lists" because they simply cannot learn. How do we know this? Read on. . .

We know that they cannot "clear concepts" or learn simple ideas because there are currently 7,938,723 015 people "on this planet". And there are approximately 20,000 Scientologists "on this planet". Let's do the math. That means that there are 7,938,703,015 non Scientologists who either think Scientology is a hoax/joke or (for those who never heard of the cult) would laugh out loud if you told them what Scientologists believe about evil galactic rulers, BT-erupting volcanos and 276 quadrillion year old "Gorilla Goal Implants".

Really, how hard is it to discover (after attesting to the OT levels) that you (yourself) do not have even one (1) of the magical powers you were guaranteed by "Dr" Hubbard?

Add to all the above that the internet, cable tv, magazines, newspapers and book market are literally flooded with whistleblowing about the crimes and human rights atrocities of Scientology. How did Scientology's "knowing how to know" celebrated celebrities miss all of that?

Simply put, these folks are as dumb as hell and can't learn simple things even if it's put right in their face. Yet these are the very people who get on a TV talk show and blinklessly deliver sales pitches about Ron's miraculous "Study Tech" that is changing the world!

I invoke an auditing process that was "discovered" by Dr. L. Ron Hubbard which he swore would "cure" any paying PC who claimed that the auditing didn't work. Hubbard's "REMEDY" (see book of Case Remedies) would be to:

1. (Pre-session rudiment): Have the PC buy more hours to get the special TSDW* Rundown. ​

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2. Fly a rud if no F/N.​

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3. In session ask the PC: "What would have to happen to you to know that Scientology worked?" ​

Yes, that's an actual process to cure paying customers who complain about lack of results.

If I were case supervising these glorious OT celebrities, here's what I would CS for their next session:

1. Fly a rud if no F/N. ​

​

2. In session ask the PC: "What would have to happen to you to know that Scientology does not work?" ​

In other words, just how freaking bad would it have to get for that celeb to figure out what 99.999% of the rest of the world already knows?


* TSDW: This shit don't work


/

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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I have sometimes questioned if it is "fair" to harshly criticize Scientology celebrities who use their media power to promote the cult of Scientology what is madly defrauding and fair gaming everyone who stands in the way of their world conquest.

I have vacillated on how much harshness is merited and how much grace they should be granted to be a willing cult shill and co-conspirator. Naturally the big variable in that equation is WHETHER THEY KNOW that Scientology is a hoax and whether they know about the dastardly crimes and human rights abuses that go on behind closed doors.

Today I finally settled on a fair standard that even a saint should be proud of. It's based on Dr. Hubbards rule of "engram restimulation" which he "discovered" would go away in 3-10 days. That's what the tech states. Three to ten days and "poof", your restimulated engram will "key out" and you'll be normal again.

So I am hereby granting Scientology OTS a 3-10 reprieve.

Once they have completed OT VII and attest to "TOTAL CAUSE OVER LIFE" I think it more than fair that they are given 3-10 days to read the newspaper or go on the internet and find out what the rest of the world already knows about Scientology. If they continue promoting it after that, all bets are off and no criticism can be harsh enough of their complicity in scamming the world. Because after they attest to such an OT state, they absolutely know they don't have the magical powers that Dr. Hubbard promised.

If after that they keep "disseminating" they should read wickedly critical things about themselves. That's simply a helpful alarm clock when nothing else will wake them from their profoundly "anaten" state.

Jus' tryin' to help! LOL


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[Chuck J.]

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After hordes of staff members blew and were declared "SPs" it created a major public relations flap for Scientology management—because so many of them appeared in promotional photos in Scientology magazines and paid advertising!

That's one of the major motivating factors that Scientology began using more and more paid wog actors to star in their videos and grin widely in Success Story photos.

But there are other even more compelling reasons as well that senior Scientology execs favor using non-Scientologists. . .

.​

I'd like to see the Actor Release they have to sign. My goodness, I bet it's 85 pages of precautions to protect the cherch instead of the standard 2 or 3 page simple document.

 

[Chuck J.]

That is Tom Cruise

C'mon, we all know Tom Cruise is more OT than Jesus and deserves to be higher in that photo. At least in his mind he is.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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From another thread discussing
TABLOIDS BREAKING THE AUDITOR'S CODE
and invalidating Scientology celebrities!

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Enthetan said:
I have money which the COS would love to have. I do my own grocery shopping. I notice the tabloid headlines at the checkout aisle. Occasionally I may browse while waiting in line.

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Confirming your point, even when I was IN Scientology I always used to browse the Tabloids (e.g. The Enquirer, The Globe et al). My favorite was Weekly World News, because it was the closest to Source and standard tech:

SPECIAL MESSAGE FOR SCIENTOLOGISTS AND INDIES: I apologize if you are deeply offended that I compared the World Weekly News tabloid to Dr. Hubbard's scientific research and advanced technological breakthroughs. Please understand that neither the ENQUIRER nor the GLOBE ever published eyewitness reports after visiting Heaven, like the time Ron issued confidential bulletins about his various visits to Heaven. That's why I so admire the cover story above, because they didn't just talk about it, they actually got photographic evidence of Heaven. I persist in my firm believe that World Weekly News must be owned and staffed by Scientology OTs.

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[F.Bullbait]

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From another thread discussing
TABLOIDS BREAKING THE AUDITOR'S CODE
and invalidating Scientology celebrities!

​

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Confirming your point, even when I was IN Scientology I always used to browse the Tabloids (e.g. The Enquirer, The Globe et al). My favorite was Weekly World News, because it was the closest to Source and standard tech:

SPECIAL MESSAGE FOR SCIENTOLOGISTS AND INDIES: I apologize if you are deeply offended that I compared the World Weekly News tabloid to Dr. Hubbard's scientific research and advanced technological breakthroughs. Please understand that neither the ENQUIRER nor the GLOBE ever published eyewitness reports after visiting Heaven, like the time Ron issued confidential bulletins about his various visits to Heaven. That's why I so admire the cover story above, because they didn't just talk about it, they actually got photographic evidence of Heaven. I persist in my firm believe that World Weekly News must be owned and staffed by Scientology OTs.

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Heaven looks like Salt Lake City when the fog/air pollution settles in.

 

[Chuck J.]

Heaven looks like Salt Lake City when the fog/air pollution settles in.

If that's true, Heaven is Creepy.