TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
It is too irresistible to not look one more time at those "END PHENOMENA" superpowers that OT I bestows:

- - "This Solo-audited level is the first step a Clear takes toward full OT abilities, and that first step i
is a fresh causative OT viewpoint of the MEST universe and other beings."
- - "Extroverts a being and brings about an awareness of himself as a thetan to others and the physical universe."
- - "Freedom from inability to identify self in relation to others and the physical universe." [/QUOTE]​

HOW SELLING MAGICAL POWERS WORKS IN 4 EASY STEPS:

1. Describe some amazing other-worldly abilities, using transcendentally dreamy adjectives, like:

full OT abilities
fresh causative OT viewpoint

2. Be sure to use the top surveyed nouns that make Scientologists nod & smile to themselves with knowingness, like:

Thetan
Viewpoint
MEST
Universe
Beings
Awareness
Physical Universe
Freedom

3. Make up any commands or drills and tell the Scientologist to write up their cognition after they do it.

4. If the Scientologist steadfastly refuses to have a cognition on commands (like "Walk around and count bodies until you have a cognition")*, then sell them repair auditing because they are a "resistive case".

5. Continue making up newer and higher levels. Eventually Scientologists will cognite that it's cheaper to pretend that being able to count is a miracle! It's kind of like Pavlov's Dogs hearing a bell ring and then involuntarily salivating. But in this case, Pavlov's PCs. Scientologists hear a cash register bell ring and instantly begin salvation-ing (i.e. salvaging whatever negligible balance still remains in their bank account).


* "Walk around and count bodies until you have a cognition"
is the actual auditing command on OT 1. Strangely, most homo sapiens 6 year olds have this native OT power even without Scientology! For those who are 100% convincedd that this is satire, I offer you the LINK TO STANDARD OT 1 COMMANDS.

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
Wait,
WUTTTTTTTTTT?


ABILITY GAINED FROM OT I

"Freedom from inability to identify self
in relation to others and the physical universe."



- - - BEFORE DOING OT I - - -
SCIENTOLOGIST
(sees roommate)

Hello Bob!

ROOMMATE
(doesn't respond)




- - - DURING OT I - - -
SCIENTOLOGIST
(sees roommate)
Hello Bob!

ROOMMATE
I'm not Bob.

SCIENTOLOGIST
Sorry, my bad. I'm on OT 1 and
still handling a lot of upper-level charge
having to do with beings' identities.



- - - AFTER OT I - - -

SCIENTOLOGIST
(sees roommate)

Hello Tony!

ROOMMATE
Hello Bob.





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Operating DB

3 feet behind my butt
The BS OT1 process was similar to the process I did from the stupidly named Sunshine Rundown. I think it was done immediately after I did the BS Rundown DCSI (Dianetic Clear Special Intensive) around 1984. I think I paid the highway robbery sum of $750 to walk around the neighborhood solo and notice stupid things like "something big" and "something small". And stupidly before running the process I had to word clear the infantile commands on the meter with the auditor! Talk about treating a grown educated adult like a retard! As I was running the process I felt like an idiot and couldn't help obsessively pondering the fact that I paid hard earned money to do something children would play as game while in the back of the car on a long road trip.
 
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
The BS OT1 process was similar to the process I did from the stupidly named Sunshine Rundown. I think it was done immediately after I did the BS Rundown DCSI (Dianetic Clear Special Intensive) around 1984. I think I paid the highway robbery sum of $750 to walk around the neighborhood solo and notice stupid things like "something big" and "something small". And stupidly before running the process I had to word clear the infantile commands on the meter with the auditor! Talk about treating an grown educated adult like a retard! As I was running the process I felt like an idiot and couldn't help obsessively pondering the fact that I paid hard earned money to do something children would play as game while in the back of the car on a long road trip.
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LOL, loved that post!

I forgot about that Rundown. I never had it but it never made any sense.

I guess what happened is that Hubbard saw that CLEARS were easy marks to sell "OT 1" to, so that he could pocket an extra $2,750 for handing them one typed page that they had to run on themselves. This he was certain would result in mindblowing COGS. Not cognitions. Cost Of Goods Sold----it only costs $0.01 to run one copy which is the most mindblowingly low cost of goods sold imaginable.

Having had that "successful action" Hubbard figured to himself. "Hey, if they went for it ONE TIME on OT I, I am sure these suckers will buy it twice.

The funny part is that after going Clear Hubbard then creates (in effect) TWO OT 1's. In other words after you go Clear you have two levels in a row that are essentially the same. And of course Scientologist thought this was amazing.

Both the Sunshine Rundown and OT I should have been sold as a package, since both rundowns have virtually identical clown commands that should have instead been part of a Dr. Seuss book.




SUNSHINE RUNDOWN & OT I
COMBO RUNDOWN


********* auditing command **********
Go to a major urban aquarium that has lots of fish.

Look at the fish and count them.
Look at the size of the fish.
Write down your cognition.



One fish, Two fish, Red fish, Blue fish,
Black fish, Blue fish, Old fish, New fish.
This one has a little car.
This one has a little star.
Say! What a lot of fish there are.
Yes. Some are red, and some are blue.
Some are old and some are new.
Some are sad, and some are glad,
And some are very, very bad.
Why are they sad and glad and bad?
I do not know, go ask your dad.
Some are thin, and some are fat.
The fat one has a yellow hat.
From there to here,
From here to there,
Funny things are everywhere.
Here are some who like to run.
They run for fun in the hot, hot sun.
Oh me! Oh my! Oh me! oh my!
What a lot of funny things go by.
Some have two feet and some have four.
Some have six feet and some have more.
Where do they come from? I can't say.
But I bet they have come a long, long way.
we see them come, we see them go.
Some are fast. Some are slow.
Some are high. Some are low.
Not one of them is like another.
Don't ask us why, go ask your mother.


- - -​

Note: I was going to change up the text but it was so incredibly dumb already, I didn't touch a word so that it was just as vapidly stupid as Hubbard's miraculous commands.
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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STUPID HALL OF FAME

From the Scientology Handbook


BELOW IS ONE OF THE PHOTOS THAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ARE
ARE SUPPOSED TO USE TO RECRUIT NEW MEMBERS INTO THE CULT

[ actual photo, not satire ]



She's supposed to have a big cognition and gain
a new magical power from looking at a coat rack. Nobody
knows why coat racks give super powers. But that is not a
problem because Ron discovered the modern science of coat racks.

Tragically, natives living in forests, jungles, remote islands and warm tropical
climates will never be able to go OT and acquire miraculous powers
because they don't have coats or coat racks in those areas.


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
cross-posted from another thread where
the widespread RIOTS were being discussed.

- - -
posted by ILove2Lurk

I hope you live in a gated community with a wall or tall fence around your home.
.
.
posted by Mimsey Borogrove

I seriously considered putting up a fence to keep Howard Becker and Michael Roberts from hitting me up for IAS donos. If only I had....
.

LOL, love it!

Imagine that--a church member dreaming of building a security fence to safeguard himself from the messianic ministers who have promised to safeguard his eternity!

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.
Technical Advice on Michael Roberts:

Before becoming a cult salesman ("registrar"), he was
a successful Hollywood actor. Until he became a Scientology actor.

Ron wrote his screenplays and Roberts memorized all his lines of dialogue.

He once had a minor supporting role in RAIN MAN.

But he junked Hollywood for a major starring role
in a cult blockbuster, RAIN MAKER.

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investopedia definition link
rainmaker -noun: A rainmaker is any person who brings clients, money, business, or even intangible prestige to an organization based solely on his or her associations and contacts. The rainmaker is usually regarded highly within the company by other employees and is a key figure like a principal, partner, or executive. The term is sometimes used in the context of political fundraising as well. (---snipped for brevity---)


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PirateAndBum

Administrator
Staff member
Sunshine Rundown and OT I, both confidential. So we can see that there was more than one reason for making the OT Levels confidential. We can now add to the rationale: "Too utterly ridiculously stupid that anyone would pay money for."
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
Sunshine Rundown and OT I, both confidential. So we can see that there was more than one reason for making the OT Levels confidential. We can now add to the rationale: "Too utterly ridiculously stupid that anyone would pay money for."

lol lol lol lol lol lol

Funniest explanation ever of why Scientology has "confidential" materials!

Instant classic!!!


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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Inspired by
another thread memorializing all of the
BOARDED UP IDEAL ORGS
during the USA riots of 2020.
- - -

Wait, maybe this IS ideal!





Or, perhaps it is a foretelling of the
cult's final days (on this planet)



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J. Swift

Well-known member
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Inspired by
another thread memorializing all of the
BOARDED UP IDEAL ORGS
during the USA riots of 2020.
- - -




.
Last year PAC Base tried avoid insolvency by selling discount bed linens. Even at the amazingly low price of $20 for a 4 piece sheet set that didn't work out.

Discount.Sheet.Sets.1.jpg
 
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member

The HGB Building on Hollywood & Ivar. OSA and David Miscavige have offices here.



In what we have always taken to be a sign of unusual favor by the LAPD towards the Church of Scientology, this sign has been mounted at the intersection where the HGB is located since the Anonymous protests of 2008. Why does Scientology receive special LAPD video monitoring?



The RTC entrance to the HGB Building is on the Ivar side of the HGB. The 1710 Ivar, Suite #11000 address must be used to serve David Miscavige of the Religious Technology Center with court papers. However, this is not a public entrance and there is no service counter or receptionist. The door is normally closed and can only be opened by entering the code on a keypad. Here we see a worker kneeling at doorway of 1710 Ivar entrance to the HGB:



The boarded up HGB on the virtually deserted Hollywood Boulevard:



The Hollywood sign can be seen off in the distance on Mount Lee:








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Wow! I really liked all those recent photos of the Ideal Orgs'' architectural enhancements! Sourcing the boards from trees was genius--giving the churches a serene woodsy feel.

There are a lot of outstanding REVIEWS online as well.


BILLBOARD MAGAZINE REVIEW
"Miraculously unprecedented Boardness and BoardTech!
- David Miscavige
.. COB -
Chairman of Boards





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Karen#1

Well-known member
The formation of RTC had one major purpose.
To to protect the trademarks and to zealously guard the TECH.
The Organization that would BLOCK and oppose SQUIRRELS~ all of them.
YET

Today I read I blurb on the Underground Bunker. What the heck ?
Has RTC given up completely on competitive groups ? No litigation ? No threat letters ?
LOL

Here it is ~~

adv.org.great.plains.png
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
DID YOU EVER WONDER HOW SCIENTOLOGY CAN CLAIM
ON ONE DAY THAT THEY HAVE "6 MILLION MEMBERS", BUT
ON ANOTHER DAY "15 MILLION MEMBERS", YET DAYS LATER
CLAIM THEY HAVE "OVER 20 MILLION MEMBER"--WHEN THEY
ACTUALLY HAVE APPROXIMATELY 20 THOUSAND MEMBERS?
- - -

HERE IS HOW THE NUMBERS TECHNOLOGY WORKS

ACTUAL SCIENTOLOGY ADVERTISEMENT


BUT LATER, SCIENTOLOGY REALIZED THAT MILLIONS
MIGHT ONLY BE 2 MILLION, WHICH DOESN'T SOUND NEARLY
IMPRESSIVE ENOUGH FOR PEOPLE WITH MIRACULOUS SUPERPOWERS, SO
THEY DECIDED TO TYPE IN ANOTHER BIGGER AND MORE STATUS-EY NUMBER.



ACTUAL SCIENTOLOGY ADVERTISEMENT



THIS MONTH THEY DESIRE SOMETHING IMPRESSIVE FOR THE
"WORLDWIDE EXPANSION EVENT", SO THEY NEED TO MAKE IT GO RIGHT
TO DEMONSTRATE THEIR SUPER-POWER TRENDING STATS ON THIS PLANET!
THUS, THEY ARE HOPING THEIR CSW FOR THE NEW CAMPAIGN GETS APPROVED!!!






UNFORTUNATELY, DUE TO THE OBVIOUS INNACURACY OF THE
"TRILLIONS" NUMBER, COB REJECTED THEIR CSW---


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