TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

PirateAndBum said:
We know what Dave does, he attacks, punches and strangles people that piss him off. I'm sure CV is pissing him off mightily, therefore there are a bunch of people incurring his wrath. It's going to get worse as stocks of his favorite scotch deplete.
Click to expand...

.L
LOL

Yeah, COB is going PTS! (Pandemic Trouble Source)

The CoronaVirus is likely to have a much further ranging & devastating impact on stats than COB ever realized:


TWO YEARS AFTER THE QUARANTINE IS LIFTED

---AND AFTER 11,738 REG PHONE CALLS TO WHALE GO UNANSWERED

--- AND AFTER REG'S VISIT WHALE'S HOUSE 2,601 TIMES & POUNDED
ON THE MANSION'S FRONT DOOR BUT NOBODY EVER OPENED IT.

--- SUDDENLY THE WHALE'S MOBILE PHONE RINGS & HE MOMENTARILY
SPACES OUT & FORGETS TO CHECK THE CALLER ID BEFORE ANSWERING



SCN WHALE
Hello???

COB
Finally!!! Where have you been you piece of shit? You haven't
been picking up your phone for 2 years!!! Have you been getting all the
orders to show up for Courts of Ethics and Committees of Evidence for
refusing to show up to my mandatory briefings about how to save the planet?

SCN WHALE
Um....I couldn't show up. Um.......
because of the CoronaVirus--
I've been in quarantine.

COB
(screams like madman)
That ended years ago....
THAT'S BULLSHIT!!!

SCN WHALE
Yeah? Really? Wow, okay, cool
r-factor, good to know.

COB
So why didn't you answer your front door then?

SCN WHALE
Um...social distancing? Hellooooo!

COB
You're such a fucking lying DB!
So are you coming in for a briefing today or not?!

SCN WHALE
Sure, I'll come in. Just mail me that thing
about the quarantine being over
in writing first, okay? Let's
keep this thing
standard.

.

​
 
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Karen#1 said:
If you walk by any Scn property you are likely to have a security guard on a bike approach you to ask your business. There is a paranoia..
This 3 min clip explains the mentality of those IN the bubble. Jefferson Hawkins interviewed by Mark Bunker !
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPYVcojlHxQ

View attachment 3025
Click to expand...
And if you reply to the security guard "I'm here to chew bubble gum", with you being on a public street, what is he going to do next?
 
Enthetan said:
And if you reply to the security guard "I'm here to chew bubble gum", with you being on a public street, what is he going to do next?
Click to expand...

.
ANSWER: Dial 911

operator
911 What is your emergency?

security guard
We have a psychotic here
terrorizing our church!

operator
what is he doing exactly?

security guard
i told you, terrorizing our religion!
hurry!

operator
is he breaking some law?

security guard
omg, yes! just walked across the street!

operator
how is that breaking the law?

security guard
we have 17 surveillance cams and 9
security guards with body cams that
all recorded him crossing the street
and we can send you freeze frames
right now that show his right foot
stepped on the crosswalk paint
and that's not technically
inside the crosswalk.

operator
i am sorry sir, we are not going to respond because
there is no crime or danger in what you are telling me.

security guard
wait!! that's not all---they are chewing bubble gum and
we are picking up their intention to violate Penal
Code 374.3(a) which is illegal dumping and even
more seriously Penal Code 374.4 (a) which is
loitering, and if if someone trips on that
bubble gum they could easily fall and
smash their skull and die which
is Penal Code 187 (a) which
is premeditated
murder!

.​
 
Riddick said:
I wonder how DM is going to assemble the crowd for his rhetoric speeches written by Sherman, every 4 months:


DM's blueprint:

blog.fundly.com

Church Fundraising Ideas by Product | SignUpGenius

Not sure which tool fits your church fundraiser? See which SignUpGenius product matches your fundraising idea, from donation drives to ticketed events.
blog.fundly.com blog.fundly.com
Click to expand...
From appearances, it looks like the cult has engaged in many of those fundraising activities, despite it violating El Con's doctrine, instead of delivering therapy and making Therapists, the principal reasons for its existence.
 
.


new definition for the
DB's DINKY DICTIONARY

It's Scientology's advanced version of the homo sapiens term "Zero Sum Gain"



ZERO SUM CASE GAIN
For each and every dollar GAINED by Scientology's leader from
selling another auditing, there is a commensurate
LOSS of reality by the preclear.
​

.
 
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.


ZERO SUM CASE GAIN
For each and every dollar GAINED by Scientology's leader from
selling another auditing, there is a commensurate
LOSS of sanity reality by the preclear.​

Mockingbird said:
Yikes, then since they took billions from thousands of people we must be extremely sanity deficient ? Um...
Click to expand...

.
LOL

The original definition said: "...LOSS of sanity".

But, I just decided to soften the edge on that one, changing it from LOSS of sanity to LOSS of reality.

Naturally, I prefer the edgier word "sanity" more, because it implies that culties are cray-cray.

However, with Scientology being "the world's fastest growing religion", I think it's prudent---in case they actually CLEAR and take over the planet--- to have an insurance policy where I don't post such horrific shit that they won't let me back in.

.
 
HelluvaHoax! said:
.


ZERO SUM CASE GAIN
For each and every dollar GAINED by Scientology's leader from
selling another auditing, there is a commensurate
LOSS of sanity reality by the preclear.​



.
LOL

The original definition said: "...LOSS of sanity".

But, I just decided to soften the edge on that one, changing it from LOSS of sanity to LOSS of reality.

Naturally, I prefer the edgier word "sanity" more, because it implies that culties are cray-cray.

However, with Scientology being "the world's fastest growing religion", I think it's prudent---in case they actually CLEAR and take over the planet--- to have an insurance policy where I don't post such horrific shit that they won't let me back in.

.
Click to expand...
The cult has already introduced levels of loss of sanity:

Level One: The cultist wants to waste $500,000 paying for Delusional Bullshitting therapy.
Level Two: The cultist wants to waste thirty years of his/her life by becoming a Delusional Bullshitting Therapist.
Level Three: The cultist wants to waste untold millions of dollars and decades of his/her life moving up in Delusional Bullshitting status within the confines of the padded walls of the Cult of $cientology, under the thumb of a vertically-challenged tin-pot dictator. Hip, Hip Hooray!!! (230420
 

- - - Announcing a new Feature - - -
BIG WINS FROM IDEAL SCIENTOLOGISTS


SUCCESS STORY
When I saw the movie Top Gun and Mr. Cruise gave the
thumbs-up, I blew a lot of by-passed-charge. Afterwards,
the staff member that routed me to the theater told me
that I could also wear a military uniform so
I signed a billion year contract.
Billy Blowdown - Ideal Scientologist

.
​
 
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BIG WINS FROM IDEAL SCIENTOLOGISTS


SUCCESS STORY
After completing OT VIII I was kind of bummed out
when I was ordered to go back and do the Student Hat Course
for the 3rd time. However while on course today I realized that
even though I had no study problems even before Scientology
I never studied the study tech as an OT -- which is a totally
different viewpoint! Now when I clear a word or do a
clay demo, I am doing that from the perspective of an OT!
Huge difference! For example, I just cleared the word "word"
and used the word in sentences. Suddenly as an OT
my OT perception perceived that the sentences
are actually made up of words! I had no idea
about any of this before, but now the
miracles just keep on coming!
Carl Cause - Ideal Scientologist

.
​
 
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HelluvaHoax! said:
BIG WINS FROM IDEAL SCIENTOLOGISTS


SUCCESS STORY
After completing OT VIII I was kind of bummed out
when I was ordered to go back and do the Student Hat Course
for the 3rd time. However while on course today I realized that
even though I had no study problems even before Scientology
I never studied the study tech as an OT -- which is a totally
different viewpoint! Now when I clear a word or do a
clay demo, I am doing that from the perspective of an OT!
Huge difference! For example, I just cleared the word "word"
and used the word in sentences. Suddenly as an OT
my OT perception perceived that the sentences
are actually made up of words! I had no idea
about any of this before, but now the
miracles just keep on coming!
Carl Cause - Ideal Scientologist

.
​
Click to expand...
With all this renewed emphasis on the Purification Rundown, Objectives Processes and Student Hat has anyone heard if the Angry Alcoholic Elf has ever redone, or even done, these actions?

He obviously needs the Purification Rundown because he is a pisshead.

He obviously needs the Objectives because that crazy fuck is definitely not in present time.

He obviously needs the Student Hat because he has misunderstood words, terms, concepts and symbols, for instance, 'cult', 'fair exchange', 'what being an arsehole means colloquially', 'what it means when someone says f*** you and flips you the bird' and 'I f***ing hate you and want to punch your f***ing head you little c***sucker'.

If Slappy is ever is on course, I pity the poor bastard who during a drill says 'flunk' to the little p****.

From readings, a pertinent point to raise is the number of cultists who are redoing the Student Hat.

Perhaps the Cult of $cientology has to cut down the gradient.

Maybe introduce a Remedial Student Hat course.

Or, add the 'Student Hat for Dummies' book to customers' booklist.

Then again, perhaps they should all stop taking 'stupid pills' and become a winner by joining us here on ESMB.
 
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from another thread titled
What is the Status of the RTC?


​
posted by Karen#1

Laugh with me ~~~ LOLOLOL

Warren Mcshane and Alan Cartrright *Protecting* the trademarks against misuse by SQUIRRELS.

I am sure the squirrels are in great FEAR of RTC and their bogus threat letters !

:hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical:

warren-alan-cartwright-jpg.3167


- - - - - - -


hidden surveillance audio of
COB'S CULT CLOWNS CONSPIRING

Screen%20Shot%202020-04-25%20at%202.29.13%20AM.png



.​
 
NotsoNutsoNow said:
Perhaps the Cult of $cientology has to cut down the gradient.
Maybe introduce a Remedial Student Hat course.
Or, add the 'Student Hat for Dummies' book to customers' booklist.
Click to expand...

lol

Yeah they just released a new course which is now the pre-requisite to complete before enrolling on the Student Hat course.

It's based on a huge technical discovery that people studying the Student Hat Course don't yet have study tech, so they can't understand what they are reading. The solution is. . . .

THE HOW TO STUDY THE STUDENT HAT COURSE COURSE
​
I started the course a few days ago but immediately got bogged down on the first checksheet item:

DO A CLAY DEMO OF "CLAY"​

So I took a huge chunk of clay on my demo board and put a label on it that said "CLAY". But I got flunked.

The supervisor says my label next to the big chuck of clay cannot say "CLAY" because that is what my overall label is supposed to say. She said she needs to SEE IT IN THE CLAY without the label explaining it.

So, I removed the label that said "clay" and asked her: OKAY, WHAT DO YOU SEE NOW?

She said she can't continue the checkout because the chunk of clay is missing a label.

So, I asked---"OKAY BUT OFF THE RECORD, WHAT DOES I LOOK LIKE EVEN WITHOUT A LABEL?"

She said it looks like "CLAY".

So I put the label back on the chunk--- and asked her to check me out again. She flunked me again because she said Ron's policy on clay demos states that the label can't say what it is, the clay has to show it.


--- UPDATE---​
​
Because I've been bogged on clay demo for 3 days they said I need to buy 75 hours of the STUDY CORRECTION RUNDOWN. That's the bad news. The good news is they said they'll let me start it with only 25 hours which is only $7,500. I put it on my charge card and I am really postulating that i can get this clay demo thing debugged without going over 24 hours. That would such an amazing win to only pay $7,500 to gain the priceless ability to clay demo the word clay! ​

.



.
 
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.





One more thing about that photo of RTC, the highest ranking, elite
tech trained execs responsible for managing the Religious Technology
Center and "modern SCIENCE of mental health".

(edited)%20(edited)%20Screen%20Shot%202020-04-25%20at%202.29.13%20AM.png


Notice their naval costumes---does that look SCIENTIFIC to you?

Notice the several SCIENTIFIC volumes they are using?

What about the red international "NO" symbol
with the slash thru it. That looks SCIENTIFIC to you?

I guess it's probably normal for advanced SCIENTISTS
in fake naval costumes to put amateurish cartoon
drawings of squirrels on their technical materials.

WHO DOES THAT??!!
(creates lame loser squirrel cartoons and pretends it's science?)





​
 
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.


The Church Of Hoaxology's
FREE TRANSLATION APP

from scientologese
metro-sic-ad-image.png



to english
Screen%20Shot%202020-04-25%20at%207.54.23%20AM.png


- - - - - When anything bad happens anywhere in the world - - - - -
Scientology's mega-rich leader orders Scientology's mega-indebted parishioners
to donate every dollar they have to cult which already has billions of dollars sitting
un-used in its bank accounts. Then the "church" orders Scientologists to buy
many boxes of THE WAY TO HAPPINESS booklets at hugely profitable margins
to the COS---after which they are ordered to fly at their own expense to the
disaster site in order to hand out the booklets to victims but only if they can
get good publicity photos of it. The purpose of all this "Volunteer Minister"
activity is to recruit the victims into the cult so that the next time something
bad happens anywhere in the world, they too can be ordered to donate
all their money to fly there and get more publicity photos taken for the cult.

.


​
 
SCIENTOLOGY'S VOLUNTEER MINISTERS
AT THE EARTHQUAKE DISASTER SCENE

volunteer-ministers-help-clear-holy-pondsof-debris-in-sankhu-nepal.jpg


.
JUNIOR VOLUNTEER MINISTER
(comes running up breathlessly)
Sir! I tried to follow your orders and give out
"The Way To Happiness" booklets to the victims
but they are trapped under the rubble of the
collapsed buildings! It's horrible sir!

SENIOR VOLUNTEER MINISTER
So, did you get any good publicity photos?

JUNIOR VOLUNTEER MINISTER
No sir, it's horrible sir!

SENIOR VOLUNTEER MINISTER
No photos? That is horrible!

JUNIOR VOLUNTEER MINISTER
It's hopeless sir. What should we do sir?

SENIOR VOLUNTEER MINISTER
Well just roll the Way to Happiness pamphlets up tight
into skinny cylinders and then you can slide them
thru the small openings in the rubble. And if it's
dark in there be sure to use a flash.

.​
 
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