TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

[HelluvaHoax!]

[QUOTE="ILove2Lurk, post: 36367, member: 16

When he's not pulling the air covers off of planets,
Stan is selling real estate. . . . (snipped) . .
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[/QUOTE]


LOL

"Pulling air covers off planets" is possibly the basic-basic, universal punchline to all jokes about Scientology. If i had the power, I would order that all other punchlines be made "High Crimes", so that air covers became only allowable 100% standard punchline!

Okay, now on to the purpose of this post! I don't have time but I badly want to begin a series of hidden-camera man-on-the-street interviews with Clears and OTs. Maybe even just quickie SURVEYS!

Once the mission operatives have been throughly hatted and drilled on how to ACT LIKE A REAL SCIENTOLOGIST from some legit sounding uplines marketing bureaux, then we can fit them with a suitable Sea Org uniform, outfit them with a couple white-shirted assistants cum clipboards and other cult artifacts (x-lg coffee, et al)

Now, we are not going to let the imposters hit the street until they are really hard core on hard trs. Not just "Hard TRs" but "VERY VERY HARD TRS" ---which is the fiercest bullbaiting on this planet, in the form of actual Scientologists answering questions with responses that make you spit out your coffee and scream/laugh: " SERIOUSLY????!!!"

First question on their first mission is:

"In the ACC Philadelphia Congress taped lecture of April 7, 1952, LHR's wholetrack research ​

discovered that beings on the track had sometimes suppressed theta beings by​

pulling the air cover off of the planet.. . . "​

​

a) What thoughts have you had about that?​

b) Did you ever wonder or feel any concern that a being could pull the air cover off this planet?​

c). Do you think a being who attains full OT would be able to pull the air cover off a planet?​

d). What OT level would you imagine is necessary to pull air covers off planets?​

e) In another lecture LRH stated that he nearly got run over by a freight locomotive ​

on Venus the other day. Do you think if Ron had pulled the air cover off Venus​

that would have been an effect way to make it go right to not get hit by that train?​

​

.​

 

[Dark]

Costly Strategy Continues to Turn Out Bestsellers

Call it one of the most remarkable success stories in modern publishing history.

www.latimes.com

 

[Karen#1]

Sometimes when someone gets pissed off, they VENT

Laugh with me HH !

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Costly Strategy Continues to Turn Out Bestsellers

Call it one of the most remarkable success stories in modern publishing history.

www.latimes.com

Thanks for posting that!

Outstanding article from LA times in 1990. Thirty years ago! Wow, that went fast. But the material revealed are just as relevant today as they were back then---how the "church" of Scientology uses sleazy covert tactics to GAME the book buying system in Hubbard's favor. A tiny example. . .

​

"Sheldon McArthur, former manager of B. Dalton Booksellers on Hollywood Boulevard in Los Angeles, said, “Whenever the sales seem to slacken and a (Hubbard) book goes off the bestsellers list, give it a week and we’ll get these people coming in buying 50 to 100 to 200 copies at a crack--cash only.”​

It's a great bit of investigative reporting and well worth reading---for anyone curious how a pseudo-scientific hoax perpetrator and complete fraud like Hubbard could somehow find his way to "BESTSELLER" lists.

ps: I knew people back in the day who donated HUGE amounts of money to scam the NYTimes Bestseller list into thinking that Battlefield Earth books and/or Mission Earth books were a big hit! Pure fraud. A 1st grader writing a novel could also be the top author in the world if they had cult members donating HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS to buy books and make it look like someone actually likes the abysmally awful paragraphs inside.


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[Karen#1]

Symbology Celebrating the reprints of the BASICS

The Oracle....did you experience the BASICS saga ?

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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KCDW SERIES
Keeping Clay Demos Working


TEN THINGS SCIENTOLOGISTS CANNOT DO CLAY DEMOS OF
​

1. Scientologist cannot clay demo the word "CULT". It is impossible for a Scientologist to clear and/or demo that word because the moment they clear it, they realize they are in a cult and blow. Thus, the realization and full conceptual understanding of the definition of "cult" happens after they are blown and no longer Scientologists. I know, it's technical! lol

2. Scientologists cannot clay demo: "If a ship is needed to deliver OT VIII because it's 'not safe enough on land', why is it safe enough on land to deliver OT I through OT VII?" If they get bogged down, you can give them a lower gradient question such as: "If the OT VIII course pack is so dangerous that it cannot be read on land, why is the OT VIII person allowed to go back on land after they know everything that's in the course pack?" Really? If threatened or tortured, they would rather die than reveal that OT VIII is just finding out if some old pictures they ran in session belonged to a BT? If they get stuck again, you can ask: "If beings on this planet cannot go OT without staying on the ship, can you clay demo how big a ship would be needed to deliver OT VIII to 7.4 billion people?"

3. Scientologists cannot clay demo: "Why if Ron wrote a 7 word auditing command ('Be 3 feet back of your head') that he guaranteed would instantly exteriorize 50% of all beings on this planet, why can't 50% of Scientologists demonstrate this miraculous power?" HELPFUL TIP: To assist the Scientologist to pass this clay demo you are going to need to order enough clay for them to create 10,000,000 clay figures representing the number of Scientologists.

4. Scientologists cannot clay demo: "Why over 79 years Scientology expended over a billion dollars in advertising/marketing & promotion to convince wogs of the reality of a miraculous state called Operating Thetan--which utterly failed---when they could have convinced them simply and for free in 15 seconds by having one OT demonstrate one of their miraculous powers?" If the Scientologist complains that OTs cannot show their OT abilities because Ron said it is an unethical "parlor trick", ask them to clay demo why it's ethical to do a clay demonstration of an OT power, but not an actual demonstration.

5. Scientologists cannot clay demo: "If the 100% standard tech works 100% of the time on 100% of the people, why do 99% of the people blow Scientology?"

6. Scientologists cannot clay demo: "If Ron is total cause and he discovered the wholetrack technology of chart-topping pop music and blockbuster movies, why did Ron create the song 'Thank You For Listening' and the movie 'Battlefield Earth'?"

7. Scientologists cannot clay demo: "Why is every mission and org in the world promoting like mad and selling the book DMSMH as the auditing technique that produces "CLEAR" when 62 years ago (1958) Ron delivered a filmed Congress lecture where he stated that DMSMH does NOT produce a Clear?" If the Scientologist grows very nervous at that point and refuses to do the clay demo, stating they have to leave--have them instead do a clay demo of "The Way Out Is The Way Through".

8. Scientologists cannot clay demo: "..........

THIS LIST IS A WORK IN PROGRESS---FEEL FREE TO SEND IN MORE! ​

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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IF SCIENTOLOGY
TECHNOLOGY REALLY WORKED. . .

THIS WOULD NOT BE HAPPENING

REASONS​

​

1. If "postulates" actually worked the tickets would not cost $50. Instead, the​

event would be free by only signing an IOU for $50,000 that is only due and​

payable to the church if you get postulate powers. It's a win-win situation, ​

because if you don't get the power, it costs nothing but at least you got a​

free lunch. However if you do get the miraculous postulate power, you can​

simply postulate having $550,000 and keep the extra half-million profit!​

​

2. If "postulates" had EVER worked since 1970, Scientology would have ​

demonstrated in all the orgs, on documentary films and on television how​

someone can just "decide" what they want and it will instantly happen. And,​

any one of those hundreds of millions of miracle workers could have simply​

"postulated" the existence of a SCHOLARSHIP FUND that has $28,834,418​

dollars in it to pay the $50 entry fee for all 7,594,000,000 people on earth. ​

​

3. In addition to the above, the entire promo piece itself would not even be​

necessary because just one of the previous Postulate Seminar graduates ​

could make a postulate that all other people would simply KNOW to ​

SHOW up at the org for it. Because you can postulate anything you want​

and it just happens, right?​

​

.​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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IN SCIENTOLOGY
"POSTULATES" ARE JUST LIKE "EXTERIORIZATION"

A scientologist can scientifically explain it!
They can give a perfect dictionary definition of it!
They can make outstanding sentences with it!
They can publish success stories about it!
They can even clay demo it!
They just can't do it.

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[Karen#1]

This is a new video....don't know who she is but its an amazing analysis of their new Scientology Magazine !
Be lovely to have her join us in this forum

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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2. If "postulates" had EVER worked since 1970, Scientology would have demonstrated it all the orgs, on documentary films and on television--how someone can just "decide" what they want and it will instantly happen. And, any one of those millions of miracle workers could have simply "postulated" the existence of a SCHOLARSHIP FUND that has $379,700,000,000 dollars in it to pay the $50 entry fee for all of the 7.594 billion humans living on the earth.

..
Original post regarding the "power of postulates" had some typos I had not postulated. Corrected above in orange.

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[Dark]

This is a new video....don't know who she is but its an amazing analysis of their new Scientology Magazine !
Be lovely to have her join us in this forum

you are a dumbass if you don't listen to me ... LRH

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

This is a new video....don't know who she is but its an amazing analysis of their new Scientology Magazine ! Be lovely to have her join us in this forum

..

Holy hell! For a never-in, she understands Scientology better than both COS & Indie Scientologists combined! Therefore, the Church of Hoaxology has just awarded her an honorary Doctoral Degree in Diabolically Divine Deprecation.

For making ex-Scientologists laugh, she also receives a jumbo Freedom Medallion for so many incredibly irreverent invalidations of cult idiocy!!

example:

​

burned-out looking planet-clearer​

jubilantly manning plastic sect's toy​

​

"What the hell?! It looks like she's selling sex toys---I hate this so much!"​

​

​

There are a lot of other very funny and insightful moments. Like the one where the cult did nothing in a distant foreign land, but now proudly celebrates the future of what will like, for-sure happen there, um, later.

LOL LOL LOL

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[Enthetan]

POLICY: All auditors having purchased their own personal e-meter, must then purchase their own personal second e-meter.

And it wasn't enough that my wife had an e-meter, and I had one, and we would never be auditing at the same time. No, we EACH had to own two, for a household total of FOUR e-meters.

 

[Enthetan]

IF SHE HAD NEVER FALLEN VICTIM TO HUBBARD'S HOAX, WHAT WOULD
SHE BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS RIDICULOUS RELIGIOUS RITUAL?

Looking back, after leaving the cult, her answer might be "I would be holding my baby". And she would be crying.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

And it wasn't enough that my wife had an e-meter, and I had one, and we would never be auditing at the same time. No, we EACH had to own two, for a household total of FOUR e-meters.

LOL

And just think. . . If you had three (3) kids and an elderly parent was staying with you:

(3) kids​

(2) married couple​

(1) parent​

______________​

6 people x 2 (meters each) = 12 e-meters ​

Nobody would be allowed to borrow anyone else's e-meter because---that would be a "High Crime" calculated to "sabotage" the "technology" and thereby deny "eternity" to "all beings" living "on this planet" and/or "in this sector", and "unmock Ron's dream of a Clear planet" as well as "suppress" the "modern science" of "mankind's only hope".

One House * One Sales Gimmick * One Dozen Meters * One-One

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[Chuck J.]

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Speaking of professional liars who perform Scientology's thuggery, Linda Weiland seems to be making a lot of appearances in cult promo. Her little insert photo shows up on various photo ops where "tech" like THE WAY TO HAPPINESS is being handed out and changing sad areas to happy areas.

Here is a fake Scientology website called "WORLD RELIGION NEWS" that pretends to be about "all" religions but is 97.5% all about Hubbard's advanced "technology".

Here is a sample of their front page promoting how Scientology can help you handle any ruin, even rock climbing!

- - - - - - - - - -
Let's run that one thru the
TRUTH IN ADVERTISING app!
- - - - - - - - - -

.​

A bit of false advertising there regarding the rock climbing.

Decades ago I when I was much younger, 40 pounds lighter and willing to do crazy stuff (see my Peruvian jungle anecdote), I was talked into doing some free climbing. When you free climb even at a beginner level like I was doing - not very high up - the one main feature of rock climbing I noticed is this: You do not need Dianetics, or for that matter ANYTHING else to focus your mind to a mind-bendingly sharp laser-like clarity and death grip on present time. If you make one wrong move and fall? You get hurt - if you're lucky. Or you die.

I was only 30 to 40 feet up. I can assure you if someone is doing some real rock climbing, i.e. free climbing, higher than that. You are not going to need anything to get your head straight. It already is.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

A bit of false advertising there regarding the rock climbing.

Decades ago I when I was much younger, 40 pounds lighter and willing to do crazy stuff (see my Peruvian jungle anecdote), I was talked into doing some free climbing. When you free climb even at a beginner level like I was doing - not very high up - the one main feature of rock climbing I noticed is this: You do not need Dianetics...... or for that matter ANYTHING else to focus your mind to a mind-bendingly sharp laser-like clarity and death grip on present time. If you make one wrong move and fall? You get hurt - if you're lucky. Or you die.

I was only 30 to 40 feet up. I can assure you if someone is doing some real rock climbing, i.e. free climbing, higher than that. You are not going to need anything to get your head straight. It already is.

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Your post hit such a positive responsive chord of truth, even an OT VIII Scientologist in good standing replied with tone 40 agreement!

Originally Posted by William Blowdown​

​

Dear Chuck J.​

​

Your post was so theta and I really blew-down and blew-charge on reading about your rock-climbing wins! Ron states (not merely says) that only big beings can be cause over big mountains, so very well done on that! ​

​

I have to totally agree with you that a rock climber does not need Dianetics. However, a fallen rock climber does! Have you heard about Dr. Hubbard's discovery of engrams? ​

​

I'd like to schedule you to come in the org to discuss your climbing the Bridge To Total Freedom. When you visit I'll be happy to give you a free copy of the magazine called "RON THE ROCK CLIMBER" as well as brief you on a super-confidential LRH reference called "The Secret Tech of Rock Climbing". You may not know this but our Founder Ron climbed Mt. Everest when he was only 4 years old, shortly after becoming a blood-brother to Nepalese sherpas as well as riding/breaking wild yaks. ​

​

ML,​

​

William "Billy" Blowdown​

Ideal Scientologist​

OT VIII​

​

.​

 

[Harden Long]

This is a new video....don't know who she is but its an amazing analysis of their new Scientology Magazine !
Be lovely to have her join us in this forum

Her name is Lauren Ruka @ SkepticShe & Twitter: @skepticshe Instagram: @skepticsheyt Email: [email protected]
She says


Description Hey, y'all! I'm Lauren. As a former Conservative Christian, I'm using this channel to document my stories of doubt, deconversion, and self-discovery. I will be creating a second channel to continue sharing updates about my music, performing original and cover songs, and sharing live videos of other bands. More info to come. Thank you for watching!
SkepticShe

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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"Scientology is the only game in the
universe where everyone wins!"
- L. Ron Hubbard

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​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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- Beyond Scientology Mythology -

WHAT WOULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN IF A TRAINED SCIENTOLOGIST
WHO HAD MASTERED HOW TO APPLY THE APPLIED PHILOSOPHY
ACTUALLY TRIED TO APPLY THE TR'S TECH ON L. RON HUBBARD?
- - -


SCIENTOLOGIST
Hey Ron, in yesterday's lecture you stated that "Scientology is the
only game in the universe where everyone wins!". But today I thought
about it and you couldn't possibly make that statement unless you had
traveled the entire universe. So that's really just hyperbolic BS, right?

L. RON HUBBARD
No. It's quite true.

SCIENTOLOGIST
But you haven't traveled the entire universe, so I'll
repeat the auditing question. That's just
hyperbolic BS, right?

L. RON HUBBARD
Per the axioms, the concept of
hyperbolic BS is just a consideration.

SCIENTOLOGIST
Can't you for once just answer the damn question?

L. RON HUBBARD
What's the question?

SCIENTOLOGIST
You stated that "Scientology is the only game in the universe
where everyone wins!" What the hell does that even mean?!

L. RON HUBBARD
It means "Scientology is the only game in
the universe where everyone wins!"

SCIENTOLOGIST
You just answered my question
by repeating your own quote.
That's such bullshit!

L. RON HUBBARD
It's not bullshit at all. Per the axioms, "The perfect
answer to a question is the question itself!"

SCIENTOLOGIST
Wow-----that's heavy!
Whoa--that's deep!
Thanks Ron!


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EXPLANATION: Scientologists are trained to apply the applied philosophy until they get a win -- and to be sure never to overrun it!

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