TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

[HelluvaHoax!]

Actually I missed a word. MANDATORY
"There is a special MANDATORY briefing, all students and pcs must attend."
This is CODE FOR:
More money is needed and we need you to open up your wallets.

If I saw "Special Briefing" I would not attend.

If I saw "Special Mandatory Briefing" I would still not attend.

However, if I saw "Special Mandatory VIP Briefing" I would love to attend!

I am sure if it's exclusively for just us "VIPs", they aren't going to try to reg us. I am perceiving they are inviting us so they can flow power to us!

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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another installment of Scientology's
FREAKY F/Ning FAQ
​

QUESTION: When Scientology transforms its 15,000 membership to over 15,000,000, is that some kind of miracle? How do they do that?!

ANSWER: By using their superpowers. They acquire super powers from various training and auditing levels, such as OT Zero, Grade Zero, etc. This creates an abundance of Zeros, so it's quite easy for an OT to simply take a few extra ones and add them to the number 15,000.

QUESTION: Do Scientologists use that "add some extra zeros tech" anywhere else?

ANSWER: Yes, adding zeros is part of Ron's expansion tech. They do that on everything listed in their catalogues and price lists.

EXAMPLE
Scientology sells a sterling silver cross
with melee (tiny) diamonds for $1,250.00

COMPARISON
Other jewelry stores sell a comparable sterling silver cross
with melee (tiny) diamonds for $ 59.70

ZALES Jewelers
regularly priced: $ 79.60 (before 25% sale discount)
linked here
​

QUESTION: So are you saying that Scientology is wildly inflating the value of their sterling cross and sticking it to their heavily indoctrinated parishioners, who think everything in Scientology is "priceless"? Are you saying that they are crazily over-charging $ 1,250 for an item that only costs them $ 59.70?!

ANSWER: Certainly not. The cross does not cost Scientology $59.70, that's a retail price. Their cost (wholesale) is probably est. $10.00 for materiels (sterling chain/melee) plus labor for the few minutes it takes to cement the tiny stones in place. Let's assume they purchase it for $25.00 and sell it for $1,250 --- a 50X markup! That may be Scientology's best proof to date of OT powers.

QUESTION: What about the pricing for going Clear and OT---I heard that it costs over $600,000, where the hell do they come up with these insane prices?

ANSWER: They just make them up.

QUESTION: How can they justify making it up?!

ANSWER: Continuity. Because Clear and OT levels are also just made up.


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[Karen#1]

Although I prefer to stay away from vulgarity and tasteless usage of words, I cannot resist cross copying this hilarious
research information.

2 words

Dianetics and FART.
Red line of graph is google queries on FART

Blue line is google queries on Dianetics.

Poster VAULT DIGGER posted on the BUNKER. LOL

SOURCE: Scientology trying to sell Irish reporters on the idea that interest is booming there | The Underground Bunker

 

[Operating DB]

Although I prefer to stay away from vulgarity and tasteless usage of words, I cannot resist cross copying this hilarious
research information.

2 words

Dianetics and FART.
Red line of graph is google queries on FART

Blue line is google queries on Dianetics.

Poster VAULT DIGGER posted on the BUNKER. LOL

SOURCE: Scientology trying to sell Irish reporters on the idea that interest is booming there | The Underground Bunker
View attachment 3661

No wonder. Farts are far more interesting and even hilarious in some cases compared to Die-a-netics.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

SCIENTOLOGY THEORY VS SCIENTOLOGY REALITY


- - WHAT YOU GET - -

After some good number of years and hundreds of thousands
of dollars, you might get your invitation to do the OT levels. It's not enough that
you invested every waking minute and last dollar into going Clear--that's clearly
not good enough. First, the Church has to meticulously review your "contributions" to see
if you are ethical enough to be allowed to pay the next few hundred thousand dollars for
your OT levels. If you are very ethical and very able and very awesome then you will
will be allowed to become an Operating Thetan, just like the supernaturally powerful
miraculously messianic Meitreya (returned Buddha), L. Ron Hubbard.



WHAT YOU REALY GET

HIDING IN NEW YORK APARTMENT
("The public knows us by our MEST" -LRH)

HIDING IN DISGUISE
(Buddha The Bamboozler)

HIDING IN A BLUEBIRD MOTORHOME
(I can assure you--the Commodore is not on the run from
process servers, lawsuits and criminal investigations.
Trust me, Ron's inside, doing OT miracle stuff!)

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​

 

[Karen#1]

Linda Wieland has been an OSA INT PR for at least 25 years.... (lower right wearing glasses)



Linda Wieland just put out a curious Press release

Not One Case of COVID-19 at the Church of Scientology in L.A.

One of your neighbors posted in Neighbor News. Click through to read what they have to say. (The views expressed in this post are the author’s own.)

patch.com

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Linda Wieland has been an OSA INT PR for at least 25 years.... (lower right wearing glasses)
Linda Wieland just put out a curious Press release

Not One Case of COVID-19 at the Church of Scientology in L.A.

One of your neighbors posted in Neighbor News. Click through to read what they have to say. (The views expressed in this post are the author’s own.)

patch.com

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WOW, NOT EVEN ONE CASE OF COVID19 IN SCIENTOLOGY!!!

Let's ask Linda Wieland if that is really true. . .

INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER
Hey Linda, since you and the Church of Scientology lie non-stop 365 days a year,
how are we supposed to believe that you have 100% success in
preventing the CoronaVirus infection in your organization?

LINDA WIELAND
Well, I am more than happy you asked me that! In fact, we never lie! And
in fact it is against our ethical code to lie! Thus, if we were
chronic liars, we certainly would not lie about it.

INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER
How did you prevent 100% of virus infections?

LINDA WIELAND
Well, I am more than happy you asked me that! Our technology discovered
that people who were dying of coronaVirus were not happy. So, we simply applied
our WAY TO HAPPINESS technology and after that no cases of the virus were reported.

INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER
That's quite a miraculous claim! Do you have any proof for that?

LINDA WIELAND
Well I am more than happy you asked me that! Yes, we cured an entire
country with our tech! We sent several boxes of The Way To Happiness
pamphlet to North Korea that has a population that numbers 26 million---
and not even a single case of the coronavirus was reported!!!

​

SCIENTOLOGY MIRACLE IN NORTH KOREA-- PROOF!

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[HelluvaHoax!]

.

Speaking of professional liars who perform Scientology's thuggery, Linda Weiland seems to be making a lot of appearances in cult promo. Her little insert photo shows up on various photo ops where "tech" like THE WAY TO HAPPINESS is being handed out and changing sad areas to happy areas.

Here is a fake Scientology website called "WORLD RELIGION NEWS" that pretends to be about "all" religions but is 97.5% all about Hubbard's advanced "technology".

Here is a sample of their front page promoting how Scientology can help you handle any ruin, even rock climbing!

- - - - - - - - - -
Let's run that one thru the
TRUTH IN ADVERTISING app!
- - - - - - - - - -

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[ILove2Lurk]

You're getting dangerous on that computer. ^^^

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

You're getting dangerous on that computer. ^^^

LOL
Thank you Master Po!
ARC, Caine

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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Clearing the planet begins with Clearing the Internet of entheta. Special Scientology operatives comb the internet 24/7 reading everything that is written about their ethical religion. Then the Church of Scientology dispatches teams of trolls to attack, lie, enturbulate, shatter, spin in, and destroy SPs who are posting on the Internet.

Being an Internet Inspections Officer is one of the most prestigious posts imaginable because you are working directly for the Commodore and COB to clean up Black PR on Scientology and its leaders so that planetary clearing can become a reality!

LOCAL BRANCH #218
OSA INTERNET INSPECTIONS UNIT

- -OUR MOTTO - -
"A world without enturbulating data about Scientology
on the internet--because the truth is out-PR."

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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PC PARADOX
du jour


THE 1953 BOOK "SELF ANALYSIS"





THE 2020 SELF ANALYSIS BOOK
(67 years later) Same Book - New Cover

WHY WOULD ALL THIS BE A PC PARADOX?
Because Scientology was never about SELF analysis. The entire
"Bridge to Total Freedom" is dedicated to the "analysis" of OTHER people
who are ruining one's life (mainly DBs, SPs and BTs),
the remedy for which is identical--disconnection.

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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from another thread discussing the book BIG LEAGUE CLOSING TECHNIQUES
that has been adopted by the Church of Scientology as the "tech" to get the
maximum money out of malevolently misinformed marks
- - -​

posted by Karen#1
Hard SELL is part of Hubbard's writings and is cult DOCTRINE.

In fact, new Sea Org Members and Class V Org staff may not receive any paycheck til they are fully HATTED.
That means TRAINED for the job. Regges and Sales people have to study Les Dane *rate, clay demo and check out on the sales closing techniques before receiving any pay.

This is why the cult is viewed as a BUSINESS. If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, acts like a duck, WHY it is a DUCK!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -​

After the "church" adopted the used-car sales book as holy scripture, it became the cult's Bible of Bilking. While this may sound like a joke, Scientology was not laughing nor kidding. All sales personnel were ordered to do months-long intensive training to study and drill on how to close "resistive" beings who would not donate all their money.

One of the more famous programs that mandated that the "Big League" tech be used to sell a Bridge to "Big Beings" contains several rather stunning revelations. Pay particular attention to project #43 and #44:

PROJECT ORDER #43
"Indoctrinate Reges that "one customer walking out without buying is a goofed Reg action."

• EVEN A BROKEN CULT IS RIGHT TWICE A LIFETIME: The "church" calls its parishioners "customers". The reason for that is because it's not a church, it's a business. Despite Clears having perfect memory, the cult forgot to not call them customers.
• MINISTERS AS TAX COLLECTORS: "You say you want Total Freedom? Okay, there is Total Freedom tax, pay me! " - - - "You say you don't want Total Freedom--you just want to leave? Okay, there is a partial freedom, walk-out tax for people who don't buy anything. Pay me!"

PROJECT ORDER #44
"Any HAS grad who does not buy further service is a goofed Super and a goofed Reg action."

• INFALLIBLE GURUS AND THEIR INFALLIBLE TECH: Per Hubbard's policy on SPs, the anti-social personality always attacks a "wrong target" for any problem. Accordingly, when dissatisfied customer doesn't want to buy any more Scientology--it is never a problem with the product or Hubbard. It's always someone else. So, let's attack the Reg, for "goofing" and not forcing a disgruntled customer to give the cult more money.
• THE ONLY REASON CUSTOMERS GET UPSET---KINDA: Per "KSW", all unhappy customers only complain and refuse to buy more because the tech didn't work (i.e. Scn "failed to deliver what it promised"). That's the theory. However, Ron stated (not merely said) that the tech always works 100% of the time. So it couldn't be the tech that is not working. It has to be those damn goofing sales people again!

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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Cross-Posted from another thread discussing
why-oh-why Scientologists show up at "events"
when they know damn well that they are going
to leave much poorer, if not in overwhelming debt.
- - -
​

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
posted by The Oracle

I figured out fairly quickly as to why people willingly show up for financial torture and terrorism at the Scientology events. Here are the Top 10 reasons Scientologists go to events:

1. The free food.
2. They are required to attend and will be in ethics trouble if they don't go. This is mainly to the Staff. It's a HAVE TO GO.
3. They are related to the staff. The bulk of the attendees.
4. They have nothing else going on in their sad Scientological lonely lives.
5. They get manipulated like HelluvaHoax! posted earlier on this thread. "We are inviting you and only you to come see the new big shiny ball that is a secret and only the big beings are invited and it is super cool. A new release. Find out how the Psych Buster's are busting the psych's. Etc....It's the ole bait and switch.
6. OT's trying to get invited onto the level having to prove their worthiness to the higher ups.
7. Gullible - believe everything told to them by the caller who won't stop calling them.
8. Guilt trip to be a team player and feel responsible for showing up to support the team.
9. There is a celebrity at the event. IE: Stan Gershon performing his magic act, Bill Bertinol is playing his guitar, Jim Meskiman is performing or someone cool like that.
10. These people that go to every event are robots and do what they are told.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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Outstanding list!

"Stan Gershon performing his magic act" LOL!

It's pretty fascinating how the bogus reg events are promoted to MISDIRECT Scientologists from the reality that ---although they are not kidnapped and tied up in the trunk of a car --- they are willingly driving themselves to a place where they will be connivingly conned, cajoled & coerced into contributing cash to a creepy cult.

I am still stunned----pondering why someone actually WANTS to go to a place where messianic money ministers will pound them into some kind of manufactured "ruin" that can only be avoided by becoming insolvent or bankrupt?

It's still quite mysterious, lol. I think I had better apply some tech to resolving this cosmic mystery! Luckily my meter is fully charged, let's go!

L&N
WHO OR WHAT WOULD WILLINGLY PARTICIPATE IN
AN EVENT WHERE THEY KNOW THEY ARE GOING
TO LEAVE IN A WORSENED, DANGEROUSLY
DEFICIENT, DAMAGED OR DEGRADED
FINANCIAL STATE?

A "spiritual" person whose "space feels calm" when they
notice a storefront sign that says "PSYCHIC ADVISOR".

Someone who got a great tip that there was a luxury watch
dealer selling Rolexes at a 90% discount and they still
have a couple of them left-- if one drops everything
and immediately rushes down to the street
corner in the ghetto where this
amazing deal is being
offered!

A savvy money manager who owns a substantial portfolio of
high-end investment quality art, consisting of
priceless limited edition prints of
artwork from the blockbuster
movie "Battlefield Earth".

Someone whose ruin is that they desperately need
their life to be more "IDEAL" (LFBD F/N)

Someone whose ruin is that they desperately need
their life to have more "MAGIC". (LFBD F/N)

Someone whose ruin is that they desperately need their
life to have cartoony graphics of "ROCKETS". (LFBD F/N)

- - - -

WOW! SCIENTOLOGY FINALLY DELIVERS
WHAT IT PROMISED--MAGIC & OT!

- - -

YOU MEAN IF I ATTEND, I GET BOTH
MAGIC AND IDEAL?
HELLYEAH I'M GOIN!!!

- - -

2 RUINS HANDLED FOR THE PRICE OF ONE...
I GET "IDEAL" and I GET "ROCKETS" TOO!
I AM SOOOOOO GOING!​

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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It's still one of the great unsolved mysteries in the world----trying to figure out WHY Scientologists pay 1000 dollars an hour for auditing when their Class XII auditor is being paid 34 cents an hour (i.e. $40 a week) .

It seems that by some alchemical equation, Scientology is able to
TRANSFORM Flag land BASE metals MENTALS INTO GOLD. ​

How do they do this?

As best I can tell, by cleverly using dumb words and/or dumb word/cartoon combos.

REGISTRAR
So, if you pay for your Bridge today we can
give it to you for the deep deep deep
discounted price of only $600,000.

BILLY BLOWDOWN
LOL, you've got to be kidding!
Six hundred thousand dollars?
That's stupid, no way!!!!!!

REGISTRAR
Thank you for telling me that consideration.
I'd like to give you 2 R-Factors.
Here take a look at these. . .

BILLY BLOWDOWN
Oh.My.God!

REGISTRAR
Have a cog there?

BILLY BLOWNDOWN
OMG, I mean....ROCKETS!!!

REGISTRAR
Right?!

BILLY BLOWDOWN
Okay! I'll do it!
Here, take all my charge cards!


. . .​

 

[ILove2Lurk]

Stan Gerson performing his magic act" LOL!

Well, you piqued my curiosity and I checked out YouTube to see
if he had any videos of his performances. Most world class, master
magicians do post videos. I've seen 'em. I love good magic acts.
I found none, which is odd.

What's this all about? So, I dug a bit deeper.

When he's not pulling the air covers off of planets, Stan is selling
real estate in Sherman Oaks or handing out hand sanitizer.

. . . .

​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Well, you piqued my curiosity and I checked out YouTube to see
if he had any videos of his performances. Most world class, master
magicians do post videos. I've seen 'em. I love good magic acts.
I found none, which is odd.

What's this all about? So, I dug a bit deeper.

When he's not pulling the air covers off of planets, Stan is selling
real estate in Sherman Oaks or handing out hand sanitizer.

View attachment 3754 . . . . View attachment 3755

​

.
LOL! You had me at "pulling air covers off of planets"!

I have two (2) present time problems with Stan's website:

1) The "SCIENTOLOGY" tab is not working (possibly because Scientology itself is not working).

2) Sorry to be picky but for a SuperLiterate OT VIII Total Causologist, Stan's copywriting tech is not Ideal.

“Doug Henning, the world famous magician,
was a close friend and we spent
many countless hours
together perfecting our craft”.
​

PRO TIP FOR STAN: Please for God's sake, do the freakin' Doubt Formula and make a decision man! Did you spend "many hours" or "countless hours"? Stan--seriously---even Ron could not clay demo "many countless hours".

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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the next chapter of Scientology's
FREAKY F/Ning FAQ
- - -

QUESTION:
Given 70 years to prepare for it, what would the
greatest army of supernaturally powerful OTs that ever lived DO
if you gave them 6 FULL MINUTES to promote to the entire
planet about their miracle-making technology?


ANSWER:
THIS VIDEO

QUESTION:
Wasn't that video AMAZING?


ANSWER:
Yes. I've never seen a 6 minute
Reality Factor that had NO REALITY.


QUESTION:
Yeah, but did you at least LEARN something about Ron's tech?


QUESTION:
Sure I did. I learned that
when the able don't become more able
they're at least still able to MISDIRECT & LIE.

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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To be fair & balanced, in addition to posting my own prejudicial opinion, we surveyed all of the TEN MILLION Scientologists around the world---to see what THEY thought of that 6 minute video:

"WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE VIDEO?"

10M SURVEY RESPONSES BY ORDER OF FREQUENCY

[9,900,000 - 99% ] "LOL! (Ludicrous Operating Lies). Now do
you understand why I blew from Scientology?"

[100,000 - 1% ] "I had huge wins! I haven't yet reached the
'super happy ideal being with miracle powers' state yet--like the
people in the video, but I am not in DOUBT at all that I will
eventually make it. I'd say I'm probably more like in DANGER."


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[HelluvaHoax!]

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There is technology, believe it or not, that keeps Scientologists in Scientology. Seriously.

It is not technology which works very well, but it works. It's not 100% workable standard technology. It is slightly less effective than that.

To be specific, 1.1% workable technology. The other 98.9% of the people who walked inside a Scn mission or org the past 70 years is gone, gone gone. They leave. Appx. 98.9% blow.

However, 1.1% do stick around, because of the 1.1% technology---which has two variations (see blue definitions, below):

GAT TECH: ​

1. (abbv.) Golden Age of Technology - An imaginary time that the tech worked. ​

2. (abbv.) Gravitas Accelerating Term. Management's use of trigger words/phrases that both rehabilitate and expand upon the Scientologist's suspension of disbelief. ​

​

VGI TECH: ​

1. (abbv.) Very Good Indicators - An ephemeral state of happiness with a lifespan approximating the time required to walk from an auditing room on a path that travels through the examiner's office en route to the registrar's office. ​

2. (abbv) Very Gravitas Indicators - A phenomena observed in Scientologists who have just read and/or heard a Gravitas accelerating word. ​

HOW IT WORKS: By simply taking any sentence and adding a Gravitas Accelerating Term, there is a tone 40 command enhancement for the Scientologist that hears it. Without the gravitas-inducing rhetoric, a Scientologist is likely to exhibit counter-intention, other-intention or treasonous defiance in extreme cases where they may actually disagree or even backflash when receiving a legal r-factor or command. Examples follow:

WITHOUT VGI/GAT TECH: "The Flag captain wants you to make it go right to bank wire $25,000 today."​

RESULT: Scientologist does not donate any money to Flag that day. ​

​

WITH VGI/GAT TECH: "The Flag captain wants you to make it go right to bank wire $25,000 today, on this planet." ​

RESULT: Funds are wired that day! ​

EXPLANATION: Gravitas accelerating phrase "on this planet" helps rehab the Scientologist's wholetrack OT viewpoint wherein he remembers that he has had trillions of dollars before and he can easily mock up and have quadrillions of dollars in the future, right after he completes the next level. ​

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