TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

Perfect. What I suspected too.

Not surprisingly, Ron is tinkling the ivories a bit on Target Two. (Has three top ten hits already.)

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:coolwink:
Oh ho, so that's what happened when Elton John and Liberace got *ahem* together one steamy Saturday evening...... Still trying to figure out who got pregnant.

Even John Revoltya Travolta had the good sense to pass up on that invite.
 
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posted by ILove2Lurk

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posted by Don Hubbard

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A cash contribution would be greatly appreciated for
the tragically now-unemployed ILove2Lurk & Don Hubbard.
Kindly send your generous Charitable Donation to—

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posted by ILove2Lurk

unemplyed-jpg.27965




posted by Don Hubbard

c6013fc0-d596-4745-9557-ae4a465cdbcc.png

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A cash contribution would be greatly appreciated for
the tragically now-unemployed ILove2Lurk & Don Hubbard.
Kindly send your generous Charitable Donation to—

191d5e3c-9894-4178-af8c-d78921853f3f.png



..
...
Honestly, I believe Chat GPT uses YOUR material to come up with some of the funny responses

No ONE, including AI will ever replace you two creative & hilariously funny contributors to so much excellent content

Please…. 🙏
Do continue to contribute to the motion of creating content here
AI needs you
We need you
You have brought so much humor to a very dark and painful subject and made us all laugh and laugh and laugh!
 
EVIDENCE

Me to AI:

“Using funny posts from HelluvaHoax! & ILove2Lurk’s content on Ex Scientology’s Message Board - write a brief post explaining Scientology’s Stupidest Moments”

AI:
“ L. Ron Hubbard: A Bombastic, Blustering, Bloviating Blowhard
(aka The Baron of Bullshit, Bringer of Bunk, and Big Boss of Bizarre Beliefs)

Loopy L. Ron loved launching ludicrous lies like lawn darts—loudly, lavishly, and liberally. A fabulist first-class, he faked his feats, falsified his files, and fluffed up his fictional fame faster than a flatulent ferret on a freeway.

This bogus “war hero” and self-declared “nuclear physicist” was really just a semi-competent sci-fi scribbler turned self-appointed spiritual savior with a savant’s skill for separating suckers from their savings. He spun pseudo-scientific silliness into sacred scripture with the finesse of a used car salesman who read too much Buck Rogers.

Hubbard huffed and puffed and published piles of “tech” purporting to purge your “engrams”—aka, the cosmic cooties clogging your thetan. His “Bridge to Total Freedom” was really a bougie, bank-breaking bait-and-switch, built to bamboozle believers into bartering their bank accounts for bogus breakthroughs and bad metaphors.

And let’s not forget his pièce de résistance: Xenu—the intergalactic genocidal overlord whose airplane looked suspiciously like a 1950s DC-8. Because why not toss space opera into your salvation schema?

So here’s to L. Ron: the man, the mythomaniac, the master of megalomaniacal make-believe.

May his legacy live on… as a legendary lesson in how not to lead a religion”.
 
AI to me: “Want a version with even more alliteration or a matching portrait of Miscavige?“

Me: “Yes”

AI:

Excellent! Let’s give David Miscavige the HelluvaHoax! treatment too—with even more alliteration and a splash of spiritual satire:

David Miscavige: The Tyrannical Twerp of Totalitarian Tech
(aka The Diminutive Dictator of Dianetics, the Supreme Squelcher of Suppressive Souls, and The Tantrum-Tossing Teeny-Tyrant of “Total Freedom”)

Miscavige, a snarling, sneering, status-obsessed squirrel of a man, scurried into power with the stealth of a shadow and the subtlety of a sledgehammer. He bullied, backstabbed, and browbeat his way to the throne, then crowned himself Captain of the Cult with all the humility of a gold-plated E-meter.

Under his watchful glare and four-inch lifts, Scientology morphed into a fear-fueled fundraising fortress—where “spiritual advancement” means shelling out six figures to maybe move up a “Bridge” that ends in bankruptcy, betrayal, and bizarre breathing exercises.

Beloved by no one and feared by everyone, Davey-boy rules with clenched teeth and closed fists—launching lawsuits, locking up executives, and labeling anyone who leaves as a Suppressive Person (i.e., someone who noticed the scam).

His masterpiece? The Ideal Org Empire: shiny, soulless buildings with no one inside but security cameras and confused tourists. It’s Scientology’s version of Disneyland—with fewer churros and more paranoia.

David Miscavige: the pint-sized puppetmaster with the Napoleon complex, the empty smile, and a personality as warm as an auditing room at 2 a.m.”
 
Honestly, I believe Chat GPT uses YOUR material to come up with some of the funny responses

No ONE, including AI will ever replace you two creative & hilariously funny contributors to so much excellent content

Please…. 🙏
Do continue to contribute to the motion of creating content here
AI needs you
We need you
You have brought so much humor to a very dark and painful subject and made us all laugh and laugh and laugh!


.
Thanks for the lovely compliments!

I think it's literally all ILove2Lurk's fault. That's who started all this threatening stuff.

Everyone surely remembers how many times IL2L delivered empty threats to leave to leave Sweden or the USA (or wherever they live) and "move to another country if Trump wins the election". Then when Trump won twice, IL2L didn't move. So, all that was just fake news!

I am guessing this is just another bluff to "move to another website if ChatGPT is allowed on ESMB!" But then when people began using
ChatGPT, they never left ESMB. Fake news, right?

Somehow IL2L "bullbaited" or trolled Don Hubbard into some kind of TDS (Troll Derangement Syndrome) and then he also began
threatening to leave ESMB. I had a talk with them about this whole thing but then they suddenly stood up at our table at Starbucks
and began wildly screaming that I was: "...part of the Nazi Patriarchy that is destroying our Democracy and causing global warming to genocide mankind and all life on this planet in the next 24 months!!!" Personally, I think that time frame is wildly off and the end of all life on this planet will probably not happen much later, like literally until 37 months. So, again---fake news!

I am still trying to contact & handle both Don Hubbard and IL2L and bring them to their senses. As such we are going to have to use the tech. Thus if any of you reading this have an e-meter and are trained in sec-checking, we need volunteers to make this postulate a reality. We are also looking for others to join our Volunteer Recovery Minister Corps and serve as exit door blockers if during sec checks Don or IL2L attempt to escape and run out of the building where we will be keeping them imprisoned. We are especially interested in volunteer ministers that have done extensive bodybuilding and martial arts so that they can throw people down on the ground and hold them there until more ministers show up with handcuffs, leg irons and other standard restraint technology devices.

SECURITY ALERT: If anyone spots either Don Hubbard or IL2L out in public, please do not approach them or try to establish two-way-communication as they are both in lower conditions and enemies to all mankind and ESMBkind! Immediately report such spottings and their locations by text messaging it to the ESMB Ethics Department at: 1-800-332-5273 [ 1-800-DECLARE ].

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SCIENTOLOGY VOLUNTEER MINISTERS
explained in 3 easy lessons
. . .


1. THEY WEAR YELLOW RAINCOATS. . .
AND THEY ARE APPLYING 100% STANDARD BOXTECH!

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2. THEY ARE SAVING THE PLANET. . .
JUST LIKE THEY DID 75 TRILLION YEARS AGO!

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DON'T DOUBT IT. THEY'VE
GOT THE PROOF. JUST CHECK
OUT THIS MONTH'S ISSUE OF. . .

"SECTOR SALVAGER MAGAZINE"!!!


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* Content of boxes remains highly confidential. Anyone who
has been fed false and defamatory data that the boxes are being
sent "up-lines" in order to destroy incriminating evidence against
the church and/or to launder cash in hidden offshore bank accounts
should immediately report to ethics for false data stripping and
lower conditions to remedy why you (the being) pulled in SP lies.
At such time as you successfully complete those actions, you will
be awarded a Free Tech Estimate of how many hours of sec-checking
you will need to continue back on your Bridge to Total Freedom.
Thereafter, you will be awarded a Free Donation Estimate to
determine how many dollars you will need to donate in order
to shed the Downstat-DB valence that is ruining your life.



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Hidden History of Scientology

LRH handing over the Philadelphia Doctorate Course transcripts,
Excalibur from 1938 (alternate titles: Dark Sword, The One Command),
plus all the OT levels he had discovered to date to a group of doll-
bodied Venusians and their human-life-form leader on the grounds
of Saint Hill Manor. (circa 1960's; actual date unknown)

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originally posted by ILove2Lurk
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100 ACTIVE UPPER LEVEL OTs, CLEARS & SENIOR SCIENTOLOGY

MANAGEMENT EXECUTIVES WERE RECENTLY SURVEYED

They were shown the following graphic that was art directed
by L. Ron Hubbard personally, and asked the following:

USING YOUR OBNOSIS & OT KNOWINGNESS POWERS
WHAT DO YOU PERCEIVE IS INSIDE THE BOX?


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SURVEY TABULATION RESULTS (top 4 most theta and high-toned answers)

- - It looks like 5 years in the future when we have cleared this planet
and we're taking Ron's technology to other planets to free this sector.

- - It's staff members transporting hundreds of millions of OT success
stories uplines. This happened because our Ideal Org program really
kicked in —just like Minister Miscavige promised us it would!

- - They are carrying hundreds of thousands of boxes of canned tomato soup to be
emptied and cleaned up for use in auditing sessions. This is in preparation for the
massively huge wave of new Scientologists that will be flooding our orgs next month
when they hear about the re-release of Ron's miraculous eyesight recovery technology

where you can throw out your prescription eyeglasses in just one short session!

- - They are delivering the new coin-operated toilet paper vending machines that
will be installed in all orgs, so that now there will be no more stops, slows or
Dev-T on people going up the Bridge.


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RON HUBBARD SETS BOOK CONTAINING HOLY SCRIPTURE ABLAZE
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archived image provided courtesy of the IL2L Foto Foundation.



DON HUBBARD SETS BOOK(S) CONTAINING HOLY SCRIPTURE ABLAZE
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Ron...Don...Fraternal Twins...
Holy books...Wall of Fire...
Pattern recognition?

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The wholetrack photo-journalist ILove2Lurk recently revealed a scientifically authenticated photograph they took---way back on the whole track! Priceless! Unless I am mistaken, that is the universe's only PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE that L. Ron Hubbard actually did visit Heaven! You can clearly see the "Pearly Gates" below. . .

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Wait! Wait Wait Wait !!! I just received a text message from DON HUBBARD and he said that he was actually there with Ron, performing his post duties as Ron's personal "Butler", "LRH Messenger" and "Bodyguard". And he has the receipts to prove it. The image files are coming thru now, but very slowly. While it is loading I will fill in some contextual details to bring more reality into this very exciting miracle!

In 1963 L. Ron Hubbard briefed electrified OT Scientologists that he had gone to Heaven!

In May of 1963 (62 years ago this month) Hubbard revealed many miraculous things:
* Hubbard proclaimed that he had: "...visited Heaven!"
* Not only that, he added that he had: "...visited Heaven Twice!"
* He claimed the first visit had taken place: "43,891,832,611,177 years, 344 days, 10 hours, 20 minutes and 40 seconds from 10.02pm Daylight Greenwich Mean Time 9 May 1963"
* He claimed that his second trip to Heaven was: "...one trillion years later"
* The first surprise was that heaven "...was not a floating island in the sky as everyone imagined, but simply a high place in the mountains of an unnamed planet. Visitors first arrived in a 'town' comprising a trolley bus, some building fronts, sidewalks, train tracks, a boarding house, a bistro in a basement and a bank building."
* Hubbard then reports: "Although there seemed to be people around - in the boarding house, for example, there was a guest and a landlady in a kimono, reading a newspaper -
* Hubbard quickly discovered: "...they were only effigies and probably radioactive, since 'contact with them hurts'. However, he was able to report he saw 'no devils or satans."
* Hubbard's multi-trillion year old memory was excellent: "...the bank was the key point of interest in the town. It was an old-fashioned corner building of granite-like material with a revolving door. Inside, to the left of the door, was a counter and directly opposite was a flight of marble stairs leading to the Pearly Gates! The gates are well done, well built. An avenue of statues of saints leads up to them. The gate pillars are surmounted by marble angels. The entering grounds are very well kept, laid out like Bush Gardens in Pasadena, so often seen in the movies."
* On his second visit to heaven a trillion years later, Hubbard noted some dramatic changes: "...the place is shabby. The vegetation is gone. The pillars are scruffy. The saints have vanished. So have the angels. A sign on one side (the left as you "enter") says "this is Heaven". The right has a sign "Hell" with an arrow and inside the grounds one can see the excavations like archaeological diggings with raw terraces, that lead to "Hell". Plain wire fencing encloses the place. There is a sentry box beside and outside the right pillar.

Oh...WAIT! Don Hubbard's photo's are
coming thru now, let me post them!

RON'S 1ST VISIT TO HEAVEN
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[ ONE TRILLION YEARS LATER ]
RON'S 2ND VACATION IN HEAVEN

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posted by ILove2Lurk
What have we begun?
Genie is out of the bottle now
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- - -
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....
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....
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"It had to come to this---
it was always coming to this."

—Don Hubbard, from his Ted Talks presentation entitled:
"THE FUTURE OF SUPPRESSION - AI POWERED JOKING & DEGRADING"


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book800-jpg.27997

This post is not AI. Because, I am just getting warmed up with ideas after IL2L's cool concept to spend the next decade collaborating on an AI-driven, fact-based luridly "illustrated" encyclopedic restoration of the true story of L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology.

Not this kind grotesquely gimmicky gaslighting garbage. . .
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No. How about something truthful for a change. . .

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Yeah, this is starting to take shape. And
maybe we should attach a companion page...

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Okay, this is going well now, because I am starting
to rehabilitate some of the best evil purposes
that the cult tried to force me to erase.
LOL


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From another thread discussing
how Ideal Orgs are an Ideal Idea

. . .
.

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Here is a photo of the St Louis Ideal Org taken not too long ago by friends visiting Lafayette Square. It’s Ideal alright ….
It’s boarded up and for sale. :buzzin:



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Unless I am mistaken, it seems like Scientololgy in St. Louis is booming.

There is so much power expansion that they needed two (2) Ideal Orgs!


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It's a shame Scientology had to spend $17,000,000 on that last one (directly above) because
if Scientology "Clearing" and "OT Levels" actually delivered the magical powers that
Hubbard guaranteed, the org could have bought a run-down rusty trailer and
billionaires would have still shown up to get the miraculous superpowers.

1000_F_495136342_qfBEVWAppmzoqCv8kLxgQej5AKM0MGKa.jpg


The trailer's purchase price would only be approximately
$2,000 - plus the cost of the remodeling, as follows:
Paint: $179
LRH bronze bust: $7,000
Three (3) used clipboards: $6
Coin operated toilet paper vending machine: $115
Misc expenses (mimeo machine, goldenrod paper, firehose for
overboarding unethical beings, clay, paper clips & used batteries, etc
.) $700

TOTAL COST: $10,000

It could operate on only 4 staff members (Auditor, Registrar, Course Supervisor & Executive Director). They could all sleep in the trailer at night, so they won't need to violate Dr. Hubbard's policy against "moonlighting" to get outside jobs—in order to pay for an apartment elsewhere.

This would be an ideal start for an ideal org. Once they get going they would occasionally bump into a super-upstat whale who could donate at least $10,000,000 and those funds could then be used to buy and establish another 1,000 ideal orgs—which would make planetary clearing a reality!

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~ Hubbard's Forgotten Secret History ~
Excerpt from: Hubbard Whole Track Illustrated

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Between Lives Implants July 1963
“I got here, why, accidentally landing here up in the Himalayas.”​
The Role of Earth Nov 1952
“And a battalion was sent down here to Earth 8,200 years ago, the Third Battalion. If you find somebody who is a member of the Third Battalion, why, speak up. Because the whole battalion, its officers, staff and so forth, was under the command of the expeditionary force commanding officer for this – not for just this area."​
. . .​
“So 8,200 years ago, they came down in the Himalayas, the upper headlands, up about, oh, I'd say about seventy–two miles northwest of Khyber Pass, and put a base in there, and still not believing that there was anything like an invader force operating in this system, failed to take any vaguest precautions with regard to their installations. They put up no defenses; after all, what was here! Nothing but Homo Sapiens. That was just nothing, no danger, no menace, and so on."​
Technique 88: Q&A June 1952 [toward end of tape]
“But I would like to put a note on this: If you turn up anybody. Fifth Invader Force, Third Battalion, would you please ask them to write me. I’m serious about that. Fifth Invader Force, Third Battalion, please write to me.”​
[very last comment on same tape]
“Now, I wasn’t joking. I wasn’t joking about any of these lines, but particularly wasn’t joking about the Third Battalion. If you find any of those people, please ask them to write me.”​

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Class 8 lectures
"I'm going to let you in on something. I didn't even get R6ed. I'm not from this planet."

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
 
Unless I am mistaken, it seems like Scientololgy in St. Louis is booming.
The Heyday of Saint Louis Org in the 1970's

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The Alexander Euston Mansion from 1890, known as the Queen’s Daughters
House
, was the home of scientology during the 70's. It's one of the remaining
examples of Romanesque Revival architecture left in Saint Louis. It's right in the
middle of the Saint Louis University campus on a boulevard connecting downtown
with the outer suburbs. The org was paid for and owned outright, AFAIK.

I know and have spoken at length with some old timers, who were around during
that decade and they're my trusted sources here.

At its apex, the org had 130-140 staff (day and foundation) and was booming.
Hundreds of publics showed up at events

LA's infamous 80's-90's super-FSM Barry Klein was the ED and Class 8 CS during
this era. He was later removed from post during the List One R/S debacle and moved
to LA to join the massive RPF and worked on the Big Blue construction project.

Seems like during the mid-70's, there was "plant-mania" running rampant
with gang-bang sec checks, paranoia, unwarranted SP declares, and
obsessions to find the "whos" for any bad conditions. This is what I was told.

The auditors at the org -- under the Class 8 CSing of Barry Klein --
had discoverd a Marcab agent (plant) on lines at the org. I was told about
this event many years later by my friend.

He had gotten found during some org-wide sec checking for long-term
crashed stats and thrown out to the relief of all. He had actually been
"sent in" by the Marcabs to destroy the org. Don't underestimate the
power of the Marcabians to undermine a local orgs' stats!

1606720470450.jpeg


A Few Famous Alums
Michael Meisner -- super spy and turncoat who squealed to the FBI inciting the '77 raid.​
Duke Snider -- jailed GO staffer -- ran the Snow White debacle in Washington, DC.​
Merrell Vannier -- secret agent injected into Clearwater Mayor Gabe Cazares' office;​
author of expose Arrows in the Dark.
Elizabeth Weigand -- niece of Senator Thomas Eagleton -- arrested by FBI after she​
tried to blackmail her uncle threatening to release damaging information (that he was​
actually gay -- he was not), if the senator did not buy $220,000 of family stock from her.​
She got years of probation and her scientology attorney got four years of prison, AFAIK.​
Wayne Prewitt -- went to LA to do OT3 -- jumped to his death in 1970 from the 8th floor​
of Elks Building in the McArthur Park area. Days before his suicide, he travelled to LA for​
treatment because he had been very "up tight." (My oldtimer friend was sitting in the room,​
spitballing OT stories with some guys who were on lines at AOLA, when freaked out Wayne​
ran across the room and jumped through the open window to his death eight stories below.)​

The madness never ends and spans generations . . . spans all space and time.

Doesn't it? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
 
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From another thread discussing
how Ideal Orgs are an Ideal Idea

. . .
.[/CENTER










.

Unless I am mistaken, it seems like Scientololgy in St. Louis is booming.

There is so much power expansion that they needed two (2) Ideal Orgs!

1684019574713-jpeg.21205




Screenshot-543.png



It's a shame Scientology had to spend $17,000,000 on that last one (directly above) because
if Scientology "Clearing" and "OT Levels" actually delivered the magical powers that
Hubbard guaranteed, the org could have bought a run-down rusty trailer and
billionaires would have still shown up to get the miraculous superpowers.

1000_F_495136342_qfBEVWAppmzoqCv8kLxgQej5AKM0MGKa.jpg

The purchase cost would only be approximately $2,000
plus the cost of the remodeling, as follows:
Paint: $179
LRH bronze bust: $7,000
Three (3) used clipboards: $6
Coin operated toilet paper vending machine: $115
Misc expenses (mimeo machine, goldenrod paper, firehose for
overboarding unethical beings, clay, paper clips & used batteries, etc
.) $700

TOTAL COST: $10,000




It could operate on only 4 staff members (Auditor, Registrar, Course Supervisor & Executive Director). They could all sleep in the trailer at night, so they won't need to violate Dr. Hubbard's policy against "moonlighting" to get outside jobs—in order to pay for an apartment elsewhere.

This would be an ideal start for an ideal org. Once they get going they would occasionally bump into a super-upstat whale who could donate at least $10,000,000 and those funds could then be used to buy and establish another 1,000 ideal orgs—which would make planetary clearing a reality!

..
..
Such Synchronicity you posted about the St Louis Ideal Org scam because I am working on posting some updates I received from a Mole in St Louis, who I have been in two-way comm with since I posted those photos of the Ideal Org building now FOR SALE.

Mike Rinder posted a lot about Scientology's Ideal Org Scam in St Louis - it was supposed to open in 2011 and they only needed another couple of hundred thousand dollars, according to the Reverend and FORMER Executive Director, Chad Lane. The letter posted here was from 2018.

The Mole says Chad Lane is no longer on staff... that he may have had a drinkig problem and now he's running a Flea Market and does modeling for some of the vendors. See photo below.

Chad Lane's credentials for being an indoctrinated cult member is quite extensive. The Reverend Lane is a "Past Life Clear", FEBC trained and was a Case Supervisor at one time. Stop by the Flea Market and chat with the Reverend Lane and hear his wins on how he quit drinking.




Everybody... please sing along to the tune of "There's A Hole in My Bucket, Dear Liza"

🎶
There’s a mole in St. Louis, dear OSA, dear OSA,
There’s a mole in St. Louis… dear OSA… A MOLE!

Now find it, says OSA, says OSA, says OSA,
Now find it, says OSA, says OSA — FIND THE MOLE!

But there’s more than just one mole, dear OSA, dear OSA,
Yes, there’s more than just one mole, dear OSA… OH NO!

They’re clever and cunning, dear OSA, dear OSA,
They’re covert and geniuses… dear OSA…TOO SLY!

They smile and they look good, dear OSA, dear OSA,
They blend in the members, dear OSA… DISGUISED!

They act like they’re loyal, dear OSA, dear OSA,
They act like they’re members, dear OSA… THEY LIE! :cool:

You’ll never expose them, dear OSA, dear OSA,
You’ll never outfox them, dear OSA… DON'T TRY!

 

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Chad Lane's credentials for being an indoctrinated cult member is quite extensive. The Reverend Lane is a "Past Life Clear", FEBC trained and was a Case Supervisor at one time.

A question just popped into my head, not related to the subject of your post, but in response to one of the sentences of yours I quoted.

Has CoS ever given someone a Goldenrod for being a "past life SP"?

If someone was found out to have been declared SP in a past life do they need to do the A to E steps?
 
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