TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

[HelluvaHoax!]

@HelluvaHoax! Here's what you asked for earlier, LOL.
Do I get a prize?

Spoiler: Private for Don Hubbard

Click to enlarge, download two '77 images (right click, save image as), and have fun.

View attachment 7139

View attachment 7138

.
Thanks!

I relayed your message to Don Hubbard. He's off now on a huge unkillable F/Ning win, due to your researching breakthrough. But as he was leaving, he was heard to loudly exclaim: "Whoa! She found that so easily! DAMN!!!"

ILove2Lurk posted this:

​

I fondly recall being at Flag, the friendliest place in the whole world! It was such a fun place to hang out with friends. Every encounter with buddies kinda felt like this. . .

FLAG FREDO #1
(greets comrade by peering deeply into
their eyes and asking with concerned gravitas)
Hello! How are you doing?

FLAG FREDO #2
(feels sure their friend perceives
something amazing in their space)
. . .I am doing really good! So, so, so good!

FLAG FREDO #1
(having heard that, now winning too)
Wow, you LOOK fantastic!

FLAG FREDO #2
(feels his own space expanding even more)
Yeah I feel fantastic!

FLAG FREDO #1
(perceives the Berlin Wall
starting to come down now)
That's really fantastic! Can you share any
of your fantastic wins?

FLAG FREDO #2
(looks around to make
nobody's listening)
Well, actually I've been really depressed
and on suicide watch for the past 3 weeks.
But today my reg r-factored me that they got
my credit card limit increased, so that is a really
fantastic win and I feel fantastic!

FLAG FREDO #1
Wow, that's fantastic!


.​

 

[PirateAndBum]

@HelluvaHoax! Here's what you asked for earlier, LOL.
Do I get a prize?

Spoiler: Private for Don Hubbard

Click to enlarge, download two '77 images (right click, save image as), and have fun.

View attachment 7139

View attachment 7138

Yes, and for sure it must be the friendliest place because your auditor was found dead de-thetan'd out in the Las Vegas desert just after you attested L10. He decided to cause-a-tive-ly begin his New Life (having earlier done L11 The New Life Rundown note: he CLEARly wasn't so happy with his being next in line as the son of a Galactic Guru. So ya gotta be careful about that L11 I tell ya)

 

[ILove2Lurk]

Yes, and for sure it must be the friendliest place . . .

Ha, you peeked. Yeah, that photo was probably taken during
the last year, maybe the last months, of his life, AFAIK.

I heard on a since cancelled and pulled from circulation LRH tape
from 1969, that Ron considered his boy to be one of the very best
auditors on the planet. Heard it with my own ears.

I suspect the old man had designs on passing everything on to Q
and Diana at one point. Not to be.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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SCIENTOLOGY PARADOX #79: "The Promotion-Predicament Paradox"

In Scientology's entire year history, virtually every moment of every staff member was focused upon and dedicated to promoting just TWO (2) results:

1. more money​

​

2. more new Scientologists who could donate more money.​

Over the cult's 70 year life span, if there had been only one (1) Scientologist on the planet, that would have resulted in TWO (2) billion seconds of promotional effort. (70 years = 2,207,520,000 seconds)

Notwithstanding this monomaniacally hyper-focused compulsion to PROMOTE and "make well known and publicized" Scientology's astonishing and miraculous discoveries and supernatural powers, Scientologists were forbidden from disseminating with their TWO (2) most formidably effective promotional tools:

1. Revealing the greatest scientific discovery in the earth's history--the Xenu incident that enslaved all mankind and made life a living hell---that can now be 100% cured with Dr. Hubbard's technology. By simply demonstrating the existence of Body Thetans and how they "ruined" everyone's lives, a simple YouTube video could have easily recruited millions of new Scientologists every single day!​

​

2. The single most powerful promotional device that would have been more compelling than all of the marketing and advertising of the Earth's religions/businesses combined in Homo Sapiens' entire 200,000 year history. Yes, in less than 2 minutes, any human being could be converted into a dedicated Scientologist by simply using this miraculous promotional method. To wit, literally showing them a miracle, using OT powers.​

​

However, both of the above two (2) promotional tools were deemed "illegal" for Scientologists to use.

Instead, only 1 or 2 Scientologists from each organization were told to go out on the street and walk around trying to interest people in a "pinch test" in order to prove to them that a flakey looking electronic soup-can device could find out what was bothering them. This was entirely nonsensical on its face, because people already know what is bothering them.

Thus the poor beleaguered and long-suffering Scientologists are ordered to PROMOTE but not allowed to PROMOTE.

For those unfamiliar with Scientology policy, it is strictly forbidden to DEMONSTRATE an OT miracle. If you have any slightest doubt about this, just ask any OT in the world to show you one of their magical powers. They will have many explanations and excuses why they cannot simply levitate an object, go exterior or make something instantly happen using a "tone 40 postulate".

Super-able OTs can explain to you why they are not able to show you their powers. If you have any doubts or disagreements with their com-laggy excuses, they can help you clear your misunderstood words and/or do a clay demo--so that you no longer have any doubts or reservations the same as themselves and Ron.

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[HelluvaHoax!]

posted by ILove2Lurk:
--thread--

"I'm not a crook"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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​

LOL LOL LOL!

This could be the start of an entire series of
"WINNING OT IMPOSTERS BEING
ROUTED OFF LINES IN HELICOPTERS"​

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[HelluvaHoax!]

.

cross posted from another thread

An outstanding story about the time that Scientology
hired WOGS to fix the fact that "Dr" Hubbard's
100% standard and infallibly workable
marketing tech only worked 0%.

​

originally posted by Karen#1
In the early 1980s Madison Avenue marketing gurus Al Ries and Jack Trout were wooed by the Church to sell their marketing expertise to put Scientology on the Map. How to conquer the problem of getting the message "Scientology can save the world" and how to get it through in an era of information overload. Jack Trout came and lectured a bunch of us Sea org members and did a presentation in a full packed hall.

It was all about POSITIONING, The Battle for your Mind. So SURVEYS were done. Extensive Surveys. World wide surveys in many orgs. I am paraphrasing the Survey questions from memory. Vaughn Young wrote the survey questions for POSITIONING:

​

1) What Group from history most captures Morality, Goodness and Legendary Success ?​

​

2) What images come to mind when from History in relation to bravery, chivalry, dedication and a legendary order of teamwork and discipline?​

​

Well, the surveys came back and were tabulated. Knights of the Round Table, the legendary order of Knights created by King Arthur, Camelot was THE high surveyed result. Hence the cantering horses used to position the IAS. the subliminal effects of ASSOCIATION. The vulture grabbing entity the "IAS" positions itself visually with King Arthur and Camelot ~ the place and time of idealized beauty, peacefulness and enlightenment !

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That's quite a problem Scientology had on it's hands!

People living on this slave planet apparently
didn't want immortality, total freedom,
magical powers and miracles.

WHAT TO DO?!

ANSWER:
Horses & Costumes!!!

OH NO!!

IT'S NOT WORKING!

THE CULT IS STILL SHRINKING!

BEINGS ON THIS SLAVE PLANET ARE NOT
RESPONDING TO HORSES & COSTUMES!

QUICK! WE NEED A NEW SURVEY!

WHO OR WHAT IS BETTER
THAN JUST HORSES & COSTUMES?

#1 SURVEY ANSWER
A Haute Haberdashered Hubristic Hubbardian Hoaxter on Horseback


.​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.

FROM ANOTHER THREAD DISCUSSING
HOW TO TELL WHEN MEETING ANOTHER
THAT THEY ARE A SCIENTOLOGIST

​

...snipped...
A serious response is you will suspect a person is a Scientologist if he uses words in ways that do not correspond with standard English usage. Scientology does a lot of "re-defining" words, and that creeps into conversations with non-Scientologists.

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Oh Hell-Yeah!

Those Scientologically alienating, alter-ising adaptations of words!

Rhetorical appropriation!

example: Adding the suffix "ness" to any word, giving it beatific beingness, grandiose gravitas, supreme status and miraculous mojo.

WOG WORD: KNOW - KNOWING - KNOWLEDGABLE​

ADVANCED SCN VERSION: KNOWINGNESS​

SAMPLE SENTENCE: Ron rose above all beings on this planet due to his knowingness. ​

​

WOG WORD: BLOWY - BLOWING - BLOWN​

ADVANCED SCN VERSION: BLOWINGNESS​

SAMPLE SENTENCE: Dr. Hubbard did not actually unexpectedly go stark raving mad, suddenly drop dead and leave post without a replacement--he is simply in deep space researching blowingness. ​

​

​

.​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.

more from the "How To Tell" thread. . . ​

He might also be somebody who has left Scientology, but hasn't yet shed the mannerisms. If you want to get a response from a Scientologist, use expressions that a Scientologist would use, and see if he takes the bait. "Oh, I think that guy's ethics are out" (person is behaving unethically or immorally). (in response to his stare) "I notice you have very good confront"

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Good tells!

Here's another. The guy blinklessly drops in the word "com".

example:
"Hey it's great you came to this meeting so we could get in good com!"

example:
"Hey, even though it's great you came to this meeting,
if you show up late again we're going to com ev you.

,​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.

SCIENTIFIC PROOF THAT SCIENTOLOGISTS
HAVE ZERO SUPERNATURAL POWERS

Because if they had any magical miracles whatsoever
they would SHOW ONE-----rather than showing
creepy equestrian cultists in cringey costumes.

.​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

One hesitates to beat a dead horse. However--
can anyone answer this question?

Why is a Sea Org naval uniformed officer riding a horse? LOL.
In the military, horses are only used by the army. And the
the last cavalry charge made on horseback was in 1942.

(Sea Org on horses---Sea Horses?)

Oh wait, never mind---it makes sense now!

​

.

 

[Dotey OT]

How Big is Scientology?? Let us tell you!!





Make plans to come to "The Way Out Is The Way Out!!" event!! It will be history in the making!!! You will want to say "I WAS THERE, before I wasn't!!!" For years to come, you will look for your face in photos of the event, you do want to see your face in the photo, right???

Who are you bringing?


​

Alright, now getting down to brass tacks.

How big is Scientology?
Scientology is sooo big, all it's current members could fit into 250 Greyhound buses.

If you could string all scientologists from end to end, they would reach from their house to bankruptcy court.

How many people work in a scientology org?
Less than half of them.

How many staff does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them, sadly.

 

[Karen#1]

One hesitates to beat a dead horse. However--
can anyone answer this question?

Why is a Sea Org naval uniformed officer riding a horse? LOL.
In the military, horses are only used by the army. And the
the last cavalry charge made on horseback was in 1942.

(Sea Org on horses---Sea Horses?)

Oh wait, never mind---it makes sense now!

​

.

And let us not forget the Touch Assists to the horses...

Scientology makes you a god who can heal this horse just with your finger | The Underground Bunker

tonyortega.org

 

[Karen#1]

My good friend Michael Reppen was on the Apollo with me.
He did the cruel chain locker at 17 years old.
But he stuck with the cult.
His mom Claire Reppen of AOLA died in the RPF in Clearwater.
She had challenged Miscavige.
Michael has been gone from the cult for YEARS and YEARS.
He has posted on the Internet for YEARS especially on Facebook.
He has been on Outer Banks for many years and I have his permission to cross post this.

What on earth?

Demanding money from an outspoken critic for a FREE LOADER BILL ?

LOL

 

[Karen#1]

My good friend Michael Reppen was on the Apollo with me.
He did the cruel chain locker at 17 years old.
But he stuck with the cult.
His mom Claire Reppen of AOLA died in the RPF in Clearwater.
She had challenged Miscavige.
Michael has been gone from the cult for YEARS and YEARS.
He has posted on the Internet for YEARS especially on Facebook.
He has been on Outer Banks for many years and I have his permission to cross post this.

What on earth?

Demanding money from an outspoken critic for a FREE LOADER BILL ?

LOL

View attachment 7307

Another hilarious letter from the cult
Can you imagine any other *CHURCH* having a stranger write to a former member like this ?

 

[Operating DB]

Those last two letters are hilarious. So out of touch and stupid. Maybe repost them to the
"Mainly Cartoons" thread.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.

cross-posted from a vibrant discussion on a thread about
Hubbard's Hyperbolically Hubristic Hoax
in which he claimed inordinate superiority over not only all humans--
but to super-human messiahs like Jesus & Buddha as well!

- - -
​

By claiming that he was the Antichrist, Ron Hubbard identified himself as the central Biblical figure prophesied in the 2,000 year old book entitled The Revelation of St. John the Divine a/k/a The Book of Revelations.

In the book, the Antichrist declares himself to be God while seated in the Jewish Temple in Jerusalem. This act is called the the Abomination of Desecration and it culminates in the final Battle of Armageddon and the end of the world.

By claiming to be the prophesied Antichrist, Hubbard was attempting to do the same thing he had always done: Steal unearned laurels for himself. The fake war hero medals; fake Ph.D.; his fake claims to have been machine-gunned in Java by the Japanese while on a spy mission; his claim to have broken his back when he discovered the 75,000,000 year old trap and taped out the exact path, etc. The lies are too numerous to list here.

*****
Going earlier on the chain, Ron Hubbard claimed he was the prophesied Maitreya. He did this in The Hymn of Asia. Hubbard had some of his Sea Org people survey and test market the acceptance of Hubbard's claim that he was the end-of-days reincarnation of the Buddha, i.e. the Maitreya. This didn't quite work out. However, there developed a tacit understanding amongst Scientologists that Ron had been Buddha and had returned to perfect Buddhism in the form of Scientology.

In the 1950's Hubbard wrote that Scientology was the “watershed accomplishment of a 2,00-year-old goal.” In other words, L. Ron Hubbard succeeded in doing what Buddha could not do and that was to make a person a Clear. Hubbard’s absurd notion is that Scientology is not only the fulfillment of Buddhism but that it will take humanity far beyond Buddhism. Issue 81 of Ability Magazine made the following outrageous claims in 1958:

Look at the incredible narcissism of Hubbard: "Neither Lord Buddha nor Jesus Christ were O. T.'s according to the evidence."

Hubbard’s towering egomaniacal pretensions to be the Savior the world required that he hijack Buddhism and make it nothing more than a failed subset of Scientology. When Hubbard wrote these pronouncements on Buddhism in 1958 – and he penned them as the anonymous “Editor” of the magazine in order to distance himself from his own egomania -- Buddhism was not well known in the West. Thus, Hubbard’s followers were as ignorant of what Buddhism taught as were the vast majority of Westerners.

*****
L. Ron Hubbard was big on Boy Scout merit badges, war medals, accolades, awards, etc. So in addition to being the Maitreya, why not claim to be the Antichrist on the way out of this life? This fit with his wish to dismiss Christianity as an R6 implant and replace it with Scientology.

Ron Hubbard overreached everywhere and on everything. Claiming to be the Western World's major prophesied Biblical figure was the matching bookend to his having claimed to be the Eastern World's prophesied Maitreya.

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Excellent!

From J. Swift's outstanding post:

In the 1950's Hubbard wrote that Scientology was the “watershed accomplishment of a 2,00-year-old goal.” In other words, L. Ron Hubbard succeeded in doing what Buddha could not do and that was to make a person a Clear. Hubbard’s absurd notion is that Scientology is not only the fulfillment of Buddhism but that it will take humanity far beyond Buddhism. Issue 81 of Ability Magazine made the following outrageous claims in 1958:​

​

"Just now it is enough to say that the State of Clear was envisioned 2,500 years ago by Gautama Sidhartha (sic) and was attained by a very few and then was seen no more. The state then was known as "Bodhi “since it was attained under a bodhi tree. Since then the tradition has grown dim. Man has sought to clear Man, first of demons, then of subconscious traumas. Ron, with a whole new look at this, has brought about a state in Clear higher than that regarded by Gautama Sidhartha (sic) since it is achieved in not only one lifetime but in a few weeks and is available to all men, not just a few. The implications are dizzying. Operating Thetan has not before been known as a state of being on Earth. Neither Lord Buddha nor Jesus Christ were O. T.'s according to the evidence. They were just a shade above Clear."​

One can review the above facts and scientifically determine that Buddha only was able to create a half-assed Bridge that took him half-way up the Grade Chart to Clear--not Operating Thetan.

To wit, Buddha only made it to Bodhi but neglected to handle his BTs (Bodhi Thetans).

Dr. Hubbard, by contrast, rose to towering heights above Lord Buddha and Jesus Christ who "according to the evidence...were just a shade above Clear". Ron was so much more--not just a shade, but entirely shady! In fact Ron took total responsibility for all those blown Buddhists bogged on their Bridge by recovering them, with his newly discovered tech of Bodhi Routing!


.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Those last two letters are hilarious. So out of touch and stupid. Maybe repost them to the
"Mainly Cartoons" thread.

.
LOL!

I want to repost that letter because it is but one example in a sea of 10 million nearly identical such letters sent out by Scientology over the past 70 years!

Hubbard wrote the original "basic basic" letter that was the "ideal letter" from which all later derivative versions originated.

Although Dr. Hubbard provided the core rhetoric, letter registrars were encouraged and required to take Ron's words and "make them their own"--as if they were writing the letter themselves, much like TR-1 (and/or TR-1.1)

Here is the original LRH LETTER without the later (added) alter-is of shore stories, acceptable truths and other lying Scientological encryptions:

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.


There is an outstanding essay on Hubbard's book "A HISTORY OF MAN" over on Mike Rinder's blog. The conclusion is brilliant and you won't want to miss it. HERE IS THE LINK

There is also a thread on this website discussing it: ESMB THREAD ON THE HISTORY OF MAN.

I won't try to capture all the illuminating and thought stimulating info from that article. But, I can't resist re-printing certain selections of Ron's self-authored FORWARD from the book "A History of Man" that was included in Mike's provocative article.

Here (in his own words) is Hubbard the hyperbolic hoax hustler and huckster, hovering at the heights of hypocrisy. Let's hook Hubbard up to both a lie detector and an e-meter and see what happens:

A HISTORY OF MAN

FOREWORD​

This is a cold-blooded and factual account of your last sixty trillion years. (LIE): Hubbard's memory was not that good. Sixty trillion years? He couldn't even remember when he was an OT VII (1968) that he had a second wife and a daughter just 16 years earlier. [ link to Sara Hubbard ]

The test of any knowledge is its usefulness. Does it make one happier or more able? By it and with it, can he better achieve his goals? (LIE): After going OT Hubbard became seriously physically and mentally ill and severely depressed---even attempting to commit suicide after confessing his "technology's" total failure.

This is useful knowledge. With it the blind again see, the lame walk, the ill recover, the insane become sane and the sane become saner. By its use the thousand abilities Man has sought to recover become his once more. (LIE): Hubbard became increasing less able and more deranged the longer he attempted to gain miraculous powers from his fictional fantasy "tech".

Further, it is very hard to argue with a miracle. Today, Eleanor has arthritis. She is audited “whole track” with 1952 techniques. Tonight she doesn’t have arthritis. Miracles, using “whole track” are plentiful. By using this data an auditor can obtain a MEST clear rather easily. (LIE): There is no "Eleanor". There is no "miracle". Nobody ever attained MEST clear, easily or with incalculable difficulty. There are no MEST clears--or even a simple explanation of why not even one (1) has been produced after 70 years.

But the best argument which can be advanced for “whole track” is that it is factual. By using this knowledge, more is obtained than auditing results. A preclear suddenly recovers the ability carefully learned eighty years ago, to play a piano; an electronics engineer, doing poorly before suddenly wraps up formulae that would puzzle Einstein and which may get man off Earth; and a thousand details in a hundred sciences become clear. (LIE): If any of those miracles had happened they would be all over the internet, YouTube and on display in Scientology orgs. If you had such miracles would you hide them and instead try to promote "pinch tests" on the sidewalk?

Gravestones, ancient vital statistics, old diplomas and medals will verify in every detail the validity of “many lifetimes.” (LIE): When Hubbard attempted to prove his past life memory he wrote a book called "MISSION INTO TIME" where he easily recalled where priceless treasure was buried. Read the book, he didn't find anything except royalty checks in his mailbox from credulous Scientologists who bought the book.


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[ILove2Lurk]

Like on many things, Don got the short end of the stick on
subsequent royalties after a cover and title page change.

Oh, well. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

​

Footnote: He apparently was a huge fan of turkey legs dripping in thick zesty
barbecue sauce, which honestly was the inspiration for the later book covers.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Like on many things, Don got the short end of the stick on
subsequent royalties after a cover and title page change.

Oh, well. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

View attachment 7352​

Footnote: He apparently was a huge fan of turkey legs dripping in thick zesty
barbecue sauce, which honestly was the inspiration for the later book covers.

.
lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

I'd like to know your videography & art director rates because I am thinking of doing an entire series of exposés on defrocked apostates who have turned into an anti-cult cult. Kindly quote me with any special costuming packages included--I am thinking of going with a sepia-toned old world study background and wearing a brown blazer. Thoughts?

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