TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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Nominated for one of the Super-Stupidest Moments in Scientology
[ - so stupid that not even a Scientologist could clay demo it -]
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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CROSS POSTED FROM ANOTHER THREAD DISCUSSING THE RITUALISTIC TORTURE
OF ELITE SCN EXECUTIVES, BECAUSE THE LOYAL LIFELONG STAFF MEMBER WAS

SCIENTIFICALLY DISCOVERED TO BE THE EVIL SP SABOTAGING SCIENTOLOGY.

Karen#1 said:
Little did Kurt Weiland know what lay ahead for him. In the 2005 he is being literally TORTURED in SP Hole.
But in the 1990s he is riding high. Click to expand...
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Ref: The destiny of elite Scientology executives, all of whom are shockingly later discovered to be SP.



GODWIN'S LAW:
"As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison
involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1"
STAFFWIN'S LAW:
"As a Scientologist's years on staff grows longer, the probability of
being declared SP (like Hitler in the Anti-Social Personality bulletin)
approaches 1.1"

NOTE: It's called "StaffWins" Law because staff members have major wins upon reading the SP declare which explains the "WHY" that org stats were down. Staff routinely experience huge relief & elation upon realizing that they narrowly avoided RPF prison due to someone else being the reason their stats are not "ideal".


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Operating DB

3 feet behind my butt
IF L. RON HUBBARD OR DAVID MISCAVIGE OR TOM CRUISE OR ANY SUPER
SCIENTOLOGY VIP OR CELEBRITY WERE TO GIVE A SPEECH AT A HUGE
INTERNATIONAL EVENT---AND THEY TOLD THE SCIENTOLOGY JOKE,
THE MANY THOUSANDS IN ATTENDANCE WOULD JOYFULLY AND
KNOWINGLY LAUGH WHEN THEY HEARD THE POWER
PUNCHLINE AND THE POLICEMAN SAID:
"THANK YOU I GOT THAT!"
Actually, I effin' laughed my ass off just now reading that joke. It's hilarious on so many levels but certainly not the same kind of funny when I was in the cult.

In the early days when I was in the cult there was a core group of 5 of us that had gone to high school together. We ended up in the cult 2 years later. At that point our sense of humor wasn't yet squashed and suppressed. We were in a Mission and ethics wasn't that serious a thing. We made a couple joker and degrader tapes that I sure wish I still had. Unfortunately the Guardian's Office from the nearest Org got wind of our dastardly deeds and confiscated the tapes.

One little snippet from one of our scenarios went something like this:

John: I just got back from doing OTIII!!
Dan: You sure do look a little burnt from going through that Wall of Fire!
Ok, I'm not the best at retelling stories but we did have a hilarious time making jokes about scn in our brief stint as budding J/Ders. We thought it was all innocent fun. But the G.O. didn't think so. This was deadly serious to them! LOL.

Years later, post cult days, I learned that one of the GO guys who listened to our tape laughed his ass off! Double standards I tell ya!



 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
IF L. RON HUBBARD OR DAVID MISCAVIGE OR TOM CRUISE OR ANY SUPER
SCIENTOLOGY VIP OR CELEBRITY WERE TO GIVE A SPEECH AT A HUGE
INTERNATIONAL EVENT---AND THEY TOLD THE SCIENTOLOGY JOKE,
THE MANY THOUSANDS IN ATTENDANCE WOULD JOYFULLY AND
KNOWINGLY LAUGH WHEN THEY HEARD THE POWER
PUNCHLINE AND THE POLICEMAN SAID:
"THANK YOU I GOT THAT!"
Actually, I effin' laughed my ass off just now reading that joke. It's hilarious on so many levels but certainly not the same kind of funny when I was in the cult.

In the early days when I was in the cult there was a core group of 5 of us that had gone to high school together. We ended up in the cult 2 years later. At that point our sense of humor wasn't yet squashed and suppressed. We were in a Mission and ethics wasn't that serious a thing. We made a couple joker and degrader tapes that I sure wish I still had. Unfortunately the Guardian's Office from the nearest Org got wind of our dastardly deeds and confiscated the tapes.

One little snippet from one of our scenarios went something like this:

John: I just got back from doing OTIII!!
Dan: You sure do look a little burnt from going through that Wall of Fire!
Ok, I'm not the best at retelling stories but we did have a hilarious time making jokes about scn in our brief stint as budding J/Ders. We thought it was all innocent fun. But the G.O. didn't think so. This was deadly serious to them! LOL.

Years later, post cult days, I learned that one of the GO guys who listened to our tape laughed his ass off! Double standards I tell ya!

LOL

Remarkably, I also got into Scn with a core group of 4 of us that went to HS together!

And sometimes when we were in a location that had one of those "blind spots" where the BIG BROTHER surveillance cams could not see/hear our every move---and then the joking and degrading flourished. LOL. It was a necessary and healthy way to stay sane whilst trapped in a total freedom prison.

I just recalled one moment when the new "breakthrough" music album was released and all staff mustered to celebrate Ron's musical masterpiece "Thank You For Listening". I looked at one of my very best lifelong buddies--and we both were dying and trying to suppress hysterical laughter. I had to look away.

But we both had "knowingness"---the kind of knowingness you read about in Advance! magazine.


The girl's founder's a super freak
The kind of girl guru you read about
In the new
wave cult magazines.

That girl nuclear physicist is pretty kinky...




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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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TRUTH IN ADVERTISING
Scientology Promo Without the Lies
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Chuck J.

"Austere Religious Scholar"
LOL

Remarkably, I also got into Scn with a core group of 4 of us that went to HS together!

And sometimes when we were in a location that had one of those "blind spots" where the BIG BROTHER surveillance cams could not see/hear our every move---and then the joking and degrading flourished. LOL. It was a necessary and healthy way to stay sane whilst trapped in a total freedom prison.

I just recalled one moment when the new "breakthrough" music album was released and all staff mustered to celebrate Ron's musical masterpiece "Thank You For Listening". I looked at one of my very best lifelong buddies--and we both were dying and trying to suppress hysterical laughter. I had to look away.

But we both had "knowingness"---the kind of knowingness you read about in Advance! magazine.


The girl's founder's a super freak
The kind of girl guru you read about
In the new
wave cult magazines.

That girl nuclear physicist is pretty kinky...




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Late one night during my (thankfully short) SO career I went in ASHO running some dumb errand and someone had Jeff Beck's Wired album playing, No Hubbard to be heard. :hysterical:
 
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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That previous "Truth In Advertising" graphic produced some very heavy pushback from Scientology parishioners.

L. Don Hubbard (this thread's curator--see avatar) believes we should publish a fair and balanced view of the technology of his twin brother L. Ron Hubbard. Thus we will reprint (below) some of the concerns voiced by current members in good standing of the Church of Scientology.




originally posted by BIlly Blowdown:
As an OT VIII, I found that poster to be an inaccurate portrayal of how
Scientologists communicate to each other! We of the Church believe in using
our ARC triangle to create a world without war, criminality & insanity.
As an example, I am Communicating to you right now in order to raise your
Reality about the concept of "We Come Back". To increase your Affinity
towards Ron & Scientologists, all you need to do is find and/or borrow
a few used batteries and paperclips and demo out how 737 trillion years
ago we were with Ron and we almost saved the universe--and therefore since
we are all here now (on this planet) we quite obviously must have come back!



originally posted by David Miscavige
As Chairman of the Board of the Religious Technology Center, I can assure
you that it is against both our technology and our religion to speak to
people that way, you lying DB piece of shit!



originally posted by Tom Cruise
First, there are no swords in my religion. Three guys in white uniforms holding
swords in the air? Seriously? LOL. I have never seen that kind of creepy
clownish cult crap in my religion. You must be
confusing Scientology with my
movie "The Last Samurai".
For your information, Scientology does not deal
in lies or fantasy, which is why we are "The World's Fastest Growing Science".
As far as that "We Come Back" bit, you must be
confusing that line with the
time I was hosting a show on Scientology's 24 hour cable
channel and when
we broke for commercial I said "We'll be right back".

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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"TO FIND OUT IF YOU QUALIFY. . ."
(CONTACT TRAVIS)



- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Travis,

I am extremely interested in signing a billion year contract!
Can you kindly tell me what the exact qualifications are?

ML,
Billy Blowdown

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


Hello Billy,

We have some really great news about the qualifications--
We have eliminated all arbitraries! "ARBITRARIES REMOVED!!!!!!"
During the past 35 years, whenever COB screamed those two words
at dozens of different events, people always stand and win and weep
and wildly cheer. As such, please send us your Success Story and
and any miracles that have happened in your space.


Although Sea Org standards make us the most elite group on this
planet, the main qualifications at this time are that we can find a
an admiral's hat in your size and that you are able to march with
grimly determined EGIs (Extreme Gravitas Indicators)during a
photoshoot where you like totally ROCK a white naval costume!

ARC,
Travis


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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"TO FIND OUT IF YOU QUALIFY. . ."
(CONTACT TRAVIS)



- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Travis,

I am extremely interested in signing a billion year contract!
Can you kindly tell me what the exact qualifications are?

ML,
Billy Blowdown

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


Hello Billy,

We have some really great news about the qualifications--
We have eliminated all arbitraries! "ARBITRARIES REMOVED!!!!!!"
During the past 35 years, whenever COB screamed those two words
at dozens of different events, people always stand and win and weep
and wildly cheer. As such, please send us your Success Story and
and any miracles that have happened in your space.


Although Sea Org standards make us the most elite group on this
planet, the main qualifications at this time are that we can find a
an admiral's hat in your size and that you are able to march with
grimly determined EGIs (Extreme Gravitas Indicators)during a
photoshoot where you like totally ROCK a white naval costume!

ARC,
Travis


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. . . Billy is turning into quite the HOT PROSPECT!!
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Travis,

Thanks for the speedy reply! With the tens of thousands of beings
demanding to join the SO, I am amazed that I did not have to wait
months to get your reply. Your speed of particle flow is mindblowing
to get back to me in less than 60 seconds after I sent my question!

I kind of got hung up on hat size qualification. I am the same height as
COB, but when I stood next to him one time when he was giving me a
jumbo IAS medallion, I noticed that his head is really super-oversized for
his body. If my head is smaller than his, is this going to be any problem?

ML,
Billy Blowdown

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Dear Billy,

That will definitely not be a problem. I worried a lot about
the same thing before I signed my billion year contract. Because
my MEST body has always been quite small. However this never
was a barrier to me operating as big being.

In order to avoid a 7-9 months delay, waiting for a
milliner to custom fabricate my bespoke admiral's hat,
I started a GoFundMe page and the entire cycle was
completed in under 2 weeks!

So let's immediately meet at the org so you can sign your
billion year contract without a com lag!

ML,
Travis



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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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SCIENTOLOGY IS SO SENSELESSLY & SPECTACULARLY STUPID
- -that to even attempt to describe Hubbard's 10 million words
requires a definition wasting yet another 10 million.
Hence, whomever invented language

mercifully provided similes,
metaphors and
analogies.


THE DINKY DB DICTIONARY DILEMMA
Try to define Scientology in 2 dozen words or less.

- - -

Whoa, that 24 word limit is very worrisome!

Who knows, this might help:
"Analogy vs. Metaphor vs. Simile"

Yup, challenging, but freaky fun, I'm in!

Wait, this is starting out better than expected! I already economized and dumped one (1) word ("like") transforming a simile into a metaphor! That was easy!



SCIENTOLOGY IS A MIC DROP MOMENT. . .
WITHOUT ANY TRIUMPHANT WIN, AND
THERE'S NO MIC EITHER.


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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THE DINKY DB DICTIONARY DILEMMA
Try to define Scientology in 2 dozen words or less. -
,

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SCIENTOLOGY'S AN ARC TRIANGLE, REVERSED.
THE CRA TRIANGLE. CRINGEY RECKLESS AMORALITY.
OR SHOULD WE MAKE IT A PERFECT QUADRANGLE
BY ADDING THE WORD "PREPOSTEROUS"?


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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THE DINKY DB DICTIONARY DILEMMA
Try to define Scientology in 2 dozen words or less.
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SCIENTOLOGY'S A RACKET SELLING GUARANTEED HAPPINESS,
WITH A CLEVER MARKETING GIMMICK THAT CONVINCES DISGRUNTLED
CUSTOMERS TO KEEP BUYING EXTENDED WARRANTEES--
BEFORE THE PRODUCT SHIPS.


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.

TRUTH IN ADVERTISING
Scientology Promo Without the Lies
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- - -






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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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sorry to bring you this same image for the 3rd time but there is a very good reason for that...


ONCE IN A WHILE IT IS A VERY GOOD IDEA TO TAKE A FULL 15 SECONDS AND
LOOK DIRECTLY AT SCIENTOLOGY - - BUT NOT WHAT IT WANTS YOU TO SEE.
INSTEAD OF THAT MISDIRECTION, WHAT IT REALLY IS,
FULLY RAW, WITHOUT ALL THE - -


FILTERS & FANCY FONTS . . .
CRINGEFULLY CORRUPT COPYRIGHTING . . .
AND INCONCEIVABLY IRRATIONAL INTERGALACTIC IDIOCY




DURING THAT 15 SECONDS THAT YOU REALLY LOOK AT HER, ASK YOURSELF:

WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT LANYARD?

WHY IS SHE WEARING THAT ASININE ADMIRAL'S HAT?

WHY DO HER EYES HAVE THAT FANATICALLY FIXED DISTANT GAZE?

WHY DOES SHE FEEL TOTAL CERTAINTY THAT HAVING SOMEONE HOLD
SOUP CANS FOR $1000 AN HOUR IS GOING TO FREE ALL MANKIND FROM
THE SPIRITUAL SLAVERY OF A 75M YEAR OLD EVIL ALIEN NAMED XENU?

IF SHE HAD NEVER FALLEN VICTIM TO HUBBARD'S HOAX, WHAT WOULD
SHE BE DOING INSTEAD OF THIS RIDICULOUS RELIGIOUS RITUAL?

FINALLY, IMAGINE THAT SHE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF SCIENTOLOGY
AND WAS LIVING A NORMAL LIFE, PREPARING TO GO FOR A JOB INTERVIEW.
WOULD SHE THINK ALL BY HERSELF OF GETTING DRESSED UP IN A NAVAL
COSTUME AND THEN DURING THE INTERVIEW KEEPING HER EYES LIFELESSLY
AND BLINK-LESSLY TRANSFIXED IN A BIZARRELY GLAZED CULT AFFECT?


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Karen#1

Well-known member
"There is a special briefing, all students and pcs must attend."

This is CODE

FOR

More money is needed and we need you to open up your wallets.

View attachment 3622View attachment 3622

Actually I missed a word.

MANDATORY

"There is a special MANDATORY briefing, all students and pcs must attend."

This is CODE

FOR

More money is needed and we need you to open up your wallets.
 
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