TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
..


cross-posted from another thread
where I asked the poster ISNOINEWS why
Scientology activist Joy Villa banned him on Twitter:




- - -

COMMENT ON WHY SCIENTOLOGISTS
"BLOCK" and "BAN" and "DISCONNECT"
FROM THOSE WHO WHO DISAGREE WITH THEM.
.


verbatim from "The Creed of the Church of Scientology"

We of the Church believe

That all men have inalienable rights to think freely, to talk freely, to write freely their own opinions and to counter or utter or write upon the opinions of others.


So, what is the "crime" then that compels Scientologists to banish into exile people who practice Scientology's own creed--by expressing their ideas and opinions? It seems that Scientologists are eager to punish and "shudder into silence" anyone who actually honors and adheres to their own published fake PR creed, instead of their actual hidden creed.

I know, It gets a little confusing! So, we had best use the SCIENTOLOGESE TO ENGLISH TRANSLATION APP on that one!

We of the Church believe
That all men have inalienable rights to think freely, to talk freely, to write freely their own opinions and to counter or utter or write upon the opinions of others---as long as nobody else is allowed to read, listen to or view any of that low-toned, out-ethics suppressive entheta.
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.

Since 2012 the world is filled with "EXITS".

A few examples:

BREXIT (Britain + Exit)
FREXIT (France)
TEXIT (Texas)
BLEXIT (Blacks Exit from Democratic Party)
LEXIT (Latins Exit from Democratic Party)
I wonder what it will be called when the remaining straggler Scientologists exit the cult en masse?

SCEXIT? (Scientology + Exit)
CLEXIT? (Clear + Exit)
XENEXIT? (Xenu + Exit)
USOTEXIT? *
CREXIT? (When Tom Cruise blows)
* USOTEXIT: (Useful OTs + Exit). Following the successful actions of Communism's exploitation of "Useful Idiots" , Dr. Hubbard discovered the technology of Commodorism that convinced usefully idiotic OTs to shill for the idea that donating all your money/time to achieve nonexistent magical powers is really a brilliant idea.​
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
from another thread discussing
WHY THERE WAS NO OFFICIAL LRH BIO

Karen#1 posted this photo of the LRH Biographer




- - - - - -

The sheer delusional audacity of the lying by the "LRH biographer"---who should properly be declared the "LRH lie-ographer".

Let's examine that quote just a little bit closer.


"Fifty years ago when a patient went unconscious
he was treated by a lump of meat".

Really? 50 years ago was approximately 1970. Patients going unconscious then were not treated like a lump of meat. They were administered to by trained emergency room doctors, paramedics or first-responders at location. These professionals followed very precise protocols, diagnostics and methodologies by addressing the most vital body functions in a sequence of descending importance, naturally beginning with breathing, heartbeat, hemorrhaging and other life-threatening urgencies. Step by step the patient was stabilized and diagnostics continued narrowing the cause until it was a near certainty that a methodology of treatment could safely begin. No trained medical professionals treated people like "lumps of meat", that is simply a lie made up on behalf of two dangerous charlatans, Hubbard and Miscavige.

"The operative word is silence.
It's easily saved millions of lives"

What easily saved millions of lives?

Not talking around an unconscious person?

LOL.

That never happened even one time in recorded history.

When did someone die because someone talked around a comatose person?

If that "tech" was true all Scientologists would be dead, because their auditor talks to them in session.


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.

POSSIBLE REASON---DESPITE ADVANCED MARRIAGE TECHNOLOGY AND 2 BOOKS
("HOW TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE" & "MARRIAGE HATS"), L. RON HUBBARD & TOM CRUISE
BOTH GOT DIVORCED 3 TIMES AND NO FEMALE TERMINAL ON THIS SLAVE
PLANET WAS EVER WILLING TO MARRY THEM AFTER THAT.


1593799545991.jpeg.






REASON: It's a Xenu thing. Seventy five million years ago that evil SP had to be declared and disconnected by in-ethics, upstat beings, after which Xenu was then exiled to PRISON or trapped inside a MOUNTAIN where they were "imprisoned forever by a force field powered by an eternal battery." (- OT III materials). This is what BIG BEINGS have to do in order to handle EVIL BEINGS. That's why Hubbard had to send his wife Mary Sue to prison. That's why Miscavige also had to send his wife Shelly to a mountain prison.

SOLUTION: I am advising the miraculously messianic moviestar Mr. Cruise to "out-create" this 2nd Dynamic Downstat by an all-new-and-improved MARKETING CAMPAIGN seeking a new terminal to wear the marriage hat.

Hello! My name is Mr. Cruise and I am the 3rd
biggest being in the universe! And I'd like to find out
out what is needed and wanted by you on the second dynamic.



If you agree to be my 2nd dynamic terminal (naturally after signing all the
necessary contracts, waivers, bonds and confidentiality agreements
) you will
live a gloriously luxurious upstat life and we will live happily ever after in an
ideal and super-romantic marriage saving mankind on this slave planet.



And if you marry me, I swear with my hand on my heart
that if we ever break up you won't end up in a prison
or incarcerated inside a mountain with an eternal
battery
to prevent you from escaping. We don't
even use those any more because we now
have private armed security guards.

.
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.

Remember that Kevin Costner movie Field of Dreams where he builds a baseball diamond in his cornfield? "If you build it they will come."

In the $cientology cults case it doesn't work. If you build it they'll STILL stay away.
.

LOL

Another ideal motto for the ideal cult. . .


"If you build it, idiotic OTs will pay for it,
so who gives a shit what it costs or how
many bilked beings bite the bitter
bullet of bankruptcy."


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D

Deleted member 51

Guest
Does that say “How to Save Your Pajamas?”

I knew Hubbard had dementia but I had no idea it started so early. I knew an 82 year old man who was proud he had 20 year old pajamas with no knees, elastic or hems left, but he had at least ten new pairs of pajamas still with tags attached that he wouldn’t use “until he needed them.” Hubbard was a master of idiotic, useless, illogical tech. I’m sure he was a pajama saver, too. :LOL:
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.
posted by the underground artist ILove2Lurk

. . .


- - -
.



LOL! Instant classic, hilarious.

You have inadvertently created a very accurate psychometric test for Tom Cruise to take, which will reveal to all mankind whether he is still a human being or a forever-frozen cult zombie. If he were to look at that image above and somehow not laugh, it would confirm the latter.

OTs don't do humor.

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.

TECH TRYPTICH
(why scientology's marks, victims and slaves don't just blow)

- - Xenu is forever being held prisoner by an eternal battery.​
- - Shelly Miscavige is is forever being held prisoner by an eternal batterer. [COB]
- - Scientologists are forever being held prisoner by an infernal bullshitter [LRH]
.
 

Chuck J.

"Austere Religious Scholar"
.

POSSIBLE REASON---DESPITE ADVANCED MARRIAGE TECHNOLOGY AND 2 BOOKS
("HOW TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE" & "MARRIAGE HATS"), L. RON HUBBARD & TOM CRUISE
BOTH GOT DIVORCED 3 TIMES AND NO FEMALE TERMINAL ON THIS SLAVE
PLANET WAS EVER WILLING TO MARRY THEM AFTER THAT.


View attachment 4713.






REASON: It's a Xenu thing. Seventy five million years ago that evil SP had to be declared and disconnected by in-ethics, upstat beings, after which Xenu was then exiled to PRISON or trapped inside a MOUNTAIN where they were "imprisoned forever by a force field powered by an eternal battery." (- OT III materials). This is what BIG BEINGS have to do in order to handle EVIL BEINGS. That's why Hubbard had to send his wife Mary Sue to prison. That's why Miscavige also had to send his wife Shelly to a mountain prison.

SOLUTION: I am advising the miraculously messianic moviestar Mr. Cruise to "out-create" this 2nd Dynamic Downstat by an all-new-and-improved MARKETING CAMPAIGN seeking a new terminal to wear the marriage hat.

Hello! My name is Mr. Cruise and I am the 3rd
biggest being in the universe! And I'd like to find out
out what is needed and wanted by you on the second dynamic.



If you agree to be my 2nd dynamic terminal (naturally after signing all the
necessary contracts, waivers, bonds and confidentiality agreements
) you will
live a gloriously luxurious upstat life and we will live happily ever after in an
ideal and super-romantic marriage saving mankind on this slave planet.



And if you marry me, I swear with my hand on my heart
that if we ever break up you won't end up in a prison
or incarcerated inside a mountain with an eternal
battery
to prevent you from escaping. We don't
even use those any more because we now
have private armed security guards.

.
What's that saying ? I think it was applied to sports or musicians, "those who can, do. Those who can't... teach."

The idea of Hubbard explaining/writing about how to have a successful marriage makes me giggle.
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
What's that saying ? I think it was applied to sports or musicians, "those who can, do. Those who can't... teach."

The idea of Hubbard explaining/writing about how to have a successful marriage makes me giggle.

It would be nearly impossible to explain to a non-Scientologist why cult members don't question that. Wouldn't it be fascinating to dress up in Sea Org uniforms and clipboards and go to an Ideal Org and conduct some hidden-cam surveys?

SURVEY GUY
Hello! We are doing a survey today about a new book
our church is releasing for non-Scientologists.

SCIENTOLOGIST
Wow, that is totally amazing! I am blowing so much charge on that
new book, it is really indicating and blowing charge and it's one
of the biggest wins I've ever had, and I'd like to thank Ron for------

SURVEY GUY
Wait! I didn't say what the book was yet or ask the survey question.

SCIENTOLOGIST
Um, yeah, premature ack, I duplicate your com particle.

SURVEY GUY
Thank you! Okay let me finish now. This book will be for wogs on
how to flourish and prosper on the 2nd Dynamic! But we have to
be very smart how we market it based on the low tone level of
raw meat and their Human Emotion & Reaction to the fact that
Ron and also Scientology's top OT celebrity were divorced 3
times each! The survey question is, how can we as OTs
best explain to WOGs why there is an apparency that
Ron's 2nd Dynamic Tech did not work?

SCIENTOLOGIST
Um.....well, we could threaten their eternity if
they criticize Ron's 100% workable tech!

SURVEY GUY
Okayyyyy--but as wogs, the concept that we are safeguarding
their eternity might be above their awareness level.

SCIENTOLOGIST
Good point. Let me think---hmmmmm. . .I think I have
the perfect r-factor. We hat wogs on the Ron's graph
technology first and then we tell them that even though
Ron and Mr. Cruise each had 3 miserably failed marriages
some Scientologists like myself have only gotten divorced
2 times and COB (even though his wife is being held in
a remote mountain fortress under 24 hour guard) and he
hasn't seen her or spoken to her for a dozen years. he is
not technically divorced. So this proves that Scientologists
stats on the 2D are really in screaming affluence!

SURVEY GUY
So, if you were a wog, would you believe that shore story?

SCIENTOLOGIST
Hey, I totally believe that right now. Who wouldn't believe
that? I mean when I got my briefing they showed me
proof--a photo of COB wearing his wedding ring!

SURVEY GUY
How can you be sure that it wasn't a photoshopped image?

SCIENTOLOGIST
I asked the same question. They totally handled me on
that because they also showed me photos and police
reports of several victims that COB brutally beat
and you can clearly see on their battered
faces the marks and scars that
COB's ring left.

SURVEY GUY
. . . and this helps--how?

SCIENTOLOGIST
Well, to be totally honest I had the same
question but then the people briefing me
pointed out that it was proof that COB
wasn't lying about not getting divorced--
so he is a being everyone can totally trust
when he states that the 2D tech works!

.

 
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Chuck J.

"Austere Religious Scholar"
It would be nearly impossible to explain to a non-Scientologist why cult members don't question that. Wouldn't it be fascinating to dress up in Sea Org uniforms and clipboards and go to an Ideal Org and conduct some hidden-cam surveys?

SURVEY GUY
Hello! We are doing a survey today about a new book
our church is releasing for non-Scientologists.

SCIENTOLOGIST
Wow, that is totally amazing! I am blowing so much charge on that
new book, it is really indicating and blowing charge and it's one
of the biggest wins I've ever had, and I'd like to thank Ron for------

SURVEY GUY
Wait! I didn't say what the book was yet or ask the survey question.

SCIENTOLOGIST
Um, yeah, premature ack, I duplicate your com particle.

SURVEY GUY
Thank you! Okay let me finish now. This book will be for wogs on
how to flourish and prosper on the 2nd Dynamic! But we have to
be very smart how we market it based on the low tone level of
raw meat and their Human Emotion & Reaction to the fact that
Ron and also Scientology's top OT celebrity were divorced 3
times each! The survey question is, how can we as OTs
best explain to WOGs why there is an apparency that
Ron's 2nd Dynamic Tech did not work?

SCIENTOLOGIST
Um.....well, we could threaten their eternity if
they criticize Ron's 100% workable tech!

SURVEY GUY
Okayyyyy--but as wogs, the concept that we are safeguarding
their eternity might be above their awareness level.

SCIENTOLOGIST
Good point. Let me think---hmmmmm. . .I think I have
the perfect r-factor. We hat wogs on the Ron's graph
technology first and then we tell them that even though
Ron and Mr. Cruise each had 3 miserably failed marriages
some Scientologists like myself have only gotten divorced
2 times and COB (even though his wife is being held in
a remote mountain fortress under 24 hour guard) and he
hasn't seen her or spoken to her for a dozen years. he is
not technically divorced. So this proves that Scientologists
stats on the 2D are really in screaming affluence!

SURVEY GUY
So, if you were a wog, would you believe that shore story?

SCIENTOLOGIST
Hey, I totally believe that right now. Who wouldn't believe
that? I mean when I got my briefing they showed me
proof--a photo of COB wearing his wedding ring!

SURVEY GUY
How can you be sure that it wasn't a photoshopped image?

SCIENTOLOGIST
I asked the same question. They totally handled me on
that because they also showed me photos and police
reports of several victims that COB brutally beat
and you can clearly see on their battered
faces the marks and scars that
COB's ring left.

.

Hubbard couldn't even properly count how many wives he had. How is he going to remember an anniversary?
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.

WHAT THE CULT OF SCIENTOLOGY
WANTS YOU TO SEE AND THINK


-1594071506212.jpeg

Ideal cult member sees promo and thinks. . .
"Remarkable! Ron reveals the religious reason for rollercoaster!"
- - -



Ideal cult member cognites. . .
"Wow, Scientology is going to help me scientifically
discover who my SP is that's sending me crashing downward!"

- - -


WHAT THE CULT OF SCIENTOLOGY DOESN'T
WANT YOU TO SEE AND THINK



.
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.

YOU MIGHT BE IN A CULT I
F. . .



THUGS THROW YOU OFF A SHIP AND YOU FEEL TOTAL CERTAINTY
THAT YOU ARE VERY FORTUNATE INDEED TO RECEIVE

THIS "ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY", WHICH WAS
DISCOVERED BY A SUPERNATURAL
SCIENTIFIC GURU SAVIOR

IN A NAVAL COSTUME.

. . .
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.

I try very hard on this "SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY" to be fair and balanced in my review of the Scientology experience. In truth, not everything is bad about Scientology if one tries to assume the viewpoint that the "glass is half full". As such, there is an actual upside to the technology known as "OVER-BOARDING":


A Scientologist studying aboard the Apollo flagship while Ron was aboard had a medical situation arise and was driven to the local hospital to be checked out.

DOCTOR
Well, I've got some good news and some bad news for you.
The bad news is that due to your awkward crash landing
into the water, you are paralyzed for life.

SCIENTOLOGIST
Jeez! What's the good news?

DOCTOR
The good news is that Ron said you can attest to
the Overboard Rundown and he'd like to
showcase your OT wins in the next
issue of Advance! magazine!

.
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.

YOU MIGHT BE IN A CULT IF. . .

After borrowing $100K on credit cards to pay for
Italian marble bathroom floors in the new Ideal Org, you
end up going bankrupt. When your own modest house (that had
cheapo floors
) is lost due to foreclosure, your best friend writes a
a Knowledge Report on you for questioning why the tech can't work
if the PC is standing/sitting on linoleum. That results in your being
ordered to pay for sec checks that you can't afford, and it quickly
devolves into a Non Enturbulation order and an SP declare when
you ask if it's possible to get your $100K back to buy the
sec checks and also to pay for food and rent a small
apartment since you are homeless. You are desperate to
talk someone so you call your attorney brother for some
legal advice---but he says he can't talk to you because
you are a declared SP. You beg him to help you by letting
you crash a few days in his basement until you can
find a job and at least eat and get your own place.
He informs you that he is unable to do any of that
because it would be quite unethical, since he has
been retained by the Church Of Scientology as one
of their attorneys and that he has already cashed
their $100K retainer check and hired PIs and

other black-ops goons to stalk, harass and
terrorize you unless you sign contracts to
never sue or even speak negatively about
your Scientology experience (and executing a

sworn affidavit attesting to how immensely
Scientology helped you in your life).

...​
 
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.

Scientology defines itself as the "The Science Of Knowing How To Know".

This might be an opportune time to reference a quote from acclaimed cult expert L. Don Hubbard (see avatar & CV below) contained within his best-selling book "Preposterous PC Paradoxes":

"Take a survey of 20,000,000 random people across the nation
and ask them 'WHAT IS SCIENTOLOGY?'. It is a scientific certainty that
the people who know the least about Scientology are the Scientologists
."

- L. Don Hubbard


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.

For the record, I will share my own "Doubt Formula" of why I left Hubbard's crazed cult. I didn't write up my lower conditions formula and ask anyone to sign it, so maybe that is why I am still an SP, lol.

My final and parting thought---moments before I exited cult prison and re-entered reality---was simply these 12 words:

"I DO NOT EVER AGAIN WANT TO BE INVESTIGATED, CORRECTED OR HANDLED."


ESCAPE SUMMARY: Millions of Hubbard's words had been diligently defined and demo'd from decades of that despot's diabolical diatribes---yet only a dozen words ended it. That dirty dozen caused the entire Hubbardian hoax experience to implode, collapse & forever disappear.

PRO TIP: The entire "Grade Chart" and "Bridge To Total Freedom" is nothing more than a feebly failed effort to investigate, correct and handle the DB thetan that paid for the training/auditing. The cult's promo doesn't tell you that, but instead substitutes euphemistic synonyms. To wit, "We're not saying you're degraded, but if you pay us $600,000 we would be happy to help you rehabilitate your miraculous godlike powers!"

.
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
MYSTERY SOLVED!

The reason that despite Scientology's communication technology being
"MANKIND'S ONLY HOPE", to "CREATE A WORLD WITHOUT INSANITY,
CRIMINALITY & WAR", for 70 years Scientology has instead created for itself a
wildly and ever-expanding list of non and ex-Scientologists worldwide who it is in a
constant state of war with. Because they are declared to be hopeless insane criminals and
"enemies" who must be viciously attacked, sued, tricked and destroyed by any means necessary.

EXPLANATION: We can simply refer to a Rolling Stone magazine interview with the messianic moviestar that Scientology's leader declared to be: "The world's most dedicated Scientologist!" (Tom Cruise):

Since Scientology, in the popular imagination, is such a loaded word — often associated with heavy-handed recruitment tactics, strong-arm-lawyer assaults and steep membership and course fees — one would think that Cruise wouldn’t be so willing to take a journalist through that world.
“Who are those people that say those things?” Cruise asks when I bring it up over lunch one day. “Because I promise you, it isn’t everybody. But I look at those people and I say, ‘Bring it. I’m a Scientologist, man. What do you want to know?” I don’t mind answering questions.”
He lists some of Scientology’s selling points: its drug-abuse, prison-rehabilitation and education programs. “Some people, well, if they don’t like Scientology, well, then, fuck you!” He rises from the table. “Really.” He points an angry finger at the imaginary enemy. “Fuck you!” His face reddens. “Period!”

- - - - - - -


RECAP OF HOW IT WORKS--AND WHY (AFTER ISLAMIC
TERRORISM) SCIENTOLOGY IS THE WORLD'S MOST
RIDICULED, REVILED AND REJECTED RELIGION



TOM CRUISE
"Bring it. I’m a Scientologist, man.
What do you want to know?
I don’t mind answering questions."


HELLUVAHOAX!
So, Tom, if your communication tech works, why
do Hubbard and Miscavige and you and all Scientologists
have a power-trending graph of ever-soaring numbers of enemies
you religiously refuse to communicate to, but instead ruthlessly attack?

TOM CRUISE
I don't mind answering that.
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.
 
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