HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
View attachment 2890
Announcing the "End of Endless Letter Writing Rundown"
At Scientology Inc., we stay on top of things by staying on top of things. That’s how we noticed the quality of letters written out of CF had dropped since the days of the Commode-odor. We found some more lost tech, and you will be happy to know it is going to make planetary clearing a reality.
About the "End of Endless Letter Writing Rundown"
It’s a life changing letter writing listing and nulling folder culling high tech extravaganza of whole track knick-knack paddy whack theta pulling “whew” life changing, well, it’s really really good. It can be done by anyone at any point on the bridge. It can be done over and over again. (And you will probably be told to do it over again, and again, and again, on your own nickel. Ed.)
Here is a success story:
"I used to hate writing letters. I felt like it was a total waste of time. Thousands and thousands of letters I had written, without a response. But now, after the End of Endless Letter Writing Rundown, I feel like a new being. I can’t wait to go into CF and pull out files, study the folders and write letters that will get people back into the org. Really, I am not kidding!”
And here is another fantastic success story from the EOELWRD:
"Letter writing now seems so simple when you use the tech! Now I can write letters and people just show up! With their lawyers too! Amazing Tech Breakthrough!"
And here is another unbelievable success story from the Letter RD:
"I got a letter a few weeks back that said ‘We are holding your family hostage until you show up at the Org.’ I thought oh crap!! So I went in and I found out that the guy that wrote that letter had just done the RD. Wow, this really works! Sign me up! Now my letters make people come into the org too!!”
See the registrar today!!!!
LOL
Your promo pieces always capture the mad jubilant certainty of breakthroughs that are each a:
"...milestone for Man comparable to his discovery
of fire and superior to his inventions of the wheel and arch!"
Who can forget that expert analysis of Dianetics in the book Dianetics by the author of Dianetics!of fire and superior to his inventions of the wheel and arch!"
Who better to offer scientifically peer-reviewed proof of a "modern science" than another (nuclear) scientist who was the world's leading expert on engrams! Scientist Ron reviews researcher Ron about writer Ron's miraculous modern science! Be sure to visit Ron's bookstore and buy Ron's courses and Ron's Bridge to Total Engram-lessness.
But getting back to your highly entertaining spoofs of Hubbard's hyperbolic headlines---you definitely have got your crosshairs right on the verbiage epicenter of how he sold absolutely NOTHING as priceless miracles. Wouldn't it be interesting to see a gargantuan WORD CLOUD that used all of the promo pieces ever released by Scientology to see which words/phrases came up on top?
Here's an example of a word cloud on "Scientology" (not promo):

I think we could all pretty accurately guess some of the contenders for top spot in a new word cloud solely one focused on promotional claims, that would likely include such entries as:
--- Handles ( as in "handles the wholetrack reason for amnesia")
--- Miraculous
--- Life ( e.g. "cause over life", handles the "living lightning of Life itself", etc)
--- Resurgence
--- Rundown
--- Amazing
--- Confidential
--- Advanced
--- Being
--- Breakthrough
--- Discovery
--- Cause
--- Greatest
Well that's a starter list. I think I have already overlooked some of the greatest adjectives ever discovered in Ron's breakthrough discovery in this advanced confidential miraculous rundown that handles you the being to bring about an amazing resurgence and put you at cause over life!
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