2027 Ideal Scientology Predictions

[Alex P. Keaton]

It's That Time of Year.....
The 2027 Scientology Ideal Predictions Thread!


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WELCOME to the 2027 "Ideal Predictions Thread"! Of course we have to have some rules, so I propose the following:

1. All predictions must be posted by January 31st, 2027.
2. Go ahead and consult with anything or anyone, anywhere. Wogs, Pre-Clears, OTs, Psychics, tarot card and palm readers, Ouija boards, the "magic 8-ball", anyone or anything you like. Seriously. Anyone. EVEN YOUR FATHER'S BROTHER'S NEPHEW'S COUSIN'S FORMER ROOMMATE (to borrow a line from Mel Brooks' "SPACEBALLS"). Use any divination methods you like, although "Miss Cleo" has died, so she must be contacted through a seance.
2b. Artificial Intelligence is SPECIFICALLY PERMITTED.
3. You may not edit your predictions once you post them. See rule #4.
4. Make as many predictions as you want. Give opposing predictions anytime you feel like it, in honor of “Ron’s Law of Commotion”. The wilder the predictions the better.
4b. Reposting predictions from previous years is permitted, but discouraged. Honestly, because Scientology is collapsing faster than our wildest predictions, there shouldn't be any need to repost any prior predictions, right?
5. I will not be judging “winners” since I am too lazy, and aren’t we all winners for leaving Ron’s bridge to nowhere, or for being a never-in?
6. After you make your predictions, please check back next year to see how many came true. If you wish to check previous years' predictions, here they are (note, there appear to be no predictions for 2012 or 2019):

2026 Scientology Predictions

2025 Scientology Predictions

2024 Scientology Predictions

2023 Scientology Predictions

2022 Scientology Predictions

2021 Scientology Predictions

2020 Scientology Predictions

2018 Scientology Predictions

2017 Scientology Predictions

2016 Scientology Predictions

2015 Scientology Predictions

2014 Scientology Predictions

2013 Scientology Predictions

2011 Scientology Predictions

So dust off your crystal balls, divining rods, OUIJA boards, Tarot decks and whatever else you use, and let's make some predictions for the new year! Remember, the wilder the better !!!

And, remember, to borrow a quote from Youtube content creator Konstantin Samoilov, there is no such absurdity that cannot be recognized in the mad circus that is today's Russia Scientology.

 

[Alex P. Keaton]

In an effort to maintain his commercial appeal, John Travolta will audition for some TV commercials for "The Skull Shaver" mens grooming device. While on a trip to L. Ron Hubbard Way in Los Angeles to conduct his usual protest of Scientology management's abuses, Aaron Smith-Levin will be spotted by a talent agent who sees Aaron as perfect for some commercial work.

Aaron will attend these same auditions for "The Skull Shaver" men's grooming device, not realizing that John Travolta has already arrived. When they meet, John will immediately approach Aaron and politely insist that Aaron "has it all wrong about Scientology" and that Scientology is "not all bad". Aaron will break from his usual genial self and suggest to John that the "space cooties" are what made Travolta go bald. Travolta will ask if Aaron's space cooties are what made Aaron go bald. Travolta will suggest that Aaron "couldn't make it in Scientology" and that's why Aaron left. Aaron will, at this point, out of frustration, leave the audition.

Travolta will beat out the others and get the role in a series of commercials for this shaver. Sales of "The Skull Shaver" will go up 47X !