2025 Ideal Scientology Predictions Thread

[Alex P. Keaton]

I'm starting the "Ideal Predictions Thread" for 2025 a bit early. I have a lot of spare time right now, so I can spend some of it with my crystal ball. Here are the rules I am proposing for 2025:

1. All predictions must be posted by January 31st, 2025.
2. Go ahead and consult with anything or anyone, anywhere. Wogs, Pre-Clears, OTs, Psychics, tarot card and palm readers, Ouija boards, the "magic 8-ball", anything or anyone you like. Seriously. Anyone. EVEN YOUR FATHER'S BROTHER'S NEPHEW'S COUSIN'S FORMER ROOMMATE (to borrow a line from Mel Brooks' "SPACEBALLS"). The rules for the predictions thread of 2016 apparently severely limited divination methods and devices, but the semicolons were messed up (even though HelluvaHoax didn't use any), so that rule has been deleted from the IDEAL edition of the IDEAL rules for our IDEAL predictions thread. I personally thought the limits on divination methods and devices have been as dead as the RPF for some years now, so use whatever you like.
2b. (Or not 2b. That is the question.)
3. You may not edit your predictions once you post them. See rule #4.
4. Make as many predictions as you want. Give opposing predictions anytime you feel like it, in honor of “Ron’s Law of Commotion”. The wilder the predictions the better.
5. I will not be judging “winners” since I am too lazy, and aren’t we all winners for leaving Ron’s bridge to nowhere, or being a never-in?
6. After you make your predictions, please check back next year to see how many came true. If you wish to check previous years' predictions, here they are (note, there appear to be no predictions for 2012 or 2019):

2024 Scientology Predictions

2023 Scientology Predictions

2022 Scientology Predictions

2021 Scientology Predictions

2020 Scientology Predictions

2018 Scientology Predictions

2017 Scientology Predictions

2016 Scientology Predictions

2015 Scientology Predictions

2014 Scientology Predictions

2013 Scientology Predictions

2011 Scientology Predictions

Since we have extra time this year, I hope we will be able to 47X our predictions to make an IDEAL PREDICTION THREAD. Let's make lots of IDEAL predictions for the new year! Remember, the wilder the better !!!

NOW GET BUSY YOU DILETTANTE THETANS

Okay, I tried to post HelluvaHoax's
stock photo of a djinni with his hands
on that crystal ball here, but I'm clearly
not smart enough to figure out
how to post it here, so you'll just
have to read this text instead.​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

..

Okay, I tried to post HelluvaHoax's
stock photo of a djinni with his hands
on that crystal ball here, but I'm clearly
not smart enough to figure out
how to post it here, so you'll just
have to read this text instead.​

We've used more than one "crystal ball gazer" over the years.

Here's my favorite——The "Gypsy Fortune Teller".

A long time ago I wrote a post listing the eerie similarities between a GYPSY PSYCHICS and a OT SCIENTOLOGISTS. I tried to find it but (on the old ESMB) an error message came back saying "page no longer available". However, I can briefly recall and mention a few of the wickedly weird ones. . .

BOTH end up asking you many questions until they have "found your ruin".​

​

BOTH then very solemnly and officially inform you that the WHY for that ruin​

is that you have EVIL SPIRITS that must be exorcised.​

​

BOTH then quickly establish that THEY are the world's greatest (and only)​

experts in the technology of exorcism.​

​

BOTH then get you to "put your exchange in" by a very healthy DONATION.​

​

BOTH then get you on a regularly scheduled "session" because it turns out​

that your evil spirit population is far greater than your original tech estimated​

and predicted (...and they both naturally fail to mention that the inability to ​

accurately predict is not a good sign for a Fortune Teller).​

​

BOTH then (over time) mercilessly drain your financial accounts of all cash​

and assets--in order to salvage your eternity and attain freedom from the ghosts.​

​

BOTH avoid being arrested and imprisoned when their defrauded victims​

file a police report. Because they both claim to be "religions" whose holy​

rites and sacred sacraments are "religious practices".​

...

Red seems to be a very popular color motif. It's very possibly another
indicator of the fortune-teller's predictive powers into the future—
when the duped client has eventually ended up fully "in the red".​

...

 

[Type4_PTS]

Here are some 2025 predictions:

1) The number of Scientologists who obtained the abilities Hubbard promised for Clears and OTs in 2025 will be zero.

2) As is shown in this recent poll, the CoS is tied with the other CoS (Church of Satan) as the least favorable religion. My prediction for 2025 is that an updated poll will show that Scientology took full possession of last place.

Americans' views on 35 religious groups, organizations, and belief systems | YouGov

Belief systems that encompass the largest shares of Americans — including Christianity, Catholicism, and Protestantism — are among the ones the most Americans view favorably. Viewed least favorably are Satanism and Scientology.

today.yougov.com

 

[Type4_PTS]

..A long time ago I wrote a post listing the eerie similarities between a GYPSY PSYCHICS and a OT SCIENTOLOGISTS. I tried to find it but (on the old ESMB) an error message came back saying "page no longer available". However, I can briefly recall and mention a few of the wickedly weird ones. . .

Is it this post?

Top 100 Stupid Moments in Scientology PART 4

Re: Top 100 Stupid OT Moments in Scientology . I have a lot more , but as they say moderation. Another little taste, who wouldn't want this? How much to get this? . . . who wouldn't want this? :hysterical: I don't know who wouldn't want one of those trendy Trail-Blazer white faux...

forum.exscn.net

Or this:

Scientology is all bad

I think Hubbard would more correctly be classified as "flotsam", according the the legal definition...(wait three beats to hear from Mark A. on this :biggrin:) . . . . . . Heh! I suppose I could quibble in that the heaving overboard of such things as disconnection, fair game and so on could...

forum.exscn.net

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Is it this post?

Scientology is all bad

I think Hubbard would more correctly be classified as "flotsam", according the the legal definition...(wait three beats to hear from Mark A. on this :biggrin:) . . . . . . Heh! I suppose I could quibble in that the heaving overboard of such things as disconnection, fair game and so on could...

forum.exscn.net

Good find, but it's not the original post comparing GYPSY PSYCHIC ADVISORS to SCIENTOLOGY AUDITORS.

I wrote about this subject a few times, but the original post had the most cringey comparisons. All I was able to find was THIS POST that linked to what i think was the original "manifesto" on the subject, LOL. But, that link went nowhere---exactly like the evil-spirit-hunting-tech of psychics & scientologists.

...

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

...

WHOA! Type4_PTS just did some "wholetrack research"
and found the original 2009 post that compared Gypsy
& Scientology exorcists and con artists extraordinaire. . .

- - - - - - - -​

Originally Posted by HelluvaHoax!

I was wondering WHY OH WHY would someone go someplace and cough up perfectly good money for completely superstitious mumbo jumbo?

That rang a bell....GYPSIES!

​

I encountered them when I was first in business as a young dude---and quickly learned their street smart ways in order to protect my fledgling enterprise. I encountered them later when I moved to Europe and observed Gypsies up to the same thousand year old scams.

Their "Psychic" storefronts dot the globe with a continuous procession of working stiffs lining up to bring them money.

I realized just now that the "BRIEFINGS" (i.e. reg cycles) are virtually identical to GYPSY FORTUNE TELLING. In both:

-- The mark has a problem they are worried about or hope can be solved​

​

-- The hopeless mark finds hope with a "Briefing" or "Fortune Telling" (same thing)​

​

-- The Illumined Party "briefs" the money party, usually about what will happen in the future, good and bad.​

​

-- The money party prays to discover what they can possibly do to avoid the bad future and only realize the good future.​

​

-- The Illuminated Party discovers that the Troubled Party has lingering evil spirit which must be exorcised.​

The illuminated Party advises the Troubled Party that it will take personal sacrafice in the form of something dear and valuable---like money. The Troubled party agrees.​

​

-- The Troubled Party sacrifices the money to lift the curse (take responsibility) for making the bad future go away. It could be "case" or "psychs" or "SPs" or "everyones' eternity" or just any old demonic annoyance.​

​

--When it is all said and done the Illuminated Party (Registrar or Gypsy) has the money and the Troubled Party does not. Typically the Troubled Party already begins to voice relief (or give huge wins) on just the fact of giving the money. (see video promos of Scn who gave mightily to IAS, Ideal Orgs, etc.)​

​

-- The Troubled Party still has the trouble. If they complain, they are told their sacrifice was judged insufficient and/or that the magnitude of evil is far greater than anyone suspected. They must sacrifice even more. Much more.​

The Troubled party, still guilty and troubled, digs even deeper for money they cannot afford to lose and returns for another briefing/reading.​

​

-- The briefings/readings continue until the Trouble Party is out of money.​

At these Scientology "briefings" the future is foretold. The message is always the same. "Evil & terrible things are afoot and there is precious little time to prevent a tragedy in your life!"

The mark buys it every time. If they show up for the briefings (one after another) they are already evidencing that they are paralyzed with superstition. It is a primitive ritual where both parties go thru a pre-ordained rite in order to banish evil spirits (bts, psychs, whatever...)

The script always end in jubilation (see the recent celeb-endorsement promo film on Ideal Orgs). Everyone gets saved.

Okay, fine people, consider yourself BRIEFED!

- - - - - - -

..​

 

[guanoloco]

Here are some 2025 predictions:

1) The number of Scientologists who obtained the abilities Hubbard promised for Clears and OTs in 2025 will be zero.

2) As is shown in this recent poll, the CoS is tied with the other CoS (Church of Satan) as the least favorable religion. My prediction for 2025 is that an updated poll will show that Scientology took full possession of last place.

Americans' views on 35 religious groups, organizations, and belief systems | YouGov

Belief systems that encompass the largest shares of Americans — including Christianity, Catholicism, and Protestantism — are among the ones the most Americans view favorably. Viewed least favorably are Satanism and Scientology.

today.yougov.com

View attachment 25475

....unbelievable crazy....

Just think of the "PR" Tech and an organization that has a whole Div 6 dedicated to this.

It's hilarious.

I just thought about this the other day and how this debacle, for good or bad, has a ton to do with Miscavige and not knowing or following Hubbard's obviously successful dupe scheme.

Scientology was marketed to the flock - those that were "in". The "raw meat" had all the front groups going. Back in the day, Dianetics had a separate building, address and staff to keep the two separate.

Marketing was always "Book 1". There's even policy about "para Scientology" and that's all the wholetrack, space opera, past lives, etc.

Here's this from the Tech Dictionary:

PARA-SCIENTOLOGY, 1. includes all of the uncertainties and unknown territories of life which have not been completely explored and explained. (PAB 85) 2 . that large bin which includes all greater or lesser uncertainties. Here are the questionable things, the things of which the common normal observer cannot be sure with a little study. Here are theories, here are groups of data, even groups commonly accepted as “known.” (COHA, p. 188) 3 . those things which are uncertainties, such as metaphysics, spirits, other worlds, space opera, whole track, GE line, are all being put into the bin called para-Scientology. (PAB 2)​

​

​

​

​

Miscavige, who grew up in Scientology, doesn't understand this and has pushed Scientology as front and center and the main piece being marketed. He even pronounces it as "DianeticsScientology" as one word.

There's tons written on this from Hubbard. You know...Book 1 is "mental" and being meat and what's been done to you and the proper gradient and all that.

Scientology is all spiritual and denying being meat and what you've done to others and too steep of a gradient and all that.

No one, anywhere, is looking for a "church" unless they're already religiously affiliated and looking for a particular denomination.

Marketing a church immediately cuts off anyone who is religiously affiliated no matter how weak that affiliation is. There's no practicing Catholic, anywhere, that's going to go to a different church for anything other than attending some wedding or something like that. This goes for every single religion that I'm aware of.

​

​

​

 

[Type4_PTS]

Scientology was marketed to the flock - those that were "in". The "raw meat" had all the front groups going. Back in the day, Dianetics had a separate building, address and staff to keep the two separate.

Marketing was always "Book 1". There's even policy about "para Scientology" and that's all the wholetrack, space opera, past lives, etc.

This was my understanding back when I was in as well. But even back in the early 80's when I was Boston Org staff I saw some article of some type from a Scientology international marketing exec indicating that a Scientology book (I believe Fundamentals of Thought) was going to be marketed directly to raw public as a first book. As I wrote, I understood that Book 1 (DMSMH) should always be the book marketed to new public. I wrote up a High Crime Report on whoever wrote that article. And in return, I was sent back a Pink Sheet. So, apparently, I thought wrong. When I got back a Pink Sheet after writing a High Crime Report on an Int Exec I thought to myself "Oh, shit! "

I could have been wrong. I never worked in Division Two and hadn't read many of the policies so apparently I missed something.

 

[guanoloco]

This was my understanding back when I was in as well. But even back in the early 80's when I was Boston Org staff I saw some article of some type from a Scientology international marketing exec indicating that a Scientology book (I believe Fundamentals of Thought) was going to be marketed directly to raw public as a first book. As I wrote, I understood that Book 1 (DMSMH) should always be the book marketed to new public. I wrote up a High Crime Report on whoever wrote that article. And in return, I was sent back a Pink Sheet. So, apparently, I thought wrong. When I got back a Pink Sheet after writing a High Crime Report on an Int Exec I thought to myself "Oh, shit! "

I could have been wrong. I never worked in Division Two and hadn't read many of the policies so apparently I missed something.

I once did a private tabulation of people and how they got "in".

The vast majority was Book 1 stuff and practical. Another huge pull was WISE lines. Again, practical. The third was through someone they knew and trusted such as family, etc., and were introduced to practical solutions for some issue.

The bulk of this group was stable and definitely middle class and not loony. This is where the money came from. These people had degrees, professions, businesses, jobs, etc. These people moved on the Bridge.

That being said there were a number of book fairs conducted at New Age things and stuff like that and this is where the "kook" came from.

The bulk of this group was unstable, weird and struggling with earning money. Fringe all the way. These people came "in" through Scientology. These people rarely got beyond Div 6 Courses. They couldn't afford much beyond that.

As an aside, I did a similar thing with Clears and when they went Clear, etc.

What I found should've bothered me much more than it did because the vast majority was "past life Clear". It was so many and of such an age that it crossed my mind that going Clear was lethal. There's no way that this many people went Clear in a past life and were the age that they were in Scientology. Like they all piled onto a bus and died in a crash in 1950 or something. That was one of the first fissures...

 

[I M Dex]

OK then, here goes, my ideal Scientology prediction #1: I'm not saying I expect it to happen, I'm focused on the "ideal" emphasis. In my vision, Scientology phases out of the therapy/human trafficking/fictional self-serving delusional cosmic wisdom and superiority indoctrination business and into a multinational chain of carwashes and automotive detailing. I think with their disciplined structure, global presence and cheap labor pool, they're perfectly positioned, and the change would be an actual humanitarian gesture. Just a thought.

 

[guanoloco]

OK then, here goes, my ideal Scientology prediction #1: I'm not saying I expect it to happen, I'm focused on the "ideal" emphasis. In my vision, Scientology phases out of the therapy/human trafficking/fictional self-serving delusional cosmic wisdom and superiority indoctrination business and into a multinational chain of carwashes and automotive detailing. I think with their disciplined structure, global presence and cheap labor pool, they're perfectly positioned, and the change would be an actual humanitarian gesture. Just a thought.

....will my windshield be Clear?

 

[I M Dex]

....will my windshield be Clear?

We'll need an automotive clear special intensive to know for sure. Park in bay 3, and leave the keys in the ignition and your credit card on the drivers seat.

 

[Alex P. Keaton]

My next first 2025 Scientology Prediction:

When Linda McMahon is confirmed as the new Education Secretary, she will revise the Presidential Youth Fitness Program (google it) to include wrestling (it was formerly called the Presidential Physical Fitness Award). Because, she will insist, wrestling is REAL, not a fake "exhibition" of the sport. "Touch Assists" will also be taught as part of the "cool down" routine after a wrestling session, to try to reduce injuries. David "Cuss Punch Kick Slap" Miscavige will be pleased at Scientology's higher profile in young people's minds, and will drink more scotch.

Along with the Youth Fitness Program, Linda will also get "The Way to Happiness" booklets into schools as a favor to Terry Bollea's wife (fake wrestler Hulk Hogan). This booklet, of course, lists great people in world history including "the famous explorer and worldwide adventurer L. Ron Hubbard". Because of "touch assists" and TWTH booklets, interest in Scientology will go up nationwide.

David "Cuss Punch Kick Slap" Miscavige will see the stats actually booming (NOT fake for once!) and drink more scotch. He will also decide Linda's contribution needs more than just a "Shermanspeak" mention in the filmed annual event. So he will invite Linda to do a "touch assist" LIVE on stage in Clearwater.

Terry Bollea will show up as the honorary person to sit in a chair on stage and receive the touch assist. When David "Cuss Punch Kick Slap" Miscavige sees this, he will feel conflicted. On the one hand, Terry Bollea / Hulk Hogan could be the biggest non-Scientologist "star" to "sort of" endorse Scientology with his presence, in an "offbeat cool" kind of way. But on the other hand, attention paid to Terry / The Hulk takes away from Davie's time in the spotlight. When Linda gives the "touch assist" incorrectly, David will try to give Linda an SRA, or "face ripping", on stage in front of an audience full of Scientologists with cameras rolling. Because Dave is yelling at Linda, Terry / The Hulkster will get up out of his chair and proceed to use wrestling moves to beat up Miscavige. The audience will be conflicted too -- these rich contributors want to cheer because of the wrestling, but they know this was not scripted (and they are not aware of Dave's private enthusiasm for fisticuffs). So they will look on in stunned silence.

 

[Alex P. Keaton]

After President-Elect Trump proposed to take Greenland and the Panama Canal by force in early January 2025, and proposed to "ask" Canada (very politely, I'm sure) to join the United States, the Governor of Florida will remind Trump that there is one place that US forces very much need to take back — Clearwater, Florida.

Ron DeSantis will send the National Guard to Clearwater as a favor to Donald Trump. Sadly, the National Guard will not be sure why they are there or what their orders are. The Sea Org, headed by David "Cuss Punch Kick Slap" Miscavige, will declare an "IDEAL HILL TEN" and order the Sea Org to TERMINATEDLY HANDLE THE SIT at an "IDEAL ALL-HANDS". After the all-hands meeting, Davey will do what he always does, drink more "IDEAL SCOTCH", whatever that is. (EDIT: "IDEAL SCOTCH" is probably scotch that meets his high standards and that HE DID NOT PAY FOR.)

The Sea Org will immediately put on their full uniforms (with medals and lanyards and everything) and march out into the streets to confront the National Guard with TONE FORTY INTENTION. They will ask the citizen-soldiers of the Florida National Guard, in a TONE 40 VOICE, "WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES"? The National Guard members will laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.

The National Guard members will stop laughing when they are pelted from high windows by falling E-meters and cans of beans from the "IDEAL" Sea Org kitchen food storage areas.

The Florida National Guard will fire tear gas canisters into the ground floor of the Super Power building. Scientology critics, led by Florida residents Aaron Smith-Levin and Mark Bunker, will now refer to the "SP building" as the "TG building" (for "Tear Gas").

David "Cuss Punch Kick Slap" Miscavige will tell Scientologists that the recent trend of installing shades and blinds (and window tint) at Scientology buildings was NOT, in fact, due to critics with "selfie sticks" having an "evening stroll" around Clearwater and other "IDEAL CITIES", live-streaming empty cult buildings on Youtube. The reason for these precautions was to disrupt the path of the tear gas canisters that they magically knew were coming through the windows. Scientologists will believe this "IDEAL HOOEY", and critics like us will howl with "IDEAL LAUGHTER" as usual. David "Punch Cuss Kick Slap" Miscavige will drink more "IDEAL SCOTCH", and probably wet the "IDEAL BED", as I am told that many advanced, long-term alcoholics, do.

 

[Alex P. Keaton]

In early 2025, we saw devastating wildfires in the Los Angeles area that destroyed at least 18,000 buildings. So David "Cuss Punch Kick Slap" Miscavige will announce the need for new "ETERNAL Ideal Orgs" that are fire-resistant. Every Scientology building in California and Arizona must now be as fire-resistant as possible. Scientology's current buildings (orgs, Big Blue, Scientology Media Productions, etc) cannot be fire-proofed, by order of DM. Scientology will not be allowed to buy existing buildings, upgrade them to "Ideal" status and fire-proof them later. Only brand new "ETERNAL fireproof" buildings will do. The bomb-proof vaults with the nickel and titanium recordings are exempt, but other buildings on those bases (including Shelly Miscavige's house at "Twin Peaks" in San Bernadino County) must be torn down and rebuilt as fireproof.

DM will promise that OT 9 and 10 will finally be released when these buildings are OPENED.

Site selection for these new "ETERNAL Ideal" buildings will begin in 2025. The sites must meet the criteria for fireproofing set by DM (no buildings nearby). Fundraising will begin immediately.

When the land is finally purchased, future years will see fundraising for the buildings. Fundraising for renovations will come next. The buildings don't NEED to be renovated, because they were specially built for Scientology, with auditing rooms already wired with hidden cameras and microphones. But after Scientology purchased so many existing buildings that required renovations (small auditing rooms), David "Cuss Punch Kick Slap" Miscavige will figure that nobody will notice and the money raised for renos (that are never done) will be 100% profit.

Somewhere in this process (my crystal ball is a bit cloudy on this) the process will collapse as it bankrupts the remaining whales, and regular Scientologists as well. I also cannot tell whether Scientology will finish spending all of the whales' money first or whether they will run out of people first. But make no mistake about it, the "ETERNAL Ideal Orgs" will never open, and they will bankrupt the Cult of Scientology.