TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

[HelluvaHoax!]

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SCIENTOLOGY SLOGANS - PART 1
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There is something very odd about the slogan--
"SCIENTOLOGY IS HERE TO RESCUE YOU"

​

I think I may have figured out why it comes across as so bizarre.

1. Well for starters, it's weird because it's Scientology. Duh!

2. And obviously if it's Scientology, it's a safe bet that it's a complete lie. Scientology is only here to rescue you if the definition of the word "you" means L. Ron Hubbard because Scientology was designed and engineered to "rescue" Hubbard's personal finances.

3. Now comes the fun part. Scientology believes that if it can come up with a SuperSlogan it will cause people line up around the block and then breathlessly rush inside the org and throw down $600,000 and demand Total Freedom and magical powers. The curiously hilarious truth is that:

THE SUPER ABLE BEINGS IN SCIENTOLOGY,
DESPITE HAVING ALL THE TECH IN THE UNIVERSE THAT WORKS
ARE SIMPLY NOT ABLE TO FIND A SLOGAN THAT WORKS!​

The very first time I stepped inside a Scientology center, I noticed there was a big movie-sized wall poster of a freaky looking, whole-tracky Grim Reaper GRIM REAPER that looked kind of like this with yet another surefire slogan below it:

"ABANDON YOUR DIFFICULT SEARCH. . .
ALL THE ANSWERS HAVE BEEN FOUND!"

​

Are you beginning to detect a pattern?

Hubbard, like PT Barnum, was forever trying to come up with cosmically-catchy-copy in the form of a new an irresistibly viral new slogan that would make the marks buy buy buy! In order for people to not only "desire" to get inside the freak show tent--but to "need" to get in there, the logo had to promise the moon.

And after the cash was safely inside the lockbox, to allow the mark to go inside the big tent where you didn't really have to deliver the moon, but only a shot or two of moonshine (or as they describe it now, "KoolAid")

How many LOGOS has scientology tried and failed with over the last 71 years?! I think the answer is this. So many that this thread needs to broken up into a several chapters!

SCIENTOLOGY SLOGANS: END OF PART 1

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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SCIENTOLOGY SLOGANS - PART 2

So, what other scintillating slogans has Scientology
desperately tried to use to go viral "on this planet"?​

SLOGAN: "DIANETICS THE MODERN SCIENCE OF MENTAL HEALTH"
PROBLEM: No problem really, it was perfect until the 4th word, when the lying started.

SLOGAN: "HEY REMEMBER WHEN WE SAID WE WERE A SCIENCE? WELL, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS BUT WE JUST SCIENTIFICALLY FIGURED OUT THAT WE'RE ACTUALLY A RELIGION! WHO KNEW?!"
PROBLEM: No problem really, this happened before Dr. Hubbard discovered word clearing, clay and used batteries.

SLOGAN: "WE'RE SCIENTOLOGY! WE'RE THE KNOWING HOW TO KNOW PEOPLE!"
PROBLEM: No problem really, it's just a coincidence that the knowing-how-to-know-people are the last to know.

SLOGAN: "SCIENTOLOGY IS AN APPLIED RELIGIOUS PHILOSOPHY!"
PROBLEM: No problem really, because nobody has any clue what that means.

SLOGAN: "SCIENTOLOGY IS THE BRIDGE TO TOTAL FREEDOM!"
PROBLEM: No problem really, and you shouldn't go looking for any problems either. Because i just noticed you've got a really nice looking eternity there--and I'd hate to see anything happen to it.

SLOGAN: "SCIENTOLOGY IS MANKIND'S ONLY HOPE"
PROBLEM: No problem really, we're just guaranteeing that Scientology is a "hope"--so later when you sue for a refund we can prove that you did have hope when you donated the money.

There seem to be many more slogans ahead , in the ensuing chapters.
Jeez maybe we need a slogan for that too, like: "WE COME BACK!" lol
​

SCIENTOLOGY SLOGANS - END OF PART 2

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[ILove2Lurk]

Pre-order on Amazon now $28.00
This title will be released on July 6, 2021



​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Pre-order on Amazon now $28.00
This title will be released on July 6, 2021

View attachment 11743

​

Too great! LOL!!!

Don personally told me he loves it too and wants to know if you are available to do movie poster art if his life story gets picked up for a feature film. He's been taking a lot of meetings in Hollywood lately and there is heavy buzz and interest by major directors to get the project.

While I was writing this post i just received a text message from Don after a meeting with Francis Coppola who saw your poster and thought it might be perfect for the Godfather IV story line he's been searching to find for decades.

Francis apparently said: "That poster is killing it, the name of the project is perfect, because we can use Don's real name just like you laid it out--because "Don Hubbard" is a slam dunk reminder of "Don Corleone".

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[Deleted member 51]

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PAPARAZZI CAPTURES L. DON HUBBARD IN A RARE "GOTCHA MOMENT"
OUT IN FRONT OF AOLA, BURNING UP INCRIMINATING EVIDENCE
IN DANNY MASTERSON'S SERIAL RAPE PROSECUTION

From another thread discussing how the cult
of Scientology is actively perpetrating
obstruction of justice on behalf of
a celebrity serial rapist.
[ LINK HERE ]
- - -


Posted by ILove2Lurk
I drove by AOLA a couple nights ago.
"What the Hell?"

"Someone's got some 'splaining to do!"

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I just love this soooooo much!

 

[Type4_PTS]

/

100% STANDARD TECH PRODUCES 100% STANDARD RESULTS IN
100% OF ALL BEINGS--AND THE ROUTINE ATTAINMENT
OF THE MIRACULOUS OT SUPERPOWER KNOWN AS...

.​

That reminds me of a scene from the movie Life of Brian.

 

[Chuck J.]

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THERE'S ONLY 1 THING WRONG
WITH SCIENTOLOGY BOOKS
Part 6

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If Scientology truly discovered that putting the white bearded
"R-6 God" from a trillion year old implant on their book covers
would "restimulate" homo sapiens to immediately buy the book--
then why did it utterly fail to work on 4 successive books so badly
that the bearded magic sales guy was never used to promote again?
​

R6 God?

Wait! I think I've had a CRASHING M.U. for years! I'm embarrassed to admit it but, but...... I thought that was L. Don Hubbard on those old book covers!

 

[ILove2Lurk]

What? Ran across this on the Interwebs.
Movie deal must be already inked before
the book is even released. Hot property!



​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

---

LOL²



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[HelluvaHoax!]

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TO: ..ILove2Lurk

FROM: Don H.

REF: Your film project "THE DON"

Dear Ms. Lurk:

Pursuant to our previous conversations, there continues to be extraordinary interest in producing a major motion picture biographically depicting my life. I am reluctant to drop any other names, however one major movie star personally contacted me quite a number of times by leaving oversized yellow "POST-IT" notes on my car, office door, home, and so forth--which reads as follows:

Hello again Don!!!I have to tell you that I feel I was ​

born to play "The Don" and am only asking (begging​

in fact) to be given one small audition with the ​

producers and/or director! If you have seen my ​

movie "GOTTI" you will know that I am the only one​

that is right for this part to play you, Don! If you​

are willing to arrange my audition, I am willing to​

exchange in abundance by giving you a personally ​

autographed copy of the GOTTI poster as a token of​

my respect, and which has considerable collectible​

value which you can sell on eBay, if you are short on​

cash or just to "wet your beak", if you know what i mean.​

​

..............

​

​

By the way, my family heritage is Italian, so there is​

a real sense of authenticity when I will star in​

"The Don", youze know what I mean? ​

​

ML,​

John Travolta​

​

ps: At my own expense, I hired the makeup artist from ​

THE GODFATHER just to give you a profound sense of how​

much I can look like youze, fuggedaboudit!​

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TRAVOLTA IS THE DON!​

--and by golly he also showed the world who's The Don ​

(and this has nothing to do with a recent Capital One Christmas commercial). ​

​

​

​

​

​

.​

 

[Deleted member 51]

^^^
“however one major movie star personally contacted me quite a number of times by leaving oversized yellow "POST-IT" notes on my car, office door, and so forth--“

Left Post-it notes all over the car!!!

 

[Bill]

From another thread

I'm on it. My team is developing the new "Freedom from Humor" certificate for the New and Improved Humor Rundown, that I'm squirreling away at in my garage. It is possible to achieve this state "naturally", and so there will also be a "Native Freedom from Humor" provisional cert, because some people were born with the native ability, Irony Deficiency. I see there are some... contenders.

We need "Certificates of Achievement" for real world achievements for Scientologists:

Freedom from Humor
Freedom from Logical Thinking
Completion: Running Away from Reality Course*​

... and more!

*Previously named the "PTS/SP Course"

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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cross-posted from another thread

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Natural Clear was only around to attest for a few years, then cancelled. I also attested natural clear in that time.

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I rarely talk about my own case, but this time I will make an exception.

During the same time period you are describing, people were allowed to attest to many things. I personally attested to "NATURAL OT I". Even though I was not Clear yet (and had no idea what was on the OT 1 materials). Nonetheless, I did "feel good about it" and attested.

For some here, that may seem strange, but let me assure you that it makes sense that I was able to attest to OT 1 before doing it because of this. I had actually done the drills from OT 1 on the wholetrack because during one period lasting 297,000 years I was gainfully employed by an intergalactic bus company and my post was in accounting. Thus (naturally) I was required on a daily basis to visit our chain of bus stations and count the bodies and write it down. To wit, the same exact process as OT 1, which confirms my suspicion that the owner of the Intergalactic Bus Corporation obviously must have been Ron! (Duh!)

Later when Dr. Hubbard canceled the state of "Natural OT 1", I was very angry. However when I eventually paid for the ALL NEW GOLDEN AGE OF TECH OT 1, I realized that there were completely new processes. For example, LRH also discovered a revolutionary breakthrough process where we had to visit train stations and count the bodies. Once I started running that, I had more case gain than in all of my previous auditing combined! At that moment my space expanded and my ruin* was fully handled for the first time!


* my ruin was not being able to locate a parking space without the assistance of a parking valet. That kind of hat by-pass put me in a perpetual condition of Danger and the wrong indication of it enturbulated my bank and that's how I lost my miraculous superpowers as an OT on the wholetrack.

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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We need "Certificates of Achievement" for real world achievements for Scientologists:

Freedom from Humor
Freedom from Logical Thinking
Running Away from Reality Course*​

* Previously named the "PTS/SP Course"

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LOL!

I recently had dinner with an old friend, William "Billy" Blowdown, and he showed me his "Certificate of Achievement" that he was just awarded for completing another new training level based on Ron's newly released book:

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- HANDLING & ERASING THE PROBLEMS OF LIFE -
TAKING TOTAL "PERSONAL" RESPONSIBILITY
By finding, targeting and attacking the WHO (that's not YOU)
which is always Bitter Apostates, Squirrels, Psychs, DBs, SPs & BTs
​

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[HelluvaHoax!]

From another thread. . .
​

One problem I've seen with True Believers is that they have absolutely no sense of humor. . When I think about it, that would be a huge warning sign about Scientology's "results". "Yeah, I didn't get the results that Ron promised ... but, at least, I lost my sense of humor!"

LOL!

Yeah, once True Believers start as-ising hundreds of trillions of years of wholetrack incidents, the whole disappearing act sort of goes on auto-pilot, spirals out of control--and everything else (good or bad) starts getting sucked into that black hole and vanished. Ergo (as you highlighted) they erase their sense of humor too!

Albert Einstein (link to peer reviewed study) once observed that:

"The only fundamental element in the universe more densely
unknowable and vast as black holes is the
infinite stupid within Scientology"
- Albert Einstein 1955​

PRO TIP: Jokes are always a buzz-kill at Scientology parties. Because, not only are they suppressive psych gimmicks to sabotage mankind's only hope (see HCOB Joking & Degrading), but far worse than that--nobody even gets the punchline anyways! This is especially true with satire--due to advanced OTs having attained the supernatural ability called SuperLiteracy SuperLiteral.


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[HelluvaHoax!]

..

QUESTION OF THE DAY: What is the difference between a radical political cult and a radical religious cult (like Scientology)?

The answer is embedded in these two (2) short videos showcasing the advanced critical thinking skills of indoctrinated university scholars with advanced degrees in Critical SJW Theory.

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ANSWER: No difference.

EXPLANATION: Both cults have the same goal--eradicating any trace of critical thinking skills in their members and/or anyone else likely to help, vote or donate to them.

HOW THEY DO IT: With feel-good gaslighting. If you feel you are something then (scientifically) you ARE that thing. If a 36 inch black pygmy feels they are actually a 9 foot tall white polar bear, then they are---and they are then given their own special pronoun!

The cult of Scientology adds their own special flavor to the "YOU ARE WHAT YOU FEEL" gimmick. Scientology rearranges the words and their gaslighting victims say things like "Whatever is real to you is what is real!" Or, "What's true for you is what is what's true!"

Scientologists get their own pronoun/word too, if they "feel" they have magical powers or if what's real to them is that they are total cause over life. In that case they are awarded the status-y word "OT".

I would suggest that of all the mind control gimmicks used by fanatical cults, the rhetorically feel-good gaslighting gimmick is far and away the most effective way to recruit and maintain cult slaves. It has overwhelming power because the cult marks are trained to use the technique to relieve stress and quickly elevate their moods by the process we will now call "Auto-Gaslighting". Self-gaslighting is free, fun and there is an indefatigable supply of it!

TRY YOUR OWN EXPERIMENT: Ask any Scientology Clear or OT to show you 1 of the miraculous powers they gained. They will not be able to demonstrate any such thing. Instead they will just tell you that they "feel really good about it" (being a OT) and then they will sharply remind you to "keep your ethics in" and not "invalidate their OT wins!". Because feeling something is true is the same as it factually being true.

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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cross-posted from another thread​

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Oh, What to do??? What to do???..... Relieve your anxiety or........ not?
How's that saying go? A thetan loves a mystery? Or was it? A thetan hates a mystery?
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ANSWER: A thetan both loves AND hates a mystery. This is why Scientology uses surveys---to quickly determine during a reg cycle whether a mark is more likely to donate if they are given an R-FACTOR about or kept CLUELESS about the next level they immediately need to pay for in order to avoid instantly losing their eternity today!

PRO TIP: If Scientologists fail to grasp the gravitas of their peril, they should be provided with prodigious amounts of clay in order to demo/cognite on all the definitions of the word "today"! For downstat orgs that do not have approved purchase orders for toilet paper and clay, the Treasury Secretary should maintain a massive and secure combination safe that (when opened) contains emergency provisions of paperclips and used batteries.

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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I used to hear stuff like that when I was in. I used to hear all about the amazing things the Reverend Doctor Hubbard did and how he narrowly saved the world countless times. You may joke about it but nothing matches the reality of Scientology culture and what they say to each other. There really isn't any satire or ridicule that comes close to the insanity that is Scientology life.

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That intriguing concept could be the subject of an entire book, named:

WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS SECRETLY SAY TO EACH OTHER!
(that's not contained in any Scientology books, levels or courses)​

What I am talking about, of course, is the secret world of Scientology beliefs where truly wacky ideas virally propagate throughout the worldwide Scientology community.

example:
BOOK CHAPTER 1: THE BERLIN WALL
The actual reason that the BERLIN WALL CRASHED DOWN IN 1989 is that Scientologists chasing 75M year old dead aliens in sessions did it! Yup, it was those "NOTS" sessions happening in 4 cities, Clearwater, Los Angeles, East Grinstead and Copenhagen. Did any Scientologists notice that none of those cities are in the city of Berlin, Germany?

So how did that work that "OTs" located thousands of miles away were able to bring down the Berlin Wall? This is not covered in the audiotapes, books, bulletins or policies of Scientology. But most Scientologists KNOW how it happened, ask them.

HOW IT HAPPENED: When someone in Los Angeles (5,781 miles from Berlin) audited an invisible "body thetan" stuck to their personal body, the "BT" would blow and take off for locations unknown. So that's how the Berlin Wall was brought down.

FAQ:
Q: I don't get it, the body thetan leaves Los Angeles and the Berlin Wall falls down? Seriously? What the hell are you talking about?
A: Well this is very simple. When the "body thetan" leaves, the Pre-OT who is receiving the auditing feels better. This means that he/she has more "theta". Thus the "theta/Mest ratio" was improved on this planet; in simple terms the positive vibes increased a nano-fraction and the negative vibes decreased a nano-fraction.

Q: I still have no idea what you are talking about. This 'theta good vibe mojo' you are talking about. Is that supposed to be scientific?! The "ratio" you are blabbering about, did any scientific study ever measure these theta or entheta units?
A: Oh, certainly. In Scientology we measure those statistics daily using our tone-arm counters to show the precise amount of "charge" that has been "blown"

Q: So you're saying that "Every time a Scientologist feels good, an evil communist dictator in Berlin surrenders?"
A: Yes. Now you are finally getting the science behind it!

Q: Isn't that just like super weird and creepy "magical thinking"? Doesn't that sound exactly like the movie "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE" where little 6 year old Zuzu Bailey says: “Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings"?
A: Scientology cannot thank you enough for that wonderful comparison to such a theta high-toned movie! That movie is just like Scientology!

Q: Wait! Are you saying that Scientology not only believes in invisible 75M year old aliens, but also believes in angels with wings?
A: Well, in Scientology we let each individual decide for themselves what is true!

Q: So, if I was a Scientologist I could decide for myself if Ron's tech was true or a fraud?
A: Yes, you would be perfectly free to decide that! But then we would be perfectly free to decide to declare you are an SP and ruin your life. That's the great thing about Scientology---everyone has total freedom!

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[Chuck J.]

.......


Are you beginning to detect a pattern?

Hubbard, like PT Barnum, was forever trying to come up with cosmically-catchy-copy in the form of a new an irresistibly viral new slogan that would make the marks buy buy buy! In order for people to not only "desire" to get inside the freak show tent--but to "need" to get in there, the logo had to promise the moon.

And after the cash was safely inside the lockbox, to allow the mark to go inside the big tent where you didn't really have to deliver the moon, but only a shot or two of moonshine (or as they describe it now, "KoolAid")

How many LOGOS has scientology tried and failed with over the last 71 years?! I think the answer is this. So many that this thread needs to broken up into a several chapters!

SCIENTOLOGY SLOGANS: END OF PART 1

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Not just a metaphor, lol.

I was reminded of the early 50's episode, as related by Nib's, where Hubbard is fleeing with a shoebox full of cash from perceived "enemies."

Lermanet has a lot of early press clippings and stories.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.PART I​

nominated for your consideration to be
inducted into the hall of fame for
Scientology's Stupidest Moments

HUNTING SCIENTOLOGY CELEBRITIES
when the hunter becomes the hunted
​

ORIGINS OF THE CELEBRITY SAFARI:
As early as 1955 L. Ron Hubbard went hunting for the most famous "game" imaginable in the game where everyone wins. He set his sights on the most famous and richest stars of the entertainment world.

LINK TO ARTICLE

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WHY HUBBARD DESPERATELY NEEDED CELEBRITIES:
For two (2) reasons. 1. Like infamous criminal Willie Sutton explained when pointedly asked why he robbed banks--"Because that's where the money is!" 2. Because Scientology did not work, thus he needed a marketing gimmick. To wit, an extraordinarily opulent looking jewelry store with glass showcases, lush velvet pads and pin spotlights--all flim-flam contrivances to sell his junk costume jewelry by making it momentarily look like priceless platinum and diamonds. Sure, the cheapo plating would quickly tarnish into blackish-green, but Hubbard would figure out another gimmick for that later-- when angry customers stormed back in demanding a refund.

HOW HUBBARD INCENTIVIZED HIS CELEB STALKERS:
By convincing them that the world would be saved if they could only hunt & capture their "quarry" and deliver them back into the meal-preparations tent of the hungry tribe. And, oh yeah, by paying them substantial "religious" sales commissions! "Obviously, at whatever future date, the investment (of time & expenses) will repay itself many dozens of times!" -L. Ron Hubbard

SO, DID "PROJECT CELEBRITY" WORK?
That depends on which era is considered.

First 20 years (1955-1975): The superstar recruits to Scientology were "C" or "D" level celebs at best, that nobody really knew or cared about. Nonetheless, the cult tried mightily to trumpet them with great fanfare as if they were international megastars.​

STAFF MEMBER
Hey, whatever you're doing on Friday night, you have just got to
cancel it and come to the org's event! You're absolutely
not going to believe who is coming!!!

SCIENTOLOGIST
Whoa! Is L. Ron Hubbard coming?

STAFF MEMBER
No! It's way more totally amazing than that!!!

SCIENTOLOGIST
The Beatles?

STAFF MEMBER
No. You're not going to believe it!!!
Stephen Boyd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SCIENTOLOGIST
Who's that?

STAFF MEMBER
You have got to be kidding! He is like the most
famous actor megastar in the world--everyone knows him!
My God, I think he like won a Golden Globe award or something
for best supporting actor in the movie Ben-Hur,
what the hell is wrong with you?!​

​

SUMMARY (1955-1975): At best, the celebrity-angle produced results that were negligible. Nobody bought a $600,000 bridge package because they saw a photo of Amanda Ambrose singing.​

​

"Hunting Scientology Celebrities"
END OF PART 1: (to be continued)

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