HOW SCIENTOLOGY SOLVES UNSOLVABLE PROBLEMS
Scientology's most threatening problem is that their
technology doesn't work and they cannot produce
clears or OTs. This in turn results in approximately
97.5% of their staff members and Sea Org members
and public customers "blowing" (leaving the cult).
For three-quarters of a century, Scientology's senior GURU(s)
have tried to solve this lethal hemorrhaging of members.
They tried as hard as they could by attempting to flood
far more customers/staff in the front door than were
sprinting out the back door. This is L. Ron Hubbard's
ingenious solution that always miserably failed. Then
the NEW GURU ("Minister" Miscavige) tried mightily
to bring even more people into the cult by dozens
of "sure-fire" ideas including the lastest multi-billion
dollar creation of "IDEAL ORGS" that were exactly
the same as the old orgs--except the linoleum floors
were replaced with lavishly expensive Italian marble.
Even more life threatening to the cult was the fact
that highly trained auditors, course supervisors
executives and hard-selling "registrars" quit too.
Management vainly attempted to stop the exodus
of the highest level staff and sea org by constantly
threatening them that: "
If you worthless DBs dare
to leave the only thing you're going to be qualified
to do is FLIP BURGERS!" This was meant to terrorize
them into staying and (
despite having been declared as
degraded & moronically incompetent)
finishing the job
of "clearing the planet" and "salvaging this sector
of the universe". It's funny how frightfully degraded
beings can rise to the occasion and repair the
entire universe with just a minor pep talk!
Naturally, that "standard" method of keeping the
staff members of any organization spectacularly
failed and dedicated lifetime Operating Thetans
continued escaping at ever-more alarming rates!
MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH
In late November of 2024 Scientology's senior management
announced they had finally and terminatedly solved the problem!
Instead of "resisting" the massive wave of blows with threats
that all their most cherished OTs will end up "flipping burgers"
the Church turned all this into an astonishingly new "Bright Idea"
that would both keep keep Scientologists inside the church—
AND, establish an all-new revenue generating engine
by expanding the line of Scientology products in
a brilliant and effective new campaign!
. . .
* * * BEFORE * * *
Ideal Scientology Church of Hamburg [actual photo]
* * * AFTER * * *
Ideal VFC ("Volunteer Flipper Corps") Institute of Hamburgerology
...
