TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

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It was 74 years ago today
Commodore Ron taught the cult to play
They've been going in and out of style
but your needle's guaranteed to float full dial
So may I introduce to you
The donation racket you've known for all these years
Commodore Hubbard's lowly Hoax Cult Scam
We're Commodore Hubbard's lowly Hoax Cult Scam
We hope you will enjoy the fraud
Commodore Hubbard's lowly Hoax Cult Scam
Stand up now and fanatically applaud!
.
sing along!


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It seems that "SPs" on this website are illegally enjoying Lyrical Spoofs,
Joking & Degrading and other High Crimes & Suppressive Acts
that the cult of Scientology has desperately been trying
to "
hammer out of existence" for 74 years.

oliver-twist.gif


well...okay, I guess we could quickly squeeze in another song
before Scientology goons break the doors down and arrest
us all for laughing at the "Total Freedom Tech" and the
cult declares us all "The enemy of all mankind!"
...



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There's a PC who's sure all that F/Ns is true
And she's buying a Bridge to Total Freedom
When she gets there she knows, even if Ron blew
With a check she can still get what she came for
There's a definition of OT on the wall, but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings
So she word-cleared Ron's book, and cogged on 'demigod beings'
Sometimes all of our doubts are really just M-Us.

sing along!


..
 
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.

It seems that "SPs" on this website illegally enjoy Lyrical Spoofs, Joking & Degrading
and other High Crimes & Suppressive Acts that the cult of Scientology has
desperately been trying to "hammer out of existence" for 74 years.


oliver-twist.gif


well...okay, I guess we could quickly squeeze in another song
before Scientology goons break the doors down and arrest
us all for laughing at the "Total Freedom Tech" and the
cult declares us all "The enemy of all mankind!"
...


755fef63-9b78-483b-abe5-04bec8ccda6d.png


There's a PC who's sure all that F/Ns is true
And she's buying a Bridge to Total Freedom
When she gets there she knows, even if Ron blew
With a check she can still get what she came for
There's a definition of OT on the wall, but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings
So she word-cleared Ron's book, and cogged on demigod beings
Sometimes all of our doubts are really just M-Us.
sing along!


..


And as we wind on down the road
Our postulates taller than our goals (lists)
There walks a PC we all know
Who shines black and white and wants to blow
How every Declare still turns to gold(enrod)
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last
When all are one, and one is all
To be a rock slam not to roll call

🤣🤣🤣
 
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Less people drawn in, as the cult continues to shrink in numbers. And eventually, at least some of these "whales" will awaken to how they've been being sucked dry by a scam, and word will get out.


..

I'm pretty sure "word got out" decades ago.

Alas, the "knowing-how-to-know" people are always the last to know.

PRO TIP
The Whale-Cog is exponentially more confidential, more
expensive & more difficult to attain than the "Clear Cog"


sad-whale.jpg


"Jeez! All that unbelievable VIP treatment and love bombing they gave me....
And I thought it was because I was a very special and super theta being
that was helping Dr. Hubbard & Minister Miscavige save the universe!"




.....
 
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associated discussion thread


FULL ARTICLE LINK AT THE UNDERGROUND BUNKER


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sometimes a picture is not worth a thousand words
and needs 33 words of explanation (see caption below)


mail


MINISTER MISCAVIGE PERSONALLY DELIVERS A WORKSHOP TO

RELIGIOUS REGISTRARS — WHERE HE IS DEMONSTRATING ADVANCED
PICKPOCKETING TECH THAT TARGETS THE INSIDE SUIT POCKET WHERE
A WHALE'S WALLET,CASH AND CREDIT CARDS ARE TYPICALLY HIDDEN.


..
 
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Here's something interesting that was mentioned on
another thread named: "SCIENTOLOGY IS COLLAPSING"

. . .
CoS Los Angeles claims for the last year. 2X clears. 8X internship completions. 3X academy completions. 100 survival rundown completions. "29,000 new people walking through our doors".


Scientologists are incessantly bragging about their soaring STATISTICS.

WHY? Because stat boasting is Scientologists' biggest tell. Stat boasting embraces many forms. The size of your bowling trophy, for example. A 1.5 foot bowling trophy is far less valuable than a 9 foot trophy that is based on how many millions of dollars you donated to any of the donation rackets the cult is using. And if your stat (height of the trophy) is big enough you also get a STATUS with your STAT. Yeah, the words are almost identical for a reason. lol. Donate enough dollars and you might wind up with a status of "EXCELSIOR HUMANITARIAN SUPREMUS"!

BUT WHY IS SCIENTOLOGY SO OBSESSED WITH STATS & STATUS? Because they need a misdirection when donors pay a million dollars to become an "OT" and fail to gain any OT powers. Instead of holding events where OTs take the stage and demonstrate miracles like exteriorization and levitation, they hand out bowling trophies and everyone is so mesmerized and bewildered they actually stand and wildly cheer and applaud.

Now here is the best part of the hoax. . .

Scientologists don't blow the cult for decades because they are fed a continuous diet of HUGE CLEAR WINS and HUGE OT WINS. This is carefully orchestrated by showing Scientologists photos of Clears and OTs holding jumbo completion certificates over their heads. And typically those photos contain many Scientologists in some kind of formation, all holding up their jumbo miracles (the certificates).

Get it?

When Scientology boasts that they 10X'd the number of OTs made the previous year, it sounds amazing. The tech must work if it's in such high demand, right?

SPOILER ALERT: If you are having "huge wins" in Scientology, you probably should not read the next reveal. . .

So, the previous year the Advanced Organization produced 38 OTs. And this year they produced 10X = 380 OTs!

What just happened?

What happened was that the Advanced Org charged somewhere between $500,000 and $1,000,000 to print a piece of paper with the word OPERATING THETAN on it.

They didn't produce 380 OTs. They produced 380 pieces of paper that had the word OT printed on it.

That's what Scientology produces.

WORDS ON PAPER.

Hubbard discovered this gimmick back in the early 1950s when he secretly arranged for someone else to print up a UNIVERSITY DOCTORAL DEGREE. Pieces of paper at that time were less than a penny a piece. Maybe a frame for the "diploma" cost $1.50. Ergo, Hubbard spent $1.51 to become a DOCTOR! (link to SEQUOIA UNIVERSITY).

Well! I'm glad we had this little chat and cleared up what Scientology really produces.

Again...just words. Lots and lots of words that fill out books, encyclopedias of "bulletins" and "policies" and tens of thousand of hours of words on audio taped lectures.

Here's an experiment you can try. Ask any Scientologist in the world if they can give you a demonstration of ANY ONE (1) OF THE MIRACULOUS POWERS OF A CLEAR OR OT. Watch how they twist and turn and sleazily try to not respond to that question. Instead they will try to sell you a book or tell you the miraculous wins of others in the orgs which are "BOOMING!!!!" Key word. Booming. That is how they believe they can prove that Scientology works. If a large number of people are being horribly defrauded then it must not be a fraud, but actually must be a miracle! LOL!


...




 
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PART II: Scientology "Miracles"

How Scientology OTs become "TOTAL CAUSE OVER LIFE"!

OVER life!

And you can do it OVERnight!

You can Google it yourself, if you need SCIENTIFIC PROOF that you can acquire god-like miraculous powers by simply paying Scientology $600,000 - $1,000,000. For a piece of paper!

The supremely scientific paper contains provably printed words that prove you are a proven miracle worker!

For just a little bigger cash donation (e.g. $25M to $50M) you can even purchase the status of "MIRACULOUSLY MESSIANIC PLANET CLEARER!" For qualified buyers, a religious donation of $300M or more earns you the honor of "SACRED SECTOR SALVAGER STATUS!"

Here ya go. . .

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Dr. Hubbard first discovered this miraculous "words on paper" technology back in the early 1950s! Once someone has a Masters Degree (which Hubbard did not) it takes an estimated 5-7 additional years to earn a Doctorate.

Hubbard's first OT miracle was that he performed this 10 year task in only 3 minutes, by paying an associate to secure a fake document for him from a notoriously criminal "Diploma Mill".

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There we have the origins of one of
Dr. Hubbard's most famous policies!

"If it's not written, it's not true!"
Dr. L. Ron Hubbard


Therefore, if it is written. . . . .


...


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IN THE LONG LIST OF FRIGHTFULLY DERANGED SCIENTOLOGY
BELIEFS, I'D NOMINATE THE FOLLOWING TWO (2) TO
BE SOMEWHERE ON THE VERY TOP OF THE LIST


-- in no particular order --

* The deranged belief that 75M year old comatose
aliens are inside your body, preventing you from
remembering that you are an omnipotent
God with unlimited miraculous powers.

* The deranged belief that only Hubbard/Scientology has
discovered the 'advanced technology' in existence that can
can reverse 'degraded humanoids dwindling spiral' and
'forever slavery' within the 'mest universe trap'—and
thereby gift them with 'total freedom' for 'eternity'.


Now comes the really hard part! With hundreds
of other freakishly dumb and diabolically delusional
beliefs to choose from, which would be #3? Well,
here's my choice, because it is unimaginably crazy
enough to induce otherwise sane people to experience
mental illness - - -while simultaneously masquerading
as a "modern science" that can cure mental illness.



* The deranged belief that psychiatrists have been conspiring
for hundreds of trillions of years on this planet and throughout the
entire universe to enslave all people and castrate all spiritual
beings and gods so their supernatural powers are erased.
And, they do this because they fear powerful beings
who can work miracles like healing the sick and
ending wars and all suffering. And so this is
why they attack Scientology and must
be destroyed before them literally slam
everyone (besides themselves) into
an eternal nightmarish coma.



Yeah, actually now that I broke that last one down,
I'm pretty damn happy with
my choice for #3. LOL


...
 
..
If Scientology suddenly started obeying
'Truth in Advertising' regulations & laws. . .

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...
 
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If Scientology suddenly started obeying
"Truth In Advertising" regulations and laws...



BEFORE

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AFTER
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Just ask yourself—did anyone in the history of planet earth ever

have the goal to "destroy psychiatry", "clear the planet"
and
"salvage this sector" before Hubbard's hoax?

...
 
ref: article on 40th Anniversary Gala for IAS at:
THE UNDERGROUND BUNKER

ref: discussion thread entitled: "Scientology issues
stunning declaration of victory over global critic
s...
"



FINALLY! SCIENTOLOGY GURU ISSUES AN APOLOGY!

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* * * ALL NEW STATUS * * *
Being released on February 14th 2025!

(replaces & spiritually upgrades "Patron Meritorious")


newpatronmeretricious.png



(special advanced message from COB to you personally)

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY 2025!
I love you! Be My Terminal!



.meretricious • adjective. 1: of or relating to a prostitute : having the nature of prostitution 2: a. tawdrily and falsely attractive b. superficially significant: c. pretentious d. tastelessly showy.

...
 
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WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF SCIENTOLOGY SUDDENLY
STOPPED LYING TO THE PUBLIC AND BEGAN
OBEYING "TRUTH IN ADVERTISING" LAWS?

. . .

BEFORE
"You are only three or four hours away
from taking your glasses off for keeps!"

—L. Ron Hubbard (1953): Dianetic Auditor Bulletin Vol 2

AFTER
You are only three or four hundred thousand dollars away
from realizing that Scientology is an avaricious hoax and
threatening to sue us, if we don't stop sending crazed
registrars to your office and home—and remove
your name from our mailing list for keeps!



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. . . remove your name from our mailing list for keeps!
Does this even happen?

Real life (trivial) factoid, LOL
Chatting with my neighbor the other day and his brother's name
came up. His brother was in his late 70's when he died a year or two
ago. His brother had suffered from depression, death wishes, and died
from a fall. Neighbor told me he still receives piles and packs of mail
from scientology organizations addressed to his deceased brother.
His brother had dipped his foot in and tried a few courses and
"some of that electrode therapy stuff" way back when. (Mistakenly
mimics putting electrode device over the skull.)

You actually get piles of materials?

Yes, addressed to him and addressed to him at my deceased
mother's house. Both. I'll give you some to look at next time
a bunch arrives.

I feigned incredulity and unknowing. When was he doing scientology?

Way back in the 60's as a very young man. :wow:
 
Does this even happen?

Real life (trivial) factoid, LOL
Chatting with my neighbor the other day and his brother's name
came up. His brother was in his late 70's when he died a year or two
ago. His brother had suffered from depression, death wishes, and died
from a fall. Neighbor told me he still receives piles and packs of mail
from scientology organizations addressed to his deceased brother.
His brother had dipped his foot in and tried a few courses and
"some of that electrode therapy stuff" way back when. (Mistakenly
mimics putting electrode device over the skull.)

You actually get piles of materials?

Yes, addressed to him and addressed to him at my deceased
mother's house. Both. I'll give you some to look at next time
a bunch arrives.

I feigned incredulity and unknowing. When was he doing scientology?

Way back in the 60's as a very young man. :wow:

...but they can't pay staff...
 
...but they can't pay staff...

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EXPLANATION: I can understand your concern that the COS may be spending too much money on carpet-bombing mailed promotion to former prospects. However, Scientology has very strict policies about never wasting any money on ineffective promotion.

Unfortunately, due to the "Hubbard Law of Commotion" (named in homage to 'Newton's Law of Motion') there is this factor: "

"IN SCIENTOLOGY, FOR EACH AND EVERY POLICY & PIECE OF TECH—
THERE IS AN OPPOSITE AND EQUAL POLICY & PIECE OF TECH
"

Ergo, Scientology always carefully and meticulously surveys its past, present and future (prospective) customers. Hubbard's "survey tech" is 100% standard, therefore it works 100% of the time on 100% of the people who receive promotional mail. This means that if a piece of mail was mailed out, it is an "outflow" that (due to the laws of physics or whatever or some junk) always results in an "inflow" (cash money rolling into the cult's top guru-du-jour.

Thus, even if every promo letter (or flyer, brochure, et al) is a total dud that causes ZERO people to buy anything, the fact that the unpaid org staff member is "outflowing" that promo means that they are guaranteed to get paid (eventually). Nobody knows how that works. But, it's Scientology so it doesn't have to make sense.

A (re-posted) example of an "Ideal Promotional Letter" follows:


letter_to_elvis.png


..
 
.
Chatting with my neighbor the other day and his brother's name came up. His brother was in his late 70's when he died a year or two
ago
. Neighbor told me he still receives piles and packs of mail from scientology organizations addressed to his deceased brother.
.


There actually is nothing unusual about a dead person receiving tons of promotion from the Church of Scientology. Ron's wholetrack research discovered that even though the being does not see/read the promo with his MEST eyes, the com particle is nevertheless still received in the theta universe.

As if that is not amazing enough, there is something even more miraculous! All of this happens invisibly and cannot be detected even by homo sapiens' most advanced and sensitive diagnostic equipment! I have experienced personal proof of this phenomena when I was on OT levels handling body thetans. Although they were invisible, I was able to "telepathically" talk to them. And when they suddenly flew away ("blew") I still could not see them and could not even find them using an e-meter. All of that really happened in the theta universe, which is a place nobody can detect by any known means. That proves its a genuine miracle!

Thus, when a dead Scientologist in deep space receives a promo piece back on Earth, they can still perceive it and the tone 40 intention embedded within--which gets them into action on returning to Earth and picking up a baby body in a wealthy Scientology family so they can get donating again to help their church buy another building.

..
 
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WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF SCIENTOLOGY SUDDENLY
STOPPED LYING TO THE PUBLIC AND BEGAN
OBEYING "TRUTH IN ADVERTISING" LAWS?

. . .

BEFORE
"A civilization is as great as its dreams—
and its dreams are dreamt by artists"

—L. Ron Hubbard


AFTER
"A money-for-magical-powers, pseudo-scientific cult
is as (seemingly) great as its defrauded donors' billions
can afford slick gaslighting marketing campaigns—and its
hypocritically hyperbolic hoaxes are dreamt by con artists"


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IN ORDER FOR AN ADULT COUPLE TO REACH THE TOP OF SCIENTOLOGY'S
COSMICALLY SECRET LEVELS (OT VIII), PROMOTED AS "TRUTH REVEALED"—
THEY MUST INVEST DECADES AND APPROXIMATELY
1.3 MILLION DOLLARS


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There may, however, be a far faster and
creatively cheaper way to learn the "Truth".

IGNORE HUBBARD'S ADVICE
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TRY THIS PROVEN "TECH" INSTEAD
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..

 
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