TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

[Enthetan]

Missions were barely tolerated at best. A mission only needed to send 10% of gross income to Int Management. For an Org, the FBO could rip off nearly ALL the GI, except for the bare minimum needed to keep the doors open.

Later on, Int Management found ways to extract a higher percentage of gross from missions. An auditor I knew told me that they were ordered to have their auditors crammed at the org (where they would spend hours waiting for somebody to do the cram). I believe they also got told to have the org do the Case Supervision.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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Later on, Int Management found ways to extract a higher percentage of gross from missions. An auditor I knew told me that they were ordered to have their auditors crammed at the org (where they would spend hours waiting for somebody to do the cram). I believe they also got told to have the org do the Case Supervision.

When I read descriptions of how orgs actually function (or dysfunction), it reminds me that Scientology is like the world's largest and most complicated clock containing hundreds of thousands of internally spinning wheels and countless millions of oscillating micro gears. It's an engineering marvel—one of the great wonders of the world!

Except it can't keep the time and none of the hands on the dial even function--being perpetually frozen at 2PM.

What a massive hoax with all those fake horological technical manuals and people in fake lab coats running around furiously—oiling the gears, polishing the winding stem and writing KRs on people suspected of sabotaging the clock. LOL


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[Reyne Mayer]

Later on, Int Management found ways to extract a higher percentage of gross from missions. An auditor I knew told me that they were ordered to have their auditors crammed at the org (where they would spend hours waiting for somebody to do the cram). I believe they also got told to have the org do the Case Supervision.

from what i've read part of it is the materials they're required to buy at inflated prices -- and then sometimes completely replace, when new versions come out. stock in a back room of the New Orleans mission holder's home:



fancy displays in the living room:



(the mission did actually have some space of its own for a while, until it collapsed back into the franchisee's house)

 

[Enthetan]

from what i've read part of it is the materials they're required to buy at inflated prices -- and then sometimes completely replace, when new versions come out. stock in a back room of the New Orleans mission holder's home:

I saw bigger piles in org storerooms of promo that was supposed to be stuffed in letters-out.

Every single page of promo, since they contained LRH quotes, resulted in royalty payments to LRH personally, which is why "uplines" didn't care if they were used, only that they were bought.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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I saw bigger piles in org storerooms of promo that was supposed to be stuffed in letters-out.

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With the glut of Scientological materials and religious artifacts filling up storage rooms across this planet, this is strategically an incredibly great moment in time to stock up on one's personal supplies and back-stocks of technical materials—while the prices are at all-time, rock-bottom lows!

Our most recently published SCIENTOLOGY INVESTMENT NEWSLETTER gives everyone very strong "Buy-Signals" for purchasing e-meter foot plates which the COS has been stockpiling by the tens of millions (unused) since the early 1970s. Prices have really come down and Ideal Orgs are now offering to send crate-loads (144 per case) directly to your home for just the cost of shipping and handling!

(Couldn't find any archived photos of e-meter "foot plates" so if you know of any, please post--but only after confirming that the feet don't belong to a declared SP)

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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Scientology's most guarded secrets are the confidential
"End Phenomena" that are required, in order to attest to
the states of CLEAR, OT 3, OT 5, OT 7 and OT 8.
We'll discuss those later, but first let's
reveal what the End Phenomena is for
becoming an Ideal Scientologist.

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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* * * SECRET REVEALED * * *

What is the super-secret end phenomena
for the highest level in Scientology—
Operating Thetan level VIII?

ANSWER
"I now know who I am not--and I
am interested to find out who I am."
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CULT CURIOSITY: Quite bizarrely, the mortal enemy of Scientology (psychiatrists) agree with Dr. Hubbard that Scientologists at the very highest level attain that extraordinary state!

"Dissociative amnesia is a disorder causing amnesic episodes that make a person forget important personal information, including, in severe cases, their identity. It often stems from extreme stress, abuse, or another traumatic experience." (link)​

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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GOLDEN OLDIES
The time Mr. Cruise achieved "highest ever 2D stats" after
successfully clay demo'ing all of Dr. Hubbards marriage
tech—and attesting to an unprecedented 3rd divorce!

My post is Messianic Moviestar
and I approve of this message!


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[HelluvaHoax!]

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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THE ESSENTIAL & CORE PROBLEM WITH
SCIENTOLOGY'S BUSINESS MODEL
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The five (5) reasons why Scientology loses 98% of its customers.

1. Scientology charges customers a fortune for magical superpowers & cure-all miracles that it has never had in its stock room, warehouse and/or inventory. ​

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2. Scientology does not have a customer complaint department, nor a "suggestion box" or even a single tab/link on its thousands of online web pages that allows disturbed, disgruntled, deceived and/or defrauded customers to leave a review. ​

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3. Dissatisfied customers who persist in voicing anything other than theta wins are promptly provided with a free complementary case review and higher tech estimate.​

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4. If the outspoken customer does not respond standardly to the higher tech estimate with cheerily rendered new payments to their account, they are handed a golden colored piece of paper containing Scientology's version of a trespass notice containing vitriolically nasty name calling (e.g. Squirrel, NCG, PTS, DB, SP, et al). Within moments the entheta customer is then kicked out of the org forever and all Scientologists are ordered to never speak with or conduct business with the evil customer again.​

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5. Scientology then—in its gracefully charitable beneficence—gives the malcontent misanthropic misfit yet another chance! They are very politely asked to never utter another word about Scientology again if they want to be left alone. However, then are then r-factored that if they blow this fully underserved break and continue to be a merchant of chaos that they will be ruthlessly sued, defamed, attacked, bankrupted, stalked, terrorized and destroyed. ​

SUMMARY: The above 5 methods of handling dissatisfied customers is why Scientology's business model is doomed. A company cannot survive who labels their own customers "merchants of chaos" when they themselves are the merchants of broken promises & betrayal.

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[HelluvaHoax!]

SCIENTOLOGY'S SUGGESTION BOX

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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THE MODERN SCIENCE OF HYPERBOLICALLY HYPOCRITICAL HUMANITARIANS

Proudly Presents
SCIENTOLOGY VOLUNTEER MINISTERS

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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EXCITING THETA WINS FROM SCIENTOLOGY VOLUNTEER MINISTERS
WORKING ON MAKING HAITI THE FIRST CLEAR CARIBBEAN COUNTRY!

SCIENTOLOGY VOLUNTEER MINISTER EXCITEDLY ANNOUNCES:
"Wow, Haiti's "IDEAL ORG" crusade is off to an amazing start!
We just closed baby Angeline's parents to donate her to a billion year
staff contract! She'll go on post just as soon as we find some cans small enough
to run her eligibility sec check and after she gets fitted for a really tiny Admiral's
costume! Who else wants to be a humanitarian and donate something?"


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[HelluvaHoax!]

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MAKING HAITIAN CLEARING A REALITY
FAQ
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QUESTION: Until very recently the Haitians were wildly excited about the rare opportunity to become the first Clear Caribbean Country. But then, quite unfortunately, someone leaked the Scientology price list for the Bridge To Total Freedom and local Haitians rioted and burned down the new Ideal Org. What is Scientology's plan to help the poverty stricken nation to be able to afford going Clear & OT?
ANSWER: This problem has been wildly exaggerated by the media in Haiti because it is controlled by merchants of chaos. The average national gross income per capital in Haiti is $1,250, far more than Dr. Hubbard was paid to research and discover the entire Scientology Grade Chart! If Haitians simply donate 10% of their income to the Bridge, in just 4,400 years they would have $550,000 on account and be able to attain Total Freedom without any difficulty. The truth is that 4,400 years is a ridiculously short amount of time to invest for an eternity of magical powers, bliss and riches.



QUESTION: If a new Ideal Org is built, what is to prevent the local Haitians from burning that one down too?
ANSWER: This problem has been delegated to the local Hatian OT Committee members, who have agreed to postulate that any future arson will not happen.


QUESTION: Was there really an Ideal Org built and then burnt down by angry mobs in Haiti? That sounds like ridiculous satire!
ANSWER: That is an excellent question. Be sure to confirm your attendance at the upcoming VERY SPECIAL CONFIDENTIAL VIP BRIEFING on plans to build the Caribbean's tallest skyscraper in order to handle the declining Voodoo Industry and as a result, the booming demand for alternative magical powers.

Pictured above: The current tallest building in the Caribbean, the "Anacaona 27" which is only 41 stories.
A Scientology spokesperson has stated that their postulated Ideal Org will need to be
over 700 stories in order to handle the unprecedented demand.​

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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Veda said:
. . . I was taken aside, and led into another room where a Sea Org recruiter tried to get me to sign a billion year contract. The final question was, "Are you lazy or mentally retarded?"

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LOL!

I had a nearly identical experience.

I was taken aside and led into another room where a Sea Org recruiter tried to get me to sign a billion year contract. The final question was, "Are you crazy or mentally retarded?"

I answered "No!!!"

The recruiter apologized profusely and r-factored me that in that case I was not qualified to join.


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[HelluvaHoax!]

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Here's a currently running Scientology promotional poster
uploaded to Mike Rinder's website and also
being discussed on an ESMB thread HERE.
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* * * WHAT SCIENTOLOGY WANTS YOU TO THINK * * *

* * * WHAT SCIENTOLOGY ACTUALLY THINKS * * *

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[HelluvaHoax!]

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF SCIENTOLOGISTS
ACTUALLY
WERE ABLE TO CLEAR WORDS?
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"CULT": The moment a Scientologist understood the meaning of that word, they would promptly "cognite" that Scientology is a cult and they would blow.

"OT": If a Scientologist honestly cleared that word (which is the entire purpose of the "Bridge") here is what would happen.

NEW SCIENTOLOGIST
Wow, that's amazing. All those supernatural abilities that
OTs have. I really want to become an OT!

REGISTRAR
You have made a very excellent decision.
We can help you do that, no problem.

NEW SCIENTOLOGIST
Whoa, I'm so happy! What's next?

REGISTRAR
Next is you pay me $550,000.

NEW SCIENTOLOGIST
LOL. No really, be serious.

REGISTRAR
I'm serious. Okay, if you don't have
$550,000 today, we'll allow you to pay
it on a gradient, so just give me your
downpayment of only $50,000.

NEW SCIENTOLOGIST
Whoa! You are talking some crazy money!
I don't have $50,000, but i might be able
to pay something today using my charge cards—
but first I want to see someone demonstrate
some of those OT miracles you promised.

REGISTRAR
Oh, we don't allow that. You have to buy
your own OT levels and then you can do
your own miracles any time you want.

NEW SCIENTOLOGIST
No really, stop joking. When can I see
one of these magical powers? Can you
show me one right now?

REGISTRAR
You're getting way off track. Let's focus
on you paying for your Bridge so
we can get you your superpowers!.

NEW SCIENTOLOGIST
Why can't I see the product before I buy it?

REGISTRAR
Because of policy.

NEW SCIENTOLOGIST
What policy? This sounds like a lame con game.

REGISTRAR
No! Scientology is certainly not a lame con game!
It's actually a very sophisticated con game.

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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The following "Chapter Nine" graphic was originally
posted by Guanoloco on another thread discussing
Hubbard's wacky fake science book "History of Man"
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Here is but one (1) page of the mad ramblings from cult guru
L. Ron Hubbard's 10 MILLION WORD manifesto. Isn't this the sort of
deranged stream of unconsciousness the kind of thing that is normally
scribbled in a remote log cabin just before the author has a mental
breakdown and decides to do something really crazy and destructive?
- - -

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Too bad Dr. Hubbard departed this planet before he was
able to complete his masterwork to free all beings in the universe!
WAIT! Our research department just discovered Ron's final
research notes that fell behind a filing cabinet!!



CHAPTER NINE

EVOLUTION OF THE THETA BEING

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* Dr. Hubbard's final handwritten materials also includes the following margin notation: "Note to Scientologists——remember you need to buy a second electrocution e-meter in case the first one fails during session.Much Love, Ron!"


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[Reyne Mayer]

"OT": If a Scientologist honestly cleared that word (which is the entire purpose of the "Bridge") here is what would happen.

i can't remember if i've mentioned it here, but i recently cognited on what i think is the most perfectly scientological test:

just have an OT move the dial on an e-meter -- while leaving the cans sitting on the table. it's a pretty sensitive meter so that should be easy peasy for anyone with even the most fledgling powers over MEST, right?