TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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Scientology must be putting ethics in on itself like any good criminal does to stop themselves from hurting others.
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It's always a stunning moment of "shock and awe" to watch Scientology simultaneously:

1) Boast in the most lavishly and extravagantly triumphant and breathlessly hyperbolic manner about their booming power dissemination and membership statistics; whilst--​
2) Their international public relations reputation and membership crashes out the bottom!​

PRO TIP #1: It's Scientology, thus one can be well assured that they are not lying, even though their "Fair Game Policy" mandates that they "trick & lie" in order to be at total cause and make things go right in order to fulfill all their intentions/postulates and attain their goals. Even though they have that publicly published policy, they issued another (later) policy that says the trick & lie policy is canceled--thus they gave us their word that they are not tricking & lying any more when the policy orders them to trick & lie.

PRO TIP #2: Scientology does not sell Clear, Operating Thetan, Total Freedom and/or any supernatural miraculous powers. They don't sell those commodities because they don't have such inventory on their store's shelves. They do, however, sell the WORDS which describe and promise such products. That is the secret of understanding Hubbard's hoax---just this: SCIENTOLOGY SELLS WORDS. Because, in order to get another to give them money--all they have to do is rearrange words into any kind of sentences and/or make-up their own words. This is what allows Scientologist to have the most enviable COGS! Not cognitions. Cost Of Goods Sold. Their cost is zero. Ergo, Scientologists do not consider that they are lying when they are lying. They instead feel that they are simply re-arranging words into sentences that reflect what the surveys determined people most "need and want".

:hattip:

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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originally posted by HAIKU
Q: How many Scientologists does is take to change a lightbulb?
A: Depends on the length of the Routing Form.

originally posted by IRAYAM
One to change the bulb and 15 others for the admin.

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LOL

Further breakdown and clarification on the "15 others".

One (1) to change the bulb
Seven (7) to be posted as Divisional Secretaries to hold the form of the seven division org board.
One (1) representative from BTC (Bulb Technology Center) to control and oversee the standard use of all the trademarks, symbols and texts of Bulbology and Bulbanetics.
One (1) fully trained Data Series Specialist to do a complete eval and discover the WHY that the bulb needed replacement.
Three (3) Com Ev Members to investigate and slam ethics in on the WHO, that sabotaged Ron's 100% workable bulb tech that is otherwise guaranteed to provide light for eternity.
One (1) OSA Exec to dead agent, declare and Fair Game the office supply salesman who originally sold that squirrel light bulb to the org. After which, they can publish a full exposé in Freedom Magazine that reveals the scandalous proof that certain glass manufacturing techniques used in modern light bulbs can be traced back to the Nazis!

Third Reich "Swastika Lightbulb" (ca 1942)


One (1) Success Officer to solicit, collect and publish miraculous OT WINS when the replacement bulb turns on.


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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"SCIENTOLOGY IS AN APPLIED RELIGIOUS PHILOSOPHY"
-L. Ron Hubbard


Okay then! So let's see how it's applied
in the religious philosophy known as. . .


THE STRESS TEST

- - -

SIDEWALK SCIENTOLOGIST
Hello! My name is Billy. Would you
like a Free Stress Test?

WOG PEDESTRIAN
What is it?

SIDEWALK SCIENTOLOGIST

It's a scientific Scientology diagnostic device called
an "e-meter" which we use to detect what in
your life is giving you the most stress.

WOG PEDESTRIAN
(laughs)
Oh, well I can already tell you what that is!
Money! All I worry about 24/7 is money and bills!

SIDEWALK SCIENTOLOGIST
I get that. But let's just use the e-meter to
scientifically demonstrate that it can detect
the source of your stress.

WOG PEDESTRIAN
But I already told you what my stress is coming from.

SIDEWALK SCIENTOLOGIST
Let's just follow the science! Here, pick up the cans
so I can do the stress test. I am going to pinch you now.
(pinches him, the needle reacts)
Hey wow hey! Did you see that needle move?!
That shows the stress you felt from the pinch!
Now, I want you to remember how that pinch felt........
Hey wow hey! Did you see that needle move again?!
That, my friend is your stress! Amazing right?

WOG PEDESTRIAN
But what does that have to do what finding
out what is causing all my stress in life?

SIDEWALK SCIENTOLOGIST
Well when you join the Church of Scientology, we will be able
to use the e-meter to find what is causing your stress.

WOG PEDESTRIAN
But I already know what causes my stress. Money!

SIDEWALK SCIENTOLOGIST
I get that, but you really need to join Scientology
so we can help you find out what is causing your stress.

WOG PEDESTRIAN
Wuttttttttttttttttttt???
But, I already told you. Money.

SIDEWALK SCIENTOLOGIST
Okay, let's make this simpler. You need to
buy this book today called DIANETICS.

WOG PEDESTRIAN
I actually read that book many years ago and
all it talks about is pre-natal engrams. What
does that have to do with my money stress?

SIDEWALK SCIENTOLOGIST
Oh, I see. Well in that case you need to come
with me inside our church so I can show you
a free introductory movie and you can take
a free introductory personality test.

WOG PEDESTRIAN
Why would I want to do that?

SIDEWALK SCIENTOLOGIST
Because then we could give you a tech estimate
of how much auditing you need to handle your stress.

WOG PEDESTRIAN
Whoa, how much does auditing cost?

SIDEWALK SCIENTOLOGIST
It all depends on how much you need.

WOG PEDESTRIAN
Well, let's just say for example that I need all the
auditing from the very bottom to the very top
of Scientology. How much would that be?

SIDEWALK SCIENTOLOGIST
I like the way you think big! Well, if you
buy your entire Bridge to Total Freedom from
stress, that would cost you $600,000.

WOG PEDESTRIAN
OMG! Are you joking?! You are saying I can cure
my stress on money by paying you $600,000?! LOL.
If I had $600,000 I wouldn't have any money stress.

SIDEWALK SCIENTOLOGIST
Scientology can help you with your money stress.
And it won't even cost you $600,000 because
right now our church is running a major sale
and offering big discounts if you
pay it all in advance today!

WOG PEDESTRIAN
I appreciate your offer but I think I can
dramatically reduce my stress just
by walking away so I don't have to
listen to you anymore. Buh-Bye!


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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Here is perhaps the simplest and best explanation of why
people
enthusiastically JOIN and stubbornly REMAIN in
avaricious, domineering, oppressively toxic, vengeful
and astonishingly dumb cults
like Scientology.


"PEOPLE PREFER THE
CERTAINTY OF MISERY TO
THE MISERY OF UNCERTAINTY
"

- Virginia Satir*



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* Virginia Satir (link):
. Could her cognition (above) be the reason why Scientologists so pathologically fear "psychs"? lol


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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"PEOPLE PREFER THE CERTAINTY OF MISERY
TO THE MISERY OF UNCERTAINTY"
- Virginia Satir.



Virginia Satir​
- - If a kindly and beloved mental health care provider like Virginia Satir authored the above quote, Scientology would promptly ban all worldwide Scientologists from reading it and/or promoting anything in her books, under threat of severe ethics retribution.​
- - However, if L. Ron Hubbard had pretended authorship of the same identical quote (and claimed it as a discovery that explained why DBs are resistant to getting into Scientology), all worldwide Scientologists would be required to immediately study and clay demo it as a major breakthrough. And if they refused to clear their words and agree with that quote they would be subjected to severe ethics retribution.​

All that because Virginia Satir is an "evil psych" and therefore everything that she stated or wrote was diabolically evil. And additionally because if a psych said it, then Hubbard could not sell Scientologists an all-new-and-miraculous Dissemination Course based on his groundbreaking discovery of that quote and the life-changing new axioms that arrived with it!

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- -
 
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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---

This post was inspired by another thread ( "Was David Miscavige behind Tom Mesereau's biggest blunder at Danny Masterson's prelim") and the original story over on Tony Ortega's Underground Bunker.

Those articles are discussing David Miscavige the Chairman of the Board of RTC (Religious Thuggery Center) and his fabulously failed "fixes" --where his mastery of all things created unmitigated disasters like the box-office disaster "BATTLEFIELD EARTH" as well as the mass exodus of high ranking execs and celebrities who then turned celebrated viral whistleblowers.

And, currently, the cult's crusade to help serial rapist Danny Masterson in his civil and criminal prosecutions to avoid judgments, bankruptcy, conviction and and a lifetime sentence inside a penitentiary. More specifically the conversation is focused on a monumental courtroom blunder where Masterson's and the COS' attorneys voluntarily entered a piece of evidence that blew up their own case!

QUESTION: So, was this entire courtroom meltdown caused by a DB? (Dave Blunder)

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Answer: probably. He can't resist pushing his vast expertise in everything.
'
LOL!

That's rather reminiscent of Dr. Hubbard's encyclopedic biographical volumes! Ron the Philosopher, Ron the Scientist, Ron the Botanist, Ron the Master Mariner, Ron the War Hero, et al. . .


Perhaps the COS should assign the LRH Biographer (Dan Sherman) to begin developing a series of "Dave Magazines" that each commemorate, venerate & celebrate Dr. Miscavige's many fields of mastery! Such as this partial sampling:


DAVE THE PROOFREADER!
(singlehandedly detecting & correcting punctuation
marks in order to save all beings in the universe)


DAVE THE PUGILIST!
(turning the 10 points of KSW up to "11", by
punching out of existence incorrect technologists)


DAVE THE TAX MITIGATIONIST!
(engineering & evolving the "R" in RTC--from Racket to Religious)


et al. . .
[
feel free to add to the list ]

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
Even though in Scientology you are only supposed to get "case gain" and
experience "cognitions" and laughter when you in an auditing session
which you have paid for--there is a certain occasion after "blowing"

scientology where the gains, giggles & guffaws erupt anyways.

 
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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From time to time on this thread honoring the stupidest moments in Scientology, L. Don Hubbard (see avatar photo at left and cv below) takes a moment out of his busy planetary clearing schedule to answer technical questions:

QUESTION: Don, you have claimed on various occasions that you are the twin brother of L. Ron Hubbard. Do you have any scientific proof of this?​
ANSWER: Yes, of course I do. During an auditing session, when my auditor asked me for an "earlier similar time" I spotted a pre-natal incident where Ron and I were both in the womb looking at each other. It was then that I cognited that I helped Ron do the first pilot on TR-0 as his twin brother! After that session I went to the Examiner and my realization was scientifically validated because my needle was floating!​
QUESTION: Don, I was wondering if you have stayed in com with LRH over the last 35 years? And if so, what does Ron think of the Church of Scientology spending tens of millions of dollars of Scientologists' donations on lawyers and private investigators trying to intimidate witnesses and multiple rape victims from testifying in the Danny Masterson criminal trial.​
ANSWER: Yes, of course I stay in com with Ron, because the 1st Law of Power is "don't disconnect!" And don't ask me why Ron disconnected from Scientologists and didn't "come back" as he promised. Ron did not disconnect from us, we disconnected from him. You should really take full responsibility for making Ron want to stay away from our slave planet! As far as Ron's opinion on the church flowing power to a serial rapist and trying to help them attain "Total Freedom" from a life sentence by Fair Gaming those rape victims, he referred me to standard policy. The scripture states that a) There is no "Fair Game" policy that advocates lying & tricking and therefore it's not a lie/trick to claim that policy was canceled. b) There are no victims in Scientology because it's the only game in the universe where everyone wins. c) There were no rape crimes. Because all 2D rules were canceled, so it is not a crime.*
* (wiki): "In later years, Hubbard sought to distance himself from efforts to regulate the sexual affairs of Scientologists. In a 1967 policy letter, he declared: 'It has never been any part of my plans to regulate or to attempt to regulate the private lives of individuals. Whenever this has occurred, it has not resulted in any improved condition... Therefore all former rules, regulations and policies relating to the sexual activities of Scientologists are cancelled'."​
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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TODAY'S OT CHALLENGE
TRY TO EXPLAIN THIS TO SOMEONE
WHO HAS NEVER BEEN IN SCIENTOLOGY

GOOD LUCK!

- - - - -





/
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
One of the most confusing things about the cult of Scientology is that people think there "must be something good in it" because of all the "WINS" that Scientologists keep jabbering about.

It's quite perplexing, unless you understand that what a Scientologist calls a WIN is not the same thing that normal people here on earth call a WIN.

example: Scientologists routinely get huge case-gain WINS by things other than auditing! Just look at any of the hundreds of glossy awards photos/videos where Scientologists donated millions or tens or hundreds of millions of dollars to one of the cult's fraudulent rackets.


If you watch the videos or read the transcripts of such jubilant events, you'll immediately see a very bizarre thing. The cult members routinely tell glowing tales of how huge this "OT WIN" was that they donated those millions and saved mankind. The are glowingly euphoric about the WIN of being defrauded. They compare their mega WIN to to going Clear or OT. Often it's the "biggest win of my life" they breathlessly tell the other assembled and wildly applauding fraud victims.

SUMMARY: If a Scientologist can have a cosmic WIN from being lied to and defrauded out of their hard-earned money, then the word WIN is entirely meaningless in Scientology. The same goes for the magically miraculous WINS they get from going Clear and OT. The word WIN in Scientology simply means "I feel good about it". The problem with that is that even serial killers "feel good about" stalking and murdering their victims. And within the cult there are huge "WINS" every single day when OSA goons successfully lie, trick and destroy innocent people with Fair Game thuggery.

PRO TIP: Any time you are in the vicinity of a Scientologist who starts to share their latest "BIG WIN", grab your keys, your wallet and your sanity---and slowly begin edging backwards towards the exit doors!


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Dotey OT

For sale, baby shoes, never worn
One of the most confusing things about the cult of Scientology is that people think there "must be something good in it" because of all the "WINS" that Scientologists keep jabbering about.

It's quite perplexing, unless you understand that what a Scientologist calls a WIN is not the same thing that normal people here on earth call a WIN.

example: Scientologists routinely get huge WINS by things other than auditing! Just look at any of the hundreds of glossy awards photos where Scientologists donated millions or tens or hundreds of millions of dollars to one of the cult's fraudulent rackets.
.
I remember (though trying to forget) the time that I was told that "I deserved to give 10k." Deserved to give. I deserved to donate. I still have a hard time figuring that one out.

It's true.

Any suggestions?

It didn't work because I didn't give, at that moment anyway, on the thing I was being regged for.
 

Lee #28

Well-known member
I remember (though trying to forget) the time that I was told that "I deserved to give 10k." Deserved to give. I deserved to donate. I still have a hard time figuring that one out.

It's true.

Any suggestions?

It didn't work because I didn't give, at that moment anyway, on the thing I was being regged for.
It really is shocking that they try to run this kind of thing on their own members.....

So, one is in 5, 10, 20, 25 YEARS.......and you are still not "part of the club yet...." You are still "measured" as to how you are doing as a Scientologist.... What your rank is.....

They have the gall to call it "your STATUS"....... What's your Status...?? Of course they already know because they've been looking up your ass with a microscope..... You are already on THEIR "Battle Plan" for today....

They are not expanding because they have been "eating their young" for years....if not decades.....if not from the beginning....
 
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Karen#1

Well-known member
Ready for Monday laughter ? See how they describe their virulent hate sites ! :)


Aaron Smith-Levin
@GrowingupinSCN


Scientology’s own “STAND League” Twitter account is on the long list of sites and accounts scientology’s internet filter prevents scientologists from seeing. Not only are real scientologists not following this acct, they aren’t even SEEING it. The account’s followers are fake.


 
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.

FINALLY--SCIENTIFIC PROOF OF REINCARNATION!



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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
/

100% STANDARD TECH PRODUCES 100% STANDARD RESULTS IN
100% OF ALL BEINGS--AND THE ROUTINE ATTAINMENT
OF THE MIRACULOUS OT SUPERPOWER KNOWN AS...





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guanoloco

As-Wased
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---

This post was inspired by another thread ( "Was David Miscavige behind Tom Mesereau's biggest blunder at Danny Masterson's prelim") and the original story over on Tony Ortega's Underground Bunker.

Those articles are discussing David Miscavige the Chairman of the Board of RTC (Religious Thuggery Center) and his fabulously failed "fixes" --where his mastery of all things created unmitigated disasters like the box-office disaster "BATTLEFIELD EARTH" as well as the mass exodus of high ranking execs and celebrities who then turned celebrated viral whistleblowers.

And, currently, the cult's crusade to help serial rapist Danny Masterson in his civil and criminal prosecutions to avoid judgments, bankruptcy, conviction and and a lifetime sentence inside a penitentiary. More specifically the conversation is focused on a monumental courtroom blunder where Masterson's and the COS' attorneys voluntarily entered a piece of evidence that blew up their own case!

QUESTION: So, was this entire courtroom meltdown caused by a DB? (Dave Blunder)

.

'

LOL!

That's rather reminiscent of Dr. Hubbard's encyclopedic biographical volumes! Ron the Philosopher, Ron the Scientist, Ron the Botanist, Ron the Master Mariner, Ron the War Hero, et al. . .


Perhaps the COS should assign the LRH Biographer (Dan Sherman) to begin developing a series of "Dave Magazines" that each commemorate, venerate & celebrate Dr. Miscavige's many fields of mastery! Such as this partial sampling:


DAVE THE PROOFREADER!
(singlehandedly detecting & correcting punctuation
marks in order to save all beings in the universe)


DAVE THE PUGILIST!
(turning the 10 points of KSW up to "11", by
punching out of existence incorrect technologists)


DAVE THE TAX MITIGATIONIST!
(engineering & evolving the "R" in RTC--from Racket to Religious)


et al. . .
[
feel free to add to the list ]

.


Dave the Director - Battlefield Teegeeack

Dave the Marriage Counselor - Kidman & Holmes

Dave the Case Supervisor - McPherson

Dave the Husband - where's Shelly?

and, finally, since the above four things are the worst PR coverage that Scientology has ever witnessed...

Dave the Public Relations Specialist
 
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