2023 predictions!

[TrevAnon]

Shamelessly copying Alex's post in his thread for the 2022 prediction. Can haz thread?

It's time for the yearly tradition of predicting what wild and crazy things will happen in the wild and crazy cult of Scientology in 2023.

So let's have those wild and crazy predictions, people !

Let's have some rules:

1. All predictions must be posted by January 31st, 2023.
2. No fair editing your predictions once you post them.
3. At the end of the year, winners WILL NOT be chosen by me, because I am lazy, and really, aren't we all winners for leaving LRH's bridge to nowhere?
4. At the end of the year, I will try to remember to review the predictions and post my opinion about which is the WORST. But there are no guarantees that I will remember to do this.
5. Go ahead and consult with people still in, UTR, etc. We all hoped Scientology would die in a spectacular fashion before now, but it has not. So "inside information" may give us the "grain of truth" we need to extrapolate into some wild and humorous predictions that may just come true.
6. Make as many predictions as you want. Give opposing predictions anytime you feel like it, in honor of "Ron's Law of Commotion". The wilder the predictions the better.

No links to previous threads as I'm lazy.

 

[TrevAnon]

Prediction 1: the big list of exes speaking out will continue to grow.

(Hey. What did you expect?)

 

[The_Fixer]

World's gonna be full of more woke dickheads.

 

[flaglandbase]

In 2023, Miscavige will pull out all the stops to give the impression the cult has emerged victoriously from the pandemic, and has begun to expand faster than ever before. The success propaganda will flow like never before, with every org expected to throw events and post stories of wins. This will culminate in a self-celebratory mass rally where Miscavige will take center stage. Expect fireworks and world record drone shows and Olympic-level dance displays.

 

[PirateAndBum]

Chicago opens its Idle Morgue and is even more empty by year-end than it is now.

 

[aloha.hello.ciao]

Tom Cruise dies of cancer david miscarriage dies of cancer, John Travolta dies of cancer everybody dies of cancer

 

[The_Fixer]

Tom Cruise dies of cancer david miscarriage dies of cancer, John Travolta dies of cancer everybody dies of cancer

Then with a bit of luck, a cancer free country?

 

[Alex P. Keaton]

Oh geez. I was going to start this thread today, but TrevAnon beat me to it by about 15 hours. I propose a different set of rules. I think this boilerplate intro has a better "flow" to it:

1. All predictions must be posted by January 31st, 2023.
2. Go ahead and consult with people still in, UTR, etc. We all hoped Scientology would die in a spectacular fashion before now, but it has not. So “inside information” may give us the “grain of truth” we need to extrapolate into some wild and humorous predictions that just might come true.
3. You may not edit your predictions once you post them. See #4 below.
4. Make as many predictions as you want. Give opposing predictions anytime you feel like it, in honor of “Ron’s Law of Commotion”. The wilder the predictions the better.
5. I will not be judging “winners” since I am too lazy, and aren’t we all winners for leaving Ron’s bridge to nowhere?
6. After you make your predictions, please check below to see the predictions from previous years, and see how many came true:

Now the links to previous years (there appear to be no predictions for 2012 or 2019):

2022 Predictions

2021 Predictions

2020 Predictions

2018 Predictions

2017 Predictions

2016 Predictions

2015 Predictions

2014 Predictions

2013 Predictions

2011 Predictions

Now on to my predictions:

(1) Volunteer Ministers will go to Ukraine and hand out Way to Happiness booklets. They will be immediately used for toilet paper and fuel to start fires for cooking. Seeing the books used in this way, Scientologists will go back to their home "orgs" and demand toilet paper for themselves. They won't get any.

(2) The theme of "quiet quitting" will come to the closed world Scientology (because of #1 and other factors). This will harm Scientology's progress on every front. Public and whales will see the "downtone" attitude and demeanor of the staff and sea org at the local "org" and will donate less, stop attending fundraisers, and stop coming in for services.

(3) Justin Craig, the man calling himself "LRH 2.0", or the reincarnation of LRH, will try to go to Belarus, which is often called "Europe's last dictatorship". Justin will cozy up to the dictator Alexander Lukashenko (just like LRH tried to cozy up to the leadership in Rhodesia). Justin will try to set up HIS version of Scientology in Belarus, or try to convince Lukashenko that he is the reincarnation of LRH, or that Lukashenko should come to Clearwater to receive a free auditing session. My crystal ball is fuzzy here, but I'm sure Lukashenko won't be very receptive to sharing power with anyone (LRH, DM, LRH 2.0, Cruise, Travolta).

(4) David Miscavige will plan his exodus to Hungary and move there. Many Americans have, in fact, recently inquired about retirement in Hungary. These Americans either don't know or don't care that Hungary convinced 3 million Hungarians to give up $11 BILLION back in 2011 (those who participated in the "private" pension system that existed alongside the "public" one). (NOTE: The money has been spent with no results -- and various other governments around the globe are now looking to take these savings from their citizens as well.) DM will move billions of dollars of "his" assets to Hungary (which are really Scientolgy's assets), and due to a worsening government budget situation there, it will be flatly CONFISCATED. DM will react to this by doing what he always does -- DRINK MORE SCOTCH.

(5) Justin Craig will try to take control of various European "orgs" away from DM. My crystal ball is fuzzy here, since I do not know how the ownership of real estate and buildings are handled in Britain, Germany, Italy, Ireland, etc. But Justin will promise a "kinder, gentler Scientology" that will appeal to many parishioners.

 

[Bill]

I predict that Scientology will finally, for sure and for real, in 2023, Clear the planet (for a recently uncovered and corrected LRH definition for "clear" and "the planet") on this planet.

 

[mimsey borogrove]

Miscavage will have a stroke, and when he awakes after surgery, will be surrounded by attentive process servers wishing him well, and expressing their sincere hopes he recovers well enough to show up at the trials he is being served for.

Mimsey

 

[mimsey borogrove]

Prediction #2

Ron returns from Target 2 looking for a few good OTs

 

[guanoloco]

Ron comes back and instead of circling a star he's found circling Miscavige's toilet bowl just before the flush...

 

[Type4_PTS]

Here's my prediction:

David Miscavige sends out a message to everyone who was ever in Central Files (except for the SPs) announcing a mandatory event coming up. The occasion? The first new Ron's Journal will be released since Ron's departure to Target Two!

Some of the points brought up by Ron in this release:

1) He was going to come back many years ago but after a comprehensive review he saw the COB, David Miscavige was doing a phenomenal job at expanding Scientology to unprecedented levels and realized there was no need for him to return at this time.

2) As an acknowledgment of COB's amazing work Ron is promoting DM from Captain to Admiral.

3) The final touches are being put on new OT levels that will put us into states that even Ron never dreamed of. This is going to enable us to clear not just this planet but way beyond, and for the first time will allow us to shatter suppression from the Psych's who are behind all the attacks on Scientology.

4) A new super-secret building at a confidential location is required to deliver these OT levels. The design has already been completed and approved by Ron personally. A new fundraising campaign will start in order to raise the 300 million needed to build this building where the OT levels will be delivered.

5) The Top 10 fundraisers for this building will be awarded their OT levels for FREE in addition to their regular commissions!

 

[Lee #28]

Here's my prediction:

David Miscavige sends out a message to everyone who was ever in Central Files (except for the SPs) announcing a mandatory event coming up. The occasion? The first new Ron's Journal will be released since Ron's departure to Target Two!

Some of the points brought up by Ron in this release:

1) He was going to come back many years ago but after a comprehensive review he saw the COB, David Miscavige was doing a phenomenal job at expanding Scientology to unprecedented levels and realized there was no need for him to return at this time.

2) As an acknowledgment of COB's amazing work Ron is promoting DM from Captain to Admiral.

3) The final touches are being put on new OT levels that will put us into states that even Ron never dreamed of. This is going to enable us to clear not just this planet but way beyond, and for the first time will allow us to shatter suppression from the Psych's who are behind all the attacks on Scientology.

4) A new super-secret building at a confidential location is required to deliver these OT levels. The design has already been completed and approved by Ron personally. A new fundraising campaign will start in order to raise the 300 million needed to build this building where the OT levels will be delivered.

5) The Top 10 fundraisers for this building will be awarded their OT levels for FREE in addition to their regular commissions!

You bring up a good point.

36 years and not even a postcard from Ron?

 

[Type4_PTS]

You bring up a good point.

36 years and not even a postcard from Ron?

Ron addressed this point in the upcoming Ron's Journal. He has sent multiple postcards since his departure, but since he sent them in digital format they haven't arrived yet because Target Two is over five billion light years away from Earth.

That's no longer a problem though because he found a workaround when researching the upper OT levels, so now can get issues to us just as fast as if he was here on Earth.

 

[Alex P. Keaton]

(6) The Sea Org's very own Ryan Prescott will discover, in an auditing session, that he was actually Scientologist Sonny Bono in a previous life. Then, third-generation UK Scientologist Eden Tupholme (I think that's the youngest one) will discover, in session, that she is really Cher, and this lifetime, Cher's thetan has discovered Scientology. Ryan and Eden will dress up like Sonny and Cher and attend as many cheesy Scientology fundraisers as they can around the world, singing "I Got You Babe".

But instead of singing the song to each other, they'll be singing the song, lovingly, to the bust of LRH that they borrowed from each Org's lobby. At the gala event at Stain Hell, they'll sing to the image of LRH projected onto the screen behind DM's podium. The fact that you're not supposed to tell who you were in a previous life ("discussing your case") will be ignored because of all the money they raise together ("the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics", you know). The fact that Cher is still alive will also be overlooked by everyone, since nobody who is "in" has any real contact with the outside world.

EDIT: And BTW, VVWD ("Very Very Well Done") to Type4_PTS for the correct 2022 prediction that Kirstie Alley would publicly depart Scientology. She did, just not in a way we were expecting (dropping her body) !

 

[Type4_PTS]

EDIT: And BTW, VVWD ("Very Very Well Done") to Type4_PTS for the correct 2022 prediction that Kirstie Alley would publicly depart Scientology. She did, just not in a way we were expecting (dropping her body) !

I had the feeling that Kirstie really would eventually depart CoS in a very public way, so was sad and disappointed to see her depart in the way she did.

That said, dying of cancer in the way she did and the way so many other Scientologists did has to make some still-in Scientologists question the tech and could accelerate their departure. Scientology is supposed to be about "knowing how to know". So for an OT 8 not to know she had a serious disease until it was too late isn't a good look for Scientology. It's difficult to be Cause on all dynamics if one cannot even be cause over one's own body.

 

[mimsey borogrove]

You bring up a good point.

36 years and not even a postcard from Ron?

The intergalactic Telex machine has been on the fritz, and David consigned any ot who could fix it to the hole (r)

 

[mimsey borogrove]

I had the feeling that Kirstie really would eventually depart CoS in a very public way, so was sad and disappointed to see her depart in the way she did.

That said, dying of cancer in the way she did and the way so many other Scientologists did has to make some still-in Scientologists question the tech and could accelerate their departure. Scientology is supposed to be about "knowing how to know". So for an OT 8 not to know she had a serious disease until it was too late isn't a good look for Scientology. It's difficult to be Cause on all dynamics if one cannot even be cause over one's own body.

Perhaps that's why no service at CC and a small one at flag - to keep the news entheta under control. Mimsey

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

I had the feeling that Kirstie really would eventually depart CoS in a very public way, so was sad and disappointed to see her depart in the way she did.

..
Yeah, I also thought she was going to be the next big celebrity blow.

I even predicted it on the 2021 version of this annual PREDICTION thread. I didn't predict the cancer— but she did escape the cult.

Hopefully there is a lovely fresh reboot in this cosmic deal for her!

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