TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

[HelluvaHoax!]

I recently attended an exciting tech briefing from the Church of Hoaxology's Founder, L. Don Hubbard.

As usual, Don has been doing wholetrack research and he just announced the greatest single breakthrough in the history of history. Don mentioned that this new discovery makes inventions like the wheel and fire look stupid.

Don stated (not merely said) that his astonishing breakthrough reveals why Scientologists remain crazy glued inside the cult for decades before they are able to gather enough rationality and strength to blow:

"THE FIVE FUGAZI FACTORS OF HOW SCIENTOLOGISTS
MIRACULOUSLY MANAGE TO KEEP EACH OTHER
AND THEMSELVES TIRELESSLY ATTEMPTING TO
KEEP SCIENTOLOGY WORKING
WHEN IT NEVER WORKED IN THE FIRST PLACE"

.​

 

[ExitLeft]

Wow, great or grade info, lol.

This brings to mind two things ron helped me with:

He offered up a perfect example of A=A with the ridge to fatal freedom. Oops auto correct. Bridge to total freedom - Is the Mother of all A=As. All cases do the bridge,lol.

Another gem, was the physical mass on the tone level of hiding.
(See bluebird)
This should be in the new PTS/SP pack if there is one. The obvious best way to avoid, or handle suppression.

Hopefully this is read by upper management before the OECs come out.
A bonus third gem I picked up was: Standing Order #1 For an Organization of this type to succeed - get the best lawyers money can buy. With rest will follow, lol.

As a side note: I was at a flea market and came across some old papers in a plastic container and started to look through them and they were on Army/ military letterhead, some of the info was hand written dated 1937 and it had plotted out the tone scale and frequencies. I asked the vendor how much, he wanted to look at them and I handed them to him and he looked them over and said they're not for sale. I do wish I could have bought them but I did hold them and it was proof enough. Circa 2008.

 

[ILove2Lurk]

Just incredibly good. Stunning revelation.

Best post ever! I just love it!
(Perfect Photoshopping too. )

My success story​

"It's like OT8 for exes . . . "truth revealed." And to think it took me 12 years of reading​

on ESMB to make it to this pinnacle of knowing. Everything just vanished for me after​

really confronting the chart and what it meant. It's all in crystal clear perspective now."​

---------------

Speaking of Don Hubbard, I just bought his recent book on Amazon, where it's rocketing to the top
of the bestseller charts.

​

 

[Dotey OT]

"Scientology, the only game where everyone wins."

And the rejoinder "who is everyone?"

"Everyone"
​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.

It seems that self-proclaimed
"Mankind's Greatest Friend" was
also "Prevaricator-kind's Greatest Liar".​

"Well I don't know that I'm okay any more than anyone else is okay, I lead a happy life and a very full one - I have a happy marriage and my kids are all cheerful, and no one is finding fault with me, personally." - L. Ron Hubbard

-- so happy he tried to kill himself with a custom ordered​

e-meter (electrocution meter) ​

​

-- such a happy marriage that he thrice divorced 3 abused ​

and terrorized wives, sending them into clinical depression, ​

mental breakdowns and/or federal prison. ​

​

-- such cheerful kids, especially when dad showered one or​

another of them with affection by abandoning, disinheriting, ​

declaring, fair gaming and/or driving them to suicide. ​

​

- - "no one is finding fault" with L. Ron Hubbard. LOL. ​

[see countless magazine/newspaper exposes, books, documentaries, lawsuits, blogs, judicial findings, message boards, affidavits, FBI records, eyewitnesses and internet testimonials from 98% of all Scientologists who blew after being abused, defrauded, terrorized, bankrupted or worse.]​

​

.​

​

 

[Dotey OT]

Come with us on the Canard Lines MV Freewinds!!

(Here it is after it was ordered by management to go back and do it over again, like most other scientologists have to do every once in a while.)





​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.

Come with us on the Canard Lines MV Freewinds!!
(Here it is after it was ordered by management to go back and do it over again, like most other scientologists have to do every once in a while.)

View attachment 9600
​

​

Canard Lines, perfect name!

Can anyone possibly explain why there is a "Maiden Voyage" every single year? Is that one of those "TOP 10,000 UNEXPLAINABLE THINGS IN SCIENTOLOGY"?

There are so many inexplicable moments that go something like this....

SCIENTOLOGIST
Hey!!! I think they are going to throw that old
lady off the Bridge of the ship!

CULT CAPTAIN
Yup. That's right.

SCIENTOLOGIST
Wait! She's 72 years old! Why are they
throwing her off the Bridge, she can't even
swim and she could be killed!

CULT CAPTAIN
Because Ron thought it was a good idea.

SCIENTOLOGIST
Oh, okay. Cool. Thanks for the r-factor.

.​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.

I was deeply troubled about the term "Maiden" voyage, especially after clay demoing the word which signifies a singular event that happens just the very first time.

However, after further consideration, I can see how Scientology can have a MAIDEN VOYAGE every single year for the same ship.

In fact, Scientology probably has many more "maiden" events like that:

example:
The recurring monthly "maiden" reg cycles, where "virgin"
Scientologists get financially f*cked as if it's their first time.

.​

 

[NotsoNutsoNow]

.

Don Hubbard's new book "The Problems of Scientology"
is now available in Church of Hoaxology bookstores!
[excerpt from Chapter 7)
BIG BEINGS HAVE BIG PROBLEMS
(AND DON KNOWS HOW TO FIX IT!)
​

PROBLEM: Scientology sells what they call "STATUSES", which are lapel pins, bracelets, pendants, insignias, jumbo medallions and massive bowling trophies to bestow immeasurable STATUS on themselves. Typically such awards denote how much money they were conned out of and "donated" to the cult. Examples below:

IAS LAPEL PIN - $50,000

PATRON LAUREATE - $10,000,000
(ever notice how the trophies keep growing BIGGER?!)

THEY ARE GETTING WAY TO BIG EVEN FOR BIG BEINGS
TO CARRY AROUND EVERYWHERE TO SHOW OFF THEIR STATUSES!

IMAGINE THE DIFFICULTY FACTOR IN CARRYING THESE ON ESCALATORS,
TAKING TAXIS TO MEETINGS AND PROPERLY ILLUMINATING WHEN ON
DISPLAY NEXT TO YOUR YOUR TABLE IN RESTAURANTS.
​

SOLUTION: Simple. Forget the bowling trophy bling and issue a policy that all Scientologists must purchase an electronic LED display device that conveniently clips onto whatever clothing one is wearing. Using cloud technology, it continuously updates and prominently displays the total NUMBER OF DONATION DOLLARS that the big being has "flowed" to the cult and its crusades to both "clear the planet" and "salvage this sector". Then, others will know whether to natter about the downstat or flow power and admiration to the upstat.

​

.

​

Who is the guy on the left with hands on Slappy's deltoids? Hold on, my mistake, the little puke is on the right.

 

[ILove2Lurk]

As usual, Don has been doing wholetrack research and he just announced the greatest single breakthrough in the history of history. Don mentioned that this new discovery makes inventions like the wheel and fire look stupid.

I've been high as a kite all day, since hearing about Don's breakthrough and
ultimate synthesis of the "five fugazi factors" of Scientology. This IS a big deal.

Obviously, it indicates as my item!

​

Spoiler: Special offer direct from Don Hubbard

The commemorative wall plaque for your home: $79.95

​

​

 

[NotsoNutsoNow]

Very thought provoking! I especially like two of your excellent points:

- - The one described by Hubbard advising parishioners to "ignore the cur dogs" running along side of the fire engine. Oh my, he sure was above the fray of all those minor homo sapiens concerns! LOL. But then Hubbard reappeared later (and often) as the cur dog chasing and yapping after the psychs and countless other enemies that had gotten under his skin. Now that you point it out, Ron spent an inordinate amount of time dwelling on how to use trickery & treachery to defeat his imagined enemies.

- - The psychs, always the ever-present psychs who have been sabotaging Ron's wholetrack mission to save the planet for trillions of years, LOL. You mentioned "how about a tech that actually resolved insanity"? I vividly recall many tech promises and assurances by Hubbard that he had discovered the cure for insanity. We all fondly recall that he claimed to have cure mentally ill patients in mental hospitals, even before DMSMH was published. Then like clockwork, about once a year "Dr" Hubbard discovered an even greater breakthrough that cured all mental illness. Let's take just one example, his "POWER PROCESSING" on Grade V. He claimed that that one process alone could fully resolve an SP's case.

But then, Hubbard vindictively added that he might never allow that process to be run on SPs---the inference being that because they were so evil he didn't want to cure them, but preferred to make them suffer for eternity. This was a transparent gimmick just like his explanation for why he refused to demonstrate his OT powers (levitation, exteriorization, et al). He claimed it was because he "...doesn't do parlor tricks". LOL. Likewise he wanted all to believe that he can easily cure SPs and psychotics, but his moral standards are far too high to engage in that sort of thing. It makes zero sense but he says it so quickly that one can't quite catch the utter stupidity of it as it rhetorically whizzes by.

Sure Ron, we believe you. You really really really CAN do miraculously magical miracles with your "powers". And we really really really believe you when you say that you don't want to show anyone those powers because it's beneath you. Yet from 1950 to 1986 you fanatically tried everything imaginable 24/7 to get the orgs stats up. Yet a 5 minute demonstration captured on film/video of you performing a miracle would have sent HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS around the world flooding into orgs, demanding to give you their money.

Hey, again, that was good stuff on your post, i enjoyed it and am still laughing about the "cur dogs" which I hadn't thought of in quite a while.

.

Great response.

I particularly liked:

'It makes zero sense but he says it so quickly that one can't quite catch the utter stupidity of it as it rhetorically whizzes by.'

This is just looking at the situation from one angle.

As one approaches the cusp of getting out of the cult, s/he examines more closely El Con's releases and begins to realise El Con was full of shit.

Hundreds of ever-changing mental therapy actions with virtually no results.

Oh, but I did get results!

Sorry to disappoint you but besides being a 1.1er and a 2.5er, you're also a 22 percenter.

'The auditor should realize something about case percentages. About twenty-two percent of all cases, which is to say all people, resolve, at least partially, with the application of almost any process Man has ever had. A new drug, a new tom-tom, a new god, anything serves to right any wrongness in these cases. Witch doctoring, medicine, psychoanalysis, when they advance case histories, normally have selected
from this twenty-two percent. But then this twenty-two percent would have resolved on any process.'

(Ref: Professional Auditor’s (Therapist’s) Bulletin PAB 25 30 April 1954 BASIC PROCEDURES Online edition by L Ron Hubbard $enior PhD, CE.)

Also, did you notice the 22 percent figure is close to the 20 percent figure who are supposed to be suppressive persons and potential trouble sources?

 

[NotsoNutsoNow]

.

From another thread discussing the newest letter gimmick Scientology is
using to trick their own loyal customers into abandoning their jobs and
leaving home during a pandemic---in order to go to Scientology's
ship for hugs. Story originally on Mike Rinder's blog (LINK)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
​

.

"Did you know that on the Freewinds you can reach
out and touch someone? Give them a hug?"​

In Scientology, nothing is what it seems.

In the wog world, touching/hugging someone is a sincere sign of affection.

In the floating, escape-proof reg office otherwise known as "The Freewinds"--you attain total freedom and the hugs are free. However, in a 'nothing is what it seems' cult, nothing is free. So, what's with the promo piece that hypes HUGGING? Rest assured that blink-less BT-busting believers never answered a survey by saying they are dying to spend weeks/months on a boat where they are forced to blow mega-bucks and have their charge cards maxed out--just for a hug that they can get at home.

So, why then is Scientology promoting "hugs" instead of promoting the magically miraculous powers you attain from advanced Freewinds-only upper levels, like OT VIII?

EXPLANATION: If Scientology is super-excited to "brief" you on something, there's always a trick. This hug tech is likely just a gimmick to get stats up by covertly frisking parishioners to detect if they are wearing a covertly hostile money belt to hide their cash and charge cards.

.

You couldn't even hide your money and credit cards up your cakehole because someone would surely notice you walking funny and as a consequence Slappy would order you to have one of his hot water enemas - he's got plenty since Shelly has been missing out - apparently that was one of her privileges he removed after having her locked all those years ago.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

I've been high as a kite all day, since hearing about Don's breakthrough and
ultimate synthesis of the "five fugazi factors" of Scientology. This IS a big deal.

Obviously, it indicates as my item!

View attachment 9608​

Spoiler: Special offer direct from Don Hubbard

The commemorative wall plaque for your home: $79.95

View attachment 9609​

​

.

lol lol lol lol lol

freakin' cool, hilarious and super-status-ey!

Don would have answered you personally but after seeing those awards he said he was leaving post because he is on a big win with an unkillable FN. I just checked the GPS we secretly installed on his car and it looks like he's heading to Vegas to party.

.

 

[NotsoNutsoNow]

.

lol lol lol lol lol

freakin' cool, hilarious and super-status-ey!

Don would have answered you personally but after seeing those awards he said he was leaving post because he is on a big win with an unkillable FN. I just checked the GPS we secretly installed on his car and it looks like he's heading to Vegas to party.

.

Hey is that GPS similar to the GPMs that were installed on 'everyone' before we were herded to Target One, only to discover it isn't engrams, secondaries, overts, motivators, misunderstood words or even GPMs, it's pesky fleas.

 

[Chuck J.]

The Five Fugazi Factors of $cientology

....humbly tendered to mankind 24 Feb. 2021

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.

The Hubbard Law Of Commotion: "In Scientology for each and
every code, creed, policy and piece of tech--there is an equal
and opposite code, creed, policy and piece of tech."
​

......."The hardest task one can have is to continue to love his fellows despite all reasons he should not. And the true sign of sanity and greatness is to so continue. True greatness merely refuses to change in the face of bad actions against one—and a truly great person loves his fellows because he understands them." - L. Ron Hubbard

......."People attack Scientology, I never forget it, always even the score. People attack auditors, or staff, or organizations, or me. I never forget until the slate is clear.” - L. Ron Hubbard


SUMMARY: Always love everyone, including your enemies--despite the despicably evil things they have done to you for no reason whatsoever, which is especially wicked since you are a loving person. Then continue to love them whilst vindictively terrorizing and exacting revenge against them. Thereafter, sell lavishly expensive courses and auditing rundowns enabling others to attain the saintly OT power of unqualified love.

.

 

[Operating DB]

Where is the nearest L. Don Hubbard gift shop? I really want to purchase one of those inspirational groovy "Five Fugazi Factors" wall plaques to display above my toilet.

 

[Dotey OT]

I recently attended an exciting tech briefing from the Church of Hoaxology's Founder, L. Don Hubbard.

As usual, Don has been doing wholetrack research and he just announced the greatest single breakthrough in the history of history. Don mentioned that this new discovery makes inventions like the wheel and fire look stupid.

Don stated (not merely said) that his astonishing breakthrough reveals why Scientologists remain crazy glued inside the cult for decades before they are able to gather enough rationality and strength to blow:

"THE FIVE FUGAZI FACTORS OF HOW SCIENTOLOGISTS
MIRACULOUSLY MANAGE TO KEEP EACH OTHER
AND THEMSELVES TIRELESSLY ATTEMPTING TO
KEEP SCIENTOLOGY WORKING
WHEN IT NEVER WORKED IN THE FIRST PLACE"

.​

This was worth the price of admission. I am now stably exterior due to the datum. That means I went outside.

But all kidding aside, OMG. Doesn't that smell like the truth????

My opinion is that the finder of this datum should now be awarded the "Move On To Target Two Award."

Since I am still broke, this is the best BlueBird that I could come up with:

​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Where is the nearest L. Don Hubbard gift shop? I really want to purchase one of those inspirational groovy "Five Fugazi Factors" wall plaques to display above my toilet.

.
LOL!

As offered previously by IL2L, there is the standard commemorative "Five Fugazi Factor" wall plaque that is now on sale for only $79.95 each. There is a minimum purchase requirement of 2 plaques, so that (like e-meters) in case something should happen to your first plaque while you are on the toilet, there is a backup plaque immediately available.

However there is also a LIMITED EDITION POWER VIP version for super-upstats!

Priceless Ltd. Edition - Now on sale for only $ 79,950!​

Although the frame looks surprisingly similar to the cheapo low-havingness version, this frame is very exclusive and rare indeed! There are only ten (10) frames like it in the world, because it was constructed entirely of wooden toilet seats from Old St. Hill which Ron personally used! This deluxe family heirloom quality frame and investment has been lovingly rendered by old world restoration artisans in a controlled laboratory so as to preserve Ron's BCD* on the wood!


.
* BCD: Butt Cheek DNA

.

 

[Chuck J.]

.
LOL!

As offered previously by IL2L, there is the standard commemorative "Five Fugazi Factor" wall plaque that is now on sale for only $79.95 each. There is a minimum purchase requirement of 2 plaques, so that (like e-meters) in case something should happen to your first plaque while you are on the toilet, there is a backup plaque immediately ready for use.

However there is also a LIMITED EDITION POWER VIP version for super-upstats!

Priceless Ltd. Edition - Now on sale for only $ 7,995!​

Although the frame looks surprisingly similar to the cheapo low-havingness version, this frame is very exclusive and rare indeed! There are only ten (10) frames like it in the world, because it was constructed entirely of wooden toilet seats from Old St. Hill which Ron personally used! This deluxe family heirloom quality frame and investment has been lovingly rendered by old world restoration artisans in a controlled laboratory so as to preserve Ron's BCD* on the wood!


.
* BCD: Butt Cheek DNA

.

As a Bonus for the first 10 Super Up-Stats who purchase: also included is a Letter of Provenance from Old Saint Hill janitor Richard 'Whipper" Cheltenham aged 92, who to the best of his recollection indicates that Ron did indeed sit on all ten of those wooden toilet seats.