ILove2Lurk
. . Lisbeth Salander . . Back in Sweden
Laughed uncontrollably until I was gasping for air.
Obviously, that's my very favorite image ever posted
on ESMB. Speechless.
TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)
- Thread starter HelluvaHoax!
- Start date
Laughed uncontrollably until I was gasping for air.
Obviously, that's my very favorite image ever posted
on ESMB. Speechless.
Type4_PTS
Well-known member
Enthetan
Veteran of the Psychic Wars
They may be checking to see if OSA makes an offer, to prevent the stuff being used in a disparaging comedy sketch
Type4_PTS
Well-known member
Back when I attended a 3-day Megaraid in Boston in 2010, hosted by Anonymous, one of the Anons had a Volunteer Minister's jacket.
HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
Back when I attended a 3-day Megaraid in Boston in 2010, hosted by Anonymous, one of the Anons had a Volunteer Minister's jacket.
Cosmic Irony!
The imposter VOLUNTEER MINISTER (above photo) is the one putting an end to suffering and evil in this world.
And, the genuine cult VOLUNTEER MINISTERS are the ones causing evil, chaos and suffering in this world.
Maybe it's more than mere irony. It's actually a full-blown PARADOX!
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guanoloco
As-Wased
Type4_PTS
Well-known member
I expected them to head over to the Middle East and hand out The Way to Happiness booklets. They could have ended the U.S. - Israeli - Iranian war months ago!
I suspect that some of the CoS Volunteer Ministers do believe that their primary purpose IS to help people they are sent to help. In actuality, they're useful idiots, being used for PR purposes by the CoS.
HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
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You had me at "decades of...cash-fanning for COB".
In the new and improved Church Of Simpology there are many technical upgrades, including new entries into the cult's dictionary, such as:
In the newly upgraded technology all arbitraries and stops have been removed from the Bridge, including the cancellation of time consuming "e-meter exams" to determine if the states of Clear and OT have been reached. Attest cycles are now done in milliseconds with evidence of Operating Upstatness being proven & confirmed by the parishioner simply flash-fanning their wide wads of cash causation!
"Why waste hundreds of thousands of dollars and a decade or
more chasing invisible ghosts and paying for lavishly expensive
six-month checks—when you can simply buy an OT VII completion
certificate the first day you route onto this miraculous OT level?! "
—Billy Blowdown - Ideal Scientologist of the Year (1997-2025)
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The “Church of Simpology” is Scientology’s New Name. David Miscavige Follows the LDS in Rebranding. Scientologists are now “Simpologists”
OT Simpologists groveling, simping, and cash-fanning for Wholetrack Grifter COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige
“Just as the Latter Day Saints declared ‘Mormon’ an evil and sinful word that can no longer be used, so too has the Church of Simpology made ‘Scientologist’ an evil word,” declared Simpology spokesperson Mr. Ken Delusion.
“The bitter defrocked apostates, SP’s, rockslammers, the wog Media, and Psychs have made ‘Scientology’ and ‘Scientologists’ bad and evil words,” Delusion noted.
Following the LDS playbook, COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has retired the word “Scientologist.” Scientologists are now “Simpologists,” and the new name reflects decades of groveling, simping, and cash-fanning for COB.
“Therefore COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige has rebranded our organization to its new name ‘The Church of Simpology’ to denote the characteristics of its members,” Delusion continued. “Scientologists have always been groveling simps eager to hand over their money to get large trophies, awards, certificates, recognition, status, and attention from COB. Based on decades of simping, the new name for our parishioners is Simpologists!”
Delusion further explained that the rebrand reflects “a higher-toned terminology aligned with present-time reality. Our parishioners simp. They have always simped. Hubbard simped for the Navy. COB simps for Tom. The Sea Org simps for COB. Simping is the ethics tech of the 21st century, and Simpology is the bridge to total simping.”
To celebrate the rebrand, the IAS has announced a new status level above Patron Laureate: Patron Simp Maximus, available for a suggested donation of $5 million. “Patron Simp Maximus recipients will receive a 14-pound bronze trophy, a personalized handshake video from COB, and the lifetime right to refer to themselves as a Simp of the First Magnitude,” Delusion confirmed. “Trophy weight may be adjusted upward for donations exceeding $10 million.”
Sea Org members have already begun updating their uniforms and ID cards. “I am proud to be a Sea Org Simpologist,” said one Int Base staffer who declined to be named because he was last seen in 2007. “The new term really captures what I do here. I simp. I have simped. I will continue to simp until I am routed out, declared, or transferred to the RPF, whichever COB decides first.”
This rebrand is the highest technical action in the history of mankind and represents a billion-year leap forward for the religion of Simpology. Those who fail to use the new terminology will be handled per HCOPL “Simpology: The Only Way” and may find themselves declared Anti-Simpological Persons (ASP’s) — a condition lower than SP’s.
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You had me at "decades of...cash-fanning for COB".
In the new and improved Church Of Simpology there are many technical upgrades, including new entries into the cult's dictionary, such as:
F/N -noun: Fanning Numismaticness. The degree and impressive
quantity of currency that can be evidenced by double-fisted fanning.
In the newly upgraded technology all arbitraries and stops have been removed from the Bridge, including the cancellation of time consuming "e-meter exams" to determine if the states of Clear and OT have been reached. Attest cycles are now done in milliseconds with evidence of Operating Upstatness being proven & confirmed by the parishioner simply flash-fanning their wide wads of cash causation!
"Why waste hundreds of thousands of dollars and a decade or
more chasing invisible ghosts and paying for lavishly expensive
six-month checks—when you can simply buy an OT VII completion
certificate the first day you route onto this miraculous OT level?! "
—Billy Blowdown - Ideal Scientologist of the Year (1997-2025)
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Type4_PTS
Well-known member
Cross-posted from the Simpology thread:
I went by the Tampa Ideal Org to see if this rebranding was for real. This is what I saw:
I went by the Tampa Ideal Org to see if this rebranding was for real. This is what I saw:
HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
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posted by Type4_PTS
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
.LOL
That trophy's genuflecting-guy-on-his-knees cracked me up!
Alternate embossing. . .
When senior cult executives see any parishioner in that submissively simpy posture, they always take time to validate that the being looks VGIs (Very Gross Income).
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posted by Type4_PTS
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
.LOL
That trophy's genuflecting-guy-on-his-knees cracked me up!
Alternate embossing. . .
PATRON PROPITIATUM PATHETICUS
When senior cult executives see any parishioner in that submissively simpy posture, they always take time to validate that the being looks VGIs (Very Gross Income).
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HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
In the cult's evolution, the next stage would assuredly be printing their own currency. . .featuring that exact sacred image (above) of the cult's preposterous pecuniary priest (Money Minister Miscavige) above an ornate font spelling out: IN COB WE TRUST
[ if anyone wants to do an AI mock up of the new cult currency, have it look exactly like a US 100 dollar bill, inserting COB's arrogant image replacing Franklin and the motto "In God We Trust" replaced with IN COB WE TRUST (same font). And somewhere a bit more discretely have this line of copy: "The Bridge costs over $1,000,000. So what?! When amortized over eternity that is less than one penny every 75 million years!" ]
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Type4_PTS
Well-known member
HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
[
LOL LOL LOL
That prayerful PC (Prostrated Clear) is so hilarious!!!!
* Prostration refers to the act of lying face-down on the ground to show submission, worship and profoundly selfless reverence.
FREE BONUS PARADOX: While members of Hubbard's cult believe themselves to be "going up the Bridge" they are in fact "going down to the dirt" into the desperate depths of demonstrating degradation.
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HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
Type4_PTS
Well-known member
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Well....."somebody had to take the plunge".
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100 units won't buy you much at CoS. Here are some $10,000 notes.
HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
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Wow, cool!
There are actually miracles in Scientology. . .
For example, people spending a million dollars or more on attaining non-existent supernatural god-like powers. That's only one fraction of the miracle.
The even bigger miracle is that after spending fortunes and wasting decades chasing a treacherously avaricious hoax, a considerable percentage of the cult members get to the top of the "Bridge" and clearly see that none of the OT tech works. But then (here's the true miracle) they stop trying to attain magical powers and instead switch all their attention on donating money to non-bridge related rackets like the IAS, Ideal Org Program, Way to Happiness Foundation and dozens of other money grabs that are guaranteed to "make planetary clearing a reality".
That is a gargantuan miracle...that people the tech doesn't work, yet they keep throwing all their money away on donations so that OTHERS can attain the magical powers that THEY never got.
That would be the same as someone losing all of their money on a cruel PONZI SCHEME. And after declaring bankruptcy, continuing to give money to the Ponzi schemer so they can promote to other marks and those marks can get the incredible return-on-investment that the bankrupt guy never got.
This entire concept is so insane, it's hard to understand how that can ever happen.
Itsa MIRACLE, I tell ya! LOL
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Wow, cool!
There are actually miracles in Scientology. . .
For example, people spending a million dollars or more on attaining non-existent supernatural god-like powers. That's only one fraction of the miracle.
The even bigger miracle is that after spending fortunes and wasting decades chasing a treacherously avaricious hoax, a considerable percentage of the cult members get to the top of the "Bridge" and clearly see that none of the OT tech works. But then (here's the true miracle) they stop trying to attain magical powers and instead switch all their attention on donating money to non-bridge related rackets like the IAS, Ideal Org Program, Way to Happiness Foundation and dozens of other money grabs that are guaranteed to "make planetary clearing a reality".
That is a gargantuan miracle...that people the tech doesn't work, yet they keep throwing all their money away on donations so that OTHERS can attain the magical powers that THEY never got.
That would be the same as someone losing all of their money on a cruel PONZI SCHEME. And after declaring bankruptcy, continuing to give money to the Ponzi schemer so they can promote to other marks and those marks can get the incredible return-on-investment that the bankrupt guy never got.
This entire concept is so insane, it's hard to understand how that can ever happen.
Itsa MIRACLE, I tell ya! LOL
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Type4_PTS
Well-known member
It does seem like the bigger miracle and is evidence that David Miscavige might be the top con artist in the 21st century so far.
Hubbard was quite impressive with what he did before his departure to Target Two. But it's been 40 years since then, and no additional steps on the Bridge have been released. And there are people donating millions of dollars every year for the IAS, Ideal Orgs, and other things. I think Miscavige needs to be properly acknowledged for all he's done.
