TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
"The Hubbard Fair Game Paradox".

A cult leader writes sacred scriptural "policy" that mandates "lying to and tricking" others in order to continue selling billions of dollars of non-existent superpowers and miracles.

When the pathological lying and treachery is exposed, the cult leader publicly cancels that particular sacred scripture and earnestly states he will no longer lie to and trick others. At that moment, a cynical journalist asks the cult leader why anyone should believe that he isn't still lying and tricking when he claims he stopped lying and tricking.

The cult leader calmly responds: "I see your point. But surely there must be some way of gaining your trust and demonstrating to you that I am no longer lying to you and tricking you. Just tell me, what can I do to prove to you that I stopped lying?"

The journalist thinks and say: "Well in case you do not know me, my last name is Walton and my trust from the Walton/Walmart dynasty was just released to me today on my 50th birthday. So I now have 10 billion dollars cash in my bank account. I am willing to give you 9 billion dollars right now if you honestly answer one question."

The cult leader's eyes widen and he immediately blurts out: "Sure, that would not be any problem at all!"

The journalist asks: "I will give you the 9 billion dollars but only if you honestly answer whether I will actually get supernatural, magical and miraculous super-powers by doing your bridge to total freedom. If you don't lie I'll hand you a cashiers check for 9 billion dollars today. However if you lie, I will know it and not give you the 9 billion."

"But how would you know if I am lying?" asks the guru.

"Trust me, I'll know. I'll explain it later but right now you have 30 seconds, just answer the question."

The cult leader struggles until the 29th second and then states: "Yes of course you will get miraculous superpowers."

The journalist laughs, and says: "Okay, you got me. You won the 9 billion. I promised to pay it to you today and I will. Right now I will leave here and go directly to my bank to get that cashiers check. You are required to stay here in this room for one hour, after which you then only need to meet me at my bank to pick up the check."

"Okay, that sounds great. Just tell me the name and address of your bank and I'll meet you there."

The journalist replies: "Oh, that's easy. You have all the miraculous powers of an OT, so after i leave this room and go get in a taxi, just exteriorize and follow me and you'll see what bank I go to. If you can't do that I'll know you lied about the superpowers and thus won't owe you the $9 billion. But of course you didn't lie, so this will not be any problem for you. And that's how you prove to me that you are no longer tricking me and lying to me, right?"

With that the journalist leaves the room and the guru remains seated somewhat shell-shocked, motionless in his chair, saying and doing nothing. Just like the paranormal "ability gained" that Scientology bestows at the very lowest courses and from the very highest OT levels. "The ability to be there and do nothing."

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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- cross posted from another thread -

posted by Veda:
What would you have liked Scientology to have been that it was not?
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I would have liked Scientology to have called a brief time-out back in May of 1950, a week after they first published DMSMH and nobody went Clear "...in under 20 hours of processing".

However, this would have just been a very temporary measure.

They could then have quickly re-opened their doors and resumed business as soon as they had invented new and improved auditing commands that actually produced a Clear and/or OT. This cycle obviously would not have taken long at all, since Dr. Hubbard had already run out and fully erased his own com lag.

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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Mary Sue Hubbard was promoted to the elite #2 position
in Scientology, titled with great gravitas as "THE GUARDIAN"




That was before Mary Sue Hubbard was indicted, tried,
convicted and sentenced to a Federal Penitentiary
for running black ops at the behest of the
criminal mastermind L. Ron Hubbard.

The primary function of the Guardian then went from:

"TO SWEEP ASIDE OPPOSITION SUFFICIENTLY TO CREATE
A VACUUM INTO WHICH SCIENTOLOGY CAN EXPAND"


To this:

"TO SWEEP ASIDE DUST & SCRAPS AS PRISON BROOM IN-CHARGE
SUFFICIENTLY TO MERIT A PROMOTION TO VACUUM IN-CHARGE
SO RON CAN HIDE IN A MOTORHOME & SCIENTOLOGY CAN EXPAND"



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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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Famed nuclear physicist Albert Einstein discovered fantastic formulas, such as:


Likewise, the infamous nuclear physicist L. Ron Hubbard frequently founded his own fabulous formulas, such as his 1950 equation that appeared in the book Dianetics:

PV = id²

What did Hubbard mean? The Potential Value of an individual may be expressed by an equation where I is intelligence and D is Dynamic. A later discovery revealed that it actually meant: The Potential Value of an individual to Scientology may be expressed by an equation where I is Income and D is Donations.

Hubbard had countless other formulas that could be scientifically used to predict and control all of life---such as the ARC triangle derivative :

ARC = U
Affinity + Reality + Communication = Understanding.

Unfortunately, whereas Einstein's formulas produce critical mass, Hubbard's produces mental mass and a critical mess. To wit, in the ARC formula, if a Scientologist studied Scientology 12 hours a day for 50 years they would have nearly infinite levels of ARC and Understanding about Scientology, right?

However, there is a small problem with that algorithm. If anyone attained total Communication and total Reality about Scientology, they would also have total Understanding that it's a hoax---after which the equation would become:

ARC = B


* B (blow)


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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Scientology Formulas: Part II




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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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Scientology Formulas: Part III


The "R" in Hubbard's ARC=U formula does not lead to
Understanding--but instead to Blunderstanding.

- Don Hubbard (see cv below)



Blunder -noun: A stupid or careless mistake ("It was a blunder for bookstores to display Hubbard's Sci-Fi books like Dianetics in the Science section")

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Enthetan

Veteran of the Psychic Wars
We have posted some bizarre off-the-wall letters in the past.
They look up files and write to people from 30 40 years ago.
What is odd is that this is a UFO type letter and Doug has never subscribed to UFO type theories.

Doug has been on Outer Banks for YEARS posting with his own name.
But they don't let goView attachment 10563
New letter received.

:hysterical:
Having written my share of letters when I was on staff, I could see someone deciding to not write yet another letter of the kind that obviously has not worked before, and experiment with something different.

How do you know that he hasn't gotten responses from off the wall letters?
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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Ideal Scientologists proudly describe
Hubbard's hyperbolic hoax as
"My Religion"



But why don't any of those Clears/OTs ever stop
for a moment and ask themselves:
"Hey, wait minute, why is

'My Goofy Guru'
prominently & proudly promoting a
garishly grotesque & glitzy glowing gargantuan
crucifixion cross from
'My Wholetrack Implant'?"

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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PART II: Scientology's Jumbo Jesus Cross


"The man on the cross--there was no Christ!"
- L. Ron Hubbard



"The man under the cross--there was no OT."
- L. Don Hubbard (see cv below)

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Dotey OT

Totally Freed Customer
Having written my share of letters when I was on staff, I could see someone deciding to not write yet another letter of the kind that obviously has not worked before, and experiment with something different.

How do you know that he hasn't gotten responses from off the wall letters?
I read and listened to what "the master" had said about letters. I tested the boundaries and received responses. I had people write back and say that they were onlines elsewhere, but wanted to write back because the R was so good in the letter. I still get letters from orgs everywhere, but the senders don't get it.

I agree.
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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Part III: Scientology's Sacred Sideshow

That photo still seems to be missing a caption...



This is what happens if PT Barnum had chronically overdosed on
acid
and had a psychedelic vision--that if he stopped selling
tickets to freak shows, he could make infinitely more
money by selling
tickets to a fancy freak religion.

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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One of the key rhetorical gimmicks Scientology has used for the past 71 years is the concept captured in the magical word "GOING".

When you are GOING some place in Scientology, everything in your life is amazing!



When you are GOING ideal, everything is
uptone, uptrending & upstat!

When you are downtone, downtrending & downstat. . .
When your case and your org stats are both crashed. . .
When you're just not feeling ideal, there is a cure!



All you need to do is repeat the magic mantra. . .
We're GOING to Flag!

When the GOING gets tough
The tough get GOING!
And the banky start GOING Clear!




It's the solution to all of life's problems. . .
Simply get GOING up the Road/Bridge to Total Freedom!




In Scientology, when you are GOING to where
you're told to go, life will soon become perfect and
all your dreams, wishes & postulates will come true!

"We GOING to Oz!"
1620149074709.jpeg

Get GOING today!

We guarantee all ruins handled!
No courage--no problem!
No brains--no problem!
No cash--no problem!
(we take charge cards!)


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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@BillyBlowdown, I know you believe that Scn is an advancement in psychology. State your case!
..
*** SUCCESS STORY ***

Wow, I just completed the first session of my MEGAPOWER RUNDOWN and
I am completely blown away! The session only lasted 20 seconds, but I had more case
gain than in all my previous Bridge actions, Clearing & OT levels combined!
We hadn't even run the process yet, but when my auditor gave me the pre-session
command to "Squeeze The Cans", I blew so much charge that I went totally exterior
and we had to end off on a persistent floating TA.
So, to answer your question, YES! Scientology is a huge advancement in psychology!!
Duhhhh, psychs don't even use soup cans or hand cream!
ML,
Billy Blowdown
OT 8 - Class 8 - Power on 8 Dynamics
Winner of 2020 Ideal Scientologist
MY MOTTO: "Always Winning! Always F/Ning! Always Blowing Charge!"
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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For all you folks who just read Billy Blowdown's success story (above) and wondered about the "MegaPower Rundown", here is an r-factor-filled FAQ:

Q: Hey! What the heck is the MegaPower Rundown?
ANSWER: "The MegaPower Rundown is a mega fantastic, but confidential series of rundowns that can be done on anybody, that puts the person into fantastic shape unleashing the Mega Power of a being!"
Q: Jeez, doesn't the MegaPower Rundown sound suspiciously similar to the SuperPower Rundown?
ANSWER: No, not at all. Not even slightly. Per the tech dictionary, LRH states: "The SuperPower Rundown is a super fantastic, but confidential series of rundowns that can be done on anybody, that puts the person into fantastic shape unleashing the Super Power of a being."
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
PROOF POSITIVE THAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ARE DESPERATELY
CLUELESS ABOUT HOW TO "GET IN COM" WITH HUMAN BEINGS
IN ORDER TO CONVINCE THEM TO PAY $600,000 FOR MAGICAL POWERS.

THIS BOOK!




WHAT MIRACLES SCIENTOLOGY GUARANTEES
YOU WILL EXPERIENCE IF YOU BUY THAT BOOK


"Here is something you can actually use day-in and day-out in the practical world of living—
tools that enable you to handle a broad scope of situations that we all face in today's world.
Whether it’s raising healthy and happy children, improving your quality of communication
with your associates, or having an exact plan on how to achieve your goals in life
The Scientology Handbook gives you proven and effective tools that can immediately

be put to use in these areas." (excerpt from advertisement for "The Scientology Handbook")

HERE'S WHAT IS INSIDE THE BOOK THAT WILL ENABLE YOU
"TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS IN LIFE"




(for those whose lifelong goal to is to locate the floor)




(for those whose life has been utterly
ruined by the inability to touch furniture)



(for those whose goal is to try to seem normal
in order to hypnotically seduce girls on the first date)




(for those whose goal is to dress up like a

flight attendant and recruit homeless/sleeveless
drifters into kinky domination/submission fantasies)




I have absolutely no clue what the hell is going on

in that freaky photo. But, remarkably, as soon as
I saw her cognition, it made me instantly
feel like my $600K inheritance was

burning a hole in my pocket!

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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I probably should not reveal this information, but. . .

The problem of Scientology not making people "more able"
could actually be very simply solved by one little thing.




By just very slightly tweaking those
cringefully lame auditing commands to
something more effective. . .






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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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* * * TECH TRIVIA * * *

WHAT IS THE 2-COMMAND HAVINGNESS PROCESS
THAT IS USED IN EVERY SINGLE SCIENTOLOGY SESSION?






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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HOW SCIENTOLOGY HANDLED
YOUR RUIN IN THE EARLY DAYS AND HOW IT
HANDLES YOUR RUIN TODAY.


1950 - 1967

AUDITOR
Today we are going to locate and erase the
single thing that is causing all your problems.
Close your eyes and find the engram
that is ruining your life.


PRECLEAR
As far as I can recall I didn't receive any engrams
during my lifetime. I can't find or see anything.

AUDITOR
What about before your lifetime like the pre-natal
time you received an engram during an attempted abortion?

PRECLEAR

(looks in vain)
. . .same problem. I can't find or see anything.

AUDITOR
Eureka! That's it! Keep repeating the words
"I can't find or see anything"

PRECLEAR
Why should I do that?

AUDITOR
Hey, that's why you can't recall the engram
that is ruining your life. Because during
that engram someone must have said the
words "I can't find or see anything".

PRECLEAR
I don't know. That sounds stupid and
this auditing is costing me a fortune!

AUDITOR
Repeat those words now--"
that sounds stupid
and this auditing is costing me a fortune!
".
Because that must be an earlier similar engram
where your mom tried to abort you while she
was receiving IRS auditing on her tax returns.


END OF PART I:

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