OK Here ya go.
It might get a little uncomfortable in the personal section.
There are many things that the Books, Lectures, and Free online courses are helping me with.
Professional:
1. Organization - I have Rons lectures on organization and have taken the tools for life course. It has helped me immensely.
2. The Tone Scale - Why is it that I can be a fairly "smart" person. Yet I am unable to get my production to the level that I know I am capable of. The tone scale answered this for me. It is because I am unable to produce 'free theta' (I dont know if thats the correct terminology) when I am in a bored or apathetical mood. The higher I am up the tone scale, the more productive I am. The more creative I can think. Ect. Therefore I keep my work area clean and aesthetic, never read bad news or tolerate negativity, put art up around my work space and I am more productive. It works.
3. The 7 Devision Org Board - I am trying to build a consulting business. Understanding the idea of "hats" and keeping my production hat on and not jumping from my sales hat to my production hat to my accounting hat has made me 100x more productive. Previously I would, in a way, confuse my mind by jumping around to much and not saying on tasks of the same category.
I remember a couple of months ago before I got more serious about Scientology going to the book store every day for 3-4 days trying to find answers. I spent hours in there each day. I bought a few books. The Harvard Business Review books were OK. But it wasn't what I was looking for. Not one book in that store had the answers I was looking for.
I thought to myself.."where did I see that mental image I have..hmm oh yeah its the 7 devision org board." I then thought to myself, "why am I messing about in this book store when I know where the answers are to the questions I have?" I went home and bought all the books used off Amazon and started doing the free tools for life courses.
4. The Problems of Work - the idea of start change stop. This idea and book have helped me immensely. When I am not producing. What is the problem? Is the problem that I have a hard time starting?? Am I not getting enough sleep? Does having cup of coffee ready help? No. The problem today is not getting started. Today I am staying on the same task to long and over analyze to death so the problem is changing what task I am doing. Or is that a problem with not being able to stop? As you can see I dont have it all down cold but you get the idea of how this has effected my thinking and its helping me.
Personal:
1. My parents were narcissistic and abusive in that respect. I was force homeschooled my whole life and at 16 I was told I could never have friends again and my mother basically screamed at me and programmed me with self destructive programming 2-3 nights per week until 2-5am. They threw me out at 20 and I was homeless before living with a friend. It was a doozy. I got a job selling cars after not being able to go any further in college due to the circumstances and survived.
From 16-30 I have not made a single friend (the friend above was made at 13). I am not capable. I am not capable (saying it again for emphasis) of making friends, or anything more then basic social interactions (going to luch with somebody for example is intermediate), because the abuse is triggered when I socialize with people. I go into fight or flight mode at random and 15 years later its not going away. Its getting worse because the more failures the more engrams.
Example: Coworkers say "come out after work" I say no and they get very offended like "wtf is wrong with this guy." what a jerk" "hes weird blah blah blah." I say yes, and I go out with coworkers and what happens is the abuse from childhood gets triggered. All of the sudden I am in fight or flight mode out of nowhere.
I go out of my frontal cortex and into my phiso animal and I cant get out. I freeze and sweat. Understand, nothing is going on and everything is fine when this happens. All frontal cortex functions, like talking for example, shut down and I can’t get it back on. I don't just get up and leave. Iv only been there 10 minutes. I do my best slipping in and out of these modes of flashbacks, and very bad social attempts, plus the fear of how people are perceiving this. People notice and I am from then on forever ostracized. I now have to be around people that ostracize me every day.
I have read books on therapy. Yes its nice to know what was wrong and what was abuse back in those days. But its not helping me stop the self destructive programming that is going on deep in core of the onion that is my psyche or anything else. It just confirms that what happened was wrong.
Scientology has given me a blueprint I can work with regardless of auditing. I know what is happening from a more workable perspective now. I am reacting to abuse from the past. ect. Ect. Before I didn’t know what was going on. For years I didn’t know what was happening. These terrible events would take place and I had no clue the two were related.
Its hard for me to articulate over a forum post but know that this is a problem I cant solve alone or with traditional sit on a couch a whine about it therapy because it is a two sided coin which I go into further bellow.
Heres another personal example of how Scientology has helped me: I used to run dramatizations in my bedroom of the abuse until I would be physically sick and exhausted. (psycosomaic illness) Completely drained of all life and energy.
This would just start happening without my knowing it was happening. It was like I didn’t even know it wasn’t normal. It was just another few days mid week for me.
For days I would be reacting to abuse that happened 15 years ago and it would make me extremely paranoid like a child that doesnt know when hes gonna get struck again. I know that all of the brain chemicals like cortisol and neuro adrenaline were flooding my brain when this is going on and I couldnt stop. Alone, isolated in my room, coming out only for food amped up on adrenalin, cortisol, and paranoid. This causes permanent brain damage by the way. The constant flood of chemicals shrink the frontal cortex and enlarges the amygdala. This was happening only a month ago and as far as I knew it was totally normal.
I heard Ron talk about dramatizations and now it has stopped. Just understanding what was happening from the way Ron thought about it stopped it cold. STOPPED IT DEAD IN ITS TRACKS. I’m just trying to be honest here.
But its more than "aww poor baby sit on a couch and wine about it in therapy." This is a problem that "therapy" cant solve because its a two sided coin.
On one side is the abuse and what scientology calls engrams the other side is that I have next to zero experience with the outside world because I was locked in that house.
I have my parents underlying philosophy on things. I see things through the lens they gave me because thats 80% of what I grew up with. The core of the onion of my slant on life is theirs
From 16-21 during my most important formative years I was alone in a house with crazy people who hated me. Hated me. I have their philosophy on life, on myself, and everything else because it is mostly all that I have ever been exposed to.
There was a very short time I was exposed to the skateboarding culture and that was a massive benefit for me but it cant over ride the abuse programming. I have tried skateboarding again at 29 to try to trigger that type of thinking but it didn’t work.
This is where things like the 8 dynamics, tone scale, and stuff helps more than. “read books like “How To Win Friends And Influence People" again for the 5th time" to get better social skills or “read Jordan Petersons 12 Rules For Life and just relax and cheer up.”
People who think like this don’t understand how this doesn’t help if your foundation is total bonkers.
Reading “people want to feel important” (thats from How To Win Friends And Influence People) doesn’t help in my case.
“Everything a person does is to help his survival” works more then “make everybody feel important” because it helps to understand the core of humanity not a gimmick to get a sale.
LRH gets at the core of the onion, the root of the subject so that you have a firm foundation to base everything else off of. The other people just get 1 layer into the onion and write a tips book.
Other philosophers are very macro “what is life” “what is the meaning of life” Rons philosophy is micro and is workable. Not mental masturbation. No disrespect to them and I do like their work but its not the same.
This is important - Even if Scientology isnt correct about everything or if Ron stole every word I dont care because its the only thing that can get micro enough and to the root enough to be applicable to every aspect of life and help me over ride the philosophy that the abusers programmed me with.
For example: People want the best for themselves, then their family, then their race or group, then mankind, then the animals, then the universe.
That works. That is a linchpin I can base everything else off of. I don’t care if its not what some other person agrees with. I don’t care that LRH wans’t a Jesus figure. It is something that WORKS.
Before I learned this idea everything social happened completely at random I had no control over anything, everything was chaos. I was unable to see the patterns of behavior myself.
People can say to themselves “this is common knowledge” like the ARC triangle for example. Good for you got lucky. You just got lucky in your earlier years.
I have to have a working philosophy for every single little thing that can come in life and I am going to have to drill it into my head to override the philosophy that my parents forced upon me.
I need a philosophy that will work. "work is good because if you don't work you will slowly go mad, work is the stable datum of society, work gives you a place in society. When we think about people who cant work we think about people in prison ect." THAT WORKS.
Understand that I am not stupid here. I understand hard selling. I get that they want all my money, which I don't really have. I have a strong ability to think for myself which is why I am confident that I wont become a cult member or something. (I get the irony of that statement)
I feel bad for people that spent their life savings. It shouldn't be that expensive. It sounds like the Catholic Church selling indulgences. But I have to have more. I have to have everything....
I am hoping to get more of the above out of Scientology.
