TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

[Bill]

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IT'S LIKE AN ENGRAMIC COMMAND WHERE
THEY LIKE CAN'T STOP SAYING LIKE

I wonder what Billy Blowdown thinks about all these wins?

.​

Throw in "um", "er", "so", and "yaknow" and you have some real communication!!1 (Aren't these people supposed to have taken the beginning course "Communications Course"?)

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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Throw in "um", "er", "so", and "yaknow" and you have some real communication!!1 (Aren't these people supposed to have taken the beginning course "Communications Course"?)

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LOL.

Wait, I feel a rant coming on.........

Yes, they did successfully complete the COMMUNICATION COURSE. That's how they are able to speak like a Valley Girl (e.g. "like, um, like err, like so, like yaknow") without "like totally" blinking or whatever and some junk.

They have additionally attested to "WORD CLEAR" and "SUPERLITERATE" which means they have "full conceptual understanding" of the word "like".

Wouldn't you luvvvvvv to hear their pre-success story briefing that r-factored them that they need to "position" their huge gains by using the word "like" and comparing Scientology powers to something else. Notably, if they actually had any of those super-powers they are in front of the camera glowing & flowing about--they wouldn't have to compare it to something else because they could simply DEMONSTRATE it in real life.

COMMERCIAL DIRECTOR
So, we're going to be filming your huge wins in order
to help make planetary clearing a reality! What I want you
to do is to tell me what miraculous win you plan to talk about.

L'S RUNDOWN COMPLETION
Wow, I have so many miracles, it's hard to chose. But if
i had to choose, it would be exactly what Ron said on the
promo piece for the L's. Ron said I would "go exterior
with full perception and be able to maintain it!"

COMMERCIAL DIRECTOR
Fantastic! So what I want you to do is when you
are being filmed today I need you to demonstrate
how you can go exterior with full perception. Maybe
we can have someone standing behind you open to
a random page in the Oxford Dictionary and while looking
away, put their finger down on the page on any random word.
Then the audience will see the word on the big jumbotron screen
behind you, so you have no idea what word it is. Then you will
go exterior and say the word aloud, proving you are fully exterior!

L'S RUNDOWN COMPLETION
Jeez, I don't think I can do that. Because when I
go exterior it's not really like visual, it's more like a feeling.

COMMERCIAL DIRECTOR
Okay, okay, okay. No problem. Then what I need you to do is
to come up with something else that feels like that and then
tell everyone what it feels like. But remember, you have
to use the word "LIKE" as many times as needed to
convey the feeling of being exterior.

L'S RUNDOWN COMPLETION
Jeez, I'm not really good at writing or composing. So
I don't think i can come up with a good sentence
even if I use the word "like" a bunch of times.

COMMERCIAL DIRECTOR
Okay, okay, okay...Alright here is what I need you to do.
When it comes time to tell your big win just say the words
"MY WIN IS LIKE..." and then complete the sentence by making a
really cool OT sound like "VROOOOOM!" or "BZZZZZZTTT!"
Can you do that for me, let's try rehearsing it now. Go ahead.

L'S RUNDOWN COMPLETION
My win is like vrooom.

COMMERCIAL DIRECTOR
Okay, okay, okay, but can you try it again
and this time when you get to the word
VROOOM, I need you to really scream it super
loud with all the exhilaration you can muster
and after that just start laughing hysterically.

L'S RUNDOWN COMPLETION
Oh, yeah I can do that laughing hysterically
part, no problem. I practice that every week
on course at graduation, so that they don't
keep me after class to look for MUs.


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​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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from a discussion thread about cult leader David Miscavige
desperately hiding and avoiding being served in the civil and criminal
trials of accused serial rapist and Scientology celebrity Danny Masterson.
It seems the rape victims and their attorneys cannot locate Minister Miscavige.

David Miscavige, Hiding, Evasive, Elusive, like a Fugitive​

He's as elusive as the Loch Ness monster and twice as mean.
And far less likely to ever testify in court. His lawyers will come up with a novel Fifth Amendment plea claiming the cult is being prosecuted by a conspiracy of anti-religious bigots.

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Mr. Miscavige is currently unavailable to testify in court due to prior commitments—in which his time and attention will be submerged for a while, until after the conclusion of both the criminal and civil trials of Danny Masterson.

More specifically, Minister Miscavige is out of the public's view, indisposed and incommunicado—due to his religious responsibilities of personally managing the launch of an exciting new branch of the S.O.

Maiden Voyage for the all-new S.O. (Submarine Org)

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​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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COB, like his mentor Ron, is currently managing the orgs from a super secret & secure location--designated "OTL".

Not "Operations & Transport Liaison".

"On The Lam".

.​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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from another thread (LINK) comes something
too funny and way too stupid to ignore.

That letter could well inspire an entirely
new feature on the Top Super-Stupid Moments
thread--which we will name the "Dear PHILLIP letter"
​

example:

9 August 2022​

​

Dear PHILLIP, ​

​

It's been a while since we have seen you in the org. Per our records, you last were on-lines here in 1952. That's when you briefly came in the org the first time because you were shopping a few doors down for an umbrella and you needed some change for a dollar bill in order to feed the parking meters. ​

Well, I just wanted to check back with you to see how it's going these days since you got what was needed and wanted. Also, you really should acknowledge that you handled your ruin by writing up a Success Story! ​

​

Kindly send me your Success Story right away so we can count it on this week's stats, since we are really postulating to win the Birthday Game this year! There is no time to use the com-laggy wog mail system, so be sure to scan it and e-mail it to me today, so that this doesn't become an ethics situation for you. ​

​

ML, ​

​

Billy Blowdown - OT VIII​

[email protected]​

2021 Winner - Golden Age of Ideal Letter Registrars ​

​

.​

x​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.
The following letter writing masterpiece was posted on another thread by Karen#1

"In Central Files, names are carefully filed
and 30 years later...out of the blue sky"

...​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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"In Central Files, names are carefully filed and 30 years later...out of the blue sky"

...​

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Kind of hilarious that the "experts" on "being in present time" are in fact "stuck on the timetrack" decades earlier.

That seems to be a common theme in all of Scientology--being "out of PT" (Present time), such as the case where all Scientologists in the world in fact agree that they are stuck 75 million years ago in a Xenu implant.

Well, the cult considers "being out of PT" so serious that they will even spent $20M to $40M to purchase/remodel new IDEAL ORGS all over the world--but they refuse to open the front doors until all of the CENTRAL FILES ("CF") folders (and papers within them) have been organized. Massive undertaking! The cult that brags that each Ideal Org having appx 170 staff members is not able to organize their own CF folders.

Therefore, each Ideal Org must then recruit Ideal Volunteers (paying public) to come in every night and weekend and invest tens of thousands of hours straightening out those pieces of paper.

The pieces of paper inside those manila folders must be priceless, no? So what's in them, exactly?

Inside each manila folder are the LETTERS that sub-poverty level staff members have written to them since 1951. The letters are supposed to spark a "reach" by the long-gone (former) customer of Scientology. A high percentage of those folders are of people that only are "looky-loos" who perhaps only were contacted on the street and bought a book.

So, try to understand that the doors to the IDEAL ORG cannot be opened until the folder of a guy who bought a book 3 decades earlier is given a fresh manila folder and all the pathetic letters (that didn't work to get the guy to come back into the org and spend $500K to get magical powers) are put in date order, earliest to latest. That's the magical woo that will help get that guy to come back into Scientology. Even though all the cringey letters failed, by putting them in chronological order some miracle will happen.

Let's throw in some photos, so you have a proper balance of mass and insignificance. . .

SCIENTOLOGY PAYING CUSTOMERS DONATING THEIR FREE TIME AND HAVING HUGE WINS
ON PUTTING MEANINGLESS PIECES OF PAPER IN DATE ORDER INSIDE FOLDERS OF PEOPLE
AGES AGO WHO REJECTED & DISCONNECTED FROM THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY

THE EPIC BATTLE TO SAVE MANKIND CONTINUES EVEN DURING THE PANDEMIC!
IF ONLY WE CAN STRAIGHTEN OUT THESE PIECES OF PAPER, THE BLOWN
DBs COUNTER-INTENTION WILL ERASE AND THEY WILL COME IN AND
PAY US ENOUGH MONEY TO HELP OUR OTS TO BUY TOILET PAPER!

VOLUNTEER MINISTER LAYS SACRED 'HEALING HANDS' ON CF FOLDER AND
PRAYS POSTULATES THAT THE APOSTATE'S SOUL THETAN WILL
BE SAVED BY RECEIVING THE BLESSING WIN OF A
'COME TO JESUS PRESENT TIME' MOMENT.

...​

 

[onceuponatime]

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The following letter writing masterpiece was posted on another thread by Karen#1

"In Central Files, names are carefully filed
and 30 years later...out of the blue sky"

...​

If people ever wonder what staff do all day, this is the answer. They write an endless number of letters to CF files. I would guess that person gets a few letters each year trying to get some sort of response and get them back in. A complete waste. Why do they do this? Because the genius LRH said it was how you got people in and got income up.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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If people ever wonder what staff do all day, this is the answer. They write an endless number of letters to CF files. I would guess that person gets a few letters each year trying to get some sort of response and get them back in. A complete waste. Why do they do this? Because the genius LRH said it was how you got people in and got income up.

LOL

ANSWER: They do this because Dr. Hubbard (who is also a nuclear physicist!) discovered that:

"OUTFLOW EQUALS INFLOW"​

This also explains why Scientology management "outflows" 97.5% of the people who join Scientology, either by declaring/disconnecting from them or otherwise causing them to have so many losses that they blow on their own.

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[HelluvaHoax!]

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...​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

..

David "Darth Midget" has effectively been in charge of the C of S ever since Ron Hubbard was sequestered to keep him from any further interference with C of S governance around 15 Jan 1980. He gained complete and total control over C of S around mid-1988 after removing Pat and Annie Broeker from any position of control or authority. D.M. presided over the financial rape and destruction of the Mission Network that kept the C of S orgs supplied with new public (their actual job on every Hubbard-authored organization chart). So D.M. effectively killed official corporate Scientology in the early 1980's and the organization has been dying ever since.

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I see that you buy into the "glass is half full" theory of Scientology. To wit, that L. Ron Hubbard had nothing to do with the "financial rape and destruction of the Mission Network"--and that it was all Minister Miscavige's fault.

Then there those who believe that everything that happens in Scientology is Hubbard's fault. That's in fact what Hubbard himself taught and believed. He called it "Total Responsibility".

In either scenario, I wouldn't want to remotely have anything to do with Scientology. Because:

- - If it's Hubbard's fault that the missions were financially raped, that is consistent with Hubbard's continuous raping of public Scientologists by selling them billions of dollars of miraculously magical powers that do not exist. And, thus, who would want to associate in any way with a degenerate con man?​

​

- - On the other hand, if it was all Miscavige's fault, then Hubbard allowed that to happen, either by giving the power to Miscavige or by the sheer ineptitude of allowing him to have the power. In either of those scenarios, Hubbard scientifically proved that he himself was not "TOTAL CAUSE OVER LIFE", which is the core product that Scientology sells.​

That's not what Scientologists signed up for. They didn't pay those vast fortunes to become "SOMEWHAT CAUSE OVER SOME THINGS PERHAPS SOME OF THE TIME".

SUMMARY: Hubbard went total effect. Anyone wanna pay over a half million dollars for that EP? LOL


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[HelluvaHoax!]

Another genius LetterTech breakthrough from L. Ron Hubbard
"IF YOU BUILD WRITE IT - THEY WILL COME"​

August 12, 2022

Dear Ralph,

Hello! I haven't heard from you for a while. Well actually the last time we spoke was in 1972, the first (and only) time we met. We were both selling promotional merchandise on the sidewalk in front of a Grateful Dead concert. I remember you were selling hash pipes and bongs and I was selling tie-dyed "I WANT TO GO CLEAR!" t-shirts.

I recall that you had a very strong reach for Scientology, because you told me you if you weren't totally broke you would have bought one of my t-shirts—even though you admitted that you didn't know what "Clear" meant.

So, anyways I thought after 50 years I would check back with you and see how it's going on your money lines these days. I am currently selling a really cool book called Dianetics that teaches you how to become a "Clear" which will give you some really trippy magical powers, man, I swear!

The best part of the book is that when you go Clear and get those new supernatural powers, your bong sales are going to like totally skyrocket!

ML,

Billy Blowdown - OT VIII
[email protected]
2021 Winner - Golden Age of Ideal Letter Registrars

.

 

[Karen#1]

Another :
COB to ED INT Guillaume Lesevre.:

"The only expansion YOU have ever known is shoving your cock into Marc Yager's anus"

Marc was Watchdog committee Chairman.

Guillame and Marc were were sharing a room in the "Lodges" cabana like rooms near MCI at the time and were constantly accused of being gay by Miscavige in an effort to humiliate them. This was in the 1990s before the cult learned to hold their tongue on disparagement of gays.

SOURCE: Book "Blown for Good" by Marc Headley.

View attachment 1343

(Briefly out of SP HOLE to speak, then tuxedo off and back to SP Hole.) Provisionally declared SP.

View attachment 1345
"Provisionally" declared SP and long duration SP HOLE inmate.
[/QUOTE

Another anecdote on Guillame Lesevre.
Poo Guillame

 

[Chuck J.]

Another genius LetterTech breakthrough from L. Ron Hubbard
"IF YOU BUILD WRITE IT - THEY WILL COME"​

August 12, 2022

Dear Ralph,

Hello! I haven't heard from you for a while. Well actually the last time we spoke was in 1972, the first (and only) time we met. We were both selling promotional merchandise on the sidewalk in front of a Grateful Dead concert. I remember you were selling hash pipes and bongs and I was selling tie-dyed "I WANT TO GO CLEAR!" t-shirts.

I recall that you had a very strong reach for Scientology, because you told me you if you weren't totally broke you would have bought one of my t-shirts—even though you admitted that you didn't know what "Clear" meant.

So, anyways I thought after 50 years I would check back with you and see how it's going on your money lines these days. I am currently selling a really cool book called Dianetics that teaches you how to become a "Clear" which will give you some really trippy magical powers, man, I swear!

The best part of the book is that when you go Clear and get those new supernatural powers, your bong sales are going to like totally skyrocket!

ML,

Billy Blowdown - OT VIII
[email protected]
2021 Winner - Golden Age of Ideal Letter Registrars

.

Hey! Time is just a consideration.
And like who doesn't remember a random conversation they had in 1972?

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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The following was taken from another thread discussing the advanced materials and auditing procedure known as OT VIII, wherein the Scientologist uses an e-meter to check if each of the past lives that they audited in previous sessions (since the day they first walked into a Scientology organization) was a real experience, or just a fake 'implanted' incident that they had mistakenly believed was true.

- - -
​

Hatshepsut said:
(Re: OT VIII) Here is an example of what I did in an actual session... I took the identity "Beethoven" because I remembered having "realised" in auditing that I "was" Beethoven. I looked at the E-meter I was connected to and I thought about being Beethoven and I thought the question "True?" and looked to see if the meter reacted. It didn't. I thought the question "False?" and the meter reacted. So I had NOT actually been Beethoven. Here is what I wrote (it's in French, my native tongue):

Beethoven - Vrai? x​

Faux? LF​

​

​

​

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I think after completing OT VIII, it would have been cool if OT IX was released and the process was meter checking this:

OT VIII - For Real? x​

OT VIII - Fugazi? LF​

And then, each succeeding OT level up to OT 100 would only consist of taking a few seconds to quickly meter check if the previous OT level was a hoax or not.

Using this super-speedy tech, just think of the vast amount of DevT that could have been eliminated to do the entire Bridge! On top of that, Pre OTs would experience a meteoric rise in their havingness, due to the vast number of OT completion certificates that they would receive!


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[Bill]

.
The following was taken from another thread discussing the advanced materials and auditing procedure known as OT VIII, wherein the Scientologist uses an e-meter to check if each of the past lives that they audited in previous sessions (since the day they first walked into a Scientology organization) was a real experience, or just a fake incident that they had mistakenly believed was true.

- - -
​

​

​

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I think after completing OT VIII, it would have been cool if OT IX was released and the process was meter checking this:

OT VIII - For Real? x​

OT VIII - Fugazi? LF​

And then, each succeeding OT level up to OT 100 would only consist of taking a few seconds to quickly meter check if the previous OT level was a hoax or not.

Using this super-speedy tech, just think of the vast amount of DevT that could have been eliminated to do the entire Bridge! On top of that, Pre OTs would experience a meteoric rise in their havingness, due to the vast number of OT completion certificates that they would receive!


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OT IX: "So, everything you have done in Scientology so far was completely fake, false and useless. Now for the REAL (this time for sure) OT 'tech'..."

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

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OT IX: "So, everything you have done in Scientology so far was completely fake, false and useless. Now for the REAL (this time for sure) OT 'tech'..."

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LOL

And the "ability attained" that OT IXs attest to would be eerily similar to the end phenomena of OT VIII ("I now know who I am not, and I am interested to find out who I am!")

OT IX ABILITY ATTAINED: "I now know what tech doesn't work and I am interested to find out if there is any other tech that does."

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[Bill]

And the "ability attained" that OT IXs attest to would be eerily similar to the end phenomena of OT VIII ("I now know who I am not, and I am interested to find out who I am!")

OT IX ABILITY ATTAINED: "I now know what tech doesn't work and I am interested to find out if there is any other tech that does."

OMG! In leaving Scientology, I've attained the EP of OT IX!!

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.


This one is supremely, sensationally and stunningly stupid. . .

A Zen simple and brilliant breakdown by Aaron Smith-Levin on:

WHY SCIENTOLOGISTS STUBBORNLY REFUSE
TO SAVE THE PLANET & SAVE MANKIND
EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE ALL THE
POWER TO DO IT RIGHT NOW!

..​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

WHAT DO YOU SEE IN THIS PHOTOGRAPH?

From the book "What Is Scientology?"


* * * * * FREE OCA * * * * *

OXFORD CULTIC APTITUDE
How likely are you to get hoaxed into joining a cult?
Score Yourself!
​

NOT LIKELY AT ALL: If you saw a dorky looking nerd under an amateurly photoshopped sun.

SOMEWHAT LIKELY: If you saw a super keyed-out being standing under an OT symbol that was sabotaged by psychs with white spray paint cans.

VERY LIKELY: If you saw a big being whose thetan is operating exterior 3 feet above his mest body's meat head.

YOU ARE ALREADY IN THE CULT: If you saw an Ideal Scientologist who (although quite enturbulated by 75M year old BTs that stalk and haunt him, like the one lurking above his head) is nonetheless able to mock up VVGIs for this promotional photo.


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