2026 Scientology Predictions

[Alex P. Keaton]

The Annual Predictions Thread !!!

​

It's that time of year again! WELCOME to the 2026 "Ideal Predictions Thread"! Of course we have to have some rules, so I propose the following:

1. All predictions must be posted by January 31st, 2026.
2. Go ahead and consult with anything or anyone, anywhere. Wogs, Pre-Clears, OTs, Psychics, tarot card and palm readers, Ouija boards, the "magic 8-ball", anyone or anything you like. Seriously. Anyone. EVEN YOUR FATHER'S BROTHER'S NEPHEW'S COUSIN'S FORMER ROOMMATE (to borrow a line from Mel Brooks' "SPACEBALLS"). The rules for the predictions thread of 2016 apparently severely limited divination methods and devices, but that was so long ago, that rule is as quaint as the 1-900 psychic services like "Miss Cleo" from years ago. Use any divination methods you like, although "Miss Cleo" has died, so she must be contacted through a seance.
2b. Artificial Intelligence is SPECIFICALLY PERMITTED.
3. You may not edit your predictions once you post them. See rule #4.
4. Make as many predictions as you want. Give opposing predictions anytime you feel like it, in honor of “Ron’s Law of Commotion”. The wilder the predictions the better.
5. I will not be judging “winners” since I am too lazy, and aren’t we all winners for leaving Ron’s bridge to nowhere, or being a never-in?
6. After you make your predictions, please check back next year to see how many came true. If you wish to check previous years' predictions, here they are (note, there appear to be no predictions for 2012 or 2019):

2025 Scientology Predictions

2024 Scientology Predictions

2023 Scientology Predictions

2022 Scientology Predictions

2021 Scientology Predictions

2020 Scientology Predictions

2018 Scientology Predictions

2017 Scientology Predictions

2016 Scientology Predictions

2015 Scientology Predictions

2014 Scientology Predictions

2013 Scientology Predictions

2011 Scientology Predictions

NOW GET BUSY
WITH THOSE NEW YEAR PREDICTIONS
YOU DILETTANTE IDEAL SPs !!!​

 

[lotus]

DM collapse with severe asthma attack

David Miscavige is asked in court what are his credentials and degrees!

Shit happens!

 

[Type4_PTS]

DM collapse with severe asthma attack

David Miscavige is asked in court what are his credentials and degrees!

Shit happens!

This isn't a 2026 prediction, but his health will suddenly deteriorate at some point, from the drinking he does if nothing else kills him first.

A PTS handling won't save him.

 

[Enthetan]

Tom Cruise will drift away from Scientology.

The connection will become an increasing liability for him.

And I doubt he likes his love life managed.

 

[PirateAndBum]

Tom Cruise marries Shelly and turns her into a Hollywood star.

 

[I M Dex]

With great hype and fanfare, OT IX will be released, with it's highly trumpeted EP, "the ability to find your ass with both hands". And then the Hole will be reinstated, for all the top execs when they fail to demonstrate that ability gained to COB's satisfaction.

 

[Enthetan]

Tom Cruise marries Shelly and turns her into a Hollywood star.

Tom Cruise has the plot of Mission Impossible (X) be “Rescue Shelly”

 

[I M Dex]

Tom Cruise has the plot of Mission Impossible (X) be “Rescue Shelly”

For the next sequel of Mission Impossible, Tom Cruise is tasked with finding a single true fact in the reported Int Scientology stats: "Mission Really Impossible".

 

[ILove2Lurk]

~
ESMB Redux is attacked by AI trolls and bots in 2026 that are
possibly financed by cash through overseas cutouts. Consequently,
the message board has to invoke new security monitoring software.

Imagine if a newly registered member makes 29 posts on the first day
aboard. That's probably an AI troll or bot. You'll have that member automatically
put on your "ignore list." No worries or wasting time writing unneeded posts.

​

 

[Zertel]

Grok and/or ChatGPT will attest to New OT8.

AI Overview

The supposed end result of Scientology's New OT VIII level is the achievement of total freedom and a state of being a fully realized Operating Thetan. This involves regaining personal power and the ability to operate at will over thought, life, matter, energy, space, and time.
Specific intended outcomes associated with completing New OT VIII include:

• Realization of Oneness: Achieving a direct realization of "oneness," which involves continuity, consistency, and harmony of knowledge and beingness.
• Knowing one's identity: Removing impediments caused by confusions and distortions of the physical universe (MEST) to know one's identity from "origin to infinity".
• Cause over life: Gaining the ability to be at cause knowingly and at will over one's life and the physical universe.
• Resolving anomalies: Continuing to resolve anomalies among the fundamentals of various systems of knowledge, including different religions, philosophies, and sciences, leading to spiritual evolution.

Ultimately, OT VIII is presented as the final level on the Bridge to Total Freedom, after which a person is considered a master of Scientology "tech" and capable of exerting significant influence on their environment.
However, some former high-ranking Scientologists report that the level itself is anti-climactic, and the promised abilities (such as telekinesis or eradicating sickness) do not manifest as expected, leading some to leave the church.

 

[pineapple]

With great hype and fanfare, OT IX will be released, with it's highly trumpeted EP, "the ability to find your ass with both hands". And then the Hole will be reinstated, for all the top execs when they fail to demonstrate that ability gained to COB's satisfaction.

"If you can't find your ass you can at least find the Hole," cackles Miscavige.

 

[Alex P. Keaton]

I should probably apologize, but a series of car problems and medical appointments prevented me from getting out my crystal ball until now. So here goes:

Justin Craig (aka LRH 2.0) will secretly communicate with Marty Rathbun. Craig/LRH 2.0 will ask Rathbun to help him stage a coup, get rid of David Miscavige and take over Scientology when he gets out of prison in 17 years. Rathbun will take one look at Craig/LRH 2.0's record of violence and drugs, and realize he has correct drive and determination make it to the top, and agrees to help Craig/LRH 2.0. Rathbun's motive is revenge -- because Rathbun resents being cussed at, punched, kicked and slapped by David "Cuss Punch Kick Slap" Miscavige. Of course, Rathbun intends to double-cross Craig/LRH 2.0 and keep Scientology for himself. Just like hundreds of US "Western" movies made down through the decades featuring either a bank or train robbery, cattle rustling, or gold or buried treasure. There's always a double-cross.

Marty Rathbun will type all the lectures and checksheets for OT 1 through New OT 8 into a computer. He will then ask ChatGPT to write a set of lectures for OT 9 and OT 10, and also a set of checksheets for OT 9 and OT 10. The results will be complete gibberish, but by the time Scientologists reach that level, they are suffering from complete brain rot, so it will make perfect sense to them. Whales including the Duggans, the Fialkoff dentistry family, and Nancy Cartwright will all agree this is the greatest OT level yet.

Tom Cruise and John Travolta will secretly be invited to do a pilot program for OT 9 and OT 10, which are (finally!) about to be released. They will both become insane criminals and die of pneumonia.

Ten years from now (maybe I should put this in the 2036 Scientology predictions thread?) Scientology leader Tom Cruise will be diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. In his LUCID moments, he turns into Tom "Cuss Punch Kick Slap" Cruise, getting drunk and beating his staff when he realizes that the materials for OT 9 ant OT 10, written by ChatGPT way back in 2026, were incorrect. He decides ChatGPT was a secret plot by psychiatrists and the Marcab Confederacy to sabotage Miscavige's great work. (Of course, by then, the name of LRH 1.0 has been removed from all books, tapes and checksheets and replaced with the wonderful name of Miscavige, our Lord and Savior, who has since passed from Pancreatitis caused by his alcoholism.) When Cruise has his DEMENTIA moments, he believes OT 9 and OT 10 make perfect sense and are the most perfect OT levels ever written. This causes much confusion among the 23 remaining Scientologists in the world, and they abandon the cult.

 

[I M Dex]

I should probably apologize, but a series of car problems and medical appointments prevented me from getting out my crystal ball until now. So here goes:

Justin Craig (aka LRH 2.0) will secretly communicate with Marty Rathbun. Craig/LRH 2.0 will ask Rathbun to help him stage a coup, get rid of David Miscavige and take over Scientology when he gets out of prison in 17 years. Rathbun will take one look at Craig/LRH 2.0's record of violence and drugs, and realize he has correct drive and determination make it to the top, and agrees to help Craig/LRH 2.0. Rathbun's motive is revenge -- because Rathbun resents being cussed at, punched, kicked and slapped by David "Cuss Punch Kick Slap" Miscavige. Of course, Rathbun intends to double-cross Craig/LRH 2.0 and keep Scientology for himself. Just like hundreds of US "Western" movies made down through the decades featuring either a bank or train robbery, cattle rustling, or gold or buried treasure. There's always a double-cross.

Marty Rathbun will type all the lectures and checksheets for OT 1 through New OT 8 into a computer. He will then ask ChatGPT to write a set of lectures for OT 9 and OT 10, and also a set of checksheets for OT 9 and OT 10. The results will be complete gibberish, but by the time Scientologists reach that level, they are suffering from complete brain rot, so it will make perfect sense to them. Whales including the Duggans, the Fialkoff dentistry family, and Nancy Cartwright will all agree this is the greatest OT level yet.

Tom Cruise and John Travolta will secretly be invited to do a pilot program for OT 9 and OT 10, which are (finally!) about to be released. They will both become insane criminals and die of pneumonia.

Ten years from now (maybe I should put this in the 2036 Scientology predictions thread?) Scientology leader Tom Cruise will be diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. In his LUCID moments, he turns into Tom "Cuss Punch Kick Slap" Cruise, getting drunk and beating his staff when he realizes that the materials for OT 9 ant OT 10, written by ChatGPT way back in 2026, were incorrect. He decides ChatGPT was a secret plot by psychiatrists and the Marcab Confederacy to sabotage Miscavige's great work. (Of course, by then, the name of LRH 1.0 has been removed from all books, tapes and checksheets and replaced with the wonderful name of Miscavige, our Lord and Savior, who has since passed from Pancreatitis caused by his alcoholism.) When Cruise has his DEMENTIA moments, he believes OT 9 and OT 10 make perfect sense and are the most perfect OT levels ever written. This causes much confusion among the 23 remaining Scientologists in the world, and they abandon the cult.

I feel like Rick and Morty should figure into that scenario somehow.

 

[Alex P. Keaton]

In 2026, David "Cuss Punch Kick Slap" Miscavige will announce plans for a new "Ideal Org" in Nuut, the capital of Trumpland.

(After Trumpyboy takes GREENLAND, he will rename it TRUMPLAND.)

After previous YEARS of BRUTAL fundraising, Scientologists will resign themselves to attending ADDITIONAL YEARS of fundraiser after fundraiser for this "Ideal Ice Castle". Even the whales will think this is a WONDERFUL place for a new Ideal Org, since all 56K-57K people of Greenland Trumpland are already Scientologists.

Sea Org will be imported from Chicago to help get "Central Files" in order. They will not question the fact that there are no paper files there. David Miscavige will notice that there are no file folders for any of the 56K to 57K Scientologists in Greenland Trumpland, and to cope with this strange circumstance, he will do what he always does -- DRINK MORE SCOTCH.

At this time, my crystal ball cannot tell me whether David "Cuss Punch Kick Slap" Miscavige will be stupid enough to cut the ribbon at the Greenland Trumpland "Ideal Org" opening (Joy Villa will opt not to attend). His fingers would probably freeze to the giant scissors (or to the ribbon, if it is a "ribbon yanking"). My crystal ball also cannot tell me how the Sea Org there will pay their heating bill. But there are indications those "SWING COATS" are going to be a HUGE fashion trend in Greenland Trumpland. Locals will refer to Scientologists as "RED PENGUINS" due to the red "swing coats". This is in spite of the fact that there are no actual penguins in any Arctic country.

 

[Chess]

They find Ron sitting in his little office in the Albuquerque Org. Hurrah!

 

[Isaac]

David Miscavige has a massive heart attack and drops his body.

Tom Cruise becomes the new leader and COB of Scientology and he slams ethics in … finally.. on the Degraded Beings who SCOHB aka Sea Org and staff members as well as the namby Pamby panty waist dilettante public SP’s so that planetary clearing can finally take place.

COB, Tom Cruise, holds weekly fundraisers to purchase more Ideal Org’s because people will be lined up around the block trying to get Scientology services.

meanwhile ….popular Podcasters like Joe Rogan, Candace Owens, Ian Carroll, Wolves and Finance, Coach Collins, John Cullen, Jason Goodman and Baron Coleman do non-stop weekly interviews of every ex Scientologist on the planet and teach people about mind control, undue influence, hypnosis, Alice in Wonderland confusion technique as well as how propaganda works

non-profit religious scams like Scientology are exposed across the globe

Millions of viewers gain critical thinking skills and tools to combat cognitive dissonance so they can rise above their ideologies and beliefs

“THINK FOR YOURSELF”
BEcOMES THE NEW POPULAR SLOGAN amoung Generation Z, Boomers, Mileneals and Gen Alphas

it’s a whole new world and mind control and propaganda no longer work on people all over the globe!! They truly are free to think for themselves

Scientology continues to shrink and swirl around that drain
COB Cruise Mission is IMPOSSIBLE AND INSTEAD OF PURCHASING NEW IDEAL ORG BUILDINGS
HE’S FORCED TO LIQUIDATE THE INVENTORY

stick a fork in it folks
Scientology is deader than dead

 

[Type4_PTS]

Several days ago, Tony Ortega wrote:

A week from today, January 24, will be 40 years since the day that Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard left this planet.

And to mark that milestone, we have something truly remarkable to offer our readers. Going Clear author Lawrence Wright has generously granted the Underground Bunker the opportunity to publish, for the first time, his entire unedited video interview with Hubbard’s final caretaker, Steve ‘Sarge’ Pfauth (1945-2016).

You saw some moments from this interview in the HBO documentary version of Going Clear, and if you bought the DVD of the film you may have seen more footage that was included as a DVD extra.

But this will be the first time any of us has had the chance to see the entire 1 hour and 25 minute raw interview of Wright and Pfauth, with so much detail about what it was like to be around Hubbard in his final days.

What a monumental way to mark Hubbard’s translation to the galaxy on January 24, 1986!
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My prediction is that 5 or more whales will watch this interview and, as a result, decide to stop donating money to the CoS.

 

[ILove2Lurk]

Several days ago, Tony Ortega wrote:

I'm on pins and needles. Can't wait. This Saturday.

 

[Type4_PTS]

I'm on pins and needles. Can't wait. This Saturday.

Here's another 2026 prediction:

CoS issues the first-ever Posthumous SP Declare, and it will be on Sarge, dated 25 January 1986.

 

[flaglandbase]

PREDICTIONS FOR 2026:

I predict that three times this year Miscavige will give a MAJOR speech for wealthy cultmembers, where he will announce to triumphant applause that they are expanding faster than ever. He will emphasize their programs fighting drugs and immorality. Miscavige will show slideshows of people in the Third World holding up banners and jumping for joy. The applause will go on for many minutes. Members will state for the record that it was the best briefing ever. Quotes of praise will be published in various publicity materials above their initials.

There will be several Ideal Org openings, surrounded by massive security, which will also feature local notables and bigwigs giving speeches where they will praise the efforts of Scientology to build better communities.

There will be secret meetings with city council members in Clearwater, discussing monetary and planning matters. Same in East Grinstead.
The annual IAS event will be surrounded by hired security guards, and additional fence barriers to prevent anyone taking photos of Tom Cruise. The CST compound will also have increased security.

Cult lawyers will file many legal briefs requesting that various lawsuits and criminal cases be delayed. These legal motions will be granted.

There will be no word on when OT-9 will be released, and not a hint about what happened to Shelly Miscavige. There will be no word in 2026 on when the Saint Hill Special Briefing Course will be available again.

There will be increased pressure on cult members to travel to the advanced orgs, Flag, and the Freewinds for paid services.

At the end of the year, at the New Year's briefing, Miscavige will say that 2026 was their best year ever, and they are booming like never before.