TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)
- Thread starter HelluvaHoax!
- Start date
HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
LOL, that could become an entire thread unto itself. Like the 3-cornered ARC triangle, there are limitless possibilities of alliterative tech triptychs. You have inspired me to try another one. . .
SCIENTOLOGY'S BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENTS: Gurus, Greed & Gargantuan Gaffes
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HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
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WHAT YOUR FEES BUY: Hubbard, Hypocrisy & Hoaxes
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WHAT YOUR FEES BUY: Hubbard, Hypocrisy & Hoaxes
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HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
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SCIENTOLOGY'S SACRED SCRIPTURE: Miracles, Money & Messianic Moviestars
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SCIENTOLOGY'S SACRED SCRIPTURE: Miracles, Money & Messianic Moviestars
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HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
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The "TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY" challenge
Can anyone find any photo embedded with more stupid than this one?
"Messianic Moviestar's Medallion Moment"
Tone 40 pride for having saved mankind on this slave planet!
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Can anyone find any photo embedded with more stupid than this one?
"Messianic Moviestar's Medallion Moment"
Tone 40 pride for having saved mankind on this slave planet!
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Operating DB
3 feet behind my butt
Oooooh! The gravitas! I'm impressed!.
The "TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY" challenge
Can anyone find any photo embedded with more stupid than this one?
"Messianic Moviestar's Medallion Moment"
Tone 40 pride for having saved mankind on this slave planet!
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HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
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LOL
But seriously, I think Mr. Cruise felt that moment of profound gravitas because as he was speaking, his miraculous OT powers were expanding right in front of his own eyes! (NB: Kindly obnose that as Minister Cruise delivered his deadly serious sermon to mankind, both of his hands began spontaneously levitating!)
"We will not speculate here on how my hands
came to rise above the podium" - Tom Cruise
"We will not speculate here on how I came to rise above the bank." - L. Ron Hubbard
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HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
photographs courtesy of
THE UNDERGROUND BUNKER
- - -
THE BEST & THE WORST OF SCIENTOLOGY
IS THE SAME IDENTICAL THING- -
THE SCIENTIFIC CERTIFICATION OF
SUPERNATURALLY EMPOWERED OT VIIIs
WAIT! THERE ARE MANY MORE MIRACLE MAKERS
BENG MADE WHO CAN MAGICALLY MOCK UP MEST !
THESE OTS ARE ALL OVER THE PLANET
BEING TOTAL CAUSE EVERYWHERE!
THEIR POSTULATES ARE WORKING
EVEN ON SHIPS AT SEA!
THESE OT VIIIs ARE THE PLANET'S FIRST TOTALLY FREE
AND INDEPENDENT THETANS WHO ARE OPERATING
OUTSIDE OF BANK AGREEMENT! HERE'S YOUR
EVIDENCE RIGHT HERE--WHERE THE OT
IN THE FLOWERY BLUE DRESS IS
USING HER TOTAL FREEDOM TO
HOLD UP THE OT VIII CERT
WITH JUST ONE HAND
INSTEAD OF TWO.
ALL THESE OT VIII'S HAVE MAGICAL POWERS.
LIKE WE SAID, THEIR CERTIFICATES SCIENTIFICALLY PROVE IT!
BUT THOSE SCIENTIFIC COMPLETION CERTIFICATES KINDA
ACTUALLY SCIENTIFICALLY DISPROVE THEIR OT POWERS.
BECAUSE IF THEY HAD ANY SUPERNATURAL ABILITIES
WHY IS THE ONLY THING THING THEY ARE ABLE
TO DO IN OT VIII PROMO PICTURES IS
HOLDING A PIECE OF PAPER UP
THAT HAS AN OT VIII "LABEL"
LIKE THEY ARE A LIVING
CLAY DEMO?
IF ANY ONE OF THESE OTs ACTUALLY HAD ANY SPECIAL SUPERNATURAL POWER
THEY WOULD NOT BE STANDING THERE LIKE DUMMIES, HOLDING UP
UP FRAMED PIECES OF PAPER AND TRYING TO SELL YOU THEIR
GOOFY PRETEND MAGIC WITH VACUOUSLY DOPEY GRINS.
THAT PROVES THE LIE, BECAUSE WHEN YOU CAN "PULL THE
AIR COVER OFF A PLANET" YOU DON"T POSE FOR
GRIN & GLOW PHOTOS--YOU DO SOMETHING!
THOSE OTS WHO CAN, DO! THOSE
WHO CAN'T, POSE!
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THE UNDERGROUND BUNKER
- - -
THE BEST & THE WORST OF SCIENTOLOGY
IS THE SAME IDENTICAL THING- -
THE SCIENTIFIC CERTIFICATION OF
SUPERNATURALLY EMPOWERED OT VIIIs
WAIT! THERE ARE MANY MORE MIRACLE MAKERS
BENG MADE WHO CAN MAGICALLY MOCK UP MEST !
THESE OTS ARE ALL OVER THE PLANET
BEING TOTAL CAUSE EVERYWHERE!
THEIR POSTULATES ARE WORKING
EVEN ON SHIPS AT SEA!
THESE OT VIIIs ARE THE PLANET'S FIRST TOTALLY FREE
AND INDEPENDENT THETANS WHO ARE OPERATING
OUTSIDE OF BANK AGREEMENT! HERE'S YOUR
EVIDENCE RIGHT HERE--WHERE THE OT
IN THE FLOWERY BLUE DRESS IS
USING HER TOTAL FREEDOM TO
HOLD UP THE OT VIII CERT
WITH JUST ONE HAND
INSTEAD OF TWO.
ALL THESE OT VIII'S HAVE MAGICAL POWERS.
LIKE WE SAID, THEIR CERTIFICATES SCIENTIFICALLY PROVE IT!
BUT THOSE SCIENTIFIC COMPLETION CERTIFICATES KINDA
ACTUALLY SCIENTIFICALLY DISPROVE THEIR OT POWERS.
BECAUSE IF THEY HAD ANY SUPERNATURAL ABILITIES
WHY IS THE ONLY THING THING THEY ARE ABLE
TO DO IN OT VIII PROMO PICTURES IS
HOLDING A PIECE OF PAPER UP
THAT HAS AN OT VIII "LABEL"
LIKE THEY ARE A LIVING
CLAY DEMO?
IF ANY ONE OF THESE OTs ACTUALLY HAD ANY SPECIAL SUPERNATURAL POWER
THEY WOULD NOT BE STANDING THERE LIKE DUMMIES, HOLDING UP
UP FRAMED PIECES OF PAPER AND TRYING TO SELL YOU THEIR
GOOFY PRETEND MAGIC WITH VACUOUSLY DOPEY GRINS.
THAT PROVES THE LIE, BECAUSE WHEN YOU CAN "PULL THE
AIR COVER OFF A PLANET" YOU DON"T POSE FOR
GRIN & GLOW PHOTOS--YOU DO SOMETHING!
THOSE OTS WHO CAN, DO! THOSE
WHO CAN'T, POSE!
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HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
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I would like to nominate for the STUPID HALL OF FAME every single time that a Scientology "AUTHORITY" made a sacredly standard and infallible pronouncement.
There are so many infallible AUTHORITIES within Scientology, but none greater than these three:
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I would like to nominate for the STUPID HALL OF FAME every single time that a Scientology "AUTHORITY" made a sacredly standard and infallible pronouncement.
There are so many infallible AUTHORITIES within Scientology, but none greater than these three:
#1 AUTHORITY IN THIS UNIVERSE - COMMODORE RON
#2 AUTHORITY ON THIS PLANET - CHAIRMAN DAVE
#3 AUTHORITY ON THE MODERN SCIENCE OF MENTAL HEALTH - MESSIANIC MOVIESTAR TOM
I know you are all postulating we will post something totally tone-40 infallible that one of the above authorities said. Sure, no problem!"We are the authorities in getting people off drugs. We are the authorities on the mind.
We are the authorities on improving conditions. We are the authorities on criminality--
we can rehabilitate criminals. Way to Happiness--we can bring peace and unite cultures!"
- Tom Cruise--Infallible Authority
"Some people, well, if they don't like Scientology, well, then, FUCK YOU! (He rises from the table)
Really! (His face reddens and he points an angry finger at the imaginary enemy). FUCK YOU!!"
- Tom Cruise--Infallible Authority on bringing peace and uniting cultures
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HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
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A new feature on "The Stupid Thread".
Is it possible to capture the essence of one's entire Scientology experience, in 5 words or less?
Here's mine. . .
A new feature on "The Stupid Thread".
Is it possible to capture the essence of one's entire Scientology experience, in 5 words or less?
Here's mine. . .
VENI. COGGI. BOGGI. BLOWI. CRINGI.
I came. I cogged. I bogged. I blew. I cringed.
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I came. I cogged. I bogged. I blew. I cringed.
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Karen#1
Well-known member
The Post of the Year ! 
HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
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I have a question about that "Boggi" thing.
Is there ANYONE in Scientology's entire 70-year history of 100% workable tech that DID NOT BOG before attaining the state of OT?
Hey, all those of you who made it to full OT, we'd love to hear your wins! It would be such an "Ideal Scene" if you would also attach a video where you demonstrate one of your magically miraculous OT powers!
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I have a question about that "Boggi" thing.
Is there ANYONE in Scientology's entire 70-year history of 100% workable tech that DID NOT BOG before attaining the state of OT?
Hey, all those of you who made it to full OT, we'd love to hear your wins! It would be such an "Ideal Scene" if you would also attach a video where you demonstrate one of your magically miraculous OT powers!
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HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
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Zen Koan
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
Scientology Koan
What is the excuse of one hundred percent workable tech flapping?
What is the reason fake OTs receive so much clapping?
What is the cost of joining a cult while napping?
.What is the sound of one hand clapping?
Scientology Koan
What is the excuse of one hundred percent workable tech flapping?
What is the reason fake OTs receive so much clapping?
What is the cost of joining a cult while napping?
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HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
In Scientology there is an obsessive need to precisely define each word.
Scientologists have literally spent tens of millions of hours in deep dictionary definition drudgery. Yet, when they use the words in real life, they are often quite clueless what those words actually mean.
And more often than not, the word means THE EXACT OPPOSITE (in Scientologese) than it means in the English language (dictionary) definition they just successfully clay demo'ed. Like the word "EXCHANGE", which they are so proud of being able to define! They know so much about that word's meaning, they can explain to you all "Four Conditions Of Exchange"!
However, ask any of the 98% of people who blew Scientology what the real meaning of that word is inside the cult and see how it compares to the dictionary.
Let's try a few more examples:
Okay, that should do it--you can turn your phones back on now.
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Scientologists have literally spent tens of millions of hours in deep dictionary definition drudgery. Yet, when they use the words in real life, they are often quite clueless what those words actually mean.
And more often than not, the word means THE EXACT OPPOSITE (in Scientologese) than it means in the English language (dictionary) definition they just successfully clay demo'ed. Like the word "EXCHANGE", which they are so proud of being able to define! They know so much about that word's meaning, they can explain to you all "Four Conditions Of Exchange"!
However, ask any of the 98% of people who blew Scientology what the real meaning of that word is inside the cult and see how it compares to the dictionary.
Let's try a few more examples:
Scn Definition: Operating Thetan. A being who can OPERATE at full cause while they are are OPERATING outside of their body and/or the physical universe.
Reality: OTs do not operate. They co-operate (with whomever is their senior or guru du jour) by obeying all of the commands given to them by the command channel.
Scn Definition: Humanitarian. A person who has profound concern for helping to improve the welfare and happiness of humans. A person actively engaged in ethical activities such as saving lives or any project which alleviates suffering of beings through philanthropy.
Reality: Scientologists have an inordinate sneering contempt for humans and in fact fully intends to rid the world of "degraded" humans--and replace them with Homo Novi. This "alleviates suffering of beings" (i.e. Senior Management) "through philanthropy" (of public Scientologists).
Scn Definition: OT Ambassador. (see OT Ambassador's Code, below, and try your hardest to find even one (1) single sentence that does not contain a "Big Lie"):
Reality: This will take at least 35 typed single spaced pages to break down and debunk, so kindly turn off your phones for the next 7 hours. Well, let's begin! I would like to first direct your attention to how OT Ambassadors are taking total responsibility for "salvaging mankind" and "handling this sector of the universe". LOL (mike-drop & e-meter can-drop moment!)
Okay, that should do it--you can turn your phones back on now.
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HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
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Stats crashed. Org closed! I'm no expert, but isn't that a sign of PTS?
If so, I am 100% confident that they will apply their PTS tech to "trace the cause of a failing business"(-Hubbard) and find their SP. I just phoned Ideal Scientologist Billy Blowdown and asked him if he has any idea of who Scientology's SP could be.
BILLY BLOWDOWN
Well, when we apply standard PTS tech, we never evaluate
for others who their SP is. Until there is a huge blowdown
and the right item is found, it could be anybody!
HELLUVAHOAX!
Anybody? Really? Are you sure about that?
BILLY BLOWDOWN
Well yeah--Anybody. But I mean of course it's
obviously not our Commodore or our COB!
(Billy suddenly begins to blow down and nervously LOL)
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Stats crashed. Org closed! I'm no expert, but isn't that a sign of PTS?
If so, I am 100% confident that they will apply their PTS tech to "trace the cause of a failing business"(-Hubbard) and find their SP. I just phoned Ideal Scientologist Billy Blowdown and asked him if he has any idea of who Scientology's SP could be.
BILLY BLOWDOWN
Well, when we apply standard PTS tech, we never evaluate
for others who their SP is. Until there is a huge blowdown
and the right item is found, it could be anybody!
HELLUVAHOAX!
Anybody? Really? Are you sure about that?
BILLY BLOWDOWN
Well yeah--Anybody. But I mean of course it's
obviously not our Commodore or our COB!
(Billy suddenly begins to blow down and nervously LOL)
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HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
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2020 WINNER IN THE CATEGORY OF
COOL CULT GIMMICKS
2020 WINNER IN THE CATEGORY OF
COOL CULT GIMMICKS
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Outstanding!
That would have been a very helpful "r-factor" to receive at the beginning of the "bridge", in order to eliminate the "dev-t" of wasting years or decades, paying and hoping for magical powers.
There may even be a slightly tweaked version---
A good way to con someone, is to find out his deepest desire,
and convince him that he can have that, if he does what you want--
and also convince him that what you want for him and what
he wants for himself is really the same exact thing!
and convince him that he can have that, if he does what you want--
and also convince him that what you want for him and what
he wants for himself is really the same exact thing!
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The Oracle
Not the same Oracle from a decade ago
Great post again HelluvaHoax!
Due to my involvement in Scientology, I have a deep seated hatred to "clapping"
it drives me nuts when I listen to music or podcasts and they dub in that fucking "crowd clapping" and I will mute the sound
All of those events and the non stop clapping drove me crazy.
Anyone else experience that?
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Great post again HelluvaHoax!
Due to my involvement in Scientology, I have a deep seated hatred to "clapping"
it drives me nuts when I listen to music or podcasts and they dub in that fucking "crowd clapping" and I will mute the sound
All of those events and the non stop clapping drove me crazy.
Anyone else experience that?
Hip, Hip, Hooray!
HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
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LOL. The dreaded Hip Hip Hooray! I'm going to assess all the moments uptone Scientologists loudly chanted that in unison three (3) times:
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LOL. The dreaded Hip Hip Hooray! I'm going to assess all the moments uptone Scientologists loudly chanted that in unison three (3) times:
Was that moment of spontaneous group celebratory euphoria. . .
curious about celebration? x
desired celebration? x
enforced celebration? LFBD R/S
inhibited celebration? x
no celebration? x
inhibited celebration? x
The other problem with Hip-Hip-Hoorays: Wildly cheering for people who achieved the magically miraculous states of Clear and OT, when in fact they were delusionally defrauded dupes. HYP-HYP-HYPOCRISY!
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HelluvaHoax!
Well-known member
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LOL.
Yeah, nobody dared to be the 1st to stop cheering and clapping and STFU and also STFD ("Sit The F--K Down").
Marathon standing ovations, on command! Anything at an event could trigger one of those. . .
Due to my involvement in Scientology, I have a deep seated hatred to "clapping". All of those events and the non stop clapping drove me crazy.
Anyone else experience that?
LOL.
Yeah, nobody dared to be the 1st to stop cheering and clapping and STFU and also STFD ("Sit The F--K Down").
Marathon standing ovations, on command! Anything at an event could trigger one of those. . .
COB
. . . and after I pushed a gargantuan filing cabinet down
on top of an 87 year old RPF downstat who was not
running everywhere, per LRH's polices on DBs, I
spotted an old handwritten HCOB by Ron that had
apparently fallen behind it back in 1962! In this
bulletin Ron tells us to "never be reasonable
if you want to attain the state of full OT!"
So, after i read that, I threw that old lady's
ass down a flight of stairs and straight into
a chain locker to get her shit together!"
EVERYONE IN THE AUDITORIUM LEAPS TO THEIR FEET AND
BEGINS WILDLY CHEERING & APPLAUDING FOR 12.5 HOURS
. . . and after I pushed a gargantuan filing cabinet down
on top of an 87 year old RPF downstat who was not
running everywhere, per LRH's polices on DBs, I
spotted an old handwritten HCOB by Ron that had
apparently fallen behind it back in 1962! In this
bulletin Ron tells us to "never be reasonable
if you want to attain the state of full OT!"
So, after i read that, I threw that old lady's
ass down a flight of stairs and straight into
a chain locker to get her shit together!"
EVERYONE IN THE AUDITORIUM LEAPS TO THEIR FEET AND
BEGINS WILDLY CHEERING & APPLAUDING FOR 12.5 HOURS