TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.
from another thread discussing Minister Miscavige's never-ending
stream of bizarrely inflated gaslighting claims
of "UNPRECEDENTED EXPANSION
!"




It's sure a good thing that the Sea Org has "6,601 Sea Org members" to
clear the world because you can give extraordinary VIP service when
you have 1 staff member for every 3 Scientologists on this planet!
Wait, I am getting confused, I thought last month COB
claimed there were 16,000,000 Scientologists.

I think we need an explanatory key. . .

1. Jesus cross with spikes: The symbol of the Church of Scientology. Because (like the cult's claim vs. Christianity) Scientology also turns out to be an "implant". And the pointed spikes represent both the crucifixion nails and also the sharp inward facing barbs on the escape-proof fencing at the Sea Org's international headquarters.

2. Children trafficked as marketing billboards: But don't worry, on the streets this 4 year old is an unreasonable steely-eyed disseminator who can quickly find DBs ruins and sell them a book 87% of the time!

3. "Total Freedom": They have it. You want it. Get out your credit cards!

4. "Everybody put your hands in the air—like you just don't care!": No, it's not 'insouciance'. It's the staff members' response when COB personally inspects their org and surveys his mustered militia, demanding to know: "If you wouldn't get declared, disconnected, lose your eternities, stalked, fair gamed and terrorized into a completely degraded & devastating destruction—by a show of hands how many of you would love to blow staff right now?"


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.
If Scientologists could read this particular post
(which they are certainly not allowed to do)
they would attack and decry it as an
absurdly ridiculous & outrageous lie.

- - -


THIS IS HOW SCIENTOLOGY WORKS
To wit, this is exactly how Scientology gurus, con artists and other
fast-talking cult pitchmen are able to convince ordinary
Homo-Credulous
into wasting many decades and hundreds of thousands of dollars to one
day become a magical & miraculously super-powered
Homo-Novus.

Dear trusting Scientologists—what follows is a cold-blooded and factual
account of your last 76 trillion
years hopes to one day become an OT.
This is how "Dr" Hubbard and "Minister" Miscavige gotcha!

Pay close attention, Hubbardites. In these scenarios
you are not the one performing the miracles.





"Scientology is not total cause over life...
It turns out to be total cause over marks"

-Don Hubbard


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
..

"Scientology is not total cause over life...
It turns out to be total cause over marks"

-Don Hubbard.


Consider for a moment how many different salesmen there are who attack Scientologists with "donation" rackets each time they enter or try to leave an org, a briefing or an event. Scientologists additionally receive a continuous and indefatigable tsunami of marketing enticements to "donate!" via telephone, voice messages, text messages, e-mails, letters, promotional pieces, contacts from FSMs, "VIP" r-factors, obligatory handlings and countless other cleverly disguised crush-sell sessions.

To be allowed to leave Scientology's MECCA (the "Flag Land Base" in Florida) one has to first get signatures on their "departure routing form" from a veritable gauntlet of cult pitchmen--who bear a remarkable resemblance to carny pitchmen and barkers who shout out "everyone is a winner!" enticements to unsuspecting carnival customers.

That's virtually identical to Hubbard's repetitious refrain that "Scientology is the only game in the universe where everyone wins!"

For fun, here's a remarkable origin of the word "mark" I just noticed:

"When dishonest carnival game operators found someone who they could entice to keep playing their "rigged" (game), they would then "mark" the player by patting their back with a hand that had chalk on it. Other game operators would then look for these chalk marks and entice the individual to also play their rigged game."
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
Welcome back to another reading from Dr. Hubbard's greatest book. . .

In today's lesson we learn about how a Scientologist's IQ
is raised one point for every single hour of processing!
- - -


AND HERE IS HOW IT ALL WORKS. . .

SCIENTOLOGISTS BUY HUNDREDS OF HOURS
OF AUDITING IN ORDER TO REACH THE MAGICAL
STATE OF OPERATING THETAN, A GOD-LIKE BEING
WITH SUPERNATURALLY MIRACULOUS POWERS!

FOR THIS, THEY INVEST DECADES & OVER A HALF MILLION DOLLARS.

DESPITE THEIR IQs SOARING TO 4-5 TIMES GREATER THAN EINSTEIN,
THEY ARE STILL TOO DULL TO REALIZE THAT THEY NEVER
ACQUIRED ANY OF THE MAGICAL POWERS THEY PAID FOR.

THEN, RATHER THAN ESCAPE FROM THE FRAUDULENT CULT, THEY
DO SOMETHING EVEN STUPIDER. THEY DONATE VAST SUMS MORE
IN ORDER FOR THE CULT TO BUY MAGICAL "IDEAL" BUILDINGS, SO
THAT ALL BEINGS ON THE PLANET CAN ACQUIRE THE MYSTICALLY
DIVINE POWERS THAT THEY THEMSELVES NEVER RECEIVED.

AND WHEN ALL THAT CAUSES MICRO DOUBTS TO BEGIN
CREEPING INTO THEIR ADVANCED STATES OF CERTAINTY,
THEY THEN DONATE ANOTHER MILLION DOLLARS TO THE
IAS—SO THAT THE PRICELESS TECHNOLOGY THAT BRINGS
ABOUT ALL THESE TRANSCENDENT (YET NON-EXISTENT)
PARANORMAL POWERS ARE PROTECTED FOR "ETERNITY".

RECAP: Paying Scientology customers have not acquired any of the supernatural powers that Hubbard guaranteed. Neither have they ever witnessed another Scientologist who could demonstrate even one (1) of those powers. And they have never even asked Scientology management to let them meet anyone who has such a power. None of these things apparently are important to Scientologists. They do, however, get very very very excited to go to big Scientology events so they can stand and wildly cheer the announcement of a "new breakthrough" that is coming out soon which will fix the fact that nobody got super-powers. This is what inspires Hubbardites. Not the thing itself, but the anticipation of the thing. This is extremely logical, because 'the thing" is always frightfully & depressingly disappointing when it arrives.
 
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.

The only thing in Scientology that occurs more frequently than lying about magically & miraculous superpowers is the ever-present lying about statistics. Scientology specializes in peering blinklessly into the camera and voicing ridiculously inflated numbers--such as the clownishly desperate claim that there are 16M Scientologists. Here are a couple posts from one of the threads discussing a currently circulating "big lie" the cult's leader is bragging about (see thread named: Is Captain David Miscavige’s Claim of 6601 Sea Org Members Real?) The following couple posts are focused on the never-ending project to get their central files folders in present time.

- - - - -

..
PirateAndBum said:
Note that they (Chicago org) say (they have) 100,000 files. That's not just CF, that number also includes student files and ethics files, not sure if PC folders are involved as well.
.

Scientologists have been feverishly working for the past 19 years to make all the Central Files folders ideal inside the ideal orgs. They have the pitifully magical belief that if they can somehow successfully put the pieces of paper inside those folders in chronological order--it will "make planetary clearing a reality".

Nobody has ever explained how rearranging pieces of paper in dusty, decades-old folders will do that. And the volunteer zombies doing the all that filing never think to ask. Or, perhaps they do wonder about it but are too afraid to ask.

All of the above perfectly illustrates the essential core nature of the cult of Scientology. To wit, endlessly performed meaningless tasks and a triumphantly celebratory banner that reads:

"WE ARE SAVING THE UNIVERSE—
JUST THANK US AND DONATE!"

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
..

What happened to "BE - DO - HAVE"?



Let's review that command again, shall we?

DO YOUR (completion) STATUS!

Wait. Isn't a "status" a "beingness"?

You can BE a status. You can't DO a status.
It used to be that only Dr. Hubbard could
make up shit but now they're all doing it. LOL.

Well, at least they are good at putting their arms in the air
and pretending that amazing OT things are happening.

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.

cross-posted from
another thread
by ILove2Lurk
- - -
ILove2Lurk said:


At one time, Hubbard had promoted his work as "THE science of the mind" and deconstruction
of the source of the material universe. THE science. On par with the greats of history like
Isaac Newton or Albert Einstein. And this "science thing" was probably these folks entrée into
the subject. I guess somehow they don't realize what a "total tech degrade" it is to promote

"THE science" by dressing up in superhero costumes or as circus clowns.

Obviously, they don't have a clue, which is frightening. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And Miscavige is not putting a stop to this silliness because all he cares about is that these
events keep the money rolling in. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯




SUMMARY: Circus clowns saving the universe. It doesn't have to make sense—it's Scientology.


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Bill

Well-known member
..<snip>
<snip>
Let's review that command again, shall we?

DO YOUR (completion) STATUS!

Wait. Isn't a "status" a beingness?
<snip>
In 70+ years, the ONLY thing Scientology has EVER delivered has been "status". "Release" was status only. Same for "Clear" and "OT". The only there there was STATUS. "I'm CLEAR!!", I'm OT 8!!" Status only.

Clear bracelet, OT jewelry, fancy, framed certificates, bowling trophies, showing up next to COB, etc. etc. All hat no cattle.
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
..

In 70+ years, the ONLY thing Scientology has EVER delivered has been "status". "Release" was status only. Same for "Clear" and "OT". The only there there was STATUS. "I'm CLEAR!!", I'm OT 8!!" Status only.

Clear bracelet, OT jewelry, fancy, framed certificates, bowling trophies, showing up next to COB, etc. etc. All hat no cattle.
.
Sadly (based upon your unconscionably unwarranted natter), we can conclude that you previously only pretended to standardly do your Bridge--which is why you did not attain your statuses.

Everyone else in Scientology, however, did attain their statuses! We are all now out here exterior in the galactic universe, flying about and playing theta games, while you are unfortunately trapped down there on a slave planet.

We'll keep the door open a crack for you—if you ever come to your senses.


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
..

CULT COPYWRITING
(original)







CULT COPYWRITING
(after translation)




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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
..

Clearing the planet is admittedly an extraordinarily difficult task! It's no surprise, therefore, that Scientologists often go downtone or become hopeless that the percentage of "Clears" in the Earth's population is now less than it was in the 1950s! Even more depressing is that since the release of OT VII (40 years ago), they still have not been able to produce 10,000 beings "on or complete with OT VII". Ron stated that if they could reach that magical number the planet would go Clear and be saved. However, Scientologists failed to locate 10K customers who were interested to attain magical powers, unlimited wealth, perfect health, total happiness and immortality.
.


INSPIRATIONAL MESSAGE TO LIFT THE SPIRITS OF SCIENTOLOGISTS

One always has to remind oneself to try to look at things from the brighter side--that the glass is half-full.
Ergo, Scientologists should not feel despondent that after 72 years of operation they still haven't produced
10,000 beings that reached the State of OT—because there are many other COS statistics that are booming.
For example, considering that approximately 99% of Scientologists end up blowing, that would mean that
Scientology has produced millions who successfully reached Other States (PTS, NCG, DB & SP).
...

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
..
Cross-posted from another thread discussing the raging fires that
are spreading in the region of Scientology's international headquarters
in Hemet California. Everyone is wondering why Scientology's fabled
Operating Thetans don't use their "powers" to extinguish the inferno. . .



- - -

I'm sure the OT Committee will take care of this. :yes: I'm not sure what they're waiting for though. :unsure:

If there are any OSA reps here please get a CSW into whoever is senior to the OT Committee Chairman along with a CC to Tom Cruise.

Thank you in advance!


.
LOL

REASON WHY SCIENTOLOGY OTS HAVE NOT ALREADY
USED THEIR SUPERPOWERS TO EXTINGUISH THE HEMET FIRES


Because their "Successful Actions" on natural disasters (such as hurricanes and tornadoes at Flag)
is to use power postulates to steer them away from the base and send the destructive forces into
neighboring low income areas in Clearwater where only DBs and PTSs will be left homeless,
injured or killed. However, the OTs at Scientology's international base in Hemet are delaying
use of this tech tactic—due to the fact that in Southern California the lowest income
area is actually inside Scientology's international base itself.



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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
..

I love how he describes taking a walk as a ‘technology’ 😂
.
LOL

In Scientology there is a tech for everything!

GENERAL BREAKDOWN:
  1. 33% of the tech has to do with effective & expedient lying.
  2. 26% of the tech has to do with how to defraud others out of all their money.
  3. 22% of the tech has to do with how to imagine one is attaining magical god-like superpowers.
  4. 13% of the tech has to do with pretending one is wildly winning for success stories and video testimonials.
  5. 6% of the tech has to do with attacking, terrorizing & destroying those who expose 1-4 above.


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
/

from another thread discussing why Ideal Orgs that were purchased a
long time ago still find it impossible to open. Like the Chicago Ideal Org

building that was purchased 16 years ago! It's quite the mystery. . .
- - -

Reyne Mayer said:
i hadn't thought about it before, but maybe part of the problem with being unable to open the building is that sta
ff and members don't have much if any enthusiasm for the move. if they're typical they've lost a fair number during the pandemic, and they'd probably lose at least a few more in the move.
. . .
If I had to guess, they probably have already checked off 97 of the 100 boxes required to open their exciting new IDEAL ORG.

The only three (3) boxes that remain un-checked are:
FINDING A TECHNOLOGY THAT WORKS
AT LEAST ONE STAFF MEMBER WHO IS ABLE/WILLING TO CONVINCINGLY LIE TO PROSPECTIVE PCS ABOUT "OT POWERS"
LOCATING RICH PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO GOOGLE
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.

cross-posted from another thread discussing Scientology's
"MANAGEMENT BY STATISTICS SYSTEM"
- - -

(excerpt):
Every department and person in the org (dis org really) is working in competition with every other person or department. . .In my day reges hid the files of people they were working on.
.
.
LOL!!

It seems that within Scientology "HIDING" is a very popular tone level!

Staff members hide the files of customers so nobody else gets the stat and/or commission.
Dr. Hubbard & Minister Miscavige hide from investigative reporters, civil litigation,
tax fraud audits, process servers, subpoenas and criminal indictments.
Paying public PCs hide from relentlessly rapacious registrars.
All defrauded Scientologists hide from the truth—about the pretend magical powers hoax.

The supremely cringy paradox is that Scientology sells for lavishly inflated prices auditing & training guaranteed to raise a being's confront—so that they can look directly at all of life's problems and "erase", "as-is" and "make them vanish". However, even after spending decades and over a half-million dollars, the only thing that vanishes is the Scientologists' sanity (while they are in) and the Scientologists themselves when they blow.

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Reyne Mayer

Pansexual Revolutionary
It seems that within Scientology "HIDING" is a very popular tone level!
i'm starting to think that maybe in scn, hiding is actually the 'universal solvent'.

what don't scns hide -- by the time you take into account their persistent dishonest misrepresentation? with Hubbard's fundamental 'acceptable truth' doctrine, isn't there nothing that scns and CoS management won't conceal or obscure?

for example, i've discovered, that they often even hide the addresses of their orgs -- frequently, i find out that the street addresses given are not actually the legal addresses, because of ruses they use like to try to pretend that Dianetics and Scientology next door to each other aren't the same thing, or in the case of missions to cover up the fact that the operation is really just a sideline of some business the franchisee runs.

i challenge anyone to list even one thing we can be certain that the CoS and scns never hide, or never hide the truth of.
 
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.

i'm starting to think that maybe in scn, hiding is actually the 'universal solvent'. what don't scns hide -- by the time you take into account their persistent dishonest misrepresentation? with Hubbard's fundamental 'acceptable truth' doctrine, isn't there nothing that scns and CoS management won't conceal or obscure? for example, i've discovered, that they often even hide the addresses of their orgs -- frequently, i find out that the street addresses given are not actually the legal addresses, because of ruses they use like to try to pretend that Dianetics and Scientology next door to each other aren't the same thing, or in the case of missions to cover up the fact that the operation is really just a sideline of some business the franchisee runs. i challenge anyone to list even one thing we can be certain that the CoS and scns never hide, or never hide the truth of.
/
Outstanding commentary! And very thought provoking!

After reading the final line in your post, I decided to "take the challenge", lol.

The first thing that came to mind was not really an answer but actually another question. To wit:

WHAT IS SCIENTOLOGY'S MOST FIERCELY
AND FANATICALLY HIDDEN SECRET?

One thing I know for sure, it's not the XENU-VOLCANO-BT industrial complex. The cult fumbled that one ages ago and when it published on worldwide media and the internet, not only were there not billions who died from restimulation/pneumonia--but nobody even got the sniffles. Ergo, the cult's terrorizing end-of-the-world doomsday predictions turned into the giggly punchline to a joke.

At this moment, I don't have a fully charged e-meter, thus what I am about to offer as "the answer" has not yet been scientifically authenticated. However, it seems to be a robust advance in the search for the sect's Secreta Secretorum ("The Secret of Secrets").

However, before uncloaking such a blindingly mystical revelation, I'll just mention the handful of possibilities that flashed through my reactive brain in the first few nano-seconds of thinking about that question:
  • what is really happening with the billions of dollars hidden in the offshore trusts/accounts?
  • what crime waves and black ops terrorism has the cult perpetrated that are, as yet, undiscovered?
  • what did the cult successfully hide that's even more devastating than Hubbard's failed suicide?
  • who did Hubbard/Miscavige have murdered or at least tried to murder?
Onward! Here's my offering today of what might be the cult's biggest secret. As anti-climactic as it may appear on the surface, it might ultimately hold the key to how Scientology's already-wobbly business model could be knocked entirely off the tracks and sent into a near-comatose state. Here goes. . .

Scientology's most fiercely and fanatically guarded secret is that approximately 98% of all Scientologists eventually realize that they have been damaged, degraded & defrauded—after which they depart ("blow"). Yes, I know that, theoretically, the world could dig into internet sites like ESMB and others and find quite a bit of information about that. However, the information of what specifically happened to all those hundreds of thousands of cult victims is too scattered around the internet and virtually impenetrable due to the noxious skunk spray of obscure Scientology nomenclature and CultSpeak. Simply put, it's just far too much work for a "wog" to dig through and made exponentially more difficult by the fact that Scientology terms are themselves ultra-complex and creepily cryptic concepts of things that do not even exist in the first place.

Perhaps what is needed is a website or URL that contains "CUSTOMER REVIEWS" of everyone who has ever purchased a course or auditing since 1950, in a short, easy to digest format. Think customer reviews for Amazon or any other seller of goods/services on the internet.

This is essentially (at least for today) the closest I have come to realizing what would be the most crippling secret and blow to Scientology that is within reach. It's not the cancellation of its non-profit status, I believe. It's that people around the world do not have even the slightest clue what Scientology customers have to say about what happened while they were "in" and why they "escaped".

Who in their right mind, aside from professional masochists, would expose themselves to the cult of Scientology's malicious and sadistic con game if they really had access to a friendly, easy to read compilation of blown Scientologists reviews of the hoax?

Maybe the customer review website should have a cover page that reads:

"This is a cold-blooded and factual account of your
the last 76 trillion years 76 thousand Scientologists who
somehow escaped the cult and lived to tell about it."


All readers are welcome and invited to offer up even deeper and darker secrets that the cult is desperately trying to hide.

..
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