TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

[PirateAndBum]

It is my opinion that pretty much every CoS Scientologist knows that something is wrong. When I was in, I was well aware that I hadn't gotten the promised gains; that the Scientologists I knew were not demonstrating "homo novis" at all; that the money-money-money pressure was wrong; that the orgs I personally saw were not "straight up and vertical" expanding -- and so on.

I don't think one needs to convince a Scientologist that things are wrong in Scientology, I just think you need to get them to acknowledge what they already know.

Seeing that scn is the science of "knowing how to know" I'm sure they will get there eventually. Now one might ask, "How come they don't know what they know?" But that of course is a silly question to ask. Because Ron wouldn't have done all that work and written all those words for no reason! Of course there is a lot to know before you can know how to know because once you do know how to know, well man o man you will understand and then you will beam and glow and the room will brighten up and you will jump to your feet looking for a poster to clap and hoot hip hip hoorays to for a good while as your F/Nyness flows out to the assembled masses (well these days maybe a few hang-dogged staff) bringing them uptone and giving them the certainty that all those long hours are sooo worth it and that they too will one day know how to know just like Ron and you. So if you don't yet know, then just keep flowing that cash to the reg and soon all will be revealed, maybe...

Thank you for listening, I write just to restim for you!

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.
.

THE "ARC" OF A SCIENTOLOGIST
PART I OF 2


Wow! Affinity, Reality & Communication! Sounds positively upstanding, up-stat and up-tone, right?

No. Not that ARC. The homo sapiens word arc (on this planet):

​

Sorry to disappoint--I know some of you read the super-theta headline of this essay and already leapt to your feet and began applauding and flowing power and ARC to our Founder's wall photo. Like I mentioned, Scientology is a disappointing subject. If you are not too ARC-broken at this point, please continue reading.

We would be remiss if we did not clear the word "arc" and use it in sentences. Let's keep this thing standard. Please feel free to make up your own sentences, here are a few of mine that ultimately resulted in "full conceptual understanding":

- - "When I was in Napoleon in 1836, I had a huge win when visiting the Arc de Triomphe!"
(missing mass provided at no extra cost)



.

- - "When I was Shakespeare in 1599, I had a huge win when I realized
realized that every story has a curve, just like an arc!"



​

The plot thickens! So, what then is the arc (i.e. "story arc") of a Scientologist?

HINT: A clue is found in the third and final act---the "denouement". It describes how the story's complications ultimately unravel and resolve. The word's origin literally means "...the untying of the knot". In Scientology, the story always ends with the untying of the NOTs (plural), when OTs (big beings) who have handled their "NOTS" case (OT V, VI, VIII and VIII; "New era dianetics for OTS") figure out they have been Gullivered!

. ​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.

THE "ARC" OF A SCIENTOLOGIST
PART 2 OF 2

Without further delay, we can "cut to the chase" of a Scientologist's story arc, by mapping their journey as follows:

1. Human with human problems, on this planet (the "ruin").​

​

2. Discovers there is a super-human solution to their suffering (the "bridge").​

​

3. Discovers it is lavishly expensive (the "exchange").​

​

4. Researches the entire matter before committing upwards of $600,000. (the "due diligence")​

​

5. Decides to take the full ride to miraculous powers and eternity (the "postulate")​

​

6. Realizes the tech doesn't work and blows (the "crime" proving they were evil all along) ​

Simply summarized as above, it all sounds quite--well, stupid! This must mean that the Scientologist is stupid, right?

ANSWER: Well sure it's kinda stupid to pay fortunes for supernatural powers that never appear. But why? The answer to that cosmic riddle is cleverly hidden in the story's plot point #4, above, the due diligence.

HOW IT WORKS: The same as any business. Prospective buyers check out the "customer satisfaction" level of previous customers. To wit, before buying something on eBay or Amazon, one can simply read the reviews (whether good, bad or ugly) before making a decision. In Scientology's case, it is a crime to post, speak, write or even think any negative review. So where does one go? To a Clear or OT, of course, they're the customer, they're the de facto "product" of Scientology. Thus, the beginning Scientologist ASKS someone who has "made it" what their experience and satisfaction level is.

And in 100% of the cases, the Clear/OT will blinklessly and grinningly answer them with a bright twinkle in their eyes.

"SCIENTOLOGY IS AMAZING! MIRACULOUS! BEYOND MY WILDEST DREAMS!
IT SOLVED ALL MY PROBLEMS! NOW I AM SPECTACULARLY SUCCESSFUL & HAPPY!"​

Well, that was easy, right? What's not to like? Due diligence completed!

Perhaps the most fascinating part of that conversation is that the Clear/OT is lying. Certainly they are lying to the newbie! But more significantly, they are first and foremost lying to themselves. The "dynamic principle" of life (in Scientology) is not "Survive!"---it is instead the endemic impulse to "Lie!"

And that is how the cunningly convincing cult-craft works!

.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.

CORRECTION: The following graphic was previously posted but not captioned with a suitable "overall label" which provides a proper balance of mass and insignificance. FIFY.
.

The Scientology "Big Bang Being" Theory



A multitude of Scientology's Spiritual Advisors and Religious Ministers
collaboratively help the ABLE TO BECOME MORE ABLE and
the BIG TO BECOME BIGGER (donors)...
and thus SECURE their eternity.

.

​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.

Scientologists are the unequaled masters of clearing words!

For example, just ask a Scientologist if they can define & demonstrate the meaning of the word "cult".

After thinking a moment they will break into a happy grin and say:

Yes, that is simple!
Cults are fanatic & fake religions because they
blindly believe in false data that derives from
being implanted with lies--from fake Messiahs
who are pretending to save the world and
give all beings happiness & eternal life.
​

Their answer does in fact perfectly demonstrate what a cult is. Quite unintentionally.

.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

. . .

Hubbard was really big on attacking & dead-agenting other messiahs.

"The man on the cross, there was no Christ."
- L. Ron Hubbard​

Other saviors salvaging mankind is apparently bad for business.

Perhaps this is a good time to re-introduce an old friend of ours to this "Ex" message board--Commander Ex--and ask him what he thinks about all these fake-messiah accusations flying around. . .

.

What do I think about our beloved maritime messiah?

"The man on the boat, there was no OT."
- Commander Ex

.​

.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Nominated for one of the TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY:

The moment in the 1960s when a cult con man thought of the bright idea of making Scientology's senior management wear military uniforms.

​

Lanyards & Medals & Swords, oh my!

​

And having them march around officiously demanding that others salute them.

​

And call them "sir" (even women).

Military uniforms! Bearing a trillion "Galactic Confederation" insignia that would causatively restimulate fear & compliance in others, so that it causes them to obey!

Because that insignia was the same symbol on the uniforms on a trillion year old military cult that enslaved all beings in the galaxy.

So naturally (in this modern era), degraded beings trapped on this slave planet (Earth) will see all this wholetrack military iconography and respond with passive obedience when they are ordered to pay $600,000 or more for miraculous superpowers---that guarantee they won't ever again become victims of a military cult trying to enslave all beings in the galaxy by restimulating fear & compliance (exactly like Scientology is doing to them).

All the above so that the uniforms cause others to become total effect--so that they may donate sufficiently to one day become total cause.

.

.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

I have often wondered what in life could possibly be as stupid as the hoax "technology" of Scientology.

Where is there some other place where people are euphorically celebrating and donating all their time and all their money to spiritual & scientific miracles that never once happened. That's some kind of diabolically and densely & delusionally difficult to define designation of dumb!

It's so stupid it's off the grid. We need a tool of some kind to even conceive of it.

Ergo, introducing an all-new feature on this discussion thread. . .

SP'S SENSATIONALLY STUPID
SCIENTOLOGY SIMILE
of the day
​

Scientology is as stupid as. . .​

TRYING TO CURE LUNG CANCER​

BY SMOKING DRAMATICALLY MORE CIGARETTES​

​

​

Oh no! ​

​

Wait! ​

​

That is NOT a simile! ​

​

That IS Scientology!​

​

My first attempt. Oooops, I blew it. I told you it's going to be difficult!​

​

Back to work, we need a simile---please feel free to contribute ideas!​

​

.​

​

​

​

 

[guanoloco]

Scientology is as stupid as calling Death and Pain an emotion like someone can merely "master" them to "get out of them" like one does Anger or Fear or something.

...OH!...WAIT!!

That is NOT a simile!

That IS Scientology!

...my bad...

 

[guanoloco]

Here's some more Pain and Death stuff...along with a Declaration of War...which is of course what all cults do. How else do you motivate the activists?

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.

- 2nd Attempt -

Scientology is as stupid as. . .
A Pan Troglodyte (monkey) failing to acquire the "upper level" abilities
and reading, writing & speaking super-powers of Homo Sapiens---
and thereafter giving the "no case gain" being a
much bigger tech estimate for sec checks
to find their crimes so they can
attain the same miracles
as all the other
chimps who
"made it"
to OH



​

.
OH -noun: (abbv.) Operating Human​

.

​

 

[guanoloco]

Time for another shot of....



VISTARIL PUPPY


Digging for pictures on the net is fun and it brings up another thing I've always considered soooooooooooooo stupid and that's Ron's death cert where it's discovered that he's got vistaril in his system and injection marks on his buttocks - which is the way this drug is administered if you're having anxiety attacks or need to be calmed down in a psychotic break. However, Scientology's official shore story is that the drug is administered because of...ALLERGIES!!

Here's a golden oldie I found.



For those who need a memory jogger this depiction is showing how man is supposed to be in a natural state with a body...exterior. So what we're seeing here is a "demo" of that state where the body is the sliver "injected" into the "being". So we're supposed to be this large entity in space with wide anchor points where the body is like some sort of minor thing in relation to what we are instead of being trapped inside of a body and smaller than "it".

When we reached this state we were to be totally at Cause over MEST and, particularly, the body!

In fact, in this very same book it is scientifically demonstrated that the body's weight can be altered as much as thirty pounds by thought alone!

See here:



The scale goes from 180 to 150!

On top of all of this Elron Presto also came up with super duper tech of the Asthma/Allergy Rundown. Here's the Grade Chart and on the right side are the Special Rundowns and Actions and if you go here https://scientology-research.org/wp/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/grdchart.gif you can click on the image to expand it and read those rundowns.

So, even if Ron wasn't so OT that the body was a mere sliver - and, get this, things that affect the sliver aren't going to affect the thumb all that so even if the sliver has allergies the thumb doesn't need to go Effect of that - he wrote and came up with the Asthma/Allergy Rundown.

Remember, in Scientology if you even take an aspirin that means no auditing for a week.

Why does Hubbard have vistaril in his body? It's stupid.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.
Scientology is as stupid as: A Pan Troglodyte (monkey) failing to acquire the "upper level" abilities and reading, writing & speaking super-powers of Homo Sapiens---and thereafter giving the "no case gain" being a much bigger tech estimate for sec checks to find their crimes so they can attain the same miracles as all the other chimps who "made it" to OH. .
OH -noun: (abbv.) Operating Human

Actually, the above simile would be far more accurate if all that happened in a universe that was only inhabited by chimpanzees and no humans had ever existed---except in the made-up yarns sold by hacks for a penny a word to pulp fiction rags like Simian Sci-Fi.

Famed war hero and sci-fi writer who later authored
the bestselling simian self-help book Chimpenetics

.

.
​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.

What is the difference between being a member of the Scientology CULT and being a 3 year old CHILD?

When you are 3, someone sits with you at night--telling you make-believe stories that help lull you into a deep sleep.​

​

When you are in a cult, someone sits with you day or night--telling you make-believe stories that help lull you into a deep sleep (but only after you pay a half-million dollars).​

.

 

[Lone Star]

I have often wondered what in life could possibly be as stupid as the hoax "technology" of Scientology.

Where is there some other place where people are euphorically celebrating and donating all their time and all their money to spiritual & scientific miracles that never once happened. That's some kind of diabolically and densely & delusionally difficult to define designation of dumb!

It's so stupid it's off the grid. We need a tool of some kind to even conceive of it.

Ergo, introducing an all-new feature on this discussion thread. . .

SP'S SENSATIONALLY STUPID
SCIENTOLOGY SIMILE
of the day
​

​

Scientology is as stupid as. . .​

​

TRYING TO CURE LUNG CANCER​

​

BY SMOKING DRAMATICALLY MORE CIGARETTES​

​

​

​

Oh no! ​

​

Wait! ​

​

That is NOT a simile! ​

​

That IS Scientology!​

​

My first attempt. Oooops, I blew it. I told you it's going to be difficult!​

​

Back to work, we need a simile---please feel free to contribute ideas!​

​

Scientology is as stupid as:

TRYING TO ACHIEVE HAVINGNESS BY GOING INTO MASSIVE FINANCIAL DEBT


Oooops.....FAIL!

Not a simile either. A Sea Org staffer once told me that debt is Havingness and that I needed to duplicate this truth to overcome my stress over debt.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.

To really understand the cult of Scientology, one must "Follow The Money!" [ HINT: It all "flowed" up the command channel to the C-Suite consisting of the CEO, COO, CFO, COS, Commodore and COB ]

However, to fully understand the money of Scientology, one must "Follow The Celebrations!"

AXIOM: Scientology always celebrates a breakthrough before anything happens and after the previously celebrated miracle failed so often & miserably that cult customers stopped contributing cash.

CHRONOLOGY OF CULT CELEBRATIONS

1. In the beginning, Scientology celebrated the IDEAL HUMAN -- Clear! (Homo Novis)​

​

2. Then, they celebrated the IDEAL CLEAR -- Operating Thetan! (Homo No-itall)​

​

3. Then, they celebrated the IDEAL BOOKS -- The Basics! (The Emperor's Novis Books) ​

​

4. Then, they celebrated the IDEAL POWER -- SuperPower! (Building Novis)​

​

5. Then, they celebrated the IDEAL ORGS -- Operating Mest! (Total Freedom From Linoleum)​

Currently the cult celebrates the IDEAL STATUS -- Fancy Sounding Words! (Homo Dupe-is). Forget about Clear and Operating Thetan when you can attain even more advanced levels like--Humanitarian Patron Invictus Meritorius!

Be the envy of your fellow culties when they obnose your collection of Total Trophies and Super-Spiritual
trinkets like your new five-million dollar Sector Salvager lapel pin!

The Bridge to Infinite Status apparently ends when the being has risen above Homo Novis and attained the state of Homo No-dough.

.

​

​

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.

In the beginning, hopeful Scientologists postulate that they will attain the advanced state of Clear and the miraculous state of OT.

Later, when that delusional dream is eventually and necessarily abandoned, they settle for just pretending they have "made it" by affecting a winning grin and knowing twinkle in their blinkless eyes---whilst reciting miracles chosen from the BOOK OF STANDARD & ACCEPTABLE WINS.

Upon seeing such flourishing and prospering "VGI's", fellow thetan thespians in this role-playing game reciprocally give each other admiring flows & standing ovations.

PRO TIP: It is considered excellent manners to burst into spontaneous laughter & applause if the miracle being shared has something to do with finding a parking space.

.

 

[Glenda]

.

In the beginning, hopeful Scientologists postulate that they will attain the advanced state of Clear and the miraculous state of OT.

Later, when that delusional dream is eventually and necessarily abandoned, they settle for just pretending they have "made it" by affecting a winning grin and knowing twinkle in their blinkless eyes---whilst reciting miracles chosen from the BOOK OF STANDARD & ACCEPTABLE WINS.

Upon seeing such flourishing and prospering "VGI's", fellow thetan thespians in this role-playing game reciprocally give each other admiring flows & standing ovations.

PRO TIP: It is considered excellent manners to burst into spontaneous laughter & applause if the miracle being shared has something to do with finding a parking space.

.

I was out and about very early this morning. In my little city there were parking spaces everywhere.

I am in a state of miraculous sparkly glittery clear. I think. I am a tad baffled if it is normal behaviour to shout "It's a fucking miracle!" each time I find a car-park exactly where I want one. Some of my friends have hinted it may not be normal particularly when my eyes glaze over and I start mumbling stuff like "where is my clipboard, I need to write a success story..." My new friends just don't understand me. They think I have joined the local drama club and that I'm rehearsing a part in some upcoming play. So not spiritual of them. Off-purpose bad-mannered plebs!

 

[Dotey OT]

I was out and about very early this morning. In my little city there were parking spaces everywhere.

I am in a state of miraculous sparkly glittery clear. I think. I am a tad baffled if it is normal behaviour to shout "It's a fucking miracle!" each time I find a car-park exactly where I want one. Some of my friends have hinted it may not be normal particularly when my eyes glaze over and I start mumbling stuff like "where is my clipboard, I need to write a success story..." My new friends just don't understand me. They think I have joined the local drama club and that I'm rehearsing a part in some upcoming play. So not spiritual of them. Off-purpose bad-mannered plebs!

We need a new word to replace "wogs", don't you think??

 

[Dotey OT]

To the tune of "This Planet Is Ours", from the Apollo Stars Album (retch, ugh... I'm ok now)

This car-park is ours, is ours, is ours, this car-park,
This car-park is ours, is ours, is ours, this car-park,
This car-park is ours, is ours, is ours, this car-park,
This car-park is ours, is ours, is ours, this car-park,
Were parking in, Were parking in, Were parking in, Were parking in, Were parking in, Were parking in, Were parking in, Were parking in,
This car-park is ours, is ours, is ours, this car-park,
This car-park is ours, is ours, is ours, this car-park,
This car-park is ours, is ours, is ours, this car-park,
This car-park is ours, is ours, is ours, this car-park, and so on ad nauseum