A few past post excerpts of mine, if curious . . .
~
It came in stages. Here's a shocking anecdote I remember really clearly.
I was newly in but was auditor trained all the way, so I had already experienced some things. I knew this man who
was a lot older than me -- 55 or so at the time. A little hefty and definitely a blue collar kinda guy. He had his whole
family in and active. One day I see him walking up my driveway. He looked chalky, sorta grey complexion, oddly
sweating, rings around the eyes, and definitely not looking well by my standards.
He said he had some news to tell me. I thought he was gonna tell me he had just survived a heart attack and was
on the mend. But, no. He told me he had just attested to "dianetic clear." I was shocked as hell but didn't show it. I
congratulated him, of course. That episode and
a few others I won't mention caused me to have a "dark night of the
soul" and I stopped auditing others after that. The whole early "dianetic clear" thing was a total mess, I concluded.
~
Years later . . . many years later.
Each iteration of the
Golden Age of Tech blew out more and more auditors from what I
could see. I had totally left after the first golden age of tech, but still had many friends
who were in. I was well liked, since I was very personable and sorta fun. Still am.
Over the decades, I had once had a friend who got declared as Clear, then Un-Clear, four times,
doing repeats of their lower bridges each time to get to Clear again. Like three to four trips
through the lower bridge. A financial and
mental calamity.
At one point, about 70% of people on Solo Nots were told they weren't Clear and
were forced to redo their bridges. OT Flag auditors -- which were mandatory at that point
of the bridge -- turned out to be super expensive for the lower bridge run-throughs.
I know that over 400 Solo Nots auditors turned in their materials and quit shortly after
GAT I was forced on everyone. Confirmed to me by a Flag mission trying to save me
after I had quit. I never looked back, having figured out it was all just a financial fraud
by that point. Yes, some wins along the way, but a fraud.
The whole activity devolved into a big mess, especially after I left.
~
Personally, I saw so much criminal behavior, 2D misbehavior, financial malfeasance,
and batshit craziness among OT7-8s and Class 8s,
and at lower case levels, I knew
it was not working or delivering on the promises.
People usually have to have a "wake up event" happen on their own, IMO. They happen
for most eventually.
~
Everyone has their "scared shit-less" moment, usually all alone. Takes guts
to totally and openly leave.
I remember I picked up a copy of Bent Corydon's book, Madman or Messiah,
at a used book store ten years after I'd left. I sat alone and debated whether to
open it and read it, knowing if I ever went back it would cost me a ton in sec
checks. I debated for a few moments with myself whether I would EVER possibly
return to Flag . . . ever. The unequivocal answer was
no. I read the book and got
all the other heretical books in time.
But there is that moment.
~ click on image to view larger ~
~
When most people begin to extract themselves from LRH's false tech, histories, and worldviews, a tremendous disbelief and unwillingness to face uncomfortable truths can
turn on. Some people make a fast pivot back and decide to hang on to the more comfortable LRH mythologies they’ve known. I don't blame them somehow. They’re just trying to avoid a potentially painful and months-long long
"dark night of the soul."
I had actually received several chapters of the
Going Clear book a few weeks before it was officially released, including the Sarge chapter, which I was totally shocked by at the time. I remember after reading it, I had a dark night of the soul (my spiritual crisis) and had the stark realization I had devoted -- wasted -- much of my adult life to a fraud. It was rough for a couple three months for me. I got through it though.
This dark night is usually experienced all alone by most people, IMO. One's spouse may not be on the same timeline of "awakening" and all your friends you've known for decades are still in and you really can't talk to them all about what you're going through. It can be a supremely lonely voyage without an exactly known final destination.
~
Finding out it was all a fantasy . . . well let's say, it's a jump out an airplane without a parachute and a long way down.
It's a pretty cruel fall I would not wish on anyone.
Thank god, I quit young enough to recreate a wonderful life for myself -- my "2.0" -- on the outside. I'm doing well . . . much better
than most people I knew back then might imagine, thank god.
tonyortega.substack.com
