You're miserable, you don't like being there, it's not what you want to be doing get out of there and blossom as yourself, stop trying to be a good Navy blue cult member, you'll never be that, you're too good a human being, just be yourself.
Figure out your values in life (what's really important)
Make long-term plans
Invest in Apple and Microsoft
Don't listen to what other people want from you
15 years in SCN was a waste of time. So much of it was spent on studying endless hours and spending money that I did not have just to obtain temporary wins. I had more wins from reading non-scn books than from auditing. I had more wins from living a life and experiencing life than studying or auditing. I am not saying I had no wins. When I would write my success story I wrote the truth - that I felt a relief, that I was happy - but unfortunately, those really were temporary.
In fact, I was becoming more and more confused in life, and less and less confident about myself. It was so bad that I was questioning everything I thought. I could not make even the simplest decisions for myself. I had to ask someone constantly what they thought about this or that. I would ask for approval or confirmation that what I am doing is right.
My true capabilities are really showing now that I am no longer involved. I am so much better off, financially and otherwise. I wonder how far I would have made it had I not wasted my time in SCN.
Thank you @Veda for posting this question, this is actually very therapeutic! I want more )))
1. All the stuff that is making your life so hard in scn? None of this is going to change. You will never be given the chance to make things better for you or for other SO members. A decade later people will still be leaving the SO and Co$ because of the same systemic problems. There is absolutely nothing that you can do about it, stop fooling yourself.
2. Just treat your mother as if she was a Hubbard-style SP. Disconnect from her, stop caring about her, ignore all the phone calls and letters. You barely talk nowadays anyway. Trust me, it will be the best decision you can make.
3. As ugly as it sounds: The guys you care about in your team will suffer either way and there is no possibility of avoiding that. Everyone needs to make their own choices and you should not blame yourself for what is going to happen to them after you defect. It is the cult that will add to their misery, not you.
4. You can make it out there in the world of big business. There might be moments when times will be hard, but nothing will be as hard as what you are going through in the SO. You will NOT be washing dishes or flipping burgers for the rest of your life. Even driving a city bus will be a better, calmer and more sensible job than being in SO management. You can safely go and get a university level education, you have it in you. Get a real job. Stick to your plans.
5. There are family members that will help you once you leave, you will get more help than you ever imagined. Those old clan bonds are far stronger than you think. Do not think you need a lot of emotional closeness and ARC for it. It is not about affinity, but about duty. Put your faith in their sense of duty and you will never be disappointed.
6. Take your significant other, explain the situation and suggest you leave together. Even if it fails, at least you will know that you did your best.
Funny that I chanced on this thread today. Just hours ago I thinking if there were just one thing I could/would do or not do differently in my life it would have been "don't get involved with scientology. Avoid it like the plague"!
I've often wondered how my 20's decade would have panned out if scientolgoy hadn't come along. One thing I do know is I would have been disco dancing the nights away in the 70's. LOL!