Warning : Satire ahead

[Karen#1]

We in RTC Have Detected Your Criminal Internet Activity!

Many of the twelve million members of the Church of Scientology began receiving this message today while using their computers, cellphones, and other digital devices. During the New Years 2020 even…

otviiiisgrrr8.com

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.
LOL!

Hilarious stuff! However, just now I have a slight present time problem.

At the same time I received Mr. Miscavige's magnanimous offer:

_____ I accept COB RTC Mr. David Miscavige’s gracious amnesty and will wire the $50,000 within the next 24 hours to the Religious Technology Center.​

​

_____ I reject the salvation offered me by COB. I acknowledge that I will be immediately declared an SP and will suffer a bleak and horrific eternity.​

​

Signature________________________________ Date__________________​

I also received a 2nd outstanding gesture of largesse, this one:

_____ I accept the Honorable Finance Minister Olusegun Gwarzo Ekweremadu's gracious Trust Bequeathment in the sum of $79,000,000 and will wire the requisite $50,000 good faith deposit and processing fee within the next 24 hours to the Nigerian Cash Group ("NCG").​

​

Signature________________________________ Date__________________​

​

This is quite a difficult decision, as you can imagine. Both are outstanding offers but frankly I am torn between Minister Ekweremadu's generous offer (that provides all the riches and lavish MEST life style one can only dream of) and Scientology's. To wit, Mr. Miscavige's offer of total freedom over eternity is quite a bargain when the $50,000 is amortized over the life of the benefit plan.

I have to be honest about it, thus I confess that I was no big fan of and didn't appreciate Mr. Miscavige's veiled threats--if I did not send him the $50K. Additionally, during due diligence it occurred to me that "What if there is no eternity of infinite joy awaiting me--after I wire the cash?!" That is a troubling consideration that gives rise to "doubts & reservations".

For these reasons, I unfortunately arrived at an absolute standstill, unable to reach any decision.

Deadlocked!

However, I did an additional review of both organizations track record and that proved to be a tie breaker--with a clear winner---so I wired the money to Nigeria! The Nigerians' public relations and consumer satisfaction rating was so far superior to Scientology's that the decision arrived with the greatest ease imaginable.

.

 

[J. Swift]

From RTC to HH via Telex:

The Honorable Finance Minister Olusegun Gwarzo Ekweremadu a/k/a Mike Ellis thanks you. Your funds have been transmitted to Mr. David Miscavige from Lagos to Curacao. As part of the IAS 4D global scamage campaigns, Scientology's 419 operation brings in more money annually than even Bob Duggan. Conceived of by LRH when he was in Rhodesia, the scam was so lucrative that Ron was able to expand the Church of Scientology using 419 funds. Sorry HH, but as always, the odds are stacked in favor of the house. The Honorable Mike Ellis thanks you. With your $50,000 dono, Mike has earned himself an extra ice cream cone today.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.
posted by J. Swift
From RTC to HH via Telex. . . .

- - - - - - - - -​

.

LOL

It's always warmly reassuring to see that International Justice on this planet is in such capable hands!

I have a slightly technical technical question, if you happen to know the LRH reference. Is there any way to transform that photo into a moving gif of IJC aggressively pedaling his bike at impressive OT rpms across the sky, accompanied by the witch-on-broom travel theme music?

.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

.

WE'RE NOT SAYING
SCIENTOLOGY IS A CULT
but. . .



If that is the "INTERNATIONAL" Justice Officer of a
worldwide multi-billion dollar organization, and this
impressive world-class senior management executive's
immediate senior (COB) owns 5 luxury homes, a
fleet of luxury vehicles, has privately chauffeured
limousines and flies around on private jets------
why then are the only two perks given to this
elite intergalactic sector-salvager just
a fancy title and a kid's bike with
a little basket on it?

Why is it that the Ideal Scene for a power player
(responsible for ensuring "JUSTICE" across this entire
slave planet) includes the injustice of being a 60
year old "flourishing & prospering" OT---that
after an entire lifetime of work 7 days a week
cannot afford an old beater car or even an Uber?

.
​

 

[PirateAndBum]

.

WE'RE NOT SAYING
SCIENTOLOGY IS A CULT
but. . .

View attachment 1887

If that is the "INTERNATIONAL" Justice Officer of a
worldwide multi-billion dollar organization, and this
impressive world-class senior management executive's
immediate senior (COB) owns 5 luxury homes, a
fleet of luxury vehicles, has privately chauffeured
limousines and flies around on private jets------
why then are the only two perks given to this
elite intergalactic sector-salvager just
a fancy title and a kid's bike with
a little basket on it?

Why is it that the Ideal Scene for a power player
(responsible for ensuring "JUSTICE" across this entire
slave planet) includes the injustice of being a 60
year old "flourishing & prospering" OT---that
after an entire lifetime of work 7 days a week
cannot afford an old beater car or even an Uber?

.
​

If you really want to know it's because of DM. He took one look at Mike and slapped him across the face, punched him a few times in the gut and told him, "You are one lazy mother fucking cock sucking fat fuck. You're to get your fat ass on a bike and get some exercise or I'll have you transferred to Long Island Org as Cock Roach Elimination I/C."

 

[freethinker]

We in RTC Have Detected Your Criminal Internet Activity!

Many of the twelve million members of the Church of Scientology began receiving this message today while using their computers, cellphones, and other digital devices. During the New Years 2020 even…

otviiiisgrrr8.com

Mine didn't say that.

It said, "Stay in the subform and you'll be alright. Wander outside and expect further communication on this matter.

We hope you take your future eternity as serious as we do. We'll be watching as always. Will you be coming to the IAS event?

Much Love,

RTC EO