TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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cross-posted from another thread started by ISNOINews

VIDEO: A Month As A Scientologist.
"Don't join an expensive cult if you're a broke college student."


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Cool video, cool girl, cool cult escape!

My favorite two (2) parts:

1. Before she was able to exit the org's door, they got very serious and told her there was something she needed that would change her life. Then, they regged her for $50 to take the Personality Test. WTF!?! What happened to the legendary "free personality test"? If it was me, I would have instead opted for the $25 pinch test or even the $15 can squeeze.​
2. "They're all dressed like flight attendants." ( lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol ) Something about that struck me as totally hilarious, I don't even know what exactly. Was it the sheer bathos of advanced beings endowed with magical and supernatural powers wearing dorky stewardess costumes? Or, was it perhaps that many decades earlier when I first went into a Scn center, they were likewise promoting flight attendant costumes.​



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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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PART II: "They're all dressed like flight attendants"


AIRLINE FLIGHT ATTENDANTS ASSISTING
PAYING CUSTOMERS TO FLY TO DESTINATION




IDEAL ORG FLIGHT ATTENDANTS ASSISTING
PAYING CUSTOMERS TO FLY THEIR RUDS TO F/N




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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
PART III: "Flight attendant Costumes"

The "COS"
(Costumes of Scientology)

If they have miraculous & magical technology why
do they need cringey-creepy-cult costumes?







Scientologists thought that wearing Nazi costumes was a good idea--
in order to create "a world without insanity & criminality"
[ link to Tampa Bay Times ]

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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Mystery revealed!

Once upon a time Scientology bookstores worldwide sold a book called "SCIENTOLOGY & THE BIBLE".



Many have puzzled who that is on the cover! Some speculated that it was the "R6 God" from a wicked 75M year old implant. However, it remains an eternal mystery, much like the Shroud of Turin.

However our resident researcher, academic & scholar ILove2Lurk recently made a huge archeological breakthrough!

Cover Being Painted For The Book


Courtesy of ILove2Lurk International Archives
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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FREE TRANSLATION!

FREEDOM
SLAVERY

IT'S NEW
IT'S OLD

(71 years old)

IT'S BOLD
IT'S BULLSHIT

IT'S ON
IT'S OFF

(nobody is watching our 24/7
cable tv infomercial. Please someone
tune in so we can at least mark our

goddamned graphs and get some sleep!)


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Zertel

Well-known member
PART III: "Flight attendant Costumes"

The "COS"
(Costumes of Scientology)

If they have miraculous & magical technology why
do they need cringey-creepy-cult costumes?







Scientologists thought that wearing Nazi costumes was a good idea--
in order to create "a world without insanity & criminality"
[ link to Tampa Bay Times ]

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Wearing a formal uniform adds impact and moment in the minds of the participants. Also, many people easily adapt to a regimented lifestyle and many prefer it.

As someone once noted, "Hubbard was able to create his own goddam navy."
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
Wearing a formal uniform adds impact and moment in the minds of the participants. Also, many people easily adapt to a regimented lifestyle and many prefer it.

As someone once noted, "Hubbard was able to create his own goddam navy."
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The Sea Organization was no joke!

Dr. Hubbard's armada and crack team of trained nautical warriors was a formidable fighting force that was fully capable of conquering the earth, vanquishing the SPs and then setting mankind free!


Sea Org missionaires drill sword tech in preparation
for their upcoming mission to Clear Columbia and
slam ethics in on the drug cartels by clacking
their swords together rather loudly in order
to bring machine-gun toting narco

terrorists into present time.
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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FREE TRANSLATION!

"SCIENTOLOGY IS HERE TO RESCUE YOU"

"SCIENTOLOGY IS HERE TO REG-SCREW YOU"


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Chuck J.

Election Fraud Has Consequences
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FREE TRANSLATION!

FREEDOM
SLAVERY

IT'S NEW
IT'S OLD

(71 years old)

IT'S BOLD
IT'S BULLSHIT

IT'S ON
IT'S OFF

(nobody is watching our 24/7
cable tv infomercial. Please someone
tune in so we can at least mark our

goddamned graphs and get some sleep!)


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It's new. It's bold. It's on.... ?

I think the cult stole that advertising line from the Frito-Lay corporation. Wasn't it used in the TV commercials for the latest flavor of Doritos?
:LOL:
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
It's new. It's bold. It's on.... ?

I think the cult stole that advertising line from the Frito-Lay corporation. Wasn't it used in the TV commercials for the latest flavor of Doritos?
:LOL:
LOL



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All Scientology has to do is change it to
8 OT LEVELS LATER

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Chuck J.

Election Fraud Has Consequences
My bad. The cult just took an existing idea and embellished it, wait.... what? Hey! That sort of reflects the personality of their founder.:roflmao:
 

Karen#1

Well-known member
We have posted some bizarre off-the-wall letters in the past.
They look up files and write to people from 30 40 years ago.
What is odd is that this is a UFO type letter and Doug has never subscribed to UFO type theories.

Doug has been on Outer Banks for YEARS posting with his own name.
But they don't let goLetter.UFOS.jpg
New letter received.

:hysterical:
 

Zertel

Well-known member
We have posted some bizarre off-the-wall letters in the past.
They look up files and write to people from 30 40 years ago.
What is odd is that this is a UFO type letter and Doug has never subscribed to UFO type theories.

Doug has been on Outer Banks for YEARS posting with his own name.
But they don't let goView attachment 10563
New letter received.

:hysterical:
I live in New Jersey where I was born and raised but I continue to receive letters from the Salt Lake City Org which was a mission when I started my scn adventure 40 years ago. The letters started about two years ago maybe once every six months but now they are coming about every other month so maybe Covid is causing them to waste more time on "letters out" and my name comes up more frequently on the computer list. They've obviously spent money on contact tracing since there is no way they could have my current address on file.

I have to admit their glossy promo and two line "hello are you still interested" messages typed on a fancy letterhead is an improvement over the quickly scribbled letters out back in my time. This brings back a memory. I knew a scientologist in the mid or late 1970's who made a living typing out term papers and the like for people since he knew how to operate one of those newfangled "word processors".

Computers have now enabled scientology to waste more money quicker.
 
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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I live in New Jersey where I was born and raised but I continue to receive letters from the Salt Lake City Org which was a mission when I started my scn adventure 40 years ago. The letters started about two years ago maybe once every six months but now they are coming about every other month. . . .
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Scientologists claim they are the "most scientifically and spiritually advanced/enlightened beings on this planet. Yet, they are stuck in the most archaic and ineffective gimmicks of how to recruit new members that lack any business intelligence or creativity!

Imagine instead of selling a $600,000 "Bride to Total Freedom" whey were a company trying to sell a $600,000 yacht. They print up slick glossy brochures and then they sit in their office and wait for someone to walk in, but people don't just "walk in" and drop $600K on an impulse buy.

So, after a couple decades, they figure out that it is going to "boom" their boat business if they send a couple salesmen to stand just outside the front door to hand out tickets for a "free personality test" in order to determine which kind of boat best suits them. But 99.9999999% of the pedestrians who happen to be strolling by their boat store have zero interest and ignore their little sales pitch as they walk by the shop.

They the boat people figure out that "Wow, if we just write to people who have come in our boat shop before, no matter how long ago, we can boom our boat sales!"

They feel really excited and keyed out from this "advanced marketing concept"!

And then this happens. . .


April 14, 2021

Dear Betty,

We haven't seen you in some time and wanted to know how you are doing. According to your folder here in our central files, you last paid a visit to us at "Mecca Boat Sales" back in 1957.

Our records show that what was "needed and wanted" at that time in your life was change for a quarter in order to feed a couple nickels into a parking meter out front, so that you would not get a ticket while you were in the local women's shoe store.

It's important for us to update your folder, so please schedule a time to come in so we can ask you some questions as soon as possible. If you have moved out of the area since then, kindly just mail your answers back within 24 hours of receiving this letter so that there is accurate and updated information in your folder:

1. Were you satisfied during your last visit to our establishment with the change that you received for the quarter? If the change we provided solved your parking problem, please send us your success story.

2. Is there some kind of ARC Break that happened which prevented you from coming back to visit us again for the past 67 years?

3. Mecca Boat Sale's founder, Ron, stated that the only reason that someone does not continue coming into his store is because of a misunderstood word. I see from your folder that you were given a free glossy brochure at that time, which also included photos of our yachts and descriptive copy. It is urgent that you use a dictionary and very carefully go thru that brochure to find what word you did not understand. Once you find your word, you will suddenly feel a joyful rehabilitation of the reason you came to us in the first place and naturally you will then have no mental barriers to returning and letting us help you purchase your ideal yacht.

4. Did anyone in your family or friends try to bad-mouth Mecca Boat Sales or our owner Ron? If anyone ever nattered about us, it can cause serious damage and ruin your life, because you would be denied the happiness that comes from owning one of our pleasurable boats. Please take a few moments and write down a list of any people who were negative about Ron or his boats and then schedule a time to come in so we can help you to disconnect from that suppressive person. Don't worry if the list includes your spouse or children, when you come in we'll explain everything and help you get thru the disconnection process and keep you winning.

ML,

William Blowdown
Director of Sales
MECCA BOATS INC.


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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I wonder how all them superduper OTs felt when the Free Winds was Quarantined at Curacau Island (Or what ever Island it goes to) when COVID was announced. A
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ANSWER: The superduper OT's felt "uptone".

(it's the chronic tone level of Ideal Scientologists, LOL)

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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A particular button was being told that an Auditor had screwed up your auditing and you had to pay for the repair auditing. WTF? It's like, "We sold you a defective car. There is a chance that the gas tank will explode. This is how much you have to pay to repair your car and avoid that unfortunate outcome."
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EXPLANATION: Part of his advanced wholetrack breakthroughs revealed that not only do "BOOKS MAKE BOOMS!", but Dr. Hubbard also discovered that "R-FACTORS MAKE BOOMS!" This fully reveals why the cult was able to charge pre-clears/pre-OTs twice, thrice or many more multiples for the same identical book, course, auditing rundown or OT level--when the tech did not work.

There were many "briefing" and other marketing gimmicks to defraud others out of their hard-earned money. However, Ron's holiest and most remunerative amongst them was the Billion Buck R-Factor:

"Hey! I gave you homo sapiens the tech to escape the MEST trap and rise above this slave planet with total happiness, total prosperity, total health and total immortality--for the rest of eternity! However one of you people down there is either an SP, a SQUIRREL, a PLANT sent in to destroy mankind's only hope and/or an ALTER-ISING DB TRANSCRIPTIONIST. Notwithstanding the fact that you people horrifically goofed the floof and sabotaged my free gift to mankind, I am willing (in Christ-like fashion) to turn my cheek and forgive you you for what you have done to me. All you need to do is cover the modest shipping, handling and delivery costs for us to send you a new auditor--and I'll even throw in the replacement auditing commands for no extra charge!"

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
WHAT IS SCIENTOLOGY?

Is it a Science?

Is it an unscientific yet 100% workable self-help system?

Is it an Applied Philosophy?


Is it a Religion?

THE ANSWER IS NOT IN THIS BOOK



Because Scientology refuses to reveal the answer to what it is, we must therefore conclude one of two (2) things:

1. Despite word clearing, study tech, clay demo technology and "knowing how to know" knowingness-- Scientology does not actually know what it is.​
2. Scientology does know what it is, but they refuse to say--because of their undisclosed "out ethics" and "overts" which makes them "withholdy".​

WHAT DID DR. HUBBARD SAY ON THE SUBJECT OF "WHAT IS SCIENTOLOGY"? That's a good idea! Let's apply "study tech" and not give "verbal data" or allow "hidden data lines" that are "off source" and "out-KSW"!

WHAT RON SAID IN 1950: As the Founder of Scientology, the 4th word he wrote on the subject was:

Dianetics The Modern Science of Mental Health

So that settles the matter! Finally!


Please write up your wins and send them in! If you experienced phenomena of an OT nature or something supernatural happened with regard to finding parking spaces, please route your success story directly to Advance! magazine.

What Is Scientology?
END OF PART I:

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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What is Scientology
PART II



Wait. We just had a huge breakthrough. Research has revealed that Dr. Hubbard did not use the scientific method to either create and/or test Scientology. In fact he simply sat down at a manual typewriter and made up phantasmagorically pseudoscientific woo, fictional clinical results and fraudulent lies.

Okay so Scientology isn't a science. So what? No harm, no foul. Right? Let's give Dr. Hubbard a break for inadvertently calling Scientology a science, because he said that in 1950, nearly two entire decades before Study Technology and word clearing technology was even discovered!

Let's move on. Since we now know that it's not a science, I posit that it is obvious that the answer to "What Is Scientology?" must therefore be that it's an "Unscientific Yet 100% Workable Self-Help System". Thus, there is still abundant reason to celebrate Dr. Hubbard's gift mankind because (according to Scn statisticians) tens of millions of Scientologists have helped themselves across this planet!

We were extremely pleased to be able to assist you in resolving all your confusions and doubts so that you are able to conclude this entire matter and move on up your Bridge!


We hate to nag, but try to be mindful of remembering to send in your OT Wins! If you happen to be one of the lucky ones that repaired a broken toaster at home by "locating the being stuck inside it" and handling them with telepathic commands to "go pick up a new body at a local hospital and try to find a rich Scientology family while you're at it", please directly route your success story to Advance! magazine.


What Is Scientology?
END OF PART II:


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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What is Scientology
Part III



Wait! Our researchers have just made a monumental breakthrough! It's really not entirely accurate to call Scientology "An Un-Scientific Yet 100% Workable Self-Help System". Because statistically that system fails to work nearly 100% of the time, which accounts for the provable fact that at least 98% of all people who ever dabble or delve into Scientology end up "blowing" due to no results.

Well, we admit, this is kind of disturbing that Dr. Hubbard was kind of guessing when he labeled what Scientology was. But, let's not allow ourselves to get hung up on the time track with what Ron did in the 1950s and 1960s. Okay, it took a while but Ron eventually figured out that Scientology is "An Applied Philosophy". Better late than never, right? So what if he com lagged a little, that was before he discovered the com lag tech! The guy saved the planet, so cut him a break.

At least we now know "What Is Scientology".

Best of all, it's totally free to "apply Ron's philosophy" all you want at no extra charge. By way of example if you wish to apply the philosophy every 10 minutes in 16 hour day (8 hours sleep) you would be entitled to 6 applications per hour or 96 free applications per day! Amortized over eternity that works out to be less than one penny per century, so be very thankful indeed!


How did YOU apply the Applied Philosophy today? Be sure to write up your miracles and send them in so that we can spread the good word on this planet and get everyone Cleared!

What Is Scientology?
END OF PART III


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