TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

freethinker

Controversial
More stuff from these guys

 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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More stuff from these guys

!!! lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol !!!

Fabulously factual & freakishly funny!

Better than an E-meter at E-xposing
cult corruption & criminal complicity!​

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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PC Paradox
du jour

If Scientology actually "made the able more able"
then Scientologists would be "able" to easily
discover that Scientology is a hoax.

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PirateAndBum

Administrator
Staff member
I wish I remembered that HCO PL about "phones are psychotic" back when I was on staff at Boston Org and exec's would come around demanding staff do all-hands call-in before events. :D

OK, just kidding there. Most execs had some awareness of the Hubbard Law of Commotion and got pretty damn good at finding a policy that backed them up on pretty much anything they wanted their juniors to get done. And if they couldn't find a policy they could always point out that 'purpose' is higher than 'policy' on the admin scale, thereby negating the need to find a specific policy countering your policy.

By the time I left Scientology I got very good quoting relevant policies to back me up when writing Knowledge Reports or a Query of Order. But one day some CMO INT Missionaires tried to rip me out of the Org I was in and they couldn't care less that I filed a legal query of their order (as per LRH policy), sending it uplines to a handful of Int execs. They didn't want to wait until I got a response back on my query, but expected me to come with them immediately. Even when I received a fax from WDC SMI (as I was in the SMI network) effectively blocking any personnel move out of the SMI network without WDC approval, the missionaires STILL didn't care. They didn't care about policy, the command channels, or anything other than my following their order, which I refused to do, and that led to my being RPF'ed. But it also helped wake me up about the true nature of the organization I had been a part of.
It's quite simple. There was a stat to be gotten. Make it go right or else. It doesn't matter what you do if you get your stats up because then you have ethics protection until of course you fail to make it go right due to making it go so very wrong in your efforts to make your stats go right and then you find that you are in a world of hurt because you are a down-stat DB that is only fit to clean toilets with your tongue. Scientology staff - a game where everybody loses except the guy at the tippy top of the heap until of course he discards his body for advanced research into the highest levels of spiritual ecstasy ever imagined in the last trillions 239 and is never heard from again.
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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PC Paradox du jour
If Scientology actually "made the able more able"
then Scientologists would be "able" to
discover Scientology is a hoax.
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The above axiom solves the mystery of why the most advanced
case gain and most advanced OTs in Scientology are the beings with
the most advanced case of Dunning-Kruger Effect


wiki link:
In the field of psychology, the Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which people assess their cognitive ability as greater than it is. It is related to the cognitive bias of illusory superiority and comes from the inability of people to recognize their lack of ability. Without the self-awareness of metacognition, people cannot objectively evaluate their competence or incompetence. As described by social psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger, the cognitive bias of illusory superiority results from an internal illusion in people of low ability and from an external misperception in people of high ability; that is, "the miscalibration of the incompetent stems from an error about the self, whereas the miscalibration of the highly competent stems from an error about others." [ .......snipped........]

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Karen#1

Well-known member
Scientology Doctrine.

In the last 20 years, the savage demand for STATS had increased exponentially.

Public at Flag asking for a "day off" to go to Bush Gardens or Disney in Orlando are sent to Ethics for being DILETTANTES !

Here is the indoctrination from Scientology publication called "SCIENTOLOGY NEWS." Please magnify and read the text


dillitante.best.jpg
 
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Karen#1

Well-known member
POST DEATH IMPLANT STATIONS
One of the more ludicrous Scn indoctrinated beliefs is that you will be zapped and *implanted* BETWEEN LIVES. These implant "stations" are lurking on Mars, Venus and other places.

With electronics and images they are going to put negative things in the mind that you have after you have died.
What codswallop. What baloney.

I know people to this day that keep giving the cult money to proof themselves up against "Future Implants after death"

 

Tanchi

Member
POST DEATH IMPLANT STATIONS
One of the more ludicrous Scn indoctrinated beliefs is that you will be zapped and *implanted* BETWEEN LIVES. These implant "stations" are lurking on Mars, Venus and other places.

With electronics and images they are going to put negative things in the mind that you have after you have died.
What codswallop. What baloney.

I know people to this day that keep giving the cult money to proof themselves up against "Future Implants after death"

Codswollop. Love that!
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
POST DEATH IMPLANT STATIONS
One of the more ludicrous Scn indoctrinated beliefs is that you will be zapped and *implanted* BETWEEN LIVES. These implant "stations" are lurking on Mars, Venus and other places.With electronics and images they are going to put negative things in the mind that you have after you have died. What codswallop!.
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posted by Tanchi
Codswollop. Love that!

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All that LRH data regarding "implants on other planets" data has been updated. . .

Thanks to the messiah Miscavige, those off-planet implants have now been removed! And conveniently re-located on Earth inside Ideal Orgs.

What codswallop COB
swallop!

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Helena Handbasket

Well-known member
POST DEATH IMPLANT STATIONS
One of the more ludicrous Scn indoctrinated beliefs is that you will be zapped and *implanted* BETWEEN LIVES. These implant "stations" are lurking on Mars, Venus and other places.

With electronics and images they are going to put negative things in the mind that you have after you have died.
What codswallop. What baloney.

I know people to this day that keep giving the cult money to proof themselves up against "Future Implants after death"

The best way to "proof" yourself against being pulled into the between lives implant is to simply refuse to go. However, most people can't wait to run to it as fast as possible after they die, because that's where they think Heaven is. To me, Heaven etc, etc, is the real ludicrous indoctrinated belief. See Implants, Prison Planet ; the section labeled SPRIGDIE in particular.

Helena, calmly sitting in her handbasket
 
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Karen#1

Well-known member
What do these Grannys NOT KNOW ?

That Crystal Ballroom they are dancing on was made by the sweat and sleep deprivation of Sea Org members who gave months of their lives morning noon and night working on it. I was there, I saw it.

 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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Since the "Church" of Scientology is, in fact, a multi-billion dollar COMMERCIAL enterprise, let's see what what they are actually selling and what the "value proposition" is to their prospective customers.

All businesses have to offer something more valuable than the money or people would not pay. What do Hubbard's F/Ning, fast-food franchises offer?

1. It's priceless! Our motto: "Magic Powers are way better than the crap-ass junk food you get at McDonalds!"

2. Awesome corporate mascot! It's not some stupid looking Ronald McDonald in a clown costume. Scientology offers you the far more prestigious Ronald McFreedom in a commodore costume.

3. Economical pricing model when amortized over time! Because once you fill up on Ron's $600,000 "whoppers" you won't ever be hungry again, for the rest of eternity!

4. Multi-Lifetime Warranty! If you don't live forever and come back next lifetime with full memory and all of your miraculous OT superpowers still working, we will promptly give you a full refund, no questions asked.

5. Value Proposition! Our religious Mission(ary) Statement & Sacred Senior Scriptural Slogan is: "You can totally trust us because we are a church. Sure, we have billions of dollars of fancy buildings and massive cash fortunes buried in offshore bank accounts---but we need you to go into the MEST universe and bring us back 600,000 MEST dollars for each of your family members. It's not about how much it costs you, but how much it gets you! And we wouldn't try to force you to pay us $600K if we didn't really need it. But, you see we can't really spend the billions we have, because we might need that one day for something important like lawyers. So, you can see we are not into money at all, it's just that if we are going to free all beings in the universe, it's a really big place and you can imagine the travel expenses of sending auditors and e-meters trillions of miles away into deep space. Honestly, we are just hoping to break even, because truthfully we are giving you Total Freedom below our cost! So that's what the deal is--you bring us MEST money and we give you all the theta and things you ever dreamed of and of course that includes the power to postulate anything you need & want. When you can do that you can simply mock-up your own money, as much as you want. And you will laugh so hard when you think back that you were worried about paying us only 600,000 measly MEST dollars when you can create like 600 trillion dollars in like a few seconds! Best of all, if you bring us MEST dollars you will be free of the MEST universe trap. You've been in that trap for quadrillions of years, chasing money, thinking it can buy you happiness. Money can never buy you happiness! However, this one time--money really can buy you total happiness, so act now while supplies last! When we move off to other planets, don't be left behind on your slave planet, wishing you had sold your house and borrowed money like we suggested. Then, sadly, it will be too late. And don't start that funny business again of asking us why our churches need your money to pay for wildly expensive Italian marble walls, ceilings & floors in our auditing rooms and bathrooms. Our religious technology doesn't work on linoleum, how many fucking times do we have to go over this?!"

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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,R T C
religious technology center
All Scientologists
All Pre-Clears
All Pre-OTs
All Celebrities
All Org Staff Members
All Parishioner Satisfaction Ministers
All Upbraiding & Refunds Unit In-Charges

Chairman Of The Board
Religious Directive


It has since 1950 been Scientology's firm policy to ensure complete satisfaction on all Bridge donations or a prompt and friendly refund with no questions asked. We are in fact extremely proud of the fact that no other Church in the world offers such generous "Miracles Or Money Back!" guarantees!
It has come to our attention that occasionally newer parishioners have asked us for written clarification of the Multi-Lifetime Warranty provisions of the enrollment contract. Obviously we could not release to them the confidential portions of the contract they signed until they are higher on the Bridge and it is safe to do so. This is longstanding church policy that has successfully been applied for all upper Advanced OT Levels, in order to prevent restimulation and safeguard your eternity.
Notwithstanding the foregoing, we are pleased to re-print and clarify the non-confidential parts of the Warranty which states:
Multi-Lifetime Warranty! If you don't live forever and come back next lifetime with full memory and all of your miraculous OT superpowers still working, we will promptly give you a full refund, no questions asked.
Our no questions asked guarantee simply requires that you show up at any Ideal Org and present the Director Of Refunds with copies of paid invoices from previous lives. You should have no problem retrieving those from wherever you have safely archived your past lives Val-Docs.

EXPEDITING REFUND SLOWS & STOPS
The question was asked 'What happens if I cannot remember where my archived docs are, how do I get the refund?' We recognize that on rare occasion a Clear or even an OT will experience a slight amount of "FMS" (Fuzzy Memory Syndrome) due to running into a between-lives implant. We have debugged and blown this arbitrary so that you, the being, can still get your full refund. All that is required is for you to enter your ID and PASSWORD that you set up in your last life and we can look up your account files and process your refund the same day.
In the rare event that someone cannot remember their ID/Password, the local church will assist you and route you onto the PRRD (Password Retrieval Rundown) which is sold in 12.5 hour intensives. This miraculous rundown handles the fundamental cause of whole-track password amnesia. Once you reach the EP of that rundown, you will experience a memory resurgence and easily be able to enter your password and receive your full refund, no questions asked.

FREE NO-RISK BONUS

Parishioners who still feels concerns over donating their MEST dollars for their full Bridge, can rest assured that we are so confident that you will love your new miraculous superpowers, if you do decide for any reason in a later lifetimes that you want all your MEST money back, you will receive a prompt no-questions asked refund and you will still be able to keep your miraculous OT powers!
This removes the final barrier to making donations with a zero-risk, can't-lose proposition to you, the being!

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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SUBJECT: How the COS is using the tech to achieve its goal of "A World Without Crime":

1. By using the tone scale tech to identify criminals.
2. By using the e-meter tech to detect & pull their crimes.
3. By using the mimeograph tech to publish & declare their criminality.
4. By using the event tech to celebrate the miraculous reduction of crime.

TRANSLATION: How the COS (Crimewave Of Scientology) actually achieves its
goal of "A World Without Crime":


criminal - noun: A being who does not properly exchange for the valuable goods and services
they receive. For example, a being who receives any help or benefit from Scientology without
paying substantial sums of cash of equal or greater magnitude. Any being who goes "out exchange"
by not paying at least $600,000 for the priceless supernatural powers they gained should be
declared a criminal. However, if they COS collects such lavish sums and does not exchange
still be declared a criminal, because only criminals do not get case gain. Once declared,
these criminals must be instantly disconnected and all all trace of them removed from
Scientology publications. Furthermore, Scientology's sacred scripture prevents it from ever
admitting to or revealing any of its own crimes. By religiously disappearing all written evidence
of its crimes, no crimes ever happened (scripture states: "if it's not written it's not true").
This is how Scientology delivers on its promise of "A world without crime".
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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Here at the headquarters of the Church of Hoaxology
we are working hard on researching & publishing a short list of the:

FIRST 3 STUPID SCIENTOLOGY LIES
In an earlier post---somewhere in the first 10 years of the multi-part STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY thread (see archived links here), we discovered the first lie that Hubbard told prospective marks.

I. Hubbard's was a man of action! He didn't care to dilly-dally about, so he got right down to business, telling his first lie in the first thing he ever typed. However, even back in 1950 he knew about gradients, so waited until the 4th word:

Dianetics: The Modern Science Of Mental Health

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II. Hubbards 2nd stupid lie was not discovered until today, due to being hidden behind thickly billowing clouds of stupidity emanating from it. It was always right there on the first course that all cult members are required to do. It was on the first page of course, right at the top.

Training Routine Zero (TR-0)
This is the drill to ensure that the Scientologist is...present. They call it "present time". TR zero literally gives a Scientologist the newfound ability to "Be There". New inductees and veteran Scientologists alike assume the "zero" refers to this being the first drill. While there may be some truth to that, there is an equal and opposite meaning to that word. Because all Hubbard's training is dedicated ensuring that the Scientologist is NOT there. NOT in present time. In fact, they are indoctrinated so thoroughly that it's considered an advanced OT power to have zero attention units in present time, ask zero questions, have zero doubts about anything one is told.

Having zero observational powers, it is understandable how Scientologists are unable to see what the other 7.4 billion people on earth can plainly see. That within Scientology there are no Clears, OTs, super powers, miracles or even the common sense to ask to see anybody do anything special.

Revelation: Whatever Scientologists believe "TR-O" does to help them BE THERE, it provably does not work. And there is a compelling case that Scientologists practicing their "zero" are not there at all, or they would easily notice that Scientology is a hoax.


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III. [ Still being researched ]: Feel free to submit the findings of your own scientific whole-track research along with your worksheets and all the meter reads plainly marked.
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FOLLOW UP: In the above post, we've rather easily identified the first 2 stupid lies that a new Scientologist encounters when first stepping foot into their local church of Scientology. The 3rd one has evaded detection until now.

Because the answer is hiding in plain sight:

"In the above post, we've rather easily identified the first 2 stupid lies that a new Scientologist
encounters when first stepping foot into their local church of Scientology. The 3rd one has
evaded detection until now."

RECAP:
LIE #1: Dianetics the Modern Science of Mental Health
LIE #2: Training Routine Zero
LIE #3: Church of Scientology

Jeez, Scientology gave three gargantuan clues to everyone in the first few minutes of their very day in an org. Three excellent warning signs that it was a fraud, a hoax, a cult.

Now that think about it, there were another 10 clues that screamed like fire alarms going off that first in the first thing everyone is required to study, the HCO POLICY LETTER "Keeping Scientology Working". It's right there in the 10 points of Keeping Scientology Working, starting with the word Working. How the hell can anyone just starting Scientology their first day be required to agree it works--before they tried any of Scientology beyond opening their first course pack to the first page?

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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Oh no!

How did the "TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY" anthology ever miss this classic compilation of creepy, cringey, credulously culty curiosities?

I found Karen's delightfully entertaining & illuminating video whilst searching for some info on the "DUKE OF CHUG", one of Hubbard's incredibly stupid sci-fi stories---that magically morphed into "scientific" and "sacred scripture".

Naturally, the "DUKE OF CHUG" tale took place countless trillions of years ago, making it slightly difficult to corroborate. I tried to verify Hubbard's discovery, but the "degraded" libraries on this planet do not archive books from that important time period. However, we are very fortunate that Dr. Hubbard had perfect "whole-track" recall, so we can take his word for it.

Don't worry if Dr. Hubbard's "modern science" sounds delusional---Karen will help explain it all. . .



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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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Nominated for one of the Stupidest Moments In Scientology is. . .

Every time that elite Scientology staff members tried to recruit a new customer by handing them a "FREE INTRODUCTORY TICKET" for a lecture, a film, a personality test or whatever they are hoping will hook a new dupe into their big league closing factory. Here is why:

1) Hundreds of millions of man-hours of staff members time has invested in handing out "FREE TICKETS", attempting to "BODY ROUTE" new customers into the org and other brilliant "DISSEMINATION" methodologies, all employing Hubbard's advanced technology.​
2) This has been going on since Dianetics was published 70 years ago!​
3). If you have ever watched the front door of an "IDEAL ORG" for a few minutes you will observe something quite remarkable. One and oft-times two staff members will stand on the sidewalk in front of their gleaming building and attempt to hand a "FREE TICKET" to each pedestrian. Whether you watch it for 3 minutes or 3 hours you will see the same repeating thing---the pedestrian AVOIDS taking the ticket despite the strangely "friendly" gesturing and patter that the planet-clearing staff member delivers with tone 40 intention.​

That's it! That's all they've got!

That's all that Scientology has been able to come up with after 70 years of working 7 days a week to get "bodies in the shop".

Handing out a "FREE TICKET" that nobody wants to take.

They believe this is OT technology. Well, it IS OT technology, fully developed and managed by the top OTs in the universe.

That's what "TOTAL CAUSE" beings with supernatural powers are capable of. Standing in one spot for 12 hours a day, trying to get people to take a free ticket. As powerlessly inept as the "free ticket" gimmick is, it is even more pathetic that they cannot even get the person to TAKE the ticket. How's that for "Total Cause Over Life".

HOW SCIENTOLOGY COULD HAVE INSTEAD INVESTED THOSE
HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF HOURS OF FAILED DISSEMINATION?

Simple. Instead of trying to trick people into taking a "FREE" ticket that ends up costing them upwards of $600,000, they could have invested all those hundreds of millions of staff hours into this:

IF THE TECH ACTUALLY WORKS, WHY NOT GIVE PEOPLE SOME
FREE AUDITING SO THEY CAN SEE AND FEEL AND EXPERIENCE
THE MIRACLES WITH THEIR OWN EYES AND SEE THE
DIFFERENCE IN THEIR OWN LIVES?

Instead of "routing" humans into a labyrinth of introductory this and that, lectures and videos, OCA tests, Ruin Finding, Hiding the costs of Scientology, and 100 other very complex methods of manipulation---- WHY NOT JUST USE SOME OF THOSE HOURS TO GIVE THE PERSON SOME FREE SESSIONS?

If the tech works, no sales is needed. Nobody needs to read "BIG LEAGUE CLOSING TECHNIQUES" and lock prospects in a room.

If the tech works, no body routing is needed. People would stream in on word-of-mouth.

If the tech works, no "FREE TICKETS" are needed. Nobody wants those tickets, despite all the tone scale drills, despite all the "tone 40 intention" and despite all the "Postulate Technology". People do not want tickets ! Give them FREE AUDITING instead.

WHY WON'T SCIENTOLOGY GIVE THEIR PROSPECTIVE CUSTOMERS SOME FREE HOURS OF AUDITING?: Because Hubbard said to hand out "FREE TICKETS'. Hubbard also said that it will turn a normal human into a "criminal" to give them even 1 hour of free auditing. Scientologists are dedicated to creating "A world without criminality", so obviously they aren't going to do anything to create even more criminals, right?

Another explanation that Scientology gives for why they need to charge $600,000 for auditing is that "...well, it costs a lot of money to keep the lights on, pay staff, et al". They don't have enough to pay electricity, right? But they have enough to buy OVER ONE BILLION DOLLARS WORTH OF REAL ESTATE.

They can't deliver one hour of free auditing to help anyone. But they can spend billions on marble floors that help nobody.

Hubbard's research apparently discovered that the tech doesn't work on linoleum.

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Enthetan

Veteran of the Psychic Wars
IF THE TECH ACTUALLY WORKS, WHY NOT GIVE PEOPLE SOME
FREE AUDITING SO THEY CAN SEE AND FEEL AND EXPERIENCE
THE MIRACLES WITH THEIR OWN EYES AND SEE TH
DIFFERENCE IN THEIR OWN LIVES?
This is how things apparently happened in the early days. Orgs would train people to be field auditors and send them home. Field auditors would audit their friends, relatives, and acquaintances. The ones who got people feeling better would send them to the org after a while. The ones who couldn't get any result would drop out.
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
This is how things apparently happened in the early days. Orgs would train people to be field auditors and send them home. Field auditors would audit their friends, relatives, and acquaintances. The ones who got people feeling better would send them to the org after a while. The ones who couldn't get any result would drop out.

I thought of that as I was writing that post. I recall Hubbard bragging about how he could audit people wherever he encountered them, on a train for example. Or the famous "coffee shop auditing".

He did miracles, that Ron!

Didn't it later become a "HIGH CRIME" and "SUPPRESSIVE ACT" to do "coffee shop auditing"? That's because it was a break in the Auditors Code to audit a PC that was "not sessionable" due to lack of sleep/food a paid invoice in their PC folder.

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