TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member

* * * SCIENTOLOGY TRANSLATION SOFTWARE * * *
ORDER TODAY!
FIND OUT WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ARE REALLY SAYING!


BEFORE




AFTER TRANSLATION




...
 
Last edited:

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
...

AFTER 73 YEARS OF HEATED DEBATE, THE WORLD FINALLY HAS
THE ANSWER TO THE INTERMINABLE DEBATE OF WHETHER
THE E-METER WORKS OR IS MERE QUACKERY



DONS JOURNAL 23

I have missed all of you terribly the past two years, but someone on this
planet had to take the plunge and complete the OT research project of whether

the e-meter works or whether it's just quackery. In order to attempt this
monumental challenge, I had to tighten my seat belt and travel backwards down
the time track to a date no human has ever imagined could even exist! It was:


39,920,088,001,827,140,295,317,944,639,125,002,988 YEARS AGO!
(a Tuesday to be exact)

I will not mention here the fact that in contacting that incident, I broke
my back from the powerful implants and other heavy electronic booby traps
that were laid in at that time to prevent its discovery.I am the first
man to ever do so! Quite remarkably doctors testified as recently as
yesterday that my spinal injury was so severe that I would forever
be paralyzed and blind. However as you can plainly see, I am here
today, able to walk and see quite perfectly! We shall not speculate
here on how I was able to rise above my incurable injuries. However, I
can give you a little clue that does not contain confidential data
that would assuredly kill all of you with pneumonia who are not
on my level. It involves our trusted e-meter and answers with
finality the scientific question of whether the e-meter works
or whether it is mere quackery. My discovery revealed:

IF IT
QUACKS LIKE A DUCK

AND BLOWS DOWN LIKE A QUACKING DUCK
AND F/Ns LIKE A QUACKING DUCK—

IT'S QUACKERY
ML,
Don Hubbard
Founder Church of Hoaxology

...
 
Last edited:

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
..

from another thread discussing e-meter quackery
. . .
..
. . . that seems potentially self-referential if not circular. does that really tell us anything other than that maybe the auditor and the PC have been indoctrinated, trained and conditioned to produce the results they are expected to -- like 'remembering' past lives (and improbable infantile and prenatal traumas) that are mostly if not entirely fabrications based on implanted expectations?
.
You've just identified one of the greatest SHOCKERS in all of Scientology—that Scientologists are blissfully (and purposefully) unaware of. The shock is that cult members have been:

INDOCTRINATED & GROOMED TO FANATICALLY
BUY, BELIEVE, SELL & APPLY DIANETICS
THE MODERN SCIENCE OF PRENATAL ENGRAMS,
THAT WHEN ERASED WILL CURE BLINDNESS, CANCER,
INSANITY, GOITER, LEUKAEMIA, ARTHRITIS, POLIO, NEUROSIS
HEART DISEASE, MIGRAINES, ASTHMA, MYOPIA, DIGESTIVE
PROBLEMS, POOR EYESIGHT REQUIRING GLASSES, BRONCHITIS,
ANXIETY, THE COMMON COLD, DEPRESSION, DIABETES, ALLERGIES
AND A VAST CATALOGUE OF OTHER PREVIOUSLY INCURABLE
PSYCHOSOMATIC DISEASES, PAINS, ACHES, SUFFERING,
POOR MEMORY, STRESS & UNHAPPINESS ITSELF.​

But do they believe it?

Introducing the Great Scientology Paradox in that Scientologists are allegedly the world's greatest masters of erasing and AS-ISING the solitary cause of all human suffering--the diabolical engram! Yet, in practice Scientologists are the world's greatest masters of NOT-ISING and conveniently forgetting all of Hubbard's hypnotically hyperbolic claims—because they are literally surrounded by Scientologists (and themselves) suffering and dying from every single one of the "miraculously cured" diseases that Dianetics is guaranteed to eliminate.

In the 1950s, Dianetics magical cure-all (prenatal engrams) was everything!

However, for the next 60 years after that, the PRENATAL PC PANACEA entirely disappeared! Why are Scientologists no longer talking about their miraculous embryonic-engram cure?

Could it be that Hubbardites are remaining "silent" as they were taught in the Dianetics book, when in the proximity of unconscious people? Perhaps this is a breakthrough greater than the discovery of the wheel and fire combined—that Hubbard's indoctrinees (i.e. Clears and OTs) are themselves the unconscious ones.


..
 
Last edited:

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
SCIENTOLOGY FAQ
FOR SCIENTOLOGISTS IN GOOD STANDING
This special website offers in-ethics Scientologists in good standing to ask any question they might have been afraid to ask at their local Ideal Org. We guarantee that all answers will contain NO entheta, NO natter, NO false data and NO confidential upper level data that could sabotage your eternity and/or kill you.


QUESTION OF THE DAY: I am a long time Scientologist in good standing and a major contributor to the Church of Scientology and its multitude of pro-survival , on this planet. I have attained the following statuses: OT VIII, Humanitarian Emeritus and Patron Meretricious. Since the 1970s I have owned a very successful chain of parking garages in major cities across the USA. In 1981 I was working one day in my private office in mid-town Manhattan and got a very surprising knock on the door. To my great surprise, it was a half dozen uniformed Sea Org members who whispered that they had an urgent 4th dynamic situation that required my help. I invited them inside and closed the door, after which they explained to me that LRH was being stalked by SP agencies in the government (e.g. FBI, CIA, NSA, IRS, et al) and thus he was forced to develop and apply new "Fabian Technology" which would allow his physical MEST body to disappear! I couldn't believe a miracle of that magnitude was even possible! I could not contain my excitement and exclaimed: "OMG, Cool! I'll do anything to help Ron, just name it!" They explained that Ron needed a place NYC to park his Bluebird motorhome in a "safe space" where he could conduct his advanced OT research so that he could become invisible at will in the future. My heart was pounding and although I was afraid to ask anything, I blurted out: "If I help Ron use any of my parking garages for free, can I at least see him do that thing where he goes invisible?!!!" They told me that Ron always keeps his exchange in, so that would not be a problem. But they also advised that "When Ron goes invisible you won't actually be able to see him. So, for example, if Ron was in this room with us right now you would not see anything, right?" I couldn't believe my ears and began uncontrollably line-charging that Ron was in my office at that very minute! So, with that someone pulled Ron's Bluebird Motorhome into my 6 story garage and parked it--and it did not move for the next 7 months. I never knew if LRH was inside there or not but my guess is that he came and went during the middle of the night so that nobody would notice the door opening and closing without anyone either exiting or entering. Well, this brings us to my question. But first let me add that in November of 2022, I got another knock on my office door and this time it was 2 dozen uniformed Sea Org members. And they asked me to donate the same free-parking services again, but this time for David Miscavige—who was also being stalked, but this time by process servers from civil lawsuits. When I began to think about the top OTs in the universe having to go into "hiding" it really bothered me. Day by day, week by week and month by month I actually became more and more enturbulated with the question: WHY DOES A FULL OT WHO IS TOTAL CAUSE OVER LIFE HAVE TO HIDE FROM WOGS & DBS? ISN'T HIDING AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TONE SCALE?


ANSWER: Thank you for your outstanding question. The answer is quite simple. Dr. Hubbard and Minister Miscavige were certainly not hiding. When you get to their unbelievably high OT level, you also have to push your ethics and your integrity and your honor all the way up to that fantastically stellar level as well! As you can see in the CODE OF HONOR below, both of our C-suite (Commodore/COB) leaders were clearly not trying to avoid receiving legal papers from process servers. They were simply keeping their integrity in, per precept #8.

1. Never desert a comrade in need, in danger or in trouble.​
2. Never withdraw allegiance once granted.​
3. Never desert a group to which you owe your support.​
4. Never disparage yourself or minimize your strength or power.​
5. Never need praise, approval or sympathy.​
6. Never compromise with your own reality.​
7. Never permit your affinity to be alloyed.​
8. Do not give or receive communication unless you yourself desire it.
9. Your self-determinism and your honor are more important than your immediate life.​
10. Your integrity to yourself is more important than your body.​
11. Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today and you make your tomorrow.​
12. Never fear to hurt another in a just cause.​
13. Don’t desire to be liked or admired.​
14. Be your own adviser, keep your own counsel and select your own decisions.​
15. Be true to your own goals.​
...
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member


..
from a thread discussing a nice guy
veterinarian who donated millions to the cult
and then sold his practice to join staff
in order to save the planet.
. . .





LINK TO "DOG PCs"

.
That's what happens.

You get a lot of idealists who want a better world.

You also get a few raving sociopaths who crave power over others.

Give an idealist:
  • a clipboard
  • a target to clear the planet "before it's too late"
  • a ream of goldenrod paper
  • a scary story that everyone is going to die and be eternally trapped in a MEST nightmare
—and you'll soon have a bumper crop of raving sociopaths who crave power over others.


...
 
Last edited:

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
..




MANY
ARE CALLED...
FEW
DON'T HAVE CALLER ID, AND THUS—
MOST
AVOID THE MISTAKE OF PICKING UP.


...
 
Last edited:

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
..
cross-posted from another thread discussing the complete transcript
of the 1986 event announcing Hubbard's death to all Scientologists.


LINK TO FULL ARTICLE ON THE UNDERGROUND BUNKER

. . .

..
"At this level of OT the body is nothing more than an impediment
and encumbrance to any further gain as an OT. Thus, thus at
two thousand hours Friday the 24th of January A.D. 36,

L. Ron Hubbard discarded the body he had used in this
lifetime for 7
4 years, 10 months, and 11 days."
—Minister Miscavige, upon the occasion of L. Ron
Hubbard unexpectedly dropping dead, but in
a really uptone winning OT way
.


Wow, that was just like getting a Date/Locate in session, so that all the charge blows!

As long as we are doing Date/Locates today, here's another:









According to one calculation done on THE UNDERGROUND BUNKER, that number is equivalent to: "24 billion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion". I have no reason to doubt Hubbard's number, because it is a well-documented scientific fact that Ron did all his research on a fully charged e-meter.


..
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
..
Once someone adopts the fanatical KSW mindset anything can be justified. From the policy on Keeping Scientology Working:

"We’re not playing some minor game in Scientology. It isn’t cute or something to do for lack of something better. The whole agonized future of this planet, every Man, Woman and Child on it, and your own destiny for the next endless trillions of years depend on what you do here and now with and in Scientology. This is a deadly serious activity. And if we miss getting out of the trap now, we may never again have another chance. Remember, this is our first chance to do so in all the endless trillions of years of the past. Don’t muff it now because it seems unpleasant or unsocial..."

.
SCIENTOLOGY GAME SHOW HOST
Congratulations Type4_PTS!!! As a contestant on this game show, you have
just won $10,000 and a chance to spin the big wheel to try and
win the grand prize of $1,000,000!!!


[ CONTESTANT SPINS WHEEL - IT LANDS ON "SCIENTOLOGY KOAN DU JOUR" ]

SCIENTOLOGY GAME SHOW HOST
Okay, Scientology Koan Du Jour! Here's today's koan: After L. Ron

Hubbard wrote in sacred religious scripture that Scientology "is a deadly
serious activity
", do Scientologists actually believe that?

TYPE4_PTS
Hmmmmmmmm. Wow, that's a tough one! I know that Ron says in the KSW policy that
it's "
a deadly serious activity." But then also, in a 1952 policy called "Spirit of Play",
Ron says something else that sounds like it's completely and totally different, Let me read it:
"
And you couldn’t possibly think that anybody could be serious and win through this
universe. The more serious they get — 1.5 is real serious — why, of course, the more serious
they get the more they have to do things by flows, and the acre they have to agree and
the more they have to follow the rules, and the more broken the piece becomes
.

Jeez, this is so confusing. I can't decide which one he really means. I think I am
going to have to use my last "Free E-Meter Check" token.

SCIENTOLOGY GAME SHOW HOST
Okay then, you are using your last meter token!
Your e-meter is now being turned on
and you have 30 seconds to ask
any questions you like!

TYPE4_PTS
[ picks up the cans, begins assessing ]
Is Scientology a deadly serious activity?
That reads, I got a Long Fall!
Is Scientology a totally unserious activity?
Whoa! That reads too, Another Long Fall!

SCIENTOLOGY GAME SHOW HOST
Only 15 seconds remaining and
we'll need your answer!

TYPE4_PTS
OMG, I'm sweating!
Is Scientology a deadly serious activity?
OMG, Long Fall Blow Down Floating Needle!
Is Scientology a totally unserious activity?
OMG, Long Fall Blow Down Floating Needle!
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!

SCIENTOLOGY GAME SHOW HOST
Time is up, we need your answer!

TYPE4_PTS
Okay, okay, okay!
My answer is—both!
It is both a deadly serious activity
and also a totally unserious activity!

[ SUDDENLY CONFETTI EXPLODES EVERYWHERE
AND THOUSANDS OF BALLOONS DROP WHILE
TRIUMPHANT MUSIC BLASTS & AUDIENCE CHEERS
]


SCIENTOLOGY GAME SHOW HOST
[ screaming above the din ]
You Won! You Won! You Won!
You've just won the grand prize of
one million dollars!


- - -


HUBBARD LAW OF COMMOTION
In Scientology for each and every code, creed, scale, policy
and piece of tech—there is an equal and opposite

code, creed, scale, policy and piece of tech.


...
 
Last edited:

Type4_PTS

Well-known member
..



.

SCIENTOLOGY GAME SHOW HOST
Congratulations Type4_PTS!!! As a contestant on this game show, you have
just won $10,000 and a chance to spin the big wheel to try and
win the grand prize of $1,000,000!!!


[ CONTESTANT SPINS WHEEL - IT LANDS ON "SCIENTOLOGY KOAN DU JOUR" ]

SCIENTOLOGY GAME SHOW HOST
Okay, Scientology Koan Du Jour! Here's today's koan: After L. Ron

Hubbard wrote in sacred religious scripture that Scientology "is a deadly
serious activity
", do Scientologists actually believe that?

TYPE4_PTS
Hmmmmmmmm. Wow, that's a tough one! I know that Ron says in the KSW policy that
it's "
a deadly serious activity." But then also, in a 1952 policy called "Spirit of Play",
Ron says something else that sounds like it's completely and totally different, Let me read it:
"
And you couldn’t possibly think that anybody could be serious and win through this
universe. The more serious they get — 1.5 is real serious — why, of course, the more serious
they get the more they have to do things by flows, and the acre they have to agree and
the more they have to follow the rules, and the more broken the piece becomes
.

Jeez, this is so confusing. I can't decide which one he really means. I think I am
going to have to use my last "Free E-Meter Check" token.

SCIENTOLOGY GAME SHOW HOST
Okay then, you are using your last meter token!
Your e-meter is now being turned on
and you have 30 seconds to ask
any questions you like!

TYPE4_PTS
[ picks up the cans, begins assessing ]
Is Scientology a deadly serious activity?
That reads, I got a Long Fall!
Is Scientology a totally unserious activity?
Whoa! That reads too, Another Long Fall!

SCIENTOLOGY GAME SHOW HOST
Only 15 seconds remaining and
we need your answer!

TYPE4_PTS
OMG, I'm sweating!
Is Scientology a deadly serious activity?
OMG, Long Fall Blow Down Floating Needle!
Is Scientology a totally unserious activity?
OMG, Long Fall Blow Down Floating Needle!
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!

SCIENTOLOGY GAME SHOW HOST
Time is up, we need your answer!

TYPE4_PTS
Okay, okay, okay!
My answer is—both!
It is both a deadly serious activity
and also a totally unserious activity!

[ SUDDENLY CONFETTI EXPLODES EVERYWHERE
AND THOUSANDS OF BALLOONS DROP WHILE
TRIUMPHANT MUSIC BLASTS & AUDIENCE CHEERS
]


SCIENTOLOGY GAME SHOW HOST
[ screaming above the din ]
You Won! You Won! You Won!
You've just won the grand prize of
one million dollars!


- - -


HUBBARD LAW OF COMMOTION
In Scientology for each and every code, creed, scale, policy
and piece of tech—there is an equal and opposite

code, creed, scale, policy and piece of tech.


...

LOL, when I quoted some stuff earlier from the policy on KSW about Scientology being "a deadly serious activity" I actually had something else going through my head as well.

"If it's not fun it's not Scientology"

I used to hear that all the time when on staff. :D
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
..
LOL, when I quoted some stuff earlier from the policy on KSW about Scientology being "a deadly serious activity" I actually had something else going through my head as well.

"If it's not fun it's not Scientology"

I used to hear that all the time when on staff. :D



But at least that quote is consistent and makes sense. . .

Because "deadly serious activities" are by definition "fun", right? LOL

..
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
..

I'm thinking of compiling a list of the TOP 10 CRINGIEST IMAGES in Scientology's entire 73 year history. All nominations are welcome.

I am pretty sure these first few will almost certainly make it onto that list:


"One picture is worth a thousand culty cringes"











Sorry about that last one. But to be fair, the EP of the OT levels is:
"TOTAL CAUSE OVER LIFE"

(Ron never said anything about "Total Cause Over Teeth")

..
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
Some other cringy Scientology images that may deserve a nomination. . .





"Dr" Hubbard's fake PhD Degree
from his own diploma mill


1674917830174.jpeg
scientifically shooped photographic proof that:
"I never had a 2nd wife" —Hubbard



image of the world's happiest OT couple, taken before—
- - Ron sent his beloved wife to federal prison for his maniacal crime wave.
- - Ron ordered his junior to construct a suicide e-meter to kill himself.


..
 
Last edited:

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
..
You should have put a warning label at the beginning of the post if you were going to include that one. :omg:
..
True, LOL!

However, the name of the post was "Top 10 Cringiest Scientology Images".

I am simply following Dr. Hubbard's senior policy of "Always Deliver What You Promise".

..
 
Last edited:

guanoloco

As-Wased
..

I'm thinking of compiling a list of the TOP 10 CRINGIEST IMAGES in Scientology's entire 73 year history. All nominations are welcome.

I am pretty sure these first few will almost certainly make it onto that list:


"One picture is worth a thousand culty cringes"











Sorry about that last one. But to be fair, the EP of the OT levels is:
"TOTAL CAUSE OVER LIFE"

(Ron never said anything about "Total Cause Over Teeth")

..

What? Not this one?

P70_1.JPG
 

guanoloco

As-Wased
..





But at least that quote is consistent and makes sense. . .

Because "deadly serious activities" are by definition "fun", right? LOL

..
Here's an oldy:


You could always tell them that Scientology is that insouciant deadly serious activity not some minor game we are all playing for blood where it's the only game where everybody wins or dies in the attempt because we'd rather have you dead than incapable where only the tigers survive that isn't cute or done for lack of something better to do so why go bowling or have other fish to fry if it isn't fun it isn't Scientology.
 

guanoloco

As-Wased
That one goes with this one:


I'd tell 'em that it all started about 75,000,000 years ago in this sector of the guhlacksee when...ok...wait a minute...I guess I'd start earlier and cover stuff like implants and once there were super simple thetans that had these awesome theta abilities but one day they decided to be complex and this started them down the dwindling spiral and then there's the physical universe and doll bodies and the Marcabs and the 5th Invader Force with pincer-like hands and then there's bodies in pawn and there's the GE line with the weeper and the helper and the clam and then there's softened up theta entities that are injected into us because of Xenu and his fake tax audit and DC-8s with the volcanoes and prison planet for artists and perverts and atom bombs and trains on Venus and it's the engram that causes all of man's problems...er...wait a minute it's the M/Us? Or is it overts? Or maybe it's the MISSED withhold that is the doozie...but don't forget the SP who is in a synthetic valence and this is what a valence is and the SP causes all of man's illness and injury and you can actually have a virus (I guess?) that's PTS and this is why there's disconnection policy that's been cancelled because now the tech works so well but really it comes down to these injected softened up theta entities that we call Body Thetans that are the problem and THESE are what cause the circuits that we originally didn't have any demons for but now we DO have demons and we do this auditing stuff to rid ourselves of them, unless you've taken an aspirin or something and although we're the top 1% of the top 10% or something we're really one foot in the grave of the long gone dead at the end of the universe on prison planet Teegeeak and somebody just slapped a beam on me and tried to invalidate me and evaluate for me but I spotted this dark mass with ridges that was part of my past life as Marilyn Monroe and once you as-is something your Havingness comes up...er...maybe it goes down and you need to remedy it depending on what's going on but you swell out across your dynamics and can be the keys of your car that you lost and now found them by acking the car that was broke but you flowed theta into it to keep it running so you're not 1 minute late to ethics frying other fish and all that and go on course to scream at an ashtray to stand up if you can push your way past all those Guy Fawkes-masked terrorists dramming their out-ethics and crimes in front of the org and your stats go flying up after writing up your O/Ws and joining the group but you mustn't prematurely ack because that's like having bad breath which Ron who was Buddha never had despite keeping the same teeth he had when he was Cecil Rhodes or earlier off the track I guess because his CSW or PO to get new ones was never approved...
 

Reyne Mayer

Pansexual Revolutionary
"If it's not fun it's not Scientology"
to me in a way that sums up how fun-loving, well-intentioned young people probably made scientology what is was in its heyday more because of the zeitgeist of their 'seeker' generation that they brought to the orgs, and in spite of LRH's authoritarian deadly seriousness.
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
..

What? Not this one?
.
LOL!

Definitely! That one is now officially on the list!


Naturally, we'll use the original unaltered version, but
just for fun--here's a temporary today-only version:




...
 
Top