TOP SUPER-STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY (PART V)

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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THE TRUTH HIDDEN BEHIND
ALL SCIENTOLOGY PROMOTION


FREE INTRO FILMS
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Scientology is kind of like a teen horror flick where the charming
silver-haired 97 year old granny that lives next door gives you a
super-sweet smile while telling you that she just baked a fresh
batch of hot chocolate brownies! And then she invites you to
come inside and have as many as you want. And then
you go in and don't see any brownies—which is
when she informs you that they are
all down in her basement.



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Lee #28

Well-known member
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I am not 100% sure that they specified what "Mr. Cruise" actually did that made him such spiritual hero.

If i recall correctly, Minister Miscavige proclaimed that Mr Cruise was: "THE MOST DEDICATED SCIENTOLOGIST I KNOW"

The Sea Org members are not as dedicated. They only work 7 days a week for pennies and have no car, no home, no vacations, no money, no medical, no retirement funds and no life. By contrast, Cruise has many mansions around the world, a private jet, countless servants and staff, the finest food in the world, hundreds of millions of dollars at his disposal, vacations any time and any place of his choosing for any amount of time and he doesn't have a contract to any organization that can boss him around, beat him up or imprison him in "the hole" for years at a time.

The sea org members are stuck in the org every day of the year frantically trying to sell Scientology to people. While they are doing that, Cruise leaves the org to make a movie.

But Cruise is the most dedicated Scientologist in the world.

It doesn't have to make sense—it's Scientology.

.,
I do recall him saying the most dedicated scientologist.....but also,
I recall him saying world's biggest FSM......

Anyone else there remember that?

Did I dub that in?

:D
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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I do recall him saying the most dedicated scientologist.....but also,
I recall him saying world's biggest FSM......
Anyone else there remember that?
Did I dub that in?
:D

I have no doubt you heard that. It was probably in one of those thrilling "Shock & Awe" video presentations at one of Minister Miscavige's "Nuremberg Rallies".



It was on the on that lightning fast video, right between the exploding volcanos and rocketing skyward graphs, which the announcer was repetitively screaming into the PA system "THE WAR IS OVER!!!" but you couldn't hear him because the audience shrieks/cheers and fireworks going off were deafening.

During that moment in the video, I think they were flashing glamour shots of Tom Cruise in all his movies and there was a statistical bar chart soaring upward past the "ONE BILLION" mark, at which time it exploded. I think it was depicting "over one billion successful Scientology dissemination cycles!!!" performed by Tom Cruise alone!!! To wit, every time someone saw a Tom Cruise movie in theaters or on TV (or saw his photo or read his name any place) , he was giving a living demonstration that "Scientology Works!"

When the church's spokesperson (
William "Billy" Blowdown) was asked how seeing a Tom Cruise movie proved that Scientology works, he responded:

BILLY BLOWDOWN
Well...um...let's see. Uhhh, before I became a Scientologist
I saw Mr. Cruise in the movie "TOP GUN". Before that I
always thought he was just an actor. But in the movie, he was
flying an F-18 fighter-jet! So, I just sat there in that theater
completely awestruck that he was able to simply postulate
that he could fly a wildly complex aeronautical machine like an
F-18 which normally requires that the air force recruit commit
to at least 10 years of service and many years of intense theoretical
study and practical training! But he just did all that in one day by
using his OT abilities. When I saw that I wanted to have those
same kind of magical and miraculous powers, which is why
I immediately went into the local Scientology Ideal Org and
signed a one billion year contract. But I won't be flying
mere earth fighter jets, I'll be piloting intergalactic rocket
ships and my personal goal is to 10X Tom's dissem stats
because I plan to FSM one trillion new beings onto their
Bridge. Can you even imagine the FSM commissions?!


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PirateAndBum

Administrator
Staff member
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I have no doubt you heard that. It was probably in one of those thrilling "Shock & Awe" video presentations at one of Minister Miscavige's "Nuremberg Rallies".



It was on the on that lightning fast video, right between the exploding volcanos and rocketing skyward graphs, which the announcer was repetitively screaming into the PA system "THE WAR IS OVER!!!" but you couldn't hear him because the audience shrieks/cheers and fireworks going off were deafening.

During that moment in the video, I think they were flashing glamour shots of Tom Cruise in all his movies and there was a statistical bar chart soaring upward past the "ONE BILLION" mark, at which time it exploded. I think it was depicting "over one billion successful Scientology dissemination cycles!!!" performed by Tom Cruise alone!!! To wit, every time someone saw a Tom Cruise movie in theaters or on TV (or saw his photo or read his name any place) , he was giving a living demonstration that "Scientology Works!"

When the church's spokesperson (
William "Billy" Blowdown) was asked how seeing a Tom Cruise movie proved that Scientology works, he responded:

BILLY BLOWDOWN
Well...um...let's see. Uhhh, before I became a Scientologist
I saw Mr. Cruise in the movie "TOP GUN". Before that I
always thought he was just an actor. But in the movie, he was
flying an F-18 fighter-jet! So, I just sat there in that theater
completely awestruck that he was able to simply postulate
that he could fly a wildly complex aeronautical machine like an
F-18 which normally requires that the air force recruit commit
to at least 10 years of service and many years of intense theoretical
study and practical training! But he just did all that in one day by
using his OT abilities. When I saw that I wanted to have those
same kind of magical and miraculous powers, which is why
I immediately went into the local Scientology Ideal Org and
signed a one billion year contract. But I won't be flying
mere earth fighter jets, I'll be piloting intergalactic rocket
ships and my personal goal is to 10X Tom's dissem stats
because I plan to FSM one trillion new beings onto their
Bridge. Can you even imagine the FSM commissions?!


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Billy, I happy to R-factor you that you've been TIP'd for flight school on DC-8's! Please see the reg to get fully paid.
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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Billy, I am happy to R-factor you that you've been TIP'd for flight school on DC-8's! Please see the reg to get fully paid.
LOL - - - LOL

I laughed twice. The first time was because it was funny!

I laughed the 2nd time time because I wondered how many hours it would take to fully explain all the punchlines in it, if they had never been a Scientologist. Holy hell, sometimes I am able to read that foreign language (SCIENTOLOGISH) and not even realize that it's not ENGLISH! LOL. Let's see that sentence again with foreign words highlighted. . .

Billy* I am happy to R-factor you that you've been TIP'd for
flight school on DC-8's! Please see the reg to get fully paid.




* Please add 13 additional hours of explanations & word clearing—because when the never-in Scientologists ask "Who is Billy?" you will have to say "Billy Blowdown" and then you will have to clear what a blowdown is and then you will have to clear why a person's name would have an e-meter reaction reference and why in hell that would make any sense or be funny.


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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Inspired by another thread discussing people who hate CAPITALISM
and dream of escaping it to a super safe theta space where nobody is
obsessed with money, money, money 24 hours a day!!

- - -

originally posted by The_Fixer



THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY SHOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE
OF THIS NEW VIRAL MARKETING TREND WHERE PEOPLE
ARE BLOWING & LOOKING FOR A REFUGE
FROM ALL THE MONEY MADNESS!





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Marko Ex

Active member
ANSWER: You don't need to read the 11,123 posts. Using Dr. Hubbard's technical discovery, it was scientifically determined that "....the best way to know is to pervade" (-LRH).

One can, for example, pervade the entire LIBRARY OF CONGRESS collection of 16,208,221 books--and perform the entire the task while enjoying just one (1) cup of tea at home, in some very cozy pink fuzzy slippers. Before this breakthrough people were forced to do incredibly useless things like transporting their meat bodies to Washington DC and then using their MEST eyes to laboriously read each word in those books.

The Hubbard Law Of Pervasion applies to all things, with the notable exception that a being cannot pervade Scientology books and materials without going to an org that can provide you with advanced study instruments that include batteries, paperclips and clay.
Shit, I got terribly excited when I read "The Hubbard Law of PERVERSION"...Oh well...😂😂😂
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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WACKY-WOO QUOTE OF THE DAY
- provided by ILove2Lurk & Cat's Squirrel -

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"Face it. We live in a barbarism. The shiny cars are driven by degraded men. You won't be free unless they are. It has taken me ten hard years to make clearing everyone an accomplished fact. That I could do it was not enough. That you could do it was part of the major plan. My purpose is to bring a barbarism out of the mud it thinks conceived it and to form here on Earth a civilization based on human understanding, not violence. That's a big purpose. A broad field. A star-high goal. But I think it's your purpose, too." -L. Ron Hubbard ABILITY. ISSUE 72. APRIL 1958



* * * COMMENTS SECTION * * *








- - -

 
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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PART II: "The shiny cars are driven by degraded men." -LRH



David Miscavige and one (1) of his many shiny cars.




Tom Cruise and one (1) of his many shiny cars.




John Travolta and one (1) of his many shiny cars.

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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From the exciting Top 15 Countdown over on
Tony Ortega's Underground Bunker
"TOM CRUISE'S SCIENTOLOGY SUPERPOWERS"

ESMB Discussion Thread LINK

Wow, Tom Cruise's #4 OT superpower (destroying a planet by "pulling the air cover off" of it) is very scary stuff!

[excerpt from The Underground Bunker]
4. Destroying a planet with the touch of a finger​
5. Leaving his body with full perception​
6. Resuscitating the recently deceased​
7. Pulling in objects with tractor eye-beams​
8. Recovering unspeakable acts from the past​
9. Mocking up an automobile out of thin air​
10. Drying out from space coke​
11. Levitating an ashtray​
12. Resisting illnesses with his mind alone​
13. Communicating with anyone on any subject​
14. Helping at the scene of a car accident​
15. Always finding the best parking spot​

I can see now why all of us small degraded beings living down here on this slave planet should very compliantly obey the big OT beings residing atop the command channel—like Maitreya*, Minister Miscavige and the Messianic Moviestar Mr. Mapother!

I am very excited to see the top 3 superpowers when they are revealed! My knowingness tells me that one of them is going to be "The Power of Invisibility!" Like the time the Dr. Hubbard cloaked himself in invisibility and instantly disappeared inside an ever-roaming Bluebird Motorhome—whereupon he could not be located by civil lawsuit process servers, nor law enforcement officers dramatizing the reactively low-toned intention of arresting and handcuffing the reincarnated, omniscient and omnipotent Buddha.



* Maitreya - L. Ron Hubbard, founder of the belief systems Dianetics and Scientology, suggested he was the returning Buddha, or "Metteya" (Maitreya), in his own 1955 poem Hymn of Asia.

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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
Below is a profoundly illuminating moment, when cult management
was duly informed by arguably its highest-trained, most-productive and
most beloved Class XII auditor—that the Church of Scientology was
charging $1,000 an hour for miraculous powers that not one preclear
nor one OT ever once achieved! Certainly "the most ethical people on
the planet
" were grateful to learn of this whistleblowing bombshell that
exposed the "out-ethics" deception, wicked lying and outrageous criminal
fraud being perpetrated against all the church's loyal parishioners, right?

Hubbard does not speak truthfully. In 8 years of either auditing or C/Sing the Ls morning, noon and night, I can attest that no one went exterior with full perception even for 1 hour let alone stably. When they advertised this in their magazines, I actually went to Marketing and explained how it was false advertising and a completely fake claim. Marketing placated me and thanked me profusely and then did nothing. They use this to this day to sell the Ls.

/
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Thanks Karen#1, that was a stunning revelation!

It's been 71 years since Hubbard first gifted his miraculous technology to mankind.

Yet, since 1950, not a single Scientologist (including Hubbard himself) has ever stepped forward and been able to demonstrate the state of "EXTERIORIZATION".

If any Scientologist could have done a simple 1 minute demonstration of exteriorization on a film, video, TV show or in a scientifically controlled test---there would now be more than a billion active Scientologists doing everything humanly possible to pay for and acquire such magical powers!

However, as I have mentioned before— the only exteriorization demonstration that Scientologists are capable of doing is the kind that uses paperclips, used batteries and/or clay.

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Dotey OT

Dis-Membered
You most likely will not want to be the person that did not get that from L12. I remember specifically being asked that question by Hank Bourland. I remember thinking no. Eventually after some more auditing, I... did the thing that was the greatest good across the dynamics.

Ron and I lied. It didn't feel like a lie at the time.
 

HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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You most likely will not want to be the person that did not get that from L12. I remember specifically being asked that question by Hank Bourland. I remember thinking no. Eventually after some more auditing, I... did the thing that was the greatest good across the dynamics.

Ron and I lied. It didn't feel like a lie at the time.
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That was a courageously candid confession!

Although no Scientologists acquired the ability to exteriorize (or any other of the upper levels' magical powers), I think all Scientologists eventually acquired an alternate OT "power".

Lying to oneself!

It's a "flow zero" thing (i.e. something deceitful/harmful that you do to yourself).

This is all part of Dr. Hubbard's greatest discovery:

"THE FOUR FLOWS OF FUGAZI"

flow zero: You doing harm to You. (e.g. As a wog, parking your car and asking some dorky looking people sitting at a sidewalk "free stress test" table if they would happen to be able to break a hundred dollar bill so you can get some change for the parking meter.

flow one: Another doing harm to You. (e.g. When you originate that you don't have any parking meter change, the Scientologist responds: "
Scientology can handle that!", after which they 8C you inside the org to handle your ruin.

flow two: You doing harm to Another. (e.g. Several hours later you exit the org and laugh when you see that the police left a MEST parking ticket on your MEST car. Then you begin driving home, and your desperate fiance calls your phone and starts yelling: "
Where have you been?!!! Did you pick up my wedding dress and your tux? They're already closed today and tomorrow is Sunday and they're not open and it's our wedding day!" )

flow three: Others doing harm to Others. (e.g. Three months after your fiance has moved out and your car has been repossessed, four staff members drive you to your ex-fiance family's house. Then when she and her parents open the door, you say you want them to meet some really great people. Then then on your hand signal all four staff jump out of the car, open the trunk and begin carrying armfuls of brand new LRH "Basics Books" up the driveway and into their living room.

SCIENTOLOGY 101: Scientology sounds very complicated. However, you only have to take responsibility for flow zero—lying to yourself. Because all the remaining fraudulent flows are very successfully managed by Dr. Hubbard and his crack team of Power Prevaricators!



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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ALWAYS WONDERED
"WHAT DO OT COMMITTEES ACTUALLY DO?"
There is now an entire discussion thread talking about how OTs
working together can prevent natural disasters (like not-ideal
hurricanes
) from hitting Flag or other Ideal Orgs.

Now here are some terrific ideas how Ron's tech can handle enturbulating hurricanes!!

Surely the many OTs in Clearwater could have combined forces to stop some measly bits of air from whooshing about, couldn't they?

For OTs at cause over matter, energy, space, and time, it would have been child's play.
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One of my informants inside the Church of Scientology (William Blowdown) briefed me on what actually happened in the OT Committee he is an active member on.

In fact, the OTs in Clearwater did meet in an effort to find a solution to the hurricane velocity winds that were heading directly towards the two (2) Scientology missions in New Orleans. So, I asked him to brief us. . .
.

originally posted by Billy Blowdown
Well to be quite honest I feel pretty downtone and arc broken about what happened. During the emergency OT Committee meeting, everyone was trying to make it go right to use our postulates and superpowers to either AS-IS the hurricane completely and make it disappear. Or to use our tone-40 postulates and tractor beams to STEER the hurricane away from our missions and into wog medical buildings where some of the tenants were psychiatrists. I thought that was a stupid idea because there could have also been super upstat dentists and chiropractors in those buildings who are big donors to the org. That's when I r-factored the committee that I wanted to propose an ethical solution where everyone wins. So i turned down the lights and ran a big screen power-point presentation based on LRH tech. After clearing the term "hurricane" everyone had a lot of wins and cogs about how the problem was a WIND problem, which actually is just an AIR problem. That's when I played the LRH tape where he explains that it is very easy for OTs to pull the AIR cover off the planet. No air, no wind. No wind, no hurricane!. All the OTs in that room were stunned and after a short com lag, they began applauding, cheering and giving me "HIP-HIP-HOORAYS!" Then someone put some CI on my idea when they asked if pulling the air cover off the planet might actually unintentionally kill some of our whales that are donating big bucks for the new IDEAL ORG building. Then another OT on the committee suggested that we should not immediately begin pulling the air cover off the planet, but instead first check if there was an LRH reference on how to just pull SOME of the air cover off the planet, but not the air cover near our orgs. I said we should not wait any longer because the hurricane was getting close to New Orleans, but they out-voted me and instructed me to go back and fix my CSW with LRH references.

ML,
Billy Blowdown
OT VIII
2020 WINNER - Ideal Scientologist Award


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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In the lower half of the Tony Ortega blog today....this strange video was posted. 1 minute long.

Guys in Hazmat suits taking something off FREEWINDS
????
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I have no clue what is happening in that video.

BEST GUESS: Since they are wearing Hazmat suits, perhaps they are removing the toxic OT VIII materials for a badly needed update with entirely new content?

It would make sense that they need to wear protection from Hazardous materials, based on the lethal casualty-rate of Scientologists who completed OT VIII and were so brutally disappointed they either blew or abandoned their mest impediment. By way of explanation, who in hell would want to invest over $600K and 25-50 years to achieve OT VIII—only to attest/discover that the OT VIII "Ability Attained" is:

"I now know who I am not, and I am
interested to find out who I am."

Imagine dedicating one's whole life to reaching a new awareness level that is identical to the same one you had many decades earlier, when you were curious enough about who you are that you walked into a Scientology center to see if L. Ron Hubbard had any clue.

The OT VIII "end phenomena" is so ludicrously absurd, it's a miracle that when someone proudly attests (to being clueless about who they are), dozens of people don't suddenly burst into the room hysterically laughing and shouting: "YOU'VE BEEN PRANKED!!!"

THE ULTIMATE SCIENTOLOGY PARADOX: Scientology endlessly boasts that it is the science of knowing-how-to-know. Yet the very highest level of cognitive attainment is "Hey don't ask me, I dunno!"


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
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It is my opinion that there is no such thing as "case" ... with or without continuous "overts".

:)
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Apparently you did not read the sign posted over the door as you entered your first Church of Scientology:

We of the Church believe that:

All beings are basically not ideal, because they have a "case".
To become ideal all beings must purchase case-resolution sessions.
If a being's case does not resolve, the being is an inherently non-ideal being (SP).
If a being does not believe they have a case, that is part of their case.
The being's case cannot be understood, mastered nor vanquished by the being alone.
The only terminals who can help the being clear their case are the spiritual erasure specialists otherwise known as the Case Supervisor and Case Registrar.
Denial of one's case is a high crime punishable by the issuance of a written declaration--called a "Revised Tech Estimate".
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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.

NEW FEATURE ON THE
STUPID MOMENTS IN SCIENTOLOGY THREAD


HUBBARD HAPPY TALK
The Modern Science of Innocuous Word Substitutions



* * * BEFORE * * *

SCIENTOLOGY EXEC
Hey Billy, I need you to take this routing
form right away to the Cashier.

BILLY
Whoa! That sounds really terrible.
Sorry, I definitely don't want to do that.



* * * AFTER * * *

SCIENTOLOGY EXEC
Hey Billy, I need you to take this routing
form right away to the Registrar.

BILLY
Wow, that sounds really great, I'm so
happy you are willing to help me like that.


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HelluvaHoax!

Well-known member
.

HUBBARD HAPPY TALK
The Modern Science of Innocuous Word Substitutions


* * * BEFORE * * *

SCIENTOLOGY EXEC
Hey Billy, I am sending you away to a slave
labor camp for the next several years until
your mind, spirit and body are broken by
nutritional deficiencies, hard manual labor,
psychological terrorism and daily mind
control re-programming implants.


BILLY
Whoa! That sounds horrifying! I am going
to route out of the Sea Org right now! And
if you try to kidnap and imprison me, I am
going to escape the very first minute the
guards turn their backs, and then I am
going straight to the police to file criminal
complaints, after which I am going to sue
you in civil court as well for damages for
child abuse since I'm only 13 years old!




* * * AFTER * * *

SCIENTOLOGY EXEC
Hey Billy, I am sending you for some personal enhancement
and rehabilitation of your native OT powers!

BILLY
Wow, that sounds amazing. I cannot thank you enough!
For a moment there I was worried that you were
sending me to one of those RPF gulags!


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