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Irayam

Well-known member
Hello and welcome to this new ESMB!
I was mainly public (de staff for 3 monts and it was also enough for me...)
I was in in the eighties.
 

Cinnamon_Girl

Animal Lover
What was your time on staff like? Any stories?
All my life I used to see the Church of Scientology sign off the 101 freeway as I was driving by. I grew up in L.A. and would drive by there on the way to visit my grandparents in N. Hollywood. But I never knew what it was. Just noticed the big sign.

I have so many stories about the Sacramento org, that I will have to write about it later. Nevertheless, I can write a little here in this thread;
It was so awful that I actually left 3 times and went back 3 times. The 4th time I left was the last. I was there during the time when the IRS let the C of S go tax emept. So I think it was around the early 90's that I first got involved as staff.

I joined staff after a divorce, being depressed and alone, it was a trigger to the beginning of the nightmare. But before that I had been working for a Family Physician who had an office that was being managed by a husband and wife who were Scientologists. I do not know if I am allowed to write their names here. But she (the wife), was a CSW. They had a purif that they owned and ran in the same building of the doctors office, across the hall. The doctor was their overseeing medical doctor, referring the patients to the program. While they were managing his practice for him. I was a billing clerk for the doctor, sharing a small office with the wife. This was how she got me onto both the introductory course and the purif. Which were both very good, I actually enjoyed the purification. And the beginning course was the TR's, which I can honestly say ... it really blew my mind.

Fast forward, my divorce happened soon after. I had been let go from my job by the managment, being angry and upset about being regged by the wife, while at work, I became very discouraged and began looking for another job. They did not like this and left me go. I got unemployment. So at least I had a way to pay my mortgage for a while. At this time I had my own home, as well as a few pets. Looking back on these people, I realize that nobody else owned their own homes. I was an anomaly to them. I just thought that everyone owned their own homes. And that this was a goal that everyone was trying for, it was normal to me. As the family I'd known and been attached to my entire life was the same way.
So I was really on my own. And I lived far away from family. And since I'd made friends with a couple of people from the org who were at that time public, I was getting calls from them to "get on course". So I got to use my ex husband's undone course that he had left on the account there, since he had "blown". He had also done the purif and his parents had paid for that and the introductory course that was a concurring thing for people to get onto after they'd finished the purif. He had reversed all of the gains on the purif and reverted back to heavy drug use. This had been an ongoing problem for me while being married to him. And I now know that the years of being married to a drug addicted alcoholic was another of the triggers that lead me to wanting to be on staff. It was the fact that their no drug rules were very attractive to me, after putting up with a drug addict for so many years. The idea of finding and being in a group of people who were not on drugs (not even Tylenol or Advil were allowed), was really almost like a miracle.

During being on course I was routed on staff as a file clerk. I was cleaning up the file room. I also got to look into my ex husband's file that was in there. And saw all of the nasty things that were being written about me, due to him trying to ruin my life. And I could not believe what this person was writing about me, during the time that I was going through a breakup with my then husband. This was I think the first red flag, reading the awful words about myself. But I kept it to myself.

During the next several months, I found several roommates and even a part time job that was super easy, through contacts with the C of S staff both there and in other orgs. I found out that Scientologists who own their own businesses prefer to hire staff, as they know that staff are pretty much more honest than other non-Scientologists. It was something to do with sec checks and the higher expectations that are expected. So for the next few years I was feeling more stable on my own than I was being married. I thought it was due to the connections I made in the org. And knowing what I knew of life before, this was a huge plus for me.

Everyone who has been involved in Scientology knows of the progressive way that we are led into it little by little. So things did no unravel all at once. In the beginning it was all innocent. Even the low pay I could everlook. It was worth it for me, just associating with clean people who were "uptone".

After cleaning up the file room, and then being put onto the Tech department as an Admin. I had and still have good organizational skills. These skills I learned during my working life. I was a working class person. And later when I left the C of S, these skills were what I fell back on in order to survive.

I was in close contact with a guy who was an auditor. I will not write his name here. If anyone wants to know who any of these people are, IM me. This guy actually had a girlfriend who was a public person who he was living with. But he was very very flirtatious with me. He broke up with her and moved in with one of the guys on staff who was Ethics of some sort. (I forget a lot of the post titles now). This other guy lived in a house with his wife and rented out rooms for very low, to staff who need a place to stay. Soon after the Tech Auditor guy asked me out for "a piece of pie". We went for dinner and "piece of pie". He had his own business, a janitorial business. He knew I had my own home. He wanted to come and see my house. I said ok. I should have been more careful, but knowing what I knew of staff, I thought his intentions were honest. But while talking and walking around my house with him, when we got into the bedroom, he actually grabbed me and pushed me backards, my knee was twisted. And he raped me.

I don't remember the way that things happened in order after that. But I recall going to the org the next day, and telling the guy who was one of the owners of that org, along with his wife the ED. I remember telling him how the other guy twisted my leg and what had happened and that was when it was known that this Tech Auditor guy actually abused me, it was rape. But I really was still in shock. Later on, the Tech person wanted to talk to me, he got sent to my house by the ED to "handle" me. As I had gotten really pissed off and refused to go back to the org. Which was actually a correct thing to do, looking back. I should have gone to the police. But I was not communicating with anyone there. So this Tech Auditor person who had abused me came to my house, I allowed him in, and took him into the kitchen. This time he just sort of begged me to come back to staff and "get on course". I do not recall everything he said, but I refused and was really stubborn. I don't remember if he even apologized. I should have never gone back, and should have thrown him out of my house. But I didn't, I just listened and told him I would think about coming back. Which I regretfully did later, after I felt less angry.

When I did return I was Sec Checked for weeks. I didn't mind this. This Tech Auditor guy was put on lower conditions. I remember seeing him around. But I cut off all contact with him. His girlfriend then knew what happened. She confronted me at an event. I got really rude to her and told her off. This caused a huge "flap" with her stumbling around the org during the event bawling her head off. But I didn't care, I was so disgusted. It was during this time that an obese woman in the OSA Office there began to call me a "plant". I had no idea what that meant. I later found out that she thought I was a trouble maker, sent there by the CIA to disrupt. Which later I realized was a paranoid sort of thinking that was very common with a lot of people in the C of S.

During the next few years, this other man who was the then owner of the org, along with his wife, the ED, basically befriended me. He placed me in his dept. as the PPO, and I began routing people on staff like crazy. I was really good at it. I think I hired every single person I could find, who had any contact with that org. I even routed a staff person from L.A. who was working at Narcanon. My stats were high. I do not know how long I was on that post, but I was doing other things like book sales. A group of us had a booth at the local Swap meet, that was actually called The Auction. As there were animals acutioned there. I lilked going there to the auction and being outside in that booth, with a few others from staff. I made new friends. I thought they were my friends. But they were just more unhappy than I.

Gradually I was sort of expected to be on staff full time. I already had a contact with outside people, with an employment agency. So I was temping off and on. At some point I lost my house, as I could not continue to pay the mortgage. I think what happened was a few things that led to that. I was depressed. But the C of S does not even acknowledge psychological terms or feelings, just that we are not even allowed to feel anything. I remember working all day at my temp job, and then having to to go the org at night and work all hours. If I complained of being too tired to come after work, I was told I was being "suppressive". So I sort of gave in. I began working less temp jobs, and being at the org more. Eventually having a home to keep up and a mortgage to pay became too much for me. This is the worst part of the story, losing my home. But I had a place to go live. The owner of the org and his wife owned homes that they rented rooms out to staff. So I moved into one of their old Victorian houses that was infected with termites. It was in midtown. And the org was downtown Sacramento. So everything was within walking distance. I really like this and living downtown. But my life was slowly getting more difficult.

While being both part time and full time, on and off, I was telling the auditors in training that I would be willing to be a PC. My thinking was that if I was expected to be there working and not being paid much, that it would be fair to get free auditing. So I did get a lot of auditing. Sometimes I would get really dissappointed by the life I was living and I would just leave staff. Usually I would go and work at "wog" jobs, where I was paid. So when I went back to staff, it became more obvious to me that this organization was just wanting to make me work for nothing, and put up with all kinds of dysfunctional bullshit. And furthermore the ED began questioning me as to why I would insist on keeping contact with all of these "wogs". She was referring to my temp jobs. I just told her it was because I had to pay rent and bills. It was a no brainer for me. But she didn't get it. At this time I was living in one of the houses that she and her husband owned.

There was one temp assignment that I really liked, as a typist. I liked the job, did a good job. I'd learned to type in high school. This particular company later hired me and I was able to totally leave the org, all of the staff and get my own apartment. This was the beginning of the end of me having to work on an org that was so abusive who could not pay me.

But right before that the ED did an "interrogatory" on me. As they had moved me into the Treasury department, with no training whatsoever. Managing the Treasury isn't a job for someone with no accounting skills. I had no experience with this. Even though I had been moved into Treasury and worked under a really great senior, he had left staff. His contract had ended. So I guess I was the next best person to take his post. This was a huge mistake on their part. And because of their stupidity, desperate state and dysfunctional way of dealing with that org, it did not work. Instead of sending me for training, the ED just did something really stupid, I think it was to punish me. Either way, I was at that point I was no longer putting up with it. When I saw the yellow sheets of paper all over the place, in all of the staff inboxes, I took one and went into the ED's office and asked her what is this for? As I read the interrogatory questions I noticed most of the questions were about her. Like "have you ever heard Christine saying anything bad about the ED"? Over and over, the same question, worded a different way. It read like total paranoia on her part. I remember sitting there looking at her, just staring at her, like she was a crazy nutcake. And I remember her saying to me "what"? And I just shook my head and left that room.

This ED person had absolutely no people skills whatsover. Every time I had a conversation with her during the 4 years I was on staff, it was very uncomfortable. She also chained smoked, didn't bathe very often, and had a trashy sort of demeanor. She had a body odor as well.

I think that what she did not like was that a lot of peple really liked me. I actually had friends there. Really good friends both on staff and public. It is just the way that I am. I know how to have relationships with people. And I am a normal person. She just could not understand why I had any friends at all. Even my "wog" contacts were a threat to her. As I left that office I started to feel like I needed to get out of that building. But while I was in her office, they had started the nightly staff meeting, and had locked the door of the treasury room, where my purse and car keys were. I asked to have the door unlocked. And the OSA obese woman (who was an ally to the ED), told me off, said I didn't need my purse, and to get into the staff meeting. I remember sitting in the meeting just fuming and feeling like a trapped animal. And noticing the ED watching me, sitting across the table from me. After the meeting they had to unlock the door. I took my purse and left. And that was the last time I did anything as far as being on staff.

The next few months was just a process of me routing off staff and blowing off the ED's nasty phone calls and rude stares at me. There was just nothing I could have relating to her. I had moved out of her and her husband's property by then. One of the phone calls she made to me was just the next day after the weird interrog and trying to ask her what was her issue with me. I had not slept all night. And when I answered the phone (it was my roommate's telephone line), I could only sit there with the phone to my ear and say nothing. After silence I said something like "are you curious about me or what"? And that one comment just freaked her out, for some reason. She yelled at me "if you don't come back today, you will never be allowed back in, neither my husband or I will let you back in"! I think I just said "I am not coming back".

I was declared PTS I think it was E, but I do not recall. I at that point had so much animosity towards most of the "Execs" that anything they did was just a huge annoyance to me. It was as if they were still playing this ridiculous, childish, dysfunctional game that I no longer wanted a part of. I had several friends both staff and public who knew of what I was going thru and they thought I was being treated very badly. As they both were well aware of the way the Exec's were. One of them even went in and cleared off my desk for me. As there was no way I would ever walk back into that office.

The previous temp job offered me a job, the job I had wanted before while temping there. They offered me a raise, so I would not be working on minimum wage. I remember telling the manager that I "quit my volunteer job". She asked me if I would be able to work 5 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. I said "yes" without hesitation. A week later I started the job. The early hours were hard. But once I got a few paychecks I literally started feelling normal again.

About 6 months into my new job, and having no contact with Exec's there, my then public friend told me that he was asked to come to the org and was interrogated as to what I was "up to". He said they were even asking him if he and I were ever "doing a 2D". He was totally caught off guard and offended. But as he and everyone knew well, this was all part of the sickness that was that org. He relayed to them that I was working at a full time job, where I had been for several months. Later the idiots declared me SP, but did not post the bulletins all over the org the way that they had when I was declared PTS. So nobody was aware of it, including me and my friends who were still talking to me. I only found out that I was declared SP many years later. I think I did not know until about 15 years later, finding out by accident.

Eventually I wrote letters to the Los Angeles C of S, not KR's. They were letters, anonymously....complaining about the ED and the OSA woman. At some point later on, I got a phone call from a non-Scientologist who was living with an ex staff member who had been one of my good friends while on staff. She told me to sit down, she had some news for me. She proceeded to tell me that The ED, her husband, the OSA woman and 2 other staff that were close to them had been kicked out of the org by the Los Angeles Ethics people. And that the ED had been declared SP. She told me that someone had made complaints that caused a long investigation on the org. But nobody knew how it all started. Since I had long been away from them and that place, I could not know for sure. But I like to think that my letters had something to do with this big upset. Several Ethics people actually flew in from L.A. with plane tickets for all 5 of the Sacramento staff. They were all put on a plane, flown to L.A. the ED declared and told that none of them were ever allowed on the property of an org ever again. I think the OSA woman was declared SP too, and also part of her declare was that she was "out appearances". Which meant that she was too unattractive to be on staff. The husband of the ED, who had previously been a friend to me, was told that he needs to disconnect from his wife, since she was now declared SP. He refused, and he was also told he was not allowed to be on staff, ever. Unless he divorced her. I don't know the details of the other 2 guys. They were people I liked while being on staff. One of them was a roommate for a short while previously.

Ever since the short time I was involved with these sick and sad people of that org. the "Exec's", I have noticed a kind of 6th sense sensitivity towards people of their ilk. It's like when I am either working for or with a person who feels like a bad person, I know it. I have had a hard time dealing with people in general ever since then. I now know that I acquired my PTSD as a consequence of that experience. Several years ago I had lot of therapy. But unless one goes through the C of S experience, you cannot even get close to knowing how it feels. When I told one of my therapists that I used to work for the C of S, I saw her shift in her seat and looked taken aback. She likened it to a racist organization, which I feel was not true. And I told her so. This is a woman who has a Phd, and calls herself a doctor.

I think that if I had not been living so far away from my immediate family, that none of this would have happened.
 
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Operating DB

3 feet behind my butt
Hi Cinnamon Girl. I remember that name from the "old" ESMB.

I chuckled when you wrote you were on staff "only" four years. As if four years is only for dilettantes, LOL. Four years is four too many in my eyes.

These scio stories never cease to amaze. To think we all went through so much torture in hopes for a better life.
 

Cinnamon_Girl

Animal Lover
Hi Cinnamon Girl. I remember that name from the "old" ESMB.

I chuckled when you wrote you were on staff "only" four years. As if four years is only for dilettantes, LOL. Four years is four too many in my eyes.

These scio stories never cease to amaze. To think we all went through so much torture in hopes for a better life.
I know what you mean. It is like everyone or mostly everyone who joins either staff or the Sea Org, really are good people. And end up getting used.
I have been listening to the podcast Surviving Scientology and getting really pissed off at the way this organization uses children and imports people from Russia to be slaves. It is really sick and criminal to say the least.
 

The Oracle

Not the same Oracle from a decade ago
It was a long unraveling, no just a wake up call. But I think that finding and keeping a real job, that was not connected to the C of S in any way, was a big deciding factor. But to get to that point, I had to cut them all off.
I think we all have a tipping point. One incident WE personally experienced that was the final straw. Did you have anything like that?
 

Chuck J.

Election Fraud Has Consequences
It's not the In & Out that gets you. It's the going back AFTER that. In other words, hitting yourself in the head with a hammer thinking it will somehow "feel different" this time.
 

Cinnamon_Girl

Animal Lover
It's not the In & Out that gets you. It's the going back AFTER that. In other words, hitting yourself in the head with a hammer thinking it will somehow "feel different" this time.
Yes it’s almost like you leave then feel better . Then you feel better, go back . And it starts all over again.
It’s exactly like one of the aspects of an abusive relationship or marriage .
 

Karen#1

Well-known member
Thank you Cinnamon Girl. for sharing your story.

Really happy to have you join us.

Good on listening to the podcasts on Surviving Scientology ! :)

:rose:
 

Karakorum

Well-known member
Welcome! :welcome2::welcome:


Thank you for sharing your story, that was very cool.

All my life I used to see the Church of Scientology sign off the 101 freeway as I was driving by. I grew up in L.A. and would drive by there on the way to visit my grandparents in N. Hollywood. But I never knew what it was. Just noticed the big sign.
Yep, I know exactly which sign.

And the beginning course was the TR's, which I can honestly say ... it really blew my mind.
Out of curiosity, which TR had the greatest impact?

During being on course I was routed on staff as a file clerk. I was cleaning up the file room. I also got to look into my ex husband's file that was in there.
This was the early 90s? Stuff like that was left lying around and I've even been involved with some cases with regards to these flaps, but it seems it was more common in the 90s than later on.

This Tech Auditor guy was put on lower conditions.
Really, that's all they did?! Wow, just wow. The only way I can explain it is that either they did not believe you and thought it was consensual, or he had someone higher up covering for him. Either way, that's horrible ethics work even for the cult's standards. Someone in the ethics line should swing for this.

She proceeded to tell me that The ED, her husband, the OSA woman and 2 other staff that were close to them had been kicked out of the org by the Los Angeles Ethics people. And that the ED had been declared SP. She told me that someone had made complaints that caused a long investigation on the org.
Would you feel comfortable enough to say what year was that? (If you think that could help OSA identify you, then please do not!)
I'm only asking as think I might what happened and which person ran that investigation. I was at WUS with Inv myself for some time.
 
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Enthetan

Veteran of the Psychic Wars
I don't remember the way that things happened in order after that. But I recall going to the org the next day, and telling the guy who was one of the owners of that org, along with his wife the ED. I remember telling him how the other guy twisted my leg and what had happened and that was when it was known that this Tech Auditor guy actually abused me, it was rape. But I really was still in shock. Later on, the Tech person wanted to talk to me, he got sent to my house by the ED to "handle" me. As I had gotten really pissed off and refused to go back to the org. Which was actually a correct thing to do, looking back. I should have gone to the police. But I was not communicating with anyone there. So this Tech Auditor person who had abused me came to my house, I allowed him in, and took him into the kitchen. This time he just sort of begged me to come back to staff and "get on course". I do not recall everything he said, but I refused and was really stubborn. I don't remember if he even apologized. I should have never gone back, and should have thrown him out of my house. But I didn't, I just listened and told him I would think about coming back. Which I regretfully did later, after I felt less angry.
What you experienced, in the reaction of the ED and org people, is inherent in how Scientology functions. Keeping the org running is considered the most important thing in the world.

It therefore follows that punishing a valuable Tech person for what he did to you, which would result in losing his services as a Tech person, would be harmful to org stats. So therefore that was more important than protecting you.
 
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