Finally growing some leaves.


OG cadet
Hi everyone,

Its been a while since I've posted anything here but I just wanted to share that I've finally started "confronting" what I went through growing up as a cadet and have stopped (forgive the Scientologies) "not-ising" the past and what I went through growing up in a place I had no escape from. Literally no escape, I had no where to go live, no family outside of Scientology that could help me out and of course I never really wanted to leave, it was just my out-ethics that caused the desire to Turns out I was just a smart kid who saw through a lot of the bullshit and saw the red flags, but anytime I thought critically I was crushed and bullied back into place.

The real journey began thanks to Leah Remini and Mike Rinders Fair Game podcast. I find myself crying and laughing whilst listening to this podcast because it reminds me of so much stuff I went through that I had forgotten about and "moved on" from. So many things I never ever considered to be traumatic or abusive were just normal, but these things have had life long consequences and shaped my behaviours today. So thank you to these two for putting up with all sorts of bullshit and persisting on this course of exposing Scientology and its abuses. Providing actual truths and realties for people like me who knew nothing else but the Sea Org and Scientology growing up is world changing and incredibly powerful, I am forever grateful, please keep going!

Whilst going through this journey of dealing with this shit there is a lot of joy and happiness that I am experiencing being able to let go of Scientology and actually realising its a cult.

Most recently I listened to Episode 46: The life and lies of L. Ron Hubbard....... I knew this would be a heavy episode and talk about some meaty stuff. But boy going through this episode had a profound effect on me. From the age of 6 till I was almost 21 I applauded and praised LRH for his technology and "greatness" everyday. I listened to all of his Congress lectures, read all his basic books twice through and did countless courses. I mean my life was dedicated to this man and his cause, attended every LRH birthday event and heard countless amazing stories about this man. To learn that some of these stories that are repeated over and over in a slightly different version were acceptable truths or bullshit and tall tales made to paint this man in a glorious light.... Its hard to explain but it feels like a hole has been ripped through me! This is surprising to me, a man I never actually met or knew in person still has the ability to effect me so personally like losing a father, this I did not expect.

Now I think this is a good thing to go through but I honestly had no idea how much finding this out would effect me. In my time, I saw inconsistencies in his stories and teachings, personally Dianetics didn't make sense to me and seemed like a bit of a garbled mess.

Anyway if anyone has any advise or anything they recommend to help me shed more of this cult from my life please feel free to share is with me. I am currently reading The Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes which is very helpful. I'm likely to become a bit more active on here and a bit more present. Appreciate any help and look forward being of any help to anyone else going through the journey.


Shane Kelsey


Welcome aboard.


Staff member
Glad to have you here. Sounds like you are making good progress sorting out your life in scn. :welcome2:


Well-known member
Shane - Welcome and thank you for sharing your story. Picking up on one point of your story, using Sciospeak, Scientologese or Clamspeak (lol) is a part of separating from scn. I only spent six or seven years in scn mostly as public and was out of it by 1980. Even so a lot of the scn descriptions and terms are accurate descriptions of human behavior in my opinion so it takes some conscious effort to recognize thinking with scn terminology and translating it back into King's English. An ARC break is an upset, an overt is a transgression and so on. As a rough guess maybe 20 or 30 common scn terms are used by scientologists in everyday conversation. Mixed in with the accurate descriptions is the whole list of sciospeak coined by Hubbard to sway and indoctrinate followers. For myself it wasn't that difficult to recognize scn thinking or thinking with scn and separate the worthwhile and true from the nonsensical and false.
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Well-known member
Welcome to the board! I suggest checking out the original There are many really good stories on there about how things went down and what was happening behind the scenes, I found it very helpful. If you haven't already seen it the HBO documentary is a must watch, there are also some good books that go over Scientology, how it evolved and who LRH really was.