Anger Issues

JustSheila

Well-known member
For the last few weeks, I've had to deal with some people around me with incredible anger issues. Those that get offended at minor mistakes (which were really their fault, anyway) and don't give a moment for reconciliation before doing something massively mean in order to "get even", those that fly off the handle with hugely aggressive threats and insults over deluded ideas of malicious intentions, those who scream and yell and then blame YOU for being angry when they're completely out of control. It happens in politics, it happens with religious fanatics, it happens at work, it happens when you're driving. Hell, it happens in a department store if you meander too much and suddenly the store clerk is giving you the evil eye.

Then something happened that made me self-reflect about my own anger issues. Someone who had bullied me as a teen passed away from illness, not even 60 years old.

I admit that as a kid, this girl had caused me so much misery, back then, I had wished she were dead. I had never liked her. She was arrogant, a boyfriend and friend stealer and a malicious gossip. Her last seven years, though, she had been married to a man who was Jehovah's Witness, so became one herself. She cut herself off from her children and grandchildren. She had serious liver and kidney troubles and only got worse until she passed away, alone, away from those she most dearly loved.

I wasn't angry, and felt ashamed to have ever wished she was dead. All I felt when I heard what happened was the deepest pity for her, and for her children and grandchildren. The only thing worse than drugs and alcohol was a cult, and the JW cult had taken the only things that really mattered to her away. So sad. :sad:

A few weeks before this, I realized that it is those who walked all over us, stomped us, demeaned, insulted, used and abused us, who later tell us they don't remember and how we shouldn't be angry. That's how all bullies operate, isn't it, and that's Scientology as well. They lie, con and do whatever they wish to get ahead at your expense, but when you say or do anything about it, you have "anger issues" and there's just more of the criticizing and bullying simply because they don't want repercussions for their actions. They want the free ride, and you're just making it difficult. So they get on their grand soap boxes and go on about how you should forget (all the bullying) and forgive (all the stealing and lying and misery they caused) and how you have to deal with your anger issues, lol. :LOL: The overt doth speak loudly. It's always the bullies and conartists who don't want anybody angry about it.

Still, there's a cycle to anger and unfortunately, it can spread and carry on in other areas. It also takes a lot of energy and just feels lousy to be angry. Whether justified or not, I had to admit to myself that I had anger issues.

Due to our tight original group growing up, members of the deceased woman's family made contact with me and we chatted a bit. One had understood about cults because of my work exposing Scientology and said to me that Jehovah's Witness had messed with the woman's head. I agreed, said it would mess with anyone's head. Then I contacted the kids, who I barely knew, bu they knew of me through association, anyway. I expressed my sympathies and told them that no matter what mistakes may have been made, your mother always loved you. I knew it was true, even though she'd cut herself off from those she'd loved most for criticizing JW. I also knew it was the one thing that would comfort them above anything else. Disconnection is a horrible thing. So is loneliness.

It was the right thing to say and appreciated.

Today I no longer have anger issues. Scientology betrayed me and stole my youth. I'll continue to expose it, but won't waste my mind or energy being angry about it. It's easy to be angry, but from now on, I'm taking the higher road.
 

cleared cannibal

Well-known member
This is called moving on, easier said than done.

I really think most of us here have issues with this in regard to Scn. I know I do.

This is what the Bible means when it talks about turning the other cheek. It is not for compassion of the aggressor but so as to not to consume the life and being of the one being attacked.
 

marra

Well-known member
Funnily enough, this week I've had two negative things done to me by two companies I am a customer of and instead of getting angry with them I just sent them both an email explaining what happened and why I'm disappointed with them. The result was the top manager of each company contacted me, apologised and made me an offer of something better than I had expected.

I definitely agree that anger is not the best way to deal with things.
 

Paul Adams

(Dulloldfart on ESMB)
This is what the Bible means when it talks about turning the other cheek. It is not for compassion of the aggressor but so as to not to consume the life and being of the one being attacked.
Does it? Maybe it’s an instruction from the elites to not fight back.
 

JustSheila

Well-known member
Ironically, what held me back from realizing I was seeing things through an angry lens is having people with MAJOR anger issues and a history of bullying (you know, the yelling and screaming in your face type with some sort of power or influence over you that have been abusing others for a long time) insist that it was me with the anger management problem. :giggle: Mine wasn't nearly as obvious as their problem! :LOL: I'm not the yelling and screaming type. I'm more the "cut through the BS with a few honest words" sort of person. That sets people off in a big way sometimes, though.

For example, there was a woman who had made a chicken dumpling soup that was a mess, dumplings falling apart with flour trails all over the soup. It was disgusting, made me sick just to look at it, and she apparently made it for a 92 year old woman! So she was gone (so I thought) by Monday, so I strained all the gross dumpling stuff out of the soup and added carrots and peas and made it into a sort of chicken pot pie that came out great, was nutritious, and the old woman loved it. No food wasted. (white flour things streaming through soup as they fall apart are not "food," IMO).

Uh oh. The terrible cook lady was unexpectedly back Monday. :omg: She threw a fit for hours, making calls to me personally (though I never gave her my number), to my employer, to the client... hours of this. She went absolutely psycho. I tried to calm her down, but she shouted over me how she hated peas and carrots and I told her well, if you saw dumplings in the garbage, it was probably from my bowl (in this case, we have to eat the same food with the client or she doesn't eat). I can't eat that stuff, I told her, but that's me. Well, that was honest, but her veins were just popping purple on her neck with rage to hear that and the phone calls afterward went on and on until I blocked her. Ooops.

And then she told me I had anger issues. So you know, how could I take her seriously?

But I was seeing things through an angry lens. I could have just let the pot of ...gunk... sit there until she retrieved it and given the old lady something else. I didn't have to tell her the (failed) dumplings weren't good enough for me. I could have just put her on speakerphone and let her scream until she got it out of her system and acknowledged her. I didn't have to re-make her failed soup into something palatable. She was offended, and she was friends with the client. I was taken off the job. Ah, well. My agency had heard her crazy talk so there was no question I hadn't done anything wrong on the job. We're supposed to feed the client nutritious food from what is provided and I did that.

But angry can mean overcritical. Angry can mean inconsiderate of others' feelings. Angry can mean making assumptions, like I assumed that as usual, she wouldn't be there the next day to notice. Angry can also mean using words that cut through where another is sensitive.

I don't agree with turning the other cheek. That's excessive. But I get it now. It's about letting things go sometimes when it's not that important or urgent and allowing others to have their idiosyncrasies. It's about taking a deep breath and no matter how things may look, assuming the individual person had/has good intentions or if not, has mental problems I probably can't fix, like paranoiac suspicions or delusions of enemies out to get them. It's about not having to control everything and sometimes just trusting that things will work out.

I'm really not angry anymore. It feels pretty damn good.
 

cleared cannibal

Well-known member
Pick your battles or you will be fighting all the time. This very well could have been one worth fighting. If you feel better I would say it was.

A mild form of passive aggression? LOL
 

JustSheila

Well-known member
Pick your battles or you will be fighting all the time. This very well could have been one worth fighting. If you feel better I would say it was.

A mild form of passive aggression? LOL
:LOL: Yeh, maybe. The words sort of just came out. :giggle:

I still have a hard time believing anyone could take 50 cents worth of flour so seriously. It's not like she put much time or effort into it, either. But people can be funny sometimes. What's important to one person may mean little to nothing to another.

But you can choose your battles without being angry, that's the thing. I think anger is only useful for short spurts. After that, you can really hurt yourself with it and people around you, too. IMO, the problem with anger is its edges can become hazy and spread like poorly made dumplings. :LOL: Think about it... you can be angry about one thing, but someone else talks to you and catches the edge of it, you know?
 

cleared cannibal

Well-known member
Really I think anger can be good.but not if it feeds into a loop of each party raising the level. After a while rational thought is lost. I do think holding it in only works so long from experience. When I hold it in the anger manifests in these little insignificant things. Are you sure the dumplings were really what she was mad about? Take my word I have a lot of experience in holding anger in.

With me the worst thing about anger is that it is hard to just keep it directed at the proper target so everyone suffers.

It sometimes is about what is not important to you is to the other but this sounds to me like a power issue to me. You know you take that and eat it because I say so type thing.
 

JustSheila

Well-known member
Really I think anger can be good.but not if it feeds into a loop of each party raising the level. After a while rational thought is lost. I do think holding it in only works so long from experience. When I hold it in the anger manifests in these little insignificant things. Are you sure the dumplings were really what she was mad about? Take my word I have a lot of experience in holding anger in.

With me the worst thing about anger is that it is hard to just keep it directed at the proper target so everyone suffers.

It sometimes is about what is not important to you is to the other but this sounds to me like a power issue to me. You know you take that and eat it because I say so type thing.
You're very perceptive! Yes, this woman wants to control the care of the client's mother. She's got some sort of goal in mind and doesn't seem to understand that she CAN'T get personally hired full-time to do this because it is paid through insurance and insurance only hires licensed agencies. These licensed agencies cannot/will not hire someone specifically to work for a certain client except in the rare and unforeseeable instance when someone brings a client to them. I say unforeseeable, because an individual will make far more money working for someone on the side than through one of these low-paying agencies. It doesn't happen.

I've reminded her several times that I work for an agency. She doesn't get it. She doesn't seem to understand that there will always be an agency involved and she will never have the authority to control another company's employees. She is not and will never be the client because she is not family. So whatever she has in mind makes no sense at all.

And she drinks when she's there. :omg: I've reported it, but can't do anything about it.
 

cleared cannibal

Well-known member
You're very perceptive! Yes, this woman wants to control the care of the client's mother. She's got some sort of goal in mind and doesn't seem to understand that she CAN'T get personally hired full-time to do this because it is paid through insurance and insurance only hires licensed agencies. These licensed agencies cannot/will not hire someone specifically to work for a certain client except in the rare and unforeseeable instance when someone brings a client to them. I say unforeseeable, because an individual will make far more money working for someone on the side than through one of these low-paying agencies. It doesn't happen.

I've reminded her several times that I work for an agency. She doesn't get it. She doesn't seem to understand that there will always be an agency involved and she will never have the authority to control another company's employees. She is not and will never be the client because she is not family. So whatever she has in mind makes no sense at all.

And she drinks when she's there. :omg: I've reported it, but can't do anything about it.
I know a 2-3 people who do what you do.

As they say I have seen this movie before. Just be thankful it is drink and not meth. A care giver was shot but thankfully not killed here a few years ago in a situation not unlike this. They were on meth though.
 

Karakorum

Broke ranks over 10 years ago, never looked back
(...)With me the worst thing about anger is that it is hard to just keep it directed at the proper target so everyone suffers(...)
Fear, frustration and anger are physiologically very similar. Fear often leads to anger, which result in chaos and suffering for those involved and those around them.

Leadership (or command) is the art of bringing order into chaos. Human interactions are inherently chaotic.
 

Enthetan

Veteran of the Psychic Wars
Does it? Maybe it’s an instruction from the elites to not fight back.
That instruction needs to be taken in context. Remember the same Jesus who said "Turn the other cheek" also took a whip and chased the money changes out of the temple because he felt they were defiling a holy place.

"Turning the other cheek" in response to being slapped (a classical form of insult), is not the same as standing there to be run through with a sword. I think he was saying, don't get angry with insults.
 

stratty

Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband
That instruction needs to be taken in context. Remember the same Jesus who said "Turn the other cheek" also took a whip and chased the money changes out of the temple because he felt they were defiling a holy place.

"Turning the other cheek" in response to being slapped (a classical form of insult), is not the same as standing there to be run through with a sword. I think he was saying, don't get angry with insults.
I agree with Paul's interpretation, it's part of a control mechanism to keep the great unwashed docile and susceptible to being manipulated.
 

La La Lou Lou

Well-known member
I agree with Paul's interpretation, it's part of a control mechanism to keep the great unwashed docile and susceptible to being manipulated.
It can be both, it can be 'grin and bear it, slave', or it can be ''look you're not having any effect on me at all'' making the face slapper feel very dumb, and embarrassed that his hand mark is visible to others. It can simply be a refusal to be effect. A woman can scream when she's being flashed at, or she can do the international sign for 'oh what a small dick' and look at him with sad sympathy.
 

stratty

Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband
Good grief, you and Paul and becoming quite crabby in your old age!

You must not think very highly of Gandhi and King.
Naah, I've always been that way, nothing to do with my advancing years I assure you.

Gandhi and King stood up for what they believe and that's worthy of respect IMO, but turning the other cheek is simply not in my DNA, however, I still maintain it's a handy tool for keeping people quiet, 'opium of the people' and all that.
 

Hatshepsut

Well-known member
:LOL: Yeh, maybe. The words sort of just came out. :giggle:

I still have a hard time believing anyone could take 50 cents worth of flour so seriously. It's not like she put much time or effort into it, either. But people can be funny sometimes. What's important to one person may mean little to nothing to another.

But you can choose your battles without being angry, that's the thing. I think anger is only useful for short spurts. After that, you can really hurt yourself with it and people around you, too. IMO, the problem with anger is its edges can become hazy and spread like poorly made dumplings. :LOL: Think about it... you can be angry about one thing, but someone else talks to you and catches the edge of it, you know?
Sheila, I've gone thru some of the same things. I'd begun to wonder what is wrong with world lately. I viewed some doctor's vids online entitled Surviving Narcissism. I realized that for damaged people, it's a war for survival .

Bullies are not going gentle into that good night. Their options are exhausted and this is IT. They don't possess the space that another has and cannot begin again easily. I've lately suspected petty attacks and lies are due to maybe the fact that spiritual beings are smaller, or that souls have been exhausted from the Guff.... and there's no space left.
I used to see myself and others as this spacious Presence, having our orbs___identity satellites___ afloat in our local space. Now, the space between ourselves and these identity orbs__ is gone. People are becoming one with their baggage. Insults and slights are taken seriously as if doing fatal damage, with no recovering

And these types of people/ foes will not remember anything that does not support their personal notion of themselves. The character they have created for themselves in the eyes of others must survive. This is why if they think you don't share their notions of how things are, your window to reality must be destroyed and they will third party you incessantly. They won't stop until they feel you have been rendered harmless to them and others have agreed you're not worthy of admiration or having a voice.

I think it's more important than ever to realize the attackers today are in a war. Maybe it's old age, or alcohol, or drugs, or having been the victim of past abuse. Whatever, they need to make you lose so their imbalance of energy can release. It's a phenomenon. Not wanting to confront that attackers often just need the satisfaction of making another LOSE....and Big time..... is often a fatal blind spot. They get a relief from it, like a serial killer will binge. Repeated attempts to destroy are fed by an unresolved intention to feel better by getting even.


And sometimes it IS just about winners and losers. YOU or I may have triggered them to project upon us, the identity that caused them their demise or fall from grace. They've been pushed off into the losing role somewhere and it needs to be acted out to where another groks that condition. Not all humans have an immediate urge to obtain reciprocity, a need to get even...... or they can't sleep. The problem ones do. The payback must be quick or they feel they're a doormat.

 
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cleared cannibal

Well-known member
That instruction needs to be taken in context. Remember the same Jesus who said "Turn the other cheek" also took a whip and chased the money changes out of the temple because he felt they were defiling a holy place.

"Turning the other cheek" in response to being slapped (a classical form of insult), is not the same as standing there to be run through with a sword. I think he was saying, don't get angry with insults.
It doesn't mean at all not to respond. It means not to hate not let it take over your being . One can not intelligently deal with the situation it they do. This is also what I meant about me having issues with Scn. Hate is never good even f or practice reasons as well as spiritual.

Jesus also said, I think at the last supper" Sell your cloak and buy a sword. "

This doesn't sound like he was too much of a pacifist to me.
 

Paul Adams

(Dulloldfart on ESMB)
Good grief, you and Paul [are] becoming quite crabby in your old age!
crabby

  • adj.
    Grouchy; ill-tempered.

  • Difficult; perplexing; crabbed; disagreeable.
  • adj.
    Crabbed; difficult, or perplexing.

I'm not grouchy or ill-tempered in the least. Sometimes disagreeing with others, oh definitely.
 
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